The Other Woman
by Miss Shannon
Summary: All is going well for Andy Flynn and his new relationship. Until everything changes. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**THE OTHER WOMAN**

**by Miss Shannon**

**A/N:** I wasn't sure whether I was even going to write this, but the idea has been going around in my head for a while. I blame all the babyfics that have been posted lately (you know who you are). As usual, of course, you'll have to suspend your disbelief and you should probably stay away if you don't like the genre... Thank you to everyone on tumblr who has been encouraging me. (This is your fault.)

**Summary: **All is going well for Andy Flynn and his new relationship. Until everything changes.

Sharon's hands were buried deeply in her pockets, the paper cup of tea in front of her still untouched. The golden light of a late afternoon sun filtered in through the window, drawing crazy patterns on the small round table they were rather awkwardly perched at. Andy was staring at the familiar green logo on their napkins; they were at Starbucks, of all places. The air was heavy with the smell of coffee, permeated by the whirring sound of beans being ground. The silence between them had been lasting for too long, Andy realized, as he looked up into her patient eyes. Her gaze conveyed absolutely nothing. Up until this moment, he had never believed that a human being could actually prevent their emotions from showing so thoroughly.

He knew that he was a cliché, but he asked anyway: "Are you sure?"

She nodded, her eyes darting to the window, a move that he knew was meant to disguise an emotion in them. Her hand was trembling a little as she reached for her tea and then stopped short of actually taking it.

"Yes," she said, her voice modulated and neutral. "It's been three months, Andy."

"Sure." He suddenly felt stupid, his right arm aching slightly as he reached for his coffee, as if to remind him of all the events that had transpired in the meantime.

The silence returned and he tilted his head slightly to watch the pedestrians rushing by outside. Everyone was in a hurry while time seemed to have stopped at their table. A part of him was waiting for her to apologize for not telling him earlier, for struggling to explain how on earth this was even possible or to try and coax any reaction other than silence out of him. Instead she placed her hand on the table and released her fingers around the napkin he hadn't realized she had been clutching.

"I just wanted you to know."

She wasn't asking for anything. Not commitment, not approval, not even any kind of statement. Still, he felt as if he had to give her something, but his mind was blank, his hands shaking as he took another gulp of his coffee, hoping that its bitter taste would somehow kick his brain back into working.

She reached for her handbag that was sitting on the empty third chair at their table and the movement did the trick. She was about to leave, but he was not ready to let her go just yet. He could not possibly be alone with his thoughts right now. Andy opened his mouth to say something, not knowing what it would be until he heard himself say the words.

"You must know that this is insane, Sharon."

For the first time she lost some of the control over her features, allowing them to reveal a tiny bit of emotion. Hurt, he realized with a pang of guilt. Sharon placed the handbag back down and moved on her chair to find a more comfortable position. She was pale.

He wanted to rationalize the whole thing, put it all in perspective. Help her see his point of view, keep her from making a mistake that he was sure she would live to regret.

"You're fifty-three-"

"Fifty-two," she corrected, her voice low but decisive. They both knew it didn't make a difference and yet she felt it necessary to let him know.

"I had no idea this could even happen in the first place, but thinking this through..." He ran an exasperated hand through his hair. Salt and pepper, giving away his age. A number that was far too high to be having this conversation. He usually didn't like to think about how close he was to sixty, but today it seemed oddly comforting. As if this had to be a fluke. A misunderstanding. "Think this through, you must know that it is not feasible."

_Not feasible_, he thought, even while he was saying it, what a way to put it! And he sounded patronizing to boot.

She opened her mouth to say something, but he didn't let her. Talking felt good after being quiet for so long. Talking helped him regain some semblance of control over the situation. It always had. He just couldn't get angry at her, he reminded himself. She didn't deserve that, at least.

"How are you going to do it, Sharon? It might have worked in FID, but you are back on active duty now! Single parenting doesn't get any easier with age, you know. You have two grown kids and a foster child already. Isn't it all... too much?"

He was making sense; Andy could see it in the look in her eyes. Of course he was making sense, he reminded himself. This was, after all, completely crazy. That notion made him feel a little lighter, as if talking could actually change something. So he continued.

"This can't be good for your health either. And then midnight feedings, chasing down a toddler, doing the whole thing again- don't you think you're a little old for that?" Her mask was slipping more and more and he hurried to assure her: "I don't mean this in a rude way, Sharon. You look fantastic, much younger than you are, really, but you know what I mean, don't you?"

For the first time it occurred to him that she might want to say something as well.

"I am well aware of every single one of those concerns," she finally said, words chosen carefully, voice low and constructive. "But what do you expect me to do about it?"

He sat back in his chair, staring at her. The coffee makers in the background went quiet for a minute, a little kid was begging his mother for a cookie somewhere, the noise muffled. There was only one way to make all this go away and he could not ask her to do it. From the way she buried her hands back in her pockets he could tell that his reasoning, leading up to only one possible conclusion, basically added up to the same thing.

Before he could apologize, she gave him a sad smile, more of a grimace. "Exactly. And I won't do that."

Andy deflated. For a moment there, he had been feeling slightly better about the whole thing. Now he could tell that it had all been an illusion. There was nothing he could change about the situation. Not for him and not for her.

Still a part of him was protesting, urging him to say something, to make this go away somehow, because it was just not fair.

"What about Caroline?" he finally blurted out. "She doesn't deserve this."

As soon as he had said it, he wished that he could take it back. It was a tactless, almost cruel thing to say, even though he meant every word of it. Sweet, lovely Caroline didn't deserve a boyfriend who was going to have a child with another woman. A woman whom he had spent a single night with just before he had met her. A woman who was his boss and whom he would see on a daily basis.

Her composure slipped for good now and for a moment he could see a flash of pain and anger in her eyes. A second later it was gone and she rose from her chair.

"I just wanted you to know," she said again, voice a little too firm because she was forcing it not to break.

"Sharon, I'm sorry," he scrambled. "I know I sounded like an asshole just now. Please don't go, let's talk about it some more, okay?"

She adjusted her handbag on her shoulder and pulled at her jacket. No more dresses and pencil skirts but blouses and slacks, it randomly occurred to him. He hadn't given it a lot of thought before, but then now he knew that she had something to hide.

"I don't really want to talk about it anymore right now," she said, suddenly looking very professional again. The only thing that was giving her away was the pitch of her voice. Too low. Too quiet. "If you want to think about it some more, you are welcome to take the rest of the day off. We can deal with the paperwork without you."

"Thank you," he said and yet it came out sounding all wrong. He wanted to go after her when she walked over to the door, her tea untouched and abandoned on the table. It bothered him, that lonely paper cup. Without it, he might have been able to write the whole thing off as a hallucination or a ridiculous dream. But it was there, reminding him that Sharon had been here just seconds ago.

He looked out the window and saw her passing by without acknowledging him. Her head was slightly bowed, her hand closed firmly around the strap of her handbag. Her phone was in her other hand, angled just so that he could catch a glimpse of the caller ID. Gavin Baker.

And with that, she disappeared from his sight, leaving him with the echo of her words bouncing off the insides of his head. Back and forth. Back and forth.

_I know you will have a hard time believing it, Andy. So had I, but it doesn't change the outcome. I am pregnant._

Back and forth.


	2. Chapter 2

Gavin was reclined against the back of the couch, his arm around his best friend who was leaning into his side, her head resting on his shoulder, hands closed around the hem of the white blanket. His apartment was as quiet as it ever was, the downtown LA traffic a low hum somewhere far beneath them. Despite the fact that dusk had fallen, only a single lamp next to the couch was lit. He let his gaze sweep across his belongings. As usual, the few pieces of furniture and decoration were perfectly in order, the stylish minimalism disturbed only by Sharon's pumps on the floor by the couch. He ran his free hand across Sharon's head, the only part of her that was not covered by the blanket.

"Are you asleep, honey?"

She opened her eyes to look up at him. "I wish," she said softly, a sardonic smile playing at her lips. He wrapped a strand of her hair around his forefinger even though he knew that she did not like it. Today, however, she almost indulged him, reacting only with a tiny growl that was closer to a hum.

"You said he didn't take it too well. Don't you think I deserve a little more info?" he asked her gently, aware of her fragile state of mind. They had known each other for so long that he knew that whenever she got through a difficult situation by keeping a lid on her emotions, she crashed after, either withdrawing completely or letting it out. Today, after her calling him right after her encounter with Andy Flynn, he guessed that the latter was in order.

Sharon raised her head and dropped the blanket, her eyes suddenly full of sorrow. "You're right. I'm sorry, Gavin. I'm just exhausted." He silently agreed, taking in the dark circles under her eyes. She sat up straight and crossed her ankles over the edge of the couch, looking wistful.

"He didn't say anything at first and then he lectured me on why it is a terrible idea for me to have the baby."

Gavin wasn't necessarily surprised; after her first statement he had expected something along these lines. Still, the upset look in Sharon's eyes made him ache on her behalf. Suddenly another thought crossed his mind.

"Did he ask you to have an abortion?" he asked bluntly, wanting to get it all over with so he could skip ahead to the part where he soothed her and tried to give her comfort.

"Not in so many words," she said, looking down at her hands for a moment. "He pointed out how hard it would be for me as a single parent at my age."

Gavin felt a sudden burst of rage that he tried very hard not to let show on his face. Sharon detected it anyway and placed a calming hand on his upper arm.

"I appreciate your concern, Gavin, but I don't think he meant for it to sound hurtful." She shrugged, pretending that she didn't care as much as he knew she did. She had been putting off telling him for such a long time because she was afraid of precisely what had actually happened in the end.

"I am not angry with him because he said you're old," Gavin told her, the anger rising inside him again as the thought became clearer in his mind. "I am angry with him because it didn't even occur to him to take any responsibility for that child. He said that you are too old, but did he talk about himself in that context at all?"

Sharon furrowed her brows as it dawned on her and he felt almost sorry that he had pointed it out because the pain in her eyes only intensified. She swallowed before she spoke again, her voice tired and thin.

"He said it is not fair to Caroline," she finally said. And as her eyes filled with tears, Gavin could tell that this was what upset her most. He was well aware of how it helped Sharon to analyze a situation, to consider the feelings of the other people involved and to rationalize how those feelings led to the actions that were upsetting to her. But despite all of that, he could see how deeply hurt she was by that statement and how she despised herself for selfishly wishing that his girlfriend would not have been the first person Andy considered in that particular situation.

Sharon pressed her lips together to hold back the tears. When she spoke again, her voice was shaking. "I feel so incredibly..." she searched for a proper adjective to describe it and he could tell that she was not entirely happy with the one she chose eventually even though she knew that it was the one. "...naive." She was struggling with what she was about to say. They both knew it and yet she needed to say it out loud, as much as it bothered her. "I guess I was still hoping that he and I could be more than friends, after all. I am so stupid." She shook her head in self-deprecation.

Gavin took her hand and squeezed it gently. "You are not stupid, Sharon. You're a victim of a series of extremely unfortunate circumstances here. I've seen the two of you together. There was always potential for something."

She nodded, smiling grimly. "And then Caroline came along."

_Oh, sweet Caroline._ Andy Flynn's type and not Andy Flynn's type at all all at the same time, Gavin thought ruefully. He had met her once and had tried very hard to dislike her, knowing that she was getting in the way of his best friend's happiness. Unfortunately, not liking Caroline was a lot harder than he could have ever expected.

Gavin tried to come up with something to say that would comfort her or at least cheer her up a little, but he honestly didn't know what to tell her. The situation was what it was and no amount of sugarcoating could distract from the fact that Sharon's terrible luck when it came to matters of the heart had once again struck. He considered changing the subject, but then the only things he could think of was asking her when she was planning on telling her other children including Rusty or how she was feeling. Neither seemed to be a particularly good course of action.

Gavin prided himself on his healthy eating habits and regular workout regime, but when it came to situations like this one, he always fell back on his mother's strategy for emotional crises.

"I am going to order something to eat now, Sharon. I bet you have been too nervous to eat properly today and I am starving."

He reached for his phone to order their usual when he felt her hand on his arm. For a second he wondered whether the sudden distraction had been too much, whether she felt that he was not taking her pain seriously enough, but she smirked rather unexpectedly.

"No sushi for me, Gavin. Raw fish is not good for the baby."

"Oh." He mentally kicked himself for forgetting. "That salad with the peanuts then?"

She nodded, an absent smile gracing her lips as if she wasn't even there with him. He kept an eye on her as he was on the phone, feeling the absurd need to walk up and down while he placed his order. She was leaning against the cushions, her hands resting on her stomach. It was what he found most astounding about her as a person or maybe about people in general: Professionally, personally and even physically, a pregnancy was the last thing Sharon Raydor needed and yet she was at peace with it. Ever since she had gotten over the initial shock, her worries had shifted. From being upset because she was pregnant, she had changed to being upset because she might not be able to carry to term anymore. Paradoxically, as unwelcome as the child was to her, she welcomed it with open arms just because it was her child. Gavin didn't quite understand how it had come to this in so little time, but it warmed his heart to see this little ray of happiness in the midst of a vast stretch of unhappiness. It was, quite simply put, love and the purest kind at that. He felt sappy for thinking this way and made a mental note of having a glass of wine later.

He sat back down next to her, pulling her against him. Weirdly, neither of them was especially touchy in their other platonic relationships and yet they were quite physical with each other. He often joked that it was all because he was just her cuddly gay best friend, but secretly he was sure that it was simply that two rather restrained people found comfort in each other.

"Give him some time to come to terms with the news. Maybe he will reevaluate," he said, not quite able to keep the resentment out of his tone. She smiled up at him, confirming that this was probably just what she had been planning on doing anyway.

"Thank you, Gavin," she said sincerely. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"Then maybe someone else would be your secret keeper," he said in a lame attempt at a joke. Besides Sharon's doctor and now Andy Flynn, he was the only one who knew about the baby. A flash of panic crossed her face at the other thought associated to keeping a secret: Not being able to keep a secret anymore. And she was slowly but gradually getting there, he could tell from the way she dressed and the way she moved. "Hey," he cooed. "It's all going to be fine."

Rain had begun to fall outside, quite unexpected after the sunny day, and large drops were falling onto his balcony, the sound rich and soothing.

Sharon turned her head into Gavin's side and closed her eyes, legs outstretched and hands loosely folded over her middle.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thank you so much for your comments and please keep them coming, they mean a lot! Shorter chapters and speedier updates - that's my new approach. :-)

He wasn't sure what exactly had woken him, but he sure as hell knew that he had to go to the bathroom. And soon. Rusty rolled out of bed, his feet tangled in the sheets for an uncomfortable moment before he regained his balance and put both feet on the ground. It had probably been all that water he had had in the kitchen when he had been awoken in the middle of the night by Sharon's late return from Gavin's place. He ventured into the hallway and found the bathroom door locked. As he could not hear the sound of the shower inside, he knocked on the door lightly, albeit with enough urgency to convey his current problem.

"Sharon? Are you done yet?" It felt weird to be pounding on the door to try to get her to open it up. Their schedules usually didn't conflict as she was always up long before him. But today was a Saturday and he was almost sure she didn't have anywhere to be. "I need to get in there soon, if you know what I mean!" He shook his head goofily even though she couldn't see him and realized too late that it was a poor imitation of his foster mother.

"I'll be right out!" Her voice was muffled by the door and yet he could tell that something wasn't right. Maybe it was that sense you inevitably develop for someone you have been living with in close quarters with for a while.

"I really need the toilet!" Rusty yelled even though he felt faintly embarrassed by his admission. He did have to pee and soon, though. Another minute later, the door opened and out stepped Sharon. He was surprised to see her still in her pajamas at 10 a.m., even though it was a Saturday morning after a late night for her. Sharon was usually an early riser, no matter what had transpired the night before.

He tried to remember the last time he had seen her in her nightclothes, but he drew a blank. Even though he had graduated as long as a month ago, he had not yet decided on a summer job, so he usually slept in and she was always long gone by the time he woke up. The sight of her was rather disconcerting, he had to admit, his bladder's needs momentarily forgotten. Her skin was pale and not the usual alabaster color that was due to its natural fairness, but a grayish shade that didn't look healthy. She wasn't wearing any make-up and her eyes looked tired - dull, even. Sharon's hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail which was very obviously functional rather than stylish. She had assumed a weird stance in the doorway, upper body angled forward and one of her feet behind the other. It took him a moment to figure it out but then he realized that maybe she was embarrassed because her lower stomach looked bloated. She was very particular about her figure, after all. Stomach bug, Rusty concluded, as he caught a whiff of the stench of vomit. The window was cracked open, but he could still make it out as it lingered in the room.

"Are you okay, Sharon?" His voice came out shocked and breathless.

"I thought you needed the bathroom." She motioned behind her with her head and stepped towards him, holding on to the door frame with one hand. "Get in there then."

When Rusty came back out and into the living-room, Sharon was nursing a glass of water, looking as if it was hard to swallow. Only then he realized that she hadn't answered his question.

"Are you sick?" he specified. "Or hung-over?" he added suspiciously, unpleasant memories of his mother never far below the surface.

"No, I'm good." She opened her mouth as if to say something else, then she put the water down and pulled her black cardigan more tightly around her body, hugging herself. "No need to worry, honey."

Oh, he was worried alright. Not so much about her health in general, but about her state of mind. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but she had been distant lately. Not inattentive or detached, just slightly withdrawn and a little sad. She could stare out of the window for minutes at end without taking note of him as he was trying to get her attention. She always apologized profusely after and then turned her full attention to him, but the sadness never went away.

"Well, how about I make soup instead of bacon and eggs for breakfast today? You've been throwing up, haven't you?"

Between them, him staying out of her personal business constituted an unspoken rule which was never uttered but made very clear regardless. She would pry on his personal life, but only as much as she needed to in order to make sure that he was safe. He didn't openly question her actions or point out things he knew she did not like to talk about. It was what they were both most comfortable with, what suited their relationship best. So she looked stunned now, as he made such a blunt observation and with so much resolve.

That was the thing, Rusty realized for the first time: Sharon didn't lie, at least not to him. So if he asked her a personal question, she would always tell him the truth. Maybe on some level he sensed whenever she did not want to let him in on it or burden him with it and that was the reason he did not ask. He had done so now, however, and she nodded slowly.

"I am not feeling well," she said in a surprisingly small voice. "I am not sure I can keep soup down just yet."

For the first time in their whole acquaintance, she suddenly struck him as vulnerable. The hunched posture, the hands fiddling with the hem of her sweater, the devastated expression, it all touched him. For a moment he felt as if he was about to panic as this was what had characterized his relationship with his biological mother for so long. She had been vulnerable, in need of assistance and guidance and he had felt compelled to make things right for her. With Sharon, it was usually the other way around. The panic faded and gave way to a peculiar sense of pride. That was what relationships were about, he reminded himself, mutual responsibility for each other. And in their case the scales had tipped to present the exact mirror image of what they looked like with his mother.

"How about you take a shower and put on some clothes and I make you something," he said, not quite ready to reach out for her shoulder even though he was almost sure his worried tone would have warranted a caress.

"Thank you," she said with a small smile. "I'll be right back."

As soon as he heard the shower running in the other room, Rusty got to work. As luck would have it, they had everything he needed. Chicken breast, carrots, leek. He cut the vegetables and cooked the chicken, a familiar smell filling the kitchen. One of his foster mothers had used to make this soup. What was her name again? Ann? Lisa? Christine? He couldn't remember and felt slightly guilty about it. Maybe those families hadn't been so bad, he had just been desperate and lashing out at them. Even though he didn't even remember where they lived, he felt like apologizing to them. But hadn't Sharon made soup for him, too, when he had been down with the flu? There had been some magic ingredient she had prided herself upon, but he could not remember. Ginger, maybe? But how much? He turned away from the stove and scanned the shelf above the counter for the little dark grey notebook she kept her family recipes in. It was probably in there, he thought, picturing the well-preserved little book and her freakishly readable, neat hand-writing.

Maybe it was in the desk drawer, he thought, just as the shower stopped. Sharon still sometimes entered new recipes and he had been so proud when she had jotted down the instructions for his carbonara. Had she done that at her desk? He walked over. It wasn't prying if he knew what he was looking for, he reasoned as he pulled the top drawer open. And sure there it was, her little grey notebook. Without giving it a second thought, he opened it and leafed through the pages.

They were all empty except for the first one. All thoughts of propriety abandoned, he stared at the neat line of dates, all recent, all less than ten days apart. And at the bottom of the first page on the right side, another date, months in the future and circled. He was about to write it off as one of her compulsive little habits that were meant to establish some sort of order in her mind, ready to cast the book aside and look for the actual one, but when he loosened his grip on it, something slid out.

His mind seemed to spin as he picked up the square objects, unsure what on earth he was looking at. Pictures, yes, but what was in them? As if in a daze, he spread them out on the desk in front of him. They all had Sharon's name and a respective date on them and suddenly he realized what they were: Ultrasound images. He remembered the x-rays of his leg after he had been attacked. Were these similar? But why so many? And what was it about? His stomach clenched painfully all of a sudden. Was Sharon sick? Actually sick? Cancer, maybe? His hands shaking, he quickly arranged the images according to date in a long line in front of him. When he swept his gaze across them from left to right, he suddenly knew what it was he was looking at and a whole new sort of dread began to settle in.

There in the pictures, in front of his very eyes, a human being was developing. He could just make out a head and a body, little legs and arms.

His breath caught.

"Rusty?"

He whirled around, unsure whether to act upon his embarrassment and guilt at having been caught invading her privacy or whether to lash out at her for keeping such a secret from him. She stood in the doorway in yoga pants and a wrap-around cardigan, a weird expression on her face.

He opened his mouth and closed it again. There was nothing he needed to say, neither did he feel anywhere near able to. She stepped forward and scooped the pictures up in a pile, her eyes searching his.

"Why don't we sit down, honey, so I can give you all the facts."

Facts. Her composure should have calmed him, but instead he felt a helpless rage bubbling up inside him. A sentiment he had once been so familiar with. How many times had he lashed out at his former foster families and at Sharon herself? He felt so ashamed for it now, and yet it felt different this time. Righteous.

It felt like a betrayal.

"When the hell were you going to tell me?"

His voice seemed too loud for the apartment. He was almost sure he could be heard three stories down.


	4. Chapter 4

She watched the raindrops run down the bay windows in her bedroom while tightly hugging one of her pillows to her chest. Her mind was blissfully empty, her body relaxed with a heavy sort of exhaustion that prohibited any movement. And yet she was restless. Sharon concentrated on her breathing for a moment, employing a technique that had helped her suffer through two births and a terrible marriage without losing her mind in the process. Just five minutes without obsessing over all the unresolved issues in her life, she promised herself as her eyes drifted shut. Before she could cross the threshold to sleep, however, Rusty's face appeared in front of her inner eye, angry, frightened, disappointed.

Her eyes fluttered open as if on their own accord and she turned around to lie on her back, the pillow abandoned. With the movement came the nausea and she found herself taking more deep breaths to get it under control. Having Rusty in the know was both a relief and a cause for panic. On the one hand she didn't have to hide the evidence of her pregnancy from him anymore. On the other hand she felt compelled to tell her biological children soon. If what she was about to get was a reaction similar to Rusty's, however, she definitely didn't feel like doing it anytime soon.

She hated the look she had seen on his face. That grimace of rage and uncertainty that had no means of hiding what a troubled boy Rusty was and how easy it was to knock him off balance. She also hated the fact that she was the reason for his distress. She had tried to counterbalance his growing panic with calmness, had sat him down and had urged him to ask anything he wanted to know. Sharon had been prepared for questions about the father, how far along she was, what would happen once the baby was there, even for an incredulous inquiry how on earth she was still able to have children at her ancient age.

But Rusty had had only one question.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Trust was Rusty's issue and he had just begun to really trust her completely. That fragile equilibrium was most definitely history now. Sharon settled for the truth, hoping that it would be enough. She explained to him all the risks and concerns associated with her pregnancy from a medical point of view and how she hadn't wanted to trouble him, to force him to come to terms with the whole thing, when it could be over any day. Sharon let him know that the first three months were the most dangerous in terms of miscarriages and that, in her case, that period never really ended. She had also assured him that he wasn't by far the last person to know and that she would have told him soon.

Talking about it wasn't pleasant; she usually liked to ban those thoughts and lock them away in a corner of her mind. Her hand was firmly clasped around the stack of ultrasound images for the entirety of their conversation, because she feared that otherwise she might fall apart. When she found his attention fading, she ended her lengthy explanation and placed her hands in her lap. Feeling drained, she waited for the question that she dreaded most of all.

"But... you're in the process of getting divorced and you said you weren't dating. Who is the father?"

She had vowed never to lie to him, but there was a lot of temptation to break that promise at that very moment. Still, she told him the truth.

"It's Lieutenant Flynn." She wasn't entirely sure why she chose to use his rank and last name. It wasn't as if they knew a lot of Andys, but she needed the distance right now.

Rusty's eyebrows shot up, his eyes wide and full of disbelief.

"You're sleeping with Andy even though he has a girlfriend?" There were both accusation and disappointment in his tone. She was an authority figure to him and even though he frequently questioned her, she knew that he looked up to her as someone who always did the right thing. Rusty liked Caroline a lot, Sharon knew. He held a certain adoration for the young woman that was neither sexual nor romantic in nature.

"No. It was only once and it happened before he even met Caroline."

Or so she hoped. However, the presence of another woman in his life would explain why he had suddenly withdrawn from her completely, cancelled their next dinner and had been as distant as one could ever be when forced to work together daily.

"Does he know?" Rusty asked with urgency, but she couldn't answer right away as her throat suddenly felt constricted. "Does he?" Her foster son didn't realize that he was putting pressure on her, she had to remind herself. He didn't mean to interrogate her that way; he was just panicking. Still unable to speak without giving too much of her devastation away, she just nodded.

"And how is he going to deal with it? I mean... it's not very nice for Caroline, either, right?"

Sharon nodded again, a mixture of anger and disappointment flaring up inside her. She could deal with Rusty being upset and lashing out at her, but his quiet concern for Caroline felt like a dagger to the heart.

"I'm not sure yet," she finally said, her voice quiet and strained as she had to exert so much control over it in order to make it sound anywhere near her normal tones. "I told him only yesterday and he didn't seem to be interested in being..." She cleared her throat, disguised as a cough. "...being in the baby's life so much."

_Or in mine_, she thought bitterly.

"Oh," Rusty's angry expression faltered for a moment. "That's fucked-up, Sharon."

She relaxed, not even bothering to correct his language. There he was, her intelligent, sympathetic foster son - soon to be adoptive son.

"I mean..." He shook his head. "I know what's it like to grow up without a dad and so do Ricky and Emily. It's just not fair to the baby."

He was speaking from the heart and it felt like a punch to the stomach. Of course this was how Rusty would think about the situation. His parents, or lack thereof, were still a big issue in his life and this would be the angle he would look at every child's upbringing from.

"No, it is not," she said, unsure whether he was blaming her or the universe for this unfortunate turn of events.

"So... I should better find a college soon, right? And a dorm room," he added with a hint of hurt in his voice. She couldn't help herself and reached out, placing her hand on his arm.

"Rusty, my offer still stands. You can decide to go to college now or in a year. It is your decision. You can live with me as long as you want to. Nothing has changed when it comes to that."

He looked up at her through his too long hair, the look of panic softened, yet not completely gone. "But don't you want a nursery?"

She almost smiled at his practical approach. "I'm pretty sure I will be able to squeeze a crib into my bedroom," she told him.

There was silence for a while and she watched the battle taking place inside Rusty broadcast on his face for her to see. He was still angry, did still feel betrayed even though he knew her reasons for keeping this secret from him for so long were genuine. There was still fear, but it was fading slowly from his eyes. The baby didn't threaten his very existence. He would still have a home. Yet there was a hint of something else, something darker that was directed at her.

"This is a lot to take in," she finally said, employing her softest voice. "I understand if you want to be by yourself for a while to take it all in. I am sorry you had to learn of it this way."

He nodded numbly, unknowingly given her the same reaction Andy had offered upon her suggestion: "Thank you."

He gave her a half-hearted smile and left for his room, leaving her feeling empty and devastated.

Sharon stared at the ceiling, fatigue washing over her again. She slowly closed her eyes and reached down to caress her stomach, fingertips following its curve up and down. She would have to go shopping for new clothes soon. The dresses made it too obvious and most of her skirts and pants already didn't close anymore. It was a nuisance and yet it filled her with excitement. Little had she known how steep the rollercoaster of her emotions would be. Overwhelmed and depressed one moment, she would be full of love and promise the next.

She imagined Andy's arms around her the way they had been when she had fallen asleep many weeks ago and opened her eyes to the same emptiness she had found when she had woken up again the next morning.

The sound of her cell phone cut through the silence, making her groan as she saw the caller-ID.

"Hello Lieutenant?" she spoke softly, praying to god that it would not be a case.

"We have a murder in a public park, Captain, and we could use your diplomacy." Provenza's voice was gruff and she could hear rain in the background.

She was about to tell him that she was sick, that she couldn't be there, but her sense of duty prohibited it.

"Text me the address," she said, straightening up slowly. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Come to the west entrance," Provenza supplied. "I'll tell Flynn to meet you there."

There was no way to protest that suggestion without arising suspicion and Sharon's heart sank.

"Oh, and Captain?"

"Yes."

"Bring an umbrella."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I know this is angsty, but - as you will see - help is on the way. Thank you for your reviews. This story is somewhat different from what I usually write, so I am even more interested in what you guys think!

If anything, the rain had gotten stronger, coming down in a downpour of epic proportions. The raindrops that fell on the roof of Sharon's car sounded as if they were the size of oranges as she watched cascades of water slide down the windshield. She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes for a minute, waiting for the nausea to settle before she would get out of the car to brave the weather. She jumped when there was a sharp knock at the window before the door was opened and Andy's head appeared in the opening.

"Hey. I thought I'd make it a little easier for you to get out of the vehicle without getting all wet, Captain."

She couldn't decide which bothered her more: The forced cheerfulness of his tone or the fact that he addressed her by her rank. He stepped back to give her enough space to climb out of the car, but didn't offer her his hand to help her. Sharon tried to ignore the feeling of disappointment and locked the car, fumbling with her own umbrella while standing close to him under the one he was holding over her head. Even though the air was filled with the smell of wet leaves and soil, all she could smell was his aftershave. It made her remember his urgent kisses and eager hands.

"How about a briefing while we walk?" She looked around herself and sighed inwardly. The rain had turned the normally lovely little park into a swamp, branches dripping and the walkways encrusted with mud. She was glad that she was wearing a pair of old boots and not her usual high heels. Having shaken the umbrella out, she walked next to Andy, trying to match his step. Even the well-kept little benches looked sad today, she noticed in passing.

"Sure, Captain. We found the body next to a swing set. Seventeen, Caucasian male, expensive clothing. He was identified as Robert Abbott who lives close by with his parents. They own some sort of company. Soap, laundry detergent, something like that. Press is going nuts. The dad's lawyer is demanding information and won't let us do our jobs." He smirked at Sharon, yet didn't meet her eyes. "We thought you could probably work your magic."

Sharon nodded and followed him towards a soft slope that led to the playground. She understood now why Provenza had directed her to this entrance. While it was some distance to walk, at least it wasn't crawling with reporters. She decided to slow down a little as the grass was wet and slippery, but before she could finish the thought, she had already lost her footing. Only Andy's quick reaction kept her from ungracefully landing on all fours.

"Thank you," she breathed, trying to get her thundering heart to slow down. The ragged motion had sent her stomach into a somersault und she could feel the nausea creep back up at her, followed by a wave of dizziness that sent her head spinning. There were days now when she almost didn't have any morning sickness at all and others, like today, when it spun completely out of control. She couldn't quite decide whether it was a good or a bad thing that she hadn't eaten at all today. On the upside, she had little to nothing to actually throw up and on the downside she felt terribly lightheaded. What a cliché she was, she thought bitterly, as she found herself leaning against the nearest tree, doubled-over and retching dryly.

"Are you okay?" she heard Andy's voice behind her and, in the spirit of being grateful for small favors, appreciated the fact that he wasn't using her rank this time. She felt his hand on her shoulder, hesitant, hovering.

"I'm fine," she responded through clenched teeth. It had become her mantra, meant to reassure others as well as herself. She straightened up slowly and turned around. Andy stood with the umbrella above her head as she had discarded her own where she stood. Andy pointed at it where it lay upside down and filling up with water.

"You probably shouldn't use that right now." He was about to hand his own umbrella off to her but she shook her head.

"Don't be ridiculous. You'll get wet."

His response was hesitant, yet it made her happy to see that at least he didn't want her to get soaked: "It fits two, I guess." She stepped next to him and started walking again, noticing that he matched his pace to hers this time, always ready to reach out for her, should she slip again. They walked in silence, Sharon listening to the sound their footsteps made on the ground. It reminded her of when she had played with her children at the beach so many years ago.

She caught him looking at her from the corner of her eye when they had almost reached the scene where Provenza was waiting, face stony under his windswept umbrella. Andy's face was filled with regret. "I'm so sorry," he said then fell silent and stared at his shoes.

* * *

Provenza stopped his silent tirades about how he hated the rain and why on earth he was living in L.A. if not for the sunny weather in order to look at the two newcomers. The Captain was walking next to Andy who was holding his umbrella over her head, but they were not talking and their bodies did not touch. He sighed in frustration. He could have sent Sykes or Sanchez or even Tao to meet her by the back entrance, but he had chosen Flynn for a good reason and that was to get them to talk.

Louie Provenza had seen a lot of things during his long career, not to mention that he had been married more times than was reasonable. He had been suspecting that something was wrong with the Captain for a while, but her breakfast request after an all-nighter had been what had finally made him see what exactly it was. Some twenty-five years ago, Provenza had gotten into trouble head over heels with FID, earning him another round of sensitivity training that clashed greatly with his plan to see a very important baseball game. So he had taken matters into his own hands and had decided to buy the then Sergeant Raydor breakfast. She had not resisted, which should have tipped him off about her intentions but during their stint at the nearest diner, he had believed himself victorious. His charms did work on her, he had imagined, happy with the way she warmed up to him. During that short stretch of blissful ignorance, he had listened to her sweetly telling him that she usually didn't like maple sirup at all, but that it was a weird pregnancy craving that she had. Thinking back to that story, he still detested her a little for thanking him politely for the food and the company and then flat-out declining his request to reschedule the sensitivity training. His rage was probably what had ingrained the memory into his mind while she seemed to have forgotten, but when she had asked him to bring her pancakes with maple sirup instead of her usual oatmeal and fruit, it had suddenly dawned on him.

Watching her more closely had done the trick. He was not an idiot and certainly not Sykes, so he could draw his own conclusions from her faraway looks, late and pale arrivals in the mornings and her wandering hands that frequently ended up on her stomach just to be pulled back quickly. Guessing who the father was had been even easier. The time that they had gone from regular dinners and standing close together at work to calling each other by their ranks and spending as little time together as possible coincided nicely with the approximate time of conception. Why things had happened they way they did, he had no idea and no amount of prodding had gotten it out of Flynn. Judging from the outcome, however, there had been sex involved at some point.

Whether Andy knew and was just being an asshole about it all or whether he was still clueless, Provenza didn't know. He would certainly not be the one to tell him. And then there was the girlfriend. A little too good to be true, he thought grudgingly, but maybe he was just angry on behalf of the Captain. Why the two of them remained distant and didn't talk it out, he had no idea, but he wouldn't stand back and do nothing.

The Captain hurried out from under Flynn's umbrella and ducked under Provenza's, causing him to huff in what he hoped resembled annoyance. Quickly pulling his hand back from where he had inadvertedly put it on her lower back, he took a good look at her. God, she was pale. Her make-up was either non-existent or not visible and her hair was curled in all directions instead of being as nicely done as it usually was. She was shivering and did not look happy. He instantly regretted insisting on her presence, but somebody had to deal with the lawyer and the press. However, none of the camera crews would get to see her like this, he decided, because otherwise Taylor would certainly ask unwelcome questions as to her health.

"Sykes, get the Captain a bottle of water!" he called to the young woman and turned back to Raydor. "That lawyer is giving us a whole lot of legal gibberish. Do you feel up to that?"

She looked as if she wanted to say no, but nodded and straightened up. "I will deal with it." Her voice sounded firm and her posture didn't give her sorrow away, but he could see it in her eyes. Maybe it was time he set Flynn straight. One way or the other.

The lawyer was one of the yuppie types with sleek black hair, a crisp black suit and an arrogant sneer. Provenza couldn't hear what Raydor was telling him, but she wiped it right off his face. He could almost see his expression shift from superior to begging, but whatever he was trying to say, the Captain wouldn't have it. After some more arguing he shuffled off at the same time that Sykes arrived with the requested bottle of water.

"Took you long enough, Sykes," Provenza growled at her, unhappy with the whole world including the eager young detective. She had long since gotten used to his grumpiness and just went off to do her real job while he turned back to the Captain. The conversation had exhausted her, he could tell, even if she was trying not to show it. Provenza looked over her shoulder to where Sanchez was herding the reporters towards the entrance of the park where, finally, the two patrol cars they had requested where parked.

"Okay, Captain. I think the situation is under control. Grab this water and you and I will have a little chat in your car."

She frowned at his tone, but he did not care. The hems of his pant legs were soaked and not a small amount of rain had found its way into the back of his collar despite his umbrella. He was done with the outsides today and so was the Captain. Now purposefully placing his hand on her back, he barked a string of commands at the others and led her away.

Back in her car, she turned to him, looking slightly mutinous at him as he was making himself comfortable in her passenger seat. He turned and raised both eyebrows at her, fed-up with all the crap that had been going down lately.

"Okay, Captain. Now you tell me exactly what went down between you and Flynn and how much longer you plan on trying to hide the fact that you are carrying his baby."

He had expected anything from rage to withdrawal, but instead she dissolved into giggles that soon turned into badly disguised sobs that she tried to stifle with her wrist. Outside the car, the rain was flowing down the windshield while in its dry interior, tears soaked Raydor's sleeve.


	6. Chapter 6

Where Provenza had taken the Captain to a nice Canadian cafe with bistro tables and comfortable chairs as well as all the maple sirup one could possibly wish for, he had figured that the shabby burger joint right around the corner from their office building was good enough for Flynn. In fact, he considered the very slim range of vegetarian options a fitting punishment for his partner. However, Flynn didn't look as mutinous as he might usually have. There was a nervous energy about him that manifested itself in shifting glances and restless fingers twirling toothpicks. He was driving Provenza insane.

Outside the smudgy window with the lopsided blinds, the puddles of water were slowly drying out in the relentless Californian sun that had quickly reclaimed its place in the sky. Yet the metallic smell of rain was still wafting in the air, but quickly overcome by hot grease and fried meat inside. As soon as his burger and fresh-cut fried were sat down in front of him and Andy had begun to poke the largely unidentifiable mess on his own plate, Provenza went to work.

"How's Caroline?" he asked, earning a rather incredulous look from his partner. Flynn thought that Provenza was jealous that he had a girlfriend in her thirties and he would never be able to accomplish that again unless she had a grandfather-complex. However, that was not the reason he was opposed to the relationship, as Flynn would know soon.

"She works a lot these days. One of her elderly patients has problems with his heart, so she comes by and checks on him even on a Saturday." Flynn inspected the food on his fork but didn't look very eager to try it.

"And by elderly you mean your age?" Provenza couldn't stop himself from saying, earning a fake laugh and a moment of brooding silence.

The Captain had sternly told him not to interfere, but he knew that he couldn't promise her that. He hated to admit to it, but somehow, sneakily, he had grown very fond of her. It was even worse that she had not just won his respect professionally, but had also touched his heart. Romance was long since out of the question for Provenza; if he was honest he was pretty set in his crossword-solving, sleeping in his chair in front of a Madlock rerun ways, but there was something he liked in her as a woman and was content to appreciate from afar. Maybe it were her energy, her self-confidence and her level-headedness - all of which had driven him crazy when she had still been in FID. All of those qualities had still shown in the cafe this morning, but the way she had picked through her pancakes dipped in maple sirup, slowly sliding them across her plate, had come across as just a little bit broken. She would bounce back, he was sure of that, but the sight had filled him with unspeakable anger at his idiot partner who hadn't been able to stay away and was now not man enough to face the consequences.

The Captain could do it on her own, he was pretty sure. She had enough experience with the single parenting thing and she already had a mental to do list on how to go about everything. There were so many things to consider. She had to tell her children, her parents, her team, her superiors. She had to juggle all the doctor's appointments, find someone who would drive her back and forth when the amniocentesis was due. It was all a bunch of things she had to organize and she was taking them on one at a time. The first thing on her list had been Flynn and his reaction had somewhat set her back, Provenza could tell.

"Did you tell Caroline yet that you're going to be a daddy again?"

It gave Provenza a grim kind of satisfaction to see Flynn choke on his coffee, his eyes going wide. "What?"

"Don't play dumb. If you had been able to bring yourself to actually look twice at Raydor lately, you would have noticed it yourself. She has quite a bump going on under all those blouses." The last statement wasn't necessarily true, but he liked to watch Andy's face fall even more.

"Louie," Andy shook his head, looking down at his hands on the table, his plate set aside and almost forgotten already. "I really don't feel like talking about it right now."

He looked lost and sad and that made Provenza even more angry with him.

"I am so sorry," he said, trying to sound genuine but locked his gaze hard with his partner's when he looked back up at him hopefully. He narrowed his eyes. "Can you pull your head out of your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself?" he snarled. Had it been any other woman, he might have indulged Flynn for a while before setting him straight, might have told him a few stories about all the women who had wronged him over the years. But this was the Captain.

Flynn leaned back in his chair, lifting his hands in a gesture of defeat and rolled his eyes skyward. "I'm not trying to be an asshole here, Louie, I really am not, but-"

"But you're doing an excellent job of being an asshole. I had to watch our Captain cry her heart out in her car earlier. That sure as hell wasn't fun."

"What? But-" Once again, Provenza didn't let him finish but he could tell that Andy didn't mind much despite his subsequent eye roll. He probably hadn't even known himself what he was planning to say.

"She was extremely vague about the circumstances of how all of this happened and I highly suspect that she doesn't really know what went wrong in the end. It's not my place to tell you which woman you should have sex with, even though I told you a million times to stay away from our Captain! I kind of expected you to ignore it because it looked like you actually felt something for her and she sure as hell feels a lot for you, but why did you have to screw it up like this?"

Andy's face was a grimace of pain, but he offered no explanation. Provenza was frustrated, but he knew his partner. When he had something under lock and key, no amount of pressure would make him let it go. If he couldn't get his reasons for sleeping with the Captain and then distancing himself from her out of him, he needed to appeal to the good guy that he knew he was deep down.

"She sees her doctor almost every week, Flynn. She's sick like a dog all the time and it seems like Rusty is going to give her a hard time about the whole thing, too. And in case you've forgotten, she is currently trying to divorce her uncooperative husband. She has a lot on her plate. The least you can do is support her through this because, for god's sake Flynn, that is your baby in there!"

Flynn seemed taken aback by the angry passion Provenza had spoken with, but he didn't mind that it now became obvious that he cared. He liked to keep people in the dark, make them believe that he was a ruthless old man who didn't really care about anyone, but this was too important to keep up appearances and he was sure that his best friend knew anyway.

Flynn buried his face in his hands. He seemed genuinely upset now.

"I am not trying to be mean to her," he said, his voice unusually high-pitched. "I really am not. She doesn't deserve this, I know it!" He looked up at Provenza who swallowed the scathing response he had meant to hurl at him. "I just don't know what to do."

There was something dark in his eyes that seemed familiar from a long time ago.

"I was a lousy father and husband the first time around. She is probably better off doing this without me. I am just as bad as her husband."

Now it was Provenza's turn to roll his eyes. "You're not Jack Raydor and you're not the irresponsible alcoholic that you used to be, Flynn. Don't use this as an excuse to run from the situation. Just like you said, Sharon doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. She is strong-willed and enduring, so I have no doubt that she will get through the whole thing, but you could at least try and make it easier for her."

Andy nodded numbly, a war visibly raging inside his head, glimpses of it showing in the flashes of pain in his eyes. Even though Provenza was livid, he knew that Flynn was not a bad person. The way he used to look at their Captain with so much adoration months ago had spoken volumes, so the fact that it had suddenly given way to avoidance had to mean something. Something other than Flynn getting what he wanted and then dropping Raydor because he had reached his goal. Provenza knew that it couldn't be that, but he didn't know what else could have caused this strange situation. Judging from Flynn's expression, it must have been bad.

Provenza rested both of his forearms on the table in front of him and leaned over it to fix Flynn with a stare. "I don't know what happened, Flynn, but you need to resolve your issues, do you hear me? Maybe not today, but talk to your sponsor! Talk to a goddamn psychologist, I don't care, but work through this shit by all means."

Flynn nodded, finally meeting Provenza's gaze fully. "You're right. I need to do something about this."

"Good." Provenza leaned back in his chair. "Because the Captain is going to talk to Taylor on Monday and then she will announce it to the team. And when she does, you'd better go up there and take responsibility. There will be a lot of speculation and rumors flying around and she shouldn't have to face all that alone."

The sound of Flynn's ringing phone interrupted them and Provenza's eyes were drawn to the caller-ID image on the screen. There she was, Caroline, all smiles and short blond hair. Flynn took one last look at his partner, nodded his goodbye and walked out into the parking-lot, phone pressed to his ear.

Provenza nudged one of the now cooling fries on his plate with his fork, but his appetite was long gone. He wasn't sure what to make of this conversation, but Flynn definitely held a secret that he wasn't giving up to anybody. Not even the Captain.

He remembered her lowering her fork after eating about half of her breakfast, still wary of her stomach's ability to hold down the first solid food that day. The way she had been holding her tea cup cradled between both of her hands had drawn his attention to them. However young a person looked otherwise, their hands always gave their true age away. Hers were slim and reasonably smooth, yet reminded him of the fact that she was fifty-two and that there were a million possibilities of what could go wrong with her pregnancy. Even though she was stressing at that very moment that she didn't want Provenza to talk to Flynn about the whole thing, he had decided to disobey her and somehow fix this for her.

Now he wasn't so sure he could.


	7. Chapter 7

Her keys jingled as she put them down on the table next to the door, so Sharon didn't bother with calling out to announce her presence to Rusty. The pair of pants she had chosen in a hurry that morning were digging painfully into the flesh of her stomach, so she went straight to her bedroom to change. Standing in front of her mirror with bare legs, she lifted her shirt and inspected the two angry red marks the waistband had left on her skin. She placed her hand over it and rubbed it, her other hand cupping the small curve of her stomach from below.

"Poor honey," she said, feeling a little foolish talking to the baby even though inevitably, she had done it with all of them. "You're always in the way nowadays, aren't you?" A smile spread over her face when her words and caresses were met with a flutter deep inside her. Since it was still somewhat early in her pregnancy, she had dismissed the sensation as something else at first, but now it was becoming a pattern and she knew that it was possible. She closed her eyes and just stood for a moment, letting the comfort that holding on to her belly brought wash over her. It reminded her of why she was doing all this in spite of what it entailed for her relationships and her career. She didn't expect her children to react with much more enthusiasm than Rusty had, at least at first, and she could probably bury all her hopes of ever making Commander now. Maybe Taylor and Pope would even take Major Crimes away from her when faced with the prospect of what she expected to be a rather prolonged period of maternity leave. She would have lied if she had said that it didn't bother her. Her family would come to terms with its newest member, but her career would likely never recover. That was a thing she was _definitely_ too old for.

She sighed and turned around to where she had discarded her yoga pants and sweater earlier, putting both on before she walked back into the living-room, barefoot and tired. Even though she felt ashamed of crying in front of Provenza, the conversation with him had definitely helped. It was good to know that there was someone in her corner. He had even insisted on accompanying her to Taylor's office the following Monday, which had deeply touched her. She sat down on the couch and closed her eyes, enjoying the quietude of her condo and the luxury of being off her feet. Maybe she would take a nap and then go and buy some clothes that she could wear to work without constantly holding her breath.

She opened her eyes when she heard approaching footsteps and turned her head towards the doorway, trying not to let her weariness show.

"Hey," Rusty said, giving her a shy smile without really meeting her eyes. It stung, but she figured that it was all she could hope for at the moment. "Have you found the killer yet?"

She smiled back encouragingly. "In fact, we have. Our victim got in a fight with another boy over a girl. He admitted to killing him in a rage."

"Wow," Rusty said. "Well, at least you can enjoy the rest of your weekend now, right?"

"Right," she said pensively. "I was planning on getting a little bit of rest and then going to the mall to pick up a few things. Do you need anything?"

Rusty walked back towards her from where he had fetched a can of soda from the fridge and sat down on one of the chairs across from the couch. He looked hesitant for a moment, then took a deep breath.

"Are you sure you should go alone?" The question was taking her aback and her surprise must have shown on her face because he hurried to explain: "I mean, you've been feeling terrible all day. What if you get sick at the mall and can't drive yourself home?"

She cocked her head and smiled, his concern dissolving the knot of nervousness in her stomach. "It is going to be fine, Rusty. I've been doing this for a while now."

Now he was the one who looked taken aback. He cleared his throat and made an awkward motion with his hand. "How... how long exactly?"

He still sounded far from enthusiastic, but Sharon was grateful that he was trying, even though he was visibly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was headed. "A little over three and a half months," she explained to him.

"So it's been a while," Rusty said.

"It's been a while," she echoed, not sure what else was there to say.

"Shouldn't... shouldn't it be, I don't know, visible by now?"

She almost chuckled at how uncomfortable he looked. "It is. That's why I'm going to the mall. Most of my clothes don't really fit me anymore."

"Oh." Rusty said. "Right."

There was another moment of silence during which he tried to inspect her midsection without appearing to be doing so. It was almost comical.

"Can I ask you something?"

She bowed her head in affirmation. "Of course, honey. Ask away."

"Well," he sat up straight, setting the can of soda down on the coffee table in front of him. "I was wondering about what you said earlier about Andy not... not wanting to be part of the baby's life."

She just nodded this time, trying to ignore the familiar dull ache in her chest.

"So I was wondering why. I mean, I get that he has a girlfriend and all that, but you two used to be such good friends and I thought he was, like, a good guy. Why would he leave you alone like this? I mean, a kid costs money, too. Is he at least going to pitch in financially?"

She shrugged, longing to bury her hands in her pockets, but none of her clothes had any, so she just intertwined her fingers and placed her hands in her lap. "We haven't talked about that yet," she admitted. "Our conversation was rather brief and I wanted to give him some time to take it all in."

"Hm," Rusty said pensively. "That doesn't seem like the Andy Flynn I know."

She tried a smile but managed only a sad grimace. Rusty talking about money reminded her of all the logistics, all the formalities she had to go through during the next few months. Ricky and Emily both had jobs, so Rusty was the only one she was still financially responsible for, but she also had a lot of things to buy and medical bills to foot. Her insurance was good, but there were some things she had to pay for out of her own pocket. However, she would certainly not help aggravate Rusty's anxiety by telling him that. She had savings and she would be okay. That was if Jack didn't manage to somehow screw her over in their divorce which currently seemed bound to end up in front of a judge. Suddenly the idea of going shopping didn't feel as appealing anymore. She grabbed one of her throw pillows and hugged it to her chest, grateful to be able to do something with her hands and for the pressure against her chest.

"We have some months to go before we have to have it all figured out," she said, trying to put Rusty's mind at ease even though it reminded her of something else that made her heart contract with dread.

She was due to see her doctor about an amniocentesis soon to determine whether the baby was completely healthy or whether there were birth defects, the risk of which was high at her age. She felt guilty about it, but the idea of having to do all of this and having to take care of a child with special needs on top of it all made her heart sink. She felt barely able to face it all again as it was. If she had to, she would do it and love her baby all the same, but still the waiting for the results would be excruciating. Sharon liked clarity, liked to be able to plan ahead. Now she was in limbo and she hated it.

"I'm going to tell Taylor and the team on Monday, so you won't have to lie to anyone or keep it a secret," she said with a smile that she hoped was encouraging.

"Are you going to tell them who the father is?" Rusty asked. His face showed no judgment or blame, just genuine interest. Sharon knew that this was about all she could hope for at the moment and it was enough for her.

"I don't think so. At least not at first. I will have to figure out how he feels about people knowing before I do anything like that."

Rusty furrowed his brow and she tensed, expecting another scathing comment. Instead he looked a little confused before his eyes darkened again. "You are paying a lot of attention to how he feels about this."

_Don't let him go on about Caroline's feelings again_, Sharon begged silently.

"I mean, he doesn't seem to try and make this any easier for _you_."

A hum of relief escaped Sharon's lips. She could tell that Rusty had begun to divert from his former attitude that was somewhat rooted in the belief that her getting pregnant was somehow to be considered selfish on her part. He seemed to be beginning to grasp that it wasn't easy on her either.

"He was shocked by the announcement," she said. "Just put yourself in his shoes."

Rusty gave a snort of laughter. "I don't think I am in danger of accidentally getting anyone pregnant, like, ever."

Despite the serious nature of the rest of their conversation, Sharon chuckled. "Okay. Bad example."

Rusty grew serious again. "Do you realize that you're always defending him?"

She looked down at her hands, aware of what was coming. Her conversation with Provenza had inevitably taken this turn as well. It was something she didn't like to talk about and yet it was probably better that Rusty knew.

"So... It wasn't just a one time thing for you, was it? I mean, you really like him, don't you?"

She wouldn't lie, but she also didn't want to talk or think about it, so shrugged again. It seemed to be becoming her latest evasive gesture.

"I don't think that matters much," she said. "Things are the way they are, no matter how it makes me feel."

There was a moment of silence during which Rusty stared at his soda can. Then he looked up at Sharon and his eyes were filled with both apprehension and sympathy.

"That's just not fair, Sharon."

For a moment she wasn't sure whether he was accusing her of something, but then he got up and walked towards the kitchen. Surprised with the turn of events, she turned around on the sofa and looked at him over the back of it.

"What are you doing?"

He was already getting to work but turned around to face her. "I am reheating that chicken soup. You have to eat, don't you?"

Soon busy with the meal again, he couldn't see her happy smile. Food was how he had first tried to show her his affection when he had made breakfast for her after a night shift. It was his way of taking care of her and while she could tell that he was anything but happy with the situation, she was infinitely grateful that he was willing to try.

Even though the smell of cooked chicken flipped her stomach.


	8. Chapter 8

On Monday morning, Sharon woke up well before her alarm went off. Even though she was tired, she was unable to go back to sleep and no breathing technique was efficient enough to curb the nervous feeling that was pulsing through her stomach. She would have to come clean today and it terrified her. Pulling her duvet more tightly around her shoulders, she considered just calling in sick, cancelling her appointment with Taylor and granting herself another day of respite.

Then again, she knew that putting it off wouldn't change anything. She would have to face the consequences sooner or later. Even though the members of the Major Crimes squad had come to accept her as their own, she was still greatly disliked among the rest of the LAPD. The former head of Internal Affairs didn't go from being the hated head of the rat squad to Miss Congeniality just like that. She knew very well what she had to expect. Nobody would feel compelled to hold back on speculation. There would be rumors, even vicious ones, and some people would make up stories for the sole purpose of ridiculing her. But then being pregnant at fifty-two with a subordinate's baby while still married to someone once well-known among the ranks of the LAPD was much worse than most of what they would come up with. She also had to tread very carefully to avoid finding herself under investigation for misconduct. Who knew who might perceive her treatment of Andy as nepotism or whether anyone would accuse her of sexual harassment.

She sighed and turned onto her other side, still hoping for a few more minutes of restful sleep even though she already knew it was out of the question. Despite the fact that thinking of the new life inside her brought her joy, she often wondered what would have happened if she had acted differently that night. It had been only their first kiss. Why had she not insisted on taking it slow? Then she knew the answer to that already: They had been going to dinners and some of Andy's family functions for months and months and she had found herself more and more drawn to him. It hadn't been only that night when he'd suddenly kissed her that she had realized that she did have feelings for him. Even if she sometimes appeared cold at the outside, Sharon was very much in touch with her emotions. She had fallen in love with Andy long before that night and yet she had tried to rationalize the situation, had worried about the rules. Just giving in to the temptation had felt almost like a relief.

Their lovemaking had been fast but not hurried, meant to finally release the tension that had been accumulating between them for a long time. She remembered falling asleep soon after, spent after a long day, her last thoughts being of having to ask Andy what it was he had said he had to talk to her about when he'd called earlier. She remembered his arms around her, his fingertips brushing her ribcage fondly, the other hand buried in her hair.

She chose a black dress with pockets in the front that diverted attention from what was beneath them and the typical, straight-cut light-blue blazer she usually paired with it. No need to wear something form-fitting to tip everyone off before she had a chance to make her announcement. The thought of having to tell them made her feel queasy, but fortunately today seemed to be one of her better days when it came to morning sickness.

With no urgent case waiting to be worked, the morning dragged along slowly, the hours passing at a maddening pace until it was finally time to see Taylor. Uncharacteristically punctual, Provenza awaited her in front of her office when she stepped out, stomach churning and palms sweaty. She wasn't afraid of Taylor, but she dreaded the questions she might be asked and the things she might be told. The touch of Provenza's hand against her lower back gave her a surprising amount of comfort as they walked through the Murder Room together. She caught Andy's eyes as she walked by, recognizing the look in them as one of understanding. Somehow he was aware of what was happening.

Taylor seemed to be in a good mood, which was always a plus. His eyebrows inevitably shot up in surprise when she told him about the pregnancy, but he listened patiently to what she had to say. When she was done delivering the carefully scripted lines she knew by heart, Provenza pitched in and said a few words on how he would make sure things ran smoothly even during times that she would be incapacitated and how her position was largely administrative anyway, so she would be out of the line of fire, so to speak.

Of course, she had never expected an enthusiastic reaction from Taylor. Learning that a high-ranking employee was going to have a baby, especially when it was bound to be a difficult pregnancy, was never something a superior liked to hear. It meant restructuring and effort, changes to a system that usually worked smoothly. She would have understood his aggravation and yet he surprised her by congratulating her before delving into the more administrative issues about which he went with surprising neutrality.

"It wasn't all that bad," Provenza told her on their way back to the Murder Room while she was busy hiding the dizziness that came with the relief. "Although I have to say I am pretty sure that old gossip is going to call every department head in the building in the course of the next half hour to spill the news."

She chuckled at Provenza's statement, even though there was a lot of truth to it. But Taylor's gossiping was a small price to pay for not hearing the lecture on her age again. At least he had spared her that and she was very grateful. Back in her office, she left the task of herding the team and bringing everyone into the conference room to Provenza while she took a short break to calm down. It was the unexpectedness of her pregnancy and the age factor that made the announcement so hard, she mused as she lowered herself into the comfortable green visitor chair in the corner that was usually occupied by Rusty. Back when she had had Emily and then Ricky, her superiors had never been surprised. A married woman in her twenties got pregnant, it was no big deal. She closed her eyes and stretched her legs, her ankles uncomfortable in the high heels she had chosen for the occasion. High heels always made her feel better, changed the way she walked, gave her strength, but they also hurt as hell today.

There was a knock at the door that made her sit up straight. "Come in," she called, fully expecting Provenza's head in the open door, calling her to the conference room.

Instead it was Andy, hands buried in his trouser pockets, displaying his most prominent nervous habit. They weren't so different when it came to that, she noticed for the very first time.

"Hey," he said, closing the door behind him. "How did it go with Taylor?"

She shrugged, taken aback by his visit and his question, unsure how to act in front of him. She settled on telling the truth, just the facts, really.

"It went considerably well," she said. "He said he'd think about how exactly he'll deal with the situation, but he didn't seem scandalized and that's something."

Leaning back in her chair, she was forced to look up at him who was standing in front of her, head slightly bowed. She didn't have the energy to get up and bring them to eye level, nor did the prospect of the awkward position of them standing opposite each other seem very appealing.

"How did Rusty take it?" Andy asked, avoiding calling it by its name, avoiding her gaze and avoiding personal questions that involved him.

"It could have been worse," she said evasively, unwilling to tell Andy in detail how she felt about all of it. There was a weird tension between them that made her jumpy and him nervous.

"You're telling the rest of the team today?" he asked, finally lifting his gaze up from where he had been studying his shoes to meet hers.

"Yes," she said. "It is about time."

"Yeah," he said, his voice trailing off and his eyes returning to the floor, breaking eye-contact. For a second she felt reminded of the numerous conversations she'd had with awkward teenagers over the years.

Sharon decided that it was time to get to her feet, to get all of it behind her. The morning of waiting had worn her out, so had her appointment with Taylor. All she wanted to do was walk into the conference room and tell everyone, so she would be rid of the stress that hiding her condition put on her. The chair was comfortable but also low and somewhat hard to get out of. She was surprised to find Andy taking her hand and helping her to her feet. His fingers closed around hers gently, but the tug was powerful enough to lift her to her feet. Quickly letting go, they stood in front of each other, silence engulfing them.

"Sharon, I'm so sorry," Andy repeated the words he had uttered at the park, once again leaving it like that without allowing for context or elaboration. She reacted with a slow shake of her head. What was he expecting? Forgiveness? Compassion? Understanding?

She didn't even know what to feel. Disappointment? Anger? Devastation? Instead she felt fed-up and less than eloquent, so she decided to say nothing back to him.

"Did you tell Taylor who the father is?" She almost snorted at the way he phrased the question. It made him sound like a well-meaning acquaintance, not the father of her child.

"I didn't," she replied in a hollow voice, unwilling as well as unable to make it sound anymore reassuring.

"I see," he said. "We should probably keep it that way."

For a moment, Sharon felt as if he had slapped her in the face. _It is better to cover up that dirty little secret_, she thought bitterly. _Let's just pretend Andy has nothing to do with it. _She was about to lash out at him, to tell him to keep his stupid comments to himself when he said something that made her shoulders slump and her eyes go wide.

"I guess it's okay for the team to know, though, isn't it?"

She looked up at him, relief flooding her for the second time that day. Maybe she had not done him justice. Maybe he had just been too overwhelmed and was coming around now. He still looked troubled, but the look in his dark eyes seemed a little more tender than it had a moment ago.

She nodded, unable to hide her little smile. "I guess it would be, yes."

As if on cue, Provenza walked in, his knock fast and hurried. "Everyone's in the conference room, Captain. The stage is yours." Sharon didn't miss the dark look that he directed at his partner before the three of them walked over to meet the rest of the team.

Sharon didn't mind speaking in public or having the attention of everyone in a room focused on her if it was a professional matter. When it came to her private life and something as delicate as a pregnancy announcement, however, she was not as self-assured. Everyone was already seated around the conference table when she walked in, having left the two seats closest to the white board by the wall empty for Flynn and Provenza who took them dutifully.

"Thank you for coming here," Sharon said, trying to slow down, but speaking more quickly and at a higher pitch than she usually did. If she hadn't known already, she would have been able to read as much on their officer's faces. Amy looked concerned and Mike's eyebrow was twitching. "As I am sure Lieutenant Provenza has already informed you, I have an announcement to make," she said, eager to get it over with without much ado or explanation. "I am, as of now, three and a half months pregnant." Sharon didn't pause because she dreaded the effect it would have on her already shocked co-workers. She could tell from their reactions that Provenza had indeed been the only one who had figured it out ahead of time.

"At my age, it is a high risk pregnancy and I will probably have to start my maternity leave earlier than others, so Lieutenant Provenza will be my replacement."

If she had expected a playful groan or a joke at that particular piece of news - and she wasn't even sure whether she had - she would have been disappointed. All she could see was shock and surprise. She couldn't take their stares anymore and looked down at her hands that had somehow found their way into the front pockets of her dress which, coincidentally, was where everyone else was looking already.

"It's impossible to tell what the future will bring, but right now my baby and I are fine, so nothing has changed work-wise" she added quickly, her gaze drawn towards Andy who was sitting with his back to the outer walls of the building. The pronoun should have been his cue, she thought. She felt uncomfortable with being the one telling the team that he was the father, especially since everyone had met Caroline. It was his turn and she saw Provenza glowering at his best friend from where he sat right across from him. Suddenly she was almost sure that her lieutenant had talked to Andy and even though she should have been upset with him for disregarding her request not to, she felt oddly grateful.

Andy cleared his throat and made to stand up. "I have-" He stopped talking abruptly, his eyes on something in the hallway, visible through the blinds that weren't drawn. Sharon followed his gaze and even Provenza turned around in his chair.

Caroline.

Andy's eyes flitted to Sharon and back to Caroline, a look of panic on his face when he noticed that everyone was looking at him expectantly.

"I have to go," Andy said, getting to his feet and giving Sharon a quick smile. "Congratulations, Captain!" His back to the rest of the team, he looked at Sharon with a troubled look in his eyes and mouthed "I'm so sorry."

And with that, he walked out.

Sharon pressed her lips together and took a deep breath, hands now in her jacket pockets, eyes closed for a moment.

"Thank you, everyone," she said. "That would be all."

When she opened her eyes again, she saw a look of understanding pass between Tao and Sanchez. With everything that had happened and Andy's strange reaction, the two well-seasoned officers of the law didn't need any further explanations to piece it all together.

"Son of a bitch," Provenza muttered under his breath, then got to his feet in his usual, labored way. "It is almost five. Since Flynn has run off with his _girlfriend..._" he put an emphasis on the word that made it sound ridiculous. "I think we might as well wrap it all up for the day and take our Captain to dinner."

Tao and Sanchez nodded and Amy smiled brightly, the only one still unaware of the dark cloud that hung over their Captain's happiness. She stood up and came around the table, grabbing Sharon's hand.

"Congratulations, Captain! I am so happy for you and your husband!"

Sharon subtly reached out for the closest chair's back with her free hand and did her best to make her smile seem genuine.


	9. Chapter 9

Gavin's mother had always wanted for him to go to medical school and become a doctor. Gavin, however, had chosen the law for its absence of needles, scalpels and gore. And yet here he was in a clinic next to Sharon who was on her back, her hand firmly clasped around his and her eyes wide. But come hell or high water or a last minute deposition, he would not walk away from her side. Sharon had enough to deal with and going through an experience that involved sticking a needle into her belly to remove amniotic fluid from her womb all alone was definitely not what she needed. He didn't care how necessary and scientific the whole thing was supposed to be, to him it looked frightening. He didn't want to imagine how it felt for Sharon, so he decided to swallow his own uneasiness and distract her.

"Sorry, hon, I have been so busy, you didn't get a chance to tell me about that dinner with your people last week."

What she had told him about over the phone in a brief and neutral description had been Andy Flynn's hurried departure and the e-mail he had sent after, asking for personal days. He hoped that the meal and conversation that had followed had been a little more enjoyable for his friend.

"It was very nice," Sharon said, cautious not to pay attention to what was happening around her abdomen. Her smile was shaky but genuine when he squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Mike asked me all kinds of questions about the baby. And not the tedious ones but the ones you actually like to be asked."

Gavin was puzzled; his experience with any kinds of questions regarding pregnancy was fairly limited. "Like what?"

"Do I know yet whether it is a boy or a girl, am I excited to be a mother again, can I feel it move yet. Those kinds of things."

"Ah," Gavin said, feeling a little more enlightened. "That's nice."

He saw a hint of amusement glimmer in Sharon's eyes which he enjoyed even though it had appeared at his expense. They both knew he was uncomfortable with this and pretty much anything else that had to do with childbirth which only went to show how much Sharon meant to him. He would hold her hand all through labor if necessary, even though he would definitely prefer to pass on that experience, if possible.

"Julio surprised me," she said - probably in an attempt to put him out of his misery. "He kept looking at Mike in horror during our conversation, but then he insisted on walking me to my car. He has been very protective ever since. It is almost comical."

She turned her head a little, her body tensing and so he reached out with his free hand and gently caressed her forehead, blocking her view of her belly at the same time.

"That is his way of showing his support, Sharon. He is a man's man." Gavin smirked.

Her smile was tense and his heart broke for her. She had been uncharacteristically jumpy on the drive over and continued to be cautious and withdrawn. He ran his thumb over her forehead again and she closed her eyes, taking deep measured breaths. He had picked her up at work and she was still wearing her make-up, but he could see how pale she was underneath it.

"Amy thinks the baby is proof of the fact that I have reconciled with Jack," Sharon told him in a quiet voice, eyes still closed. She did sound faintly amused but the fear that was vibrating in her voice was unmistakable.

"She is a precious little snowflake that Detective Sykes," Gavin said dryly, making her chuckle lightly.

Sharon opened her eyes again, her gaze full of emotion. "Thank you for being here, Gavin. Thank you so much."

He leaned down and kissed the spot his thumb had stroked just seconds before.

"Don't be silly, Sharon. That's what friends do."

* * *

"I don't think you should be here." Seldom had he seen a look of such darkness and hostility on the young man's face. Rusty was essentially blocking the doorway with his entire body, making it very clear that Andy was anything but welcome in the space he was guarding. Even though he was much older, he was sure that he could take the kid should it come to a struggle, but then Andy was definitely not going to let it come to that. Since he also didn't want to spend his Friday night arguing, he decided to talk him down.

"Why don't you let Sharon decide for herself whether she wants to talk to me? Look, I'm not here to stir up trouble."

Rusty gave an angry snort. "Your mere presence stirs up trouble! She needs to rest and she will not get any rest if you come here and say a bunch of stupid things to her."

Andy exhaled forcefully, careful not to roll his eyes and aggravate the kid any further. Rusty was truly and completely pissed-off and that didn't bode well for Sharon's state of mind. Not that she didn't have the right to be angry at him.

"Rusty, I am not going to say stupid things, I just want to-"

"Talk to her," Rusty interrupted. "I know. I won't let you, though. Understood? Now just leave."

Andy opened his mouth to say something else when the door behind Rusty opened and Sharon stepped out. She was wearing blue and white flannel pajama bottoms, the matching blouse unbuttoned over a tight tank top. Her hair was tousled and she blinked sleepily against the light, her glasses notably absent. Her hand came to her stomach instinctively, covering its roundness that was so obvious in her current outfit. She wasn't wearing a bra and for a moment he couldn't help but admire her impressive cleavage.

"Sharon, go back to bed," Rusty said hectically. "He was just going to leave and you're supposed to be off your feet."

Sharon looked past Rusty at Andy, one hand coming up to pull her pajama top together.

"What do you want?" she asked, her voice uneven and tired.

Faced with her calm but vulnerable attitude, he regretted not calling ahead to give her a warning. Maybe Rusty was right and she did need the rest. After all, it was only seven p.m. and she had obviously been asleep. For no particular reason, his gaze swept down her legs and landed on her pink nail polish, the color of bubble gum. It reminded him of children's toys and he fleetingly wondered if she knew already whether she was carrying a boy or a girl.

"I just want to talk to you, Sharon, please." He was not ashamed of begging. After all, he had lost all rights to demand anything from her. It was her decision alone whether she wanted to talk to him and if she didn't, he would have to accept it. Sharon looked uncertain for a moment, then stepped aside to let him into her bedroom.

"Rusty's right. I am not supposed to be on my feet. Come in."

"Sharon...!" Rusty protested, his voice high-pitched and full of disbelief. Even though Andy had seen the teenager in all kinds of aggravation before, he had never witnessed him being this angry on someone else's behalf.

"It's okay, honey," Sharon told her foster son, her smile gentle and affectionate. "We'll just talk for a minute."

She was making it very clear that their conversation would be brief, but Andy didn't care. He was just glad that he would get a chance to tell her what he needed to tell her at all. He followed her into her bedroom with the nice view of the hills through the large bay window on the right side of her bed. He remembered staring out into the velvety darkness at the blinking lights dotting the hill, hoping to clear his head.

Sharon walked back to the bed and lay down, propped up against the headboard. The room looked exactly like last time and the same subtle yet rich scent was hanging in the air. Her scent, he thought, the one he had avoided along with her closeness for the past few months. If she was nervous, she wasn't showing it. Her gaze was expectant and a little defensive. With no chair in sight, Andy sat down on her bedside, causing her to move and subtly shuffle away from him.

"Why are you not supposed to be on your feet? Are you okay?" he opened, unable to hold the question back any longer.

She nodded with no visible sign of acknowledging his concern. "I had an amniocentesis today." She offered no explanation on what the procedure entailed, but then he knew already. Caroline had made sure he knew the various obstacles involved. He imagined the needle going in and cringed involuntarily.

He looked down at his hands, suddenly too nervous to speak. He had been trying to work up the courage to come over for a while now and the evening he had finally succeeded, she had to deal with him as well as with that procedure. He felt almost guilty for coming.

"I-" he swallowed. "I came to apologize, Sharon."

He tried to catch her eyes but she wouldn't look at him, her hands fiddling with the hem of her blanket. She wasn't making it any easier for him and why would she? He couldn't forget the look of hurt in her eyes when he had congratulated her back in the conference room just to walk out without doing what he had promised her to do just minutes earlier.

"I didn't know that Caroline was coming over and I couldn't let her find out like this." His voice was shaking and he felt foolish. What was he hoping to accomplish here? Sharon looked as if she was just indulging him for now, as if she wanted to be anywhere but in this room with him. He realized that she had had no other choice than allow him into her sanctuary, that he was cornering her in the space that she should have been most comfortable in. For a moment he considered leaving and promising to be back when she was better. Then he dismissed the idea, aware that this would mean letting her down yet again. "I told Caroline. She is not happy, of course, but she understands that this-" he gestured towards her belly and regretted it immediately. "-happened before we ever met."

He could tell from the look in Sharon's eyes that calling the baby "this" in the manner that he had had been a mistake and yet he couldn't take it back now. Every word he said seemed to come out wrong. He was here to apologize and yet there was an invisible barrier that was firmly rooted in their night together. He had built that wall himself and now he was unable to tear it down.

"What I'm saying is, I want to take responsibility for that child, Sharon. Whatever you need."

She lifted her gaze to his and her eyes looked positively haunted for a moment. Then the fleeting impression was gone, her face unreadable.

"I'd be happy if you'd be there for the baby," she said, her tone almost convincing, yet he knew her well enough to hear the hollowness in her voice. He suddenly understood that the only reason she was talking to him at all was the fact that she was a good mother. She wanted to give her child the chance to have a father. That was all. He had hurt her too much to trust him right now.

There was a moment of silence and for a minute he was scrambling for something to say, wondering whether she considered the conversation over. After all, he was here to take responsibility for what had happened and to offer his support. Nothing more and nothing less, he reminded himself. He was not the person he had been twenty years ago. He was sober and he was a good man. Whatever that was supposed to mean.

"Why did you just leave?"

How could he have ever expected her to never ask? She had accepted the distance he had put between them, had never spoken to him about it again. He had welcomed it, even though he knew that it was just the product of a defense-mechanism that she had learned to employ through her marriage. Jack had taught her in his own unique way that holding on to someone who didn't want to be there rarely worked, so she had let Andy go.

And yet here she was, asking him that dreaded question, the answer to which would entail so many others. He wanted to tell her the truth but he didn't know how.

"It wasn't right," he said, his answer falling flat of everything she deserved to know. Yet he was caught in the little trap that he had built for himself that night, just before he had picked up the phone to call her. He had ruined the unique nature of their friendship by using her to clear his head and he deeply regretted it.

"It wasn't right" didn't cover it, he thought. After all, it had felt perfectly right when it was happening.

"It wasn't right," she echoed, voice full of disbelief and the tiniest hint of sarcasm. He was pathetic, he thought.

"My father died," he blurted out. It was just one piece of the puzzle. The only one he could give her. Her eyes widened, her hand pressed against her stomach. He didn't think she noticed.

"When?" she asked him, breathless and sympathetic.

"At the wrong time," he said, more cryptically then he would have liked. Panic began to grip him. He had come here to do the right thing and yet he couldn't help but make it worse with everything he said. "Look, Sharon, I am so-"

She held up a hand. Hair mussed from sleep and in her pajamas, yet as authoritarian as she could ever be in a pantsuit.

"Don't say that again."

She was right and yet he felt the need to constantly apologize. She didn't deserve this. Not again and yet he didn't know how to make it better.

He clumsily took her hand and looked her in the eyes. "We're going to have a beautiful baby together."

It sounded corny, but he squeezed her hand in hopes of conveying that he meant it even though he wasn't sure he was.

"I'm tired," Sharon said, looking away from him, her hand limp and unresponsive in his grip. "Do I see you Monday?"

He nodded, both relieved and disappointed.

"I see you Monday. Do you, um, need anything for the weekend?"

His attempt to be helpful and caring didn't go over well. Her gaze was hard and unyielding when she fixed him with it.

"I don't need anything from you, Andy. Not after... everything. Just be a good father if... when the time comes."

He nodded again. "I promise."

He could tell from the look on her face that she didn't believe him. She had heard too many an empty promise in her life.

**A/N:** A little more Gavin and an Andy who wants to redeem himself... Your reviews make me so happy! Thank you for your patience with the slow burn of this story and don't worry: All will be revealed... soonish. ;-)


	10. Chapter 10

Even though Sharon knew very well that Gavin just wanted to distract her, she had to admit that it was indeed working. Thoughts of her amnio results and Andy's visit were never far from her mind, but their relaxed afternoon at the mall helped push them to a far corner of her conscious where they lurked but didn't torture her. Shopping with Gavin had always been fun and would always be fun, even despite the fact that she was shopping for maternity clothes now. She adored him as he pretended to be tired or thirsty in regular intervals to give her a break without patronizing her. It had been a long week during which they had been busy with two cases, one a corrupt murdered nightclub owner who'd had it coming and the other a young woman who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Avoiding being alone with Andy amidst the frenzied search for the killers had turned out to be fairly strenuous and she felt tired just thinking about it. And then she was waiting for the results of the DNA-analysis which took three long weeks of which only one had passed so far. The uncertainty was driving her insane.

Sharon sat in one of the cushioned chairs at a Starbuck's coffee shop, sipping ginger and lemon tee from a paper cup. The taste soothed her stomach and was refreshing enough to combat her ever-present fatigue. She had always liked this particular blend, but the pregnancy had turned affection into necessity. Someone else must have noticed that, because she found a cup on her desk every morning when she arrived. She was never able to discern which member of her team was the benefactor, but it was always hot, a thin line of steam curling lazily towards the ceiling. She watched Gavin chat to the barista as he was trying to pick out the perfect slice of lemon cake - his own guilty pleasure. She was content with being alone for a moment and watched the shoppers hurry by. There was a young mother, blonde hair in a haphazard ponytail, arguing with a stubborn little boy of about three years. It seemed that he wanted ice-cream and she would not grant him that wish. Sharon imagined herself in her stead a while from now, stressed-out and tired and annoyed with the child. She had no illusions about motherhood. Especially single motherhood. It kept you on your toes constantly and there were no breaks. She had the benefit of having done it all before, but there was also the disadvantage of being in her early fifties and generally having less energy than a woman half her age.

A familiar voice snapped her out of her musings and her blood ran cold at the sound of her name spoken by it.

"Sharon?"

Jack.

She looked up at him standing in front of her with a latte in his right hand and a plastic bag full of shirts in the other. Jack Raydor had to shop, too, and the mall was close to where they both worked. It was absolutely not surprising to meet him here on a Saturday morning and yet she felt wary of his presence. She had actually vowed to herself to confer with him only through her divorce attorney - a tough-as-nails young woman who worked with Gavin - but that didn't help her now.

He looked her up and down and she closed her eyes, unwilling to watch realization light up his face. If anything, Jack was arrogant and the knowledge that his wife had been with someone else after initiating divorce proceedings would probably make him say hurtful things. Sharon was not in the mood for hurtful things. When she opened her eyes again, he had taken the free seat next to her and was staring at her in wide-eyed disbelief.

"So the rumors are true."

Of all the possible opening lines, this was the one she had not expected to hear. Maybe Provenza was right and Taylor had started screaming it from the rooftops the second they had left his office. It wasn't a big stretch for it to make its way down the road to a law firm specializing in criminal law after that. Sharon knew that she had no actual reason to, but she still felt bad about Jack having to learn of it like this. At a loss for words, she just looked at him, slumped and shocked in the chair. He looked good, healthy and energized and she had to say that the natural grey hair suited him a lot better than the artificial blonde he had used to have it dyed in. He looked more distinguished and less like an old man who was holding on to youthful looks that had long since slipped away.

"So you _have_ found someone new," Jack said but she didn't bother to correct him. It was paradoxical, but she felt ashamed to admit to him of all people that she had once again fallen prey a man who had no real interest in raising a family with her. She knew that she shouldn't feel that way, but she couldn't shake it off. After all, she had seen something in him back in the days that she had seen in Andy, too, and it had turned out to be an illusion in both cases. "Wow," he said, looking at the outline of her stomach that she hadn't bothered to hide today. Her soft black t-shirt, though loose-fitting, clung to it and put emphasis on its curve.

"The kids don't know, yet, Jack. I am going to tell them soon, so please don't try and beat me to it." Having said it, a feeling of dread rose inside her. She was running out of time as she had just recently rediscovered that Jack did not honor such requests well. She felt a flash of anger when she thought back to how he had told Rusty about the adoption.

He stared at her, hands on the armrests of the chair, eyes weirdly empty of emotion. Then his gaze cleared.

"Who is it?" he asked, his tone less aggravated than she had expected it to be.

"Jack," she said quietly. "I don't think there is any need for you to know."

Jack gave a snort of disbelief. "Why not? I will find out eventually. This guy and his kid will be a part of Ricky's and Emily's family."

Trying to see the situation from his point of view, Sharon understood his logic. If she had been in a relationship with Andy, she would have had no qualms about telling Jack who it was. Like this, however, she preferred to leave him in the dark. Unfortunately, one of the reasons why she had fallen in love with him so long ago was that he was smart and quick to figure things out. What he lacked emotionally, he made up for with his brilliant intellect. She could tell from the look on his face that he had just arrived at the right conclusion.

"He's not in the picture," he said and she almost expected him to add a half-sympathetic half-patronizing "Really, Sharon? Again?", but he didn't. Instead he shook his head, looking genuinely sad. "I guess I just have to go with the other rumors then. Word is that you have been seen out a lot with Andy Flynn not so long ago."

Her silence was confirmation enough, so she didn't even bother to say anything. Instead she looked down at her hands, hoping for Gavin to come back over.

"Please don't tell the children," she said, her voice sounding tired and she was unable to conjure up an even remotely threatening tone. She was just too exhausted for that.

"He's also the one with the pretty young doctor girlfriend," Jack went on and for a moment Sharon wasn't sure whether he was torturing her on purpose. Then she noticed his faraway expression and realized that he wasn't. He was merely guilty of what had always been his fault: He was unable to or did not bother to consider her emotions. After years of marriage, she still hadn't figured out which.

His next question surprised her.

"Do you still want the divorce?"

She looked up at him and tried to guess his intentions. Staying married to her would suit his purposes as he would likely get nothing in a divorce and the legal separation did not prevent him from taking part in her health care benefits. On the other hand, the birth of the baby would establish legal paternity which was something she was sure he would try to avoid like the plague.

"I do," she said, almost grimacing at the fact that she had repeated the words she had once said to him with so much happiness in front of an altar years and years ago.

"Okay," Jack said, his voice oddly melodic. "Your Gavin is coming back and I don't want to risk an earful from him, so I'd better be gone."

He rose and grabbed his forgotten latte from the table. She looked up at him, dumbfounded and unsure what to say, but he didn't notice.

"Take care, Sharon," he said and vanished into the crowd.

* * *

Whatever Flynn had gotten himself into during the weekend, it had not been pleasant, Provenza concluded from the nasty black eye his partner sported. They were at their desks, tossing balled-up sheets of now useless financial statements into the trashcan in a somewhat juvenile competition. The Captain had offered them to leave for the day as their latest case was closed and yet they were hanging around. She was in her office preparing the paperwork and he could see her following the lines of what she was reading with her pencil. Provenza was pretty sure that Sanchez was just pretending to be working and that he was still here for the very same reason that he was: He didn't want the Captain to work late all by herself. However, what Flynn was doing amongst her self-appointed protectors completely escaped him.

"What happened to your eye?" Sanchez asked finally, the hectic day not having allowed for that type of conversation. He was walking past Flynn's desk but kept closer to Provenza's, his apprehension poorly veiled in his eyes. Provenza was pretty sure that Tao and Sanchez had figured out who the baby's father was and they were equally unhappy with Flynn's role in all of it.

"Ran into an old friend," Flynn growled.

"If your friends treat you like that, I don't want to know what your enemies are like," Provenza responded, earning an exasperated look.

"Yeah, right now all of my friends seem somewhat hostile."

Provenza snorted. "Don't be an asshole then and your friends will be okay."

"I am not an asshole," Flynn protested, throwing his hands in the air. "I'm not telling you everything, you know? Neither is everyone else. There might be redeeming things about me you have not heard about."

Sanchez's face hardened at the sound of those cryptic lines whose real meaning had to be clear to him or so Provenza suspected. He was still pretty interested in whom Flynn owed that shiner to. However, his partner seemed uncooperative with that stubborn look in his eyes.

"It's nearly seven," Sanchez said. "Don't you think she should have some dinner or something?"

Normally Sanchez wasn't the type to voice his concerns. If he felt that someone wasn't eating enough, he would unceremoniously drop a sandwich on their desk. If he thought someone was tired, he told them to go home. He seemed like a fish out of water as he was torn between being his usual monosyllabic self and caring about the Captain's wellbeing. She was his superior, so he treated her with respect and wouldn't question her decisions even if they related to something that had nothing to do with work.

"She's going to be fine," Provenza dismissed him even though he was thinking along the same lines, but he would not be caught acting like the Captain's babysitter.

"She had leftovers from lunch around five," Flynn said, his gaze directed at nothing in particular, but well away from his colleagues' questioning stares. "And she won't stay past seven. She never does now."

Sanchez and Provenza exchanged a look that caused Provenza to be a little less angry with his friend. And he was right. At two minutes past seven the lights went off in the Captain's office and she stepped out, purse in hand and jacket over her arm. When she caught sight of the three officers, a look of surprise crossed her face.

"I thought everyone had gone home," she said, abandoning her search for whatever she couldn't find inside her purse for a moment.

"Catching up on some paperwork," Sanchez said, stealing the most believable excuse.

"Wanted to finish my crossword before going home. That thing has been bugging me all day," Provenza supplied and Flynn didn't have to say anything as these two pretended that the other did not exist, nowadays.

She nodded at all of them, pulling her shoulders up as she sketched an awkward wave at them. Provenza could tell that she knew they were lying and she was endeared by their concern.

"We should all go now," she commanded, probably to prevent them from staying any longer in order to uphold the illusion that their presence had nothing to do with hers. There was a faint blush spreading across her cheeks and she looked pretty in a new dark-green wraparound dress. It was more feminine than her usual professional attire, but then he guessed she didn't have a choice if she wanted to be comfortable. Provenza saw that the dress had caught Sanchez' eyes as well, but he knew that he was too respectful of her as a superior officer to compliment her or otherwise acknowledge it.

Only when they stood in the parking garage and watched the Captain get into her car from afar, Sanchez shook his head and looked up at Andy.

"With all due respect, sir, you're an idiot."

Provenza drew his lower lip over his upper lip and raised both eyebrows as he turned and walked away.

Enough said.

**A/N:** Depending on how stressful tomorrow will be, this might be the last chapter for a little more than a week as I am going on vacation. Hopefully I'll have time for one last update tomorrow, but I can't promise anything.


	11. Chapter 11

Sharon pressed her phone to her ear and took a deep, calming breath. To her surprise, Jack had actually honored her request to keep the news from her children, because Ricky seemed clueless as to what she was about to tell him. She had tried to get a hold of him just after her encounter with Jack at the mall, but it had taken him two days to actually get back to her. Emily was in Europe for a tour and only very sporadically checked in, anyway. When she was immersed in her work, very little could distract her from it. Sharon's news likely would, but she didn't feel comfortable with possibly upsetting her daughter on such an important tour. Instead, she had decided to tell her upon her return when she was scheduled to stop by Los Angeles. She looked down at her front, smoothing the material of her loose top down. Emily was set to return in two weeks and until then, one look at her would suffice to tell her exactly what was going on. She felt guilty for keeping her children in the dark for so long, but it had seemed easier to postpone what would inevitably be a tough experience.

After Ricky's outburst upon the news of Rusty's adoption, she hadn't been looking forward to having that conversation with him at all. There was no way of easing him into the fact that she was pregnant and well into her second trimester. After saying the words, she anxiously listened to the tense silence at the other end, dreading her son's reaction.

Instead of the angry words and accusations she had half-expected, Ricky gave a little snort of laughter that reminded her of her herself. She shouldn't have been surprised; sometimes he considered the funny aspects of a situation before giving thought to the not so funny ones. It was a coping mechanism that she was pretty sure he had developed due to his rocky relationship with his father. Laughing at Jack's terrible, non-age-appropriate Christmas gifts was one way to make it sting less that he wasn't around enough to be aware of his children's wishes.

"I win twenty dollars," Ricky said, amusement coloring his voice. "Emily didn't think there was more between you and your _friend_ Andy, but I knew better. You wouldn't invite your lieutenant to your birthday dinner if he wasn't more than just your good friend."

Sharon sat down in her chair and tried to get into a comfortable position. Her back was bothering her today and she was also experiencing a discomfort in her abdomen whose origin she wasn't sure of. His reaction drove home the fact that there wasn't only one unpleasant piece of news that she had to give her son.

"About Andy..." she began, but was interrupted immediately.

"No worries, Mom. It is a bit unfortunate to learn of it this way, but I'll make him do the walk of shame in two weeks when Emily comes over. I am booking a flight to L.A. as we speak."

She sighed inaudibly. Proficient at everything that involved computers, there was hardly a phone conversation she had with him without the clicking of a keyboard in the background.

"Honey, I am not in a relationship with Andy," she said quietly, willing her voice to sound firm and neutral, but succeeding only in part. How much could she tell her children without burdening them with problems that weren't theirs to worry about? "I thought there could be more, but it turned out that I was wrong." She felt ashamed and guilty of the way her voice wavered towards the end of her sentence. One should think that she had said it often enough for her to deliver the line without being on the verge of tears. Apparently that assumption was false.

There was another bout of silence. Even the keyboard noises stopped. Then Ricky cleared his throat.

"What?" She opened her mouth to respond, but he wasn't finished.

"So he got you pregnant and then dumped you?" His voice had risen, the playful tone replaced with an alarming timbre of anger.

"No, Ricky," she tried. She couldn't shake off the idea that she had gone about this the wrong way entirely. It was her fault that her son was that upset. And yet he was technically right. "I mean, yes, but he didn't know about the baby then."

"But he does now?" Ricky asked back, his anger momentarily taking a backseat to his need for information. He still sounded upset, but he was keeping his feelings in check for now. Maybe she could talk him down by laying out all the facts, the mere thing she should have done to begin with.

"He does, Ricky, but things are complicated. He is in another relationship. I-"

She was interrupted again and didn't have the heart to tell Ricky off about it.

"I don't care what he did or didn't know, Mom. He misled you and made you believe that you two would get romantically involved and now you're alone with a baby on the way."

She couldn't argue with that, so she didn't say anything, searching for something to say that wouldn't sound corny or worse, like a lie. She could hear Ricky taking a deep, frustrated breath at the other end of the line and could picture him running a hand through his badly-cut hair. It was what he did when he didn't know what to say.

His voice was soft when he spoke again. "Are you okay, Mom? Is Rusty taking good care of you?"

She almost laughed out loud with relief. "I'm fine, honey. Thank you." She chose not to tell her son about Rusty's initial reaction and the fact that he was only slowly coming around not to direct his wrath at his adoptive brother. Under the current circumstances, Rusty was doing very well and she was grateful that he was trying.

"And the baby? I mean, I don't know about these things, but you are, well-"

"Old, I know." She sighed. She was currently reminded of it every time she moved. She rubbed her stomach where she felt something on the verge of being painful that only peripherally registered with her as her attention was on Ricky. "I will get a bunch of test results in a week, but for now everything looks normal."

All she heard was more silence while the news were sinking in completely.

"Goodness, Mom. I don't know what to say." Ricky's voice sounded small. "Can I call you back when I do?"

Sharon couldn't say that she was disappointed. All things considered, their conversation had gone extremely well. It seemed that her son was still taking the things she had said to him in their confrontation during his last visit to heart.

"Of course, honey," she said softly. "Thank you for being so considerate."

Ricky sounded slightly choked-up now. "Take care, Mom. I'll call you soon."

She set down the phone on the table and closed her eyes for a moment, taking deep breaths.

One down, another one to go.

* * *

The Captain was on the phone with her son and as opposed to the usual smile that lit up her face at the sight of Ricky Raydor's name on the screen, her face had fallen this time. The way she had fled into her office to take the call constituted nothing if not a rather hurried departure. Provenza was pretty sure that it had something to do with the Captain's new baby. Everything had, nowadays, even if the Captain herself was trying her hardest to keep it out of the office. Her attempts to appear like nothing had changed didn't stop Provenza from worrying.

Another week had passed and she was still waiting for the amnio results. He could see the tension in the way she held herself and the fear in her eyes. If faced with a long time of waiting for something that could go either way, Provenza knew, pushing it away only ever worked in the beginning. As the moment of truth drew closer, one began to question one's own very motivations. He could tell that on the one hand she wanted certainty and on the other she wanted to stay in her little illusion of safety for fear that the results would not be good. The experience was draining the Captain. He saw it in the little things. Details she overlooked in a case, the way she had snapped at Amy when she had knocked over her glass of water, her almost falling asleep in his car on the way to a crime scene due to pure exhaustion and - he suspected - nightly insomnia.

If her son was giving her trouble, it could easily be the last straw. The Captain was strong, but she had her limits like everyone else. Having sent out Sykes and Sanchez to interview a witness while Tao and Buzz were going through some archive or another downstairs, Provenza quickly got bored of staring at the drawn blinds shielding Raydor's office from his view, so he walked into the break-room to get a cup of something hot and caffeinated.

When he came back, coffee in hand, he stopped short at the sight in front of him. The Captain was standing near the corridor that led towards the restrooms, her face ashen and her gaze directed at the only other person in the room.

"Andy," she said in a shaky voice, her eyes wide with fear. "I'm bleeding."

Provenza would be damned if he let his idiot friend handle the situation when the Captain really needed help. He rushed forward and set the coffee down on the nearest filing cabinet. She looked up at him as he appeared in her line of vision, one hand on her stomach and the other immediately reaching for his arm to have something to hold on to.

"Oh" was all she said as she doubled over a little, her breaths coming out irregular and slightly labored.

"Are you in pain, Sharon?" Provenza asked in alarm.

She took a moment to answer, her eyes veiled. "It feels strange," she finally said. "no cramps, but nearly there."

Suddenly Flynn was there, consciously or unconsciously stepping in between Provenza and the Captain, reaching out for her as he addressed his friend: "Get the car around. If we use the siren, it'll be faster than waiting for an ambulance."

* * *

Sharon felt Andy's hand on her waist, the other one suddenly clasped around hers as Provenza was hurrying away. Panic was beginning to grip her and she had a hard time not letting it get the best of her.

"Deep breaths, Sharon," Andy instructed, his voice comforting in his firmness. "We'll get you help."

She wanted to say something, but only a small whimper came out as she remembered the drops of blood and felt the feeling of discomfort in her abdomen intensify. Only when she felt Andy squeeze her hand a little more firmly, she noticed that she had closed her eyes. He looked worried, but his eyes also held a calm resolve that reassured her in turn.

"Can you walk to the elevator with me? From there it will be just a few steps to the car."

She nodded. "I think so." His arm went around her waist, allowing her to lean into his side as they slowly made their way towards the elevator. His other hand was still wrapped around hers, warm and dry, and it gave her more comfort than she would have thought possible. Inside the elevator, she leaned into him, deeply breathing in the clean, crisp scent of him. It calmed the nausea that was rising inside of her, but did nothing to combat the dizziness. His arm tightened around her waist, his thumb moving down her side in a caress as he leaned in and she could feel his warm breath on the side of her head.

"Try to relax, Sharon," he told her. "The hospital is not far."

She looked down at her hand that was covering the small bump under her blouse and felt tears welling up in her eyes. The baby had complicated her life so thoroughly, had brought so much heartache and pain and yet she was terrified of losing it. She thought of the ultrasound images, of the little head and the little body and stifled a sob.

By the time Andy helped her into the back of Provenza's car, she was crying silently. Why would an unlikely thing like a pregnancy happen to her in the first place if the child was taken from her again like this? What had she done to deserve such a thing? She felt the tears trickle down her cheeks, hoping that the sound of the police alarm would mask the little sounds of agony that she couldn't stop from escaping her.

To her surprise, Andy didn't get in the front of the car but sat down next to her in the back. A moment later she felt herself being pulled against his side, his arm tight around her as he caressed her arm comfortingly, his hand going up and down in a steady rhythm. She didn't care about propriety or whatever had happened before and buried her face in his chest, hoping for the best.

The siren was wailing above her as Sharon felt her consciousness slip away.


	12. Chapter 12

Sharon didn't stir when Andy opened the door to her room but she opened her eyes when he greeted her with a soft "hey", which was the only thing that came to his mind. Her eyes looked a little dull, their green color somehow less vibrant than usual. She was pale but looked otherwise normal, even though her face seemed slightly unfamiliar without her glasses.

"Hey," she said back cautiously, her exhaustion audible in her voice and visible in the way she moved but didn't try to sit up when he approached. There was also something else in her eyes and he needed a moment to be able to identify it as the surprise that it was. His stomach churned with unvoiced guilt as he understood that she hadn't expected him to stick around at the hospital after delivering her into the care of her doctors.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her, waiting at the foot of her bed to give her the chance to ask him to leave before he had made himself too comfortable in her presence.

"Tired," she said quietly. "but relieved."

Andy offered a little smile, hoping that she would mirror it. "Me, too."

Instead of smiling, she looked devastated, pressing her lips together and drawing her eyebrows up before she forced a neutral expression upon herself. "Really?" she asked and his nausea intensified. He had given her such a terrible impression of how he felt about the baby and he couldn't blame her for not wanting him around. He wanted to touch her, hold her hand for a bit, but he knew that it wasn't his place. Instead he looked down at the outline of her stomach under the thin hospital blanket.

"Of course," he said, hoping that the sincerity with which he said it was audible in his voice. "I- I just wanted to check on you. I can go if you don't want me in here with you right now."

For a moment they looked at each other, each trying to discern what the other was feeling. He could tell that she was wondering whether he was just trying to escape or whether his offer had been made to accommodate her needs, should she want to be alone. She either decided that it was the latter or wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but she nodded towards the chair next to the bed.

"It's okay. I guess a little company would be nice. I won't get out of here for the next few days, so..." she trailed off and watched as he pulled the chair up and sat down. There was a small moment of silence between them before he spoke again.

"Your doctor wouldn't give us any details because we're not family. Are you still in pain?"

She shook her head, her lips still firmly pressed together. It was a telltale sign that she was trying to hold back emotions.

"I feel okay. Just tired." She hesitated for a moment before she spoke again. "I would have had a miscarriage if not for the immediate medical attention that I got," she said softly. "Thank you for getting me here so quickly."

"Of course, Sharon," Andy hurried to say. "Did they say why?"

She shrugged and bit her lower lip, looking thoroughly uncomfortable. "Stress. I've had a lot going on lately. It doesn't take much with a high risk pregnancy like mine."

_A lot going on_, Andy thought. It was a very polite way of saying it. He wanted to apologize for being if not the cause, at least an important factor of this scare, but he wisely held back. He had said the words to her so often during most of the few private conversations that they had had since she had told him about her pregnancy and they had never sounded even remotely sincere.

"But the baby is not in danger right now?" he asked, suddenly worried that it was.

She turned her head a little more towards him, still flat on her back. "It will be fine if I just rest for a while." Her eyelids looked heavy and he reached out to place his hand on her forehead to which she fully closed her eyes. He could tell from the way her body relaxed and her breathing changed that she was about to drift off to sleep.

"Do you need anything?" he asked, but never got an answer.

* * *

Sharon was sitting up in her hospital bed, staring at the tray in front of her, debating whether it would be more hazardous to eat or not to eat. She was fairly good about eating even though her appetite had deserted her months ago, but the breakfast they were serving at the hospital looked thoroughly unappetizing. A knock at the door made her look up, grateful for the distraction, and she called her visitor in. To her surprise, it was Andy with two bags in his hands, one of which exuding a mouth watering smell.

"Hi, Sharon." He gave her a nervous smile and then pointed at her food. "What is that supposed to be?"

She shrugged, a little smile making its way across her face even though his presence puzzled her and therefore made her nervous. "I am not sure."

Once, when they had still had dinner together regularly, they had chosen a new restaurant that had turned out to be a catastrophe. Back then they had ended up in stitches asking each other about the contents of their plates before they had left and had had a burger on the way home instead. She felt reminded of that lovely evening and maybe Andy was, too, because he was smiling openly now.

"I suggest you discard it in favor of this." Andy held up the smaller one of his bags and placed it on her bedside table before unceremoniously grabbing the tray and putting it aside. He opened the bag and took out several plastic containers. "Don't worry, health nut, it is all good for you." His eyes flitted sideward at her as if to check whether she was okay with the playful insult and she was.

"Oatmeal and fruit," he explained as he opened one little container after another. "Your usual, but also this." He put a small bottle of maple sirup in front of her. "Should you desire something sweet." He indicated a paper bag. "These are some bagels if you get hungry later. Wholegrain, of course with that sundried tomato spread you like."

Sharon's stomach rumbled and she smiled at him in response to it. "Thank you, Andy. That's very thoughtful of you."

He shrugged. "I was here after I was stabbed, remember? The food is dreadful and you do need to eat. Oh, I almost forgot." He retrieved a large paper cup and set it down in front of her. "Ginger-lemon tea. Non-sweetened." Sharon sipped the offered beverage and looked up at him, unable to hide her surprise. The tea tasted exactly like the one she had found on her desk every morning for the past few weeks. A little stronger than she used to make it herself and better for it. She decided not to ask him about it since he was avoiding her eyes now, probably aware that she was on to something.

She picked up the offered spoon and tasted a mouthful of the oatmeal adorned with three sorts of berries and peaches. She hummed contently and looked up at Andy with a grateful smile.

"Now to what is in the other bag." He sat down and opened it, appearing calm and collected at the outside, but the small tremble in his hands still gave away his otherwise well-hidden nervousness. He looked up when he caught her watching his movements and she quickly went back to concentrating on her food. "Since Rusty is away for that chess camp thing, I didn't know how to get into your apartment, so I bought some stuff I thought you might need."

Genuinely surprised, Sharon put down her spoon and looked at the items he was pulling from the bag, appearing a little hurried. She saw a toothbrush and toothpaste as well as moisturizer and shampoo along with a pair of flannel pajamas. She had been planning on asking a friend to bring around some things from her condo after persuading Rusty to stay where he was and not rush home just because of her, but he seemed to be one step ahead of her.

"Thank you," she said in wonder as she noticed the brands. As little attention as she knew Andy paid to cosmetics, she would have thought that he would grab the next best things and not go for top of the line. And he also didn't strike her as the type of man who would think of bringing moisturizer. He noticed her incredulous look and smirked self-consciously. "I had some help."

"Oh, of course," she said. "Please thank Caroline for me, will you?"

He nodded, obviously flustered. She turned back to her food, but her sudden bout of appetite had died down already. A few spoonfuls later she was done and resorted to sipping her tea to have something in her hands. Andy looked guilty for steering the conversation towards Caroline and Sharon was unhappy about it, too, as she imagined the two of them at the store, her helping him with what he needed to buy for the woman who was carrying his child. It made her feel helpless and needy, as if she was a burden Andy and his girlfriend had to carry.

The baby moved and Sharon placed her hand over the spot, biting back the jealousy as well as the embarrassment that thinking of Andy telling Caroline about her hospital stay brought about. She wondered whether he had told his girlfriend about the way he had held her and stroked her arm in the car. She didn't remember anything beyond that as her body had finally given out before they had arrived at the hospital, but she did recall how safe she had felt in his arms despite everything that was happening. She wondered now whether Caroline was the one who had told Andy to come back and bring her food and personal items in the first place. Maybe he wasn't here on his own accord and his sudden change in behavior wasn't due to his genuine concern, but to the influence of his girlfriend and his intent to please her. Sharon suddenly felt stupid for indulging in the happiness Andy's attention had brought her.

The sound of his voice snapped her out of her musings and she looked up at him again, having failed to catch what he was saying to her.

"Excuse me?"

"I was asking if you're okay," he said, motioning towards her hand on her stomach. "Are you in pain? Do you want me to go get the doctor?"

"I'm fine," she said. "The baby is moving. Not kicking yet, though. It can't be felt from the outside," she hurried to add, terrified that he would ask to touch her stomach. Maybe he was able to decipher the look in her eyes because he immediately withdrew a little, giving her more space both physically and mentally.

"There is not much to do when confined to a hospital bed. Do you need your ipad from work or is there a book I can get for you?"

The answer was yes to both questions, but she shook her head anyway, suddenly not wanting him to come back. Provenza had dropped off her phone earlier, so she was at least able to call her children and check her e-mail. For now, that would have to suffice.

"I'm good," she said even though she wasn't.

"Text me if you change your mind," Andy said. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"It's fine," she said, almost shying away from his hand when he touched her shoulder in farewell.

She didn't know whether she wanted him to come back.

**A/N:** Two chapters in a day... don't get used to it. I didn't want to leave you hanging, though. Still squealing at every review and sometimes inspired by suggestions. You guys are great!


	13. Chapter 13

Sharon was reading something on her phone when Andy walked through the open door into the quiet single room that provided a sanctuary from the bustling activity in the corridors. She looked better than she had the previous day with the color that had returned to her cheeks and her glasses perched on her nose so she could make out the small letters on her phone's screen. He was glad that he had brought her ipad as well as a novel he had picked out on his lunch break since he was now assured that she had lied to him when she had said that she didn't need anything.

She looked up at him as he approached her, lowering her hand with the phone in it. "Andy, I didn't hear you come in." She looked a little apprehensive.

"The door was open, so I didn't knock," he said, shrugging and setting the ipad and book down on the bedside table without mentioning it. Her tense expression softened a little at the sight of them and the container of fruit he now placed on top. "Can I stay for a while?" he asked her carefully, not sure whether he was welcome. Mentioning Caroline's help with the shopping had been very wrong, he had realized immediately after saying it, and he understood why it bothered Sharon.

Her eyes flitted back and forth between him and the stack of things on the bedside table, but she didn't acknowledge his gifts. Instead she tried a smile that turned out neither inviting nor particularly friendly. "The door is open because I just returned from an exam. I am waiting for my doctor to come back for an ultrasound."

"Oh," Andy said. He wasn't sure what to do, but, as usual, he spoke before he could think and just blurted out what he so strongly felt at that moment. "Can I stay for the ultrasound?"

Sharon's face fell and he didn't know why. Had he done the wrong thing again? Had he hurt her without meaning to? He was too taken aback by the display of pain on her face to even gather the courage to ramble on and say more stupid things in order to try and fix what he had broken.

It took her a moment to say something, but when she did, his shoulders sank in relief. "Of course you can."

Sharon's doctor appeared a moment later, wearing her curly hair up in a ponytail, her bright eyes both friendly and observant. She held her hand out to Andy and introduced herself with an inquisitive look in her eyes, but didn't ask who he was and he didn't offer an explanation for his presence either. Neither did Sharon who had pulled up the top she was wearing with the pajama pants he had brought her and was getting comfortable again. Andy looked at the curve of her stomach that was even more pronounced than when he had last seen it undisguised by loose articles of clothing until she placed one of her hands over it to block his view.

"You know the drill, Sharon. It is going to be a little uncomfortable at first," the doctor told her, referring to the gel she then made to spread on her patient's bare skin. Sharon pulled her hand away from where she had let it rest on her stomach and seemed a little awkward about what to do with it in the absence of pockets, flexing her fingers in the air. Once again acting upon his desire instead of thinking things through, Andy reached out and took her hand in his. She looked at him, surprised but not offended and so he didn't let go. Her hand was soft in his and after another moment she gently returned the pressure without looking at him again.

The doctor's name had already escaped Andy again and he was not able to follow what she was saying as she had prefaced it with the statement that everything seemed to be okay. His attention was completely captivated by Sharon's warm hand in his and the image of a small baby on the screen, little fists moving and legs kicking. The picture was as blurry as they came with sonograms, but he was enchanted anyway as he pictured those eyes open and looking back at him. He imagined the weight of the newborn in his arms and the unhappy sounds it would make upon being removed from the comfortable warmth of its mother's womb and his heart felt heavy with affection for the little thing. Later he would understand that it was the first time that he actually allowed himself to fully realize that he would be a father again.

"Oh, and the little one is not as secretive today as it usually is," the doctor said, throwing a smirk over her shoulder at Sharon. "Would you like to know the sex?"

He tore his eyes away from the screen and looked at Sharon. She looked happier than he had seen her in months, all her fears and burdens invisible for a moment as her eyes lit up and her cheeks turned rosy.

"Oh yes, please," she said with undisguised excitement. "I've been wondering for so long whether I am going to have a girl or a boy."

She wasn't looking at him, didn't even seem to acknowledge his presence in the room, but her choice of words still stung. She was not using the plural, carefully avoiding to include him and he knew that it was his very own fault.

"Well, then, Sharon. It is a little girl." The doctor smiled before focusing her attention back on the screen. Sharon turned her head towards Andy but then quickly looked away again, somewhat self-conscious. She gave her hand a tug, about to withdraw it from his grasp. He understood that this was too much closeness for her, that she didn't want him to get too involved because she didn't want to get used to it. He had to give her room if he wanted to repair what he had broken. He loosened his grip on her hand, but briefly brought it up to his lips before he fully let go. He could tell that the doctor had noticed the exchange as she was trying to hide a small smile before she turned back around.

"I'd like to keep you here for another day and night at least, Sharon. Your stress levels are too high and you need to take a step back from whatever elevated them that much."

Sharon took the offered tissues but clenched her fist around them without looking up instead of wiping the gel off her skin. "I can't," she said softly. For a moment, Andy thought she would ask her doctor to throw him out on his ass, but then she said something completely different. "The amnio results are due in a few days and I can't stop myself from worrying."

He wasn't sure whether that was all it was, but he could tell that it was weighing heavily on her. He wondered what her response would be if there were be birth defects. Even during his unfortunate lecture on how old she was and how tough single-parenting was, he had never considered the possibility that the baby could have special needs. He now remembered Caroline mentioning it, but what she had been saying had washed over him, not completely reaching him.

"I understand, Sharon. You will have clarity soon and as we have the results, we can discuss your options."

Sharon clutched the tissues harder. "There is really only one option for me."

The doctor reached out and patted Sharon's arm. "Okay. Then we will talk about how to give you and your daughter the best care that we can, okay?"

Sharon nodded, lips pressed together, her eyes glued to the frozen image on the screen. "Can you print the picture for me as usual?" she asked.

A few minutes later, the doctor wheeled the machine out and Sharon looked down at the sonogram picture, gently following the line of her child's spine with her fingertip. She seemed to be in a different world and completely oblivious to Andy's being in the room. He wondered whether he was supposed to leave but couldn't get himself to. After what seemed like minutes, she finally looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"I think I would like to be alone now," she told him, slipping the glasses off her nose to disguise the fact that she was dabbing at her eyes. She toyed with them in her lap, not looking at him as she waited for him to leave.

"Sharon," he said softly. "It doesn't look as if you should be alone right now."

She looked up at him again. "Go," was all she said, her breathing strained, and he knew that she was about to cry. He understood her need to hide her tears from him, but couldn't bring himself to leave. She looked lost, working so hard to hold back her tears even though they both knew that letting them flow would take some of the pressure off of her. He seriously considered getting up to leave in order to give her space to deal with her fears, but then followed his impulse instead and leaned in to wrap her up in his arms. He could feel her body tense for a second as if she was debating whether to offer any resistance or not.

"Sharon, I know I am an idiot and I have been acting like one, but you're not alone in this, do you hear me? I am here for you every step of the way. And for our little girl, too."

For a moment he felt foolish for saying it, sure that she would never believe him now after all he had done. Then he realized that it wasn't just a matter of her believing him. He had to show her that he cared. Her resistance finally faltered and her arms came around him, too, holding him back. He felt her breasts press again his torso as her hair tickled his nose and he breathed in her scent. It reminded him of their night together and of what had happened just before that. The conversation with his sick father, the clear liquid in the glass with its subtle but tantalizing scent, the panic gripping him and the impulsive decision to turn to Sharon for help. Once at her condo, he had found himself unable to speak of what had happened and so he had grabbed her and kissed her, half-surprised by her passionate response. His head had been spinning, the breath-mints he had popped in his mouth disguising the scent and taste of the vodka that had hit him like a brick wall. The memory of their lovemaking was fuzzy to him but he remembered its sensations, her body beneath his, her moans of arousal and the way they had been in each other's arms after. She had still been asleep when he had woken, his mouth dry and his head plagued by a familiar headache he had last felt more than fifteen years ago. Andy had felt like the failure his father had told him that he was, especially when he had seen the missed calls on his phone.

It wasn't Sharon's fault that he associated their night with a terrible personal experience, that he had felt more ashamed that he could possibly say, that he had lost a lot of the trust he had built with his family over the past few years. Yet he had done his best to push the whole experience from his mind, the temporary solace he had found in her arms included. It had worked until she had given him the news. He was repeating what he had done years ago, was abandoning another woman and child because of his own demons and yet he couldn't tell her about it. It was a vicious cycle that he was unable to get out of and he felt drained and tired and confused.

Sharon drew back after a long moment, her eyes dry but full of emotion. He felt helpless as he was torn between his loyalties and his own desires. Even without make-up and exhausted like this, Sharon looked beautiful. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I'm so sorry for being such a jerk to you, Sharon," he said and for the first time, his apology didn't sound hollow or empty. "I know you don't trust me and I get it, but please don't push me away, okay? I am here because I want to be, not because I feel some sort of obligation."

"Are you?" She asked him, folding her arms over her body protectively. "All that shopping with Caroline... Is she the one who talked you into coming back?"

Andy rolled his eyes helplessly. "Oh God, no. She is supportive, but she is not a saint, Sharon. She didn't encourage me, but when I told her that I wanted to bring you some things, she offered her assistance because everyone who knows me also knows that I am helpless with all that woman stuff."

Sharon smiled, a bit of amusement breaking through her distraught expression. "You really are."

He gave a short, relieved bark of laughter and her smile widened. They were still far from okay, but at least it was a start.

**A/N:** Chapter 13, in which we learn random, stream-of-consciousnessesque fragments of Andy's backstory which are not meant to make much sense yet. Jet-lagged and up early, I bring this to you. Now to get some coffee. :-)


	14. Chapter 14

Knowing that the amnio results were due that day, Gavin had suggested a lunch date to take Sharon's mind off things. He felt guilty for having been away at a conference in Florida the exact week that she had been in the hospital for. Her texts had been short and strictly informative, telling him that she was okay, that she had everything she needed and that he didn't have to head back early. She looked tired when she met him at the restaurant, the rich amount of concealer she had used unable to hide the circles under her eyes completely. She was wearing one of the dresses he had helped her pick out, probably because she couldn't fit into her normal work clothes anymore. It was dark-blue and very conservative, but looked stunning paired with a tan blazer and nude heels.

Sharon ordered soup and salad but didn't eat much of either, aimlessly turning over vegetables and meat with her fork as he enjoyed his salmon ravioli.

"Honey, you need to eat," he said, not for the first time. Even though he was fairly sure he sounded like a broken record, he didn't mind having to repeat himself. They were friends and she had been there for him plenty of times during their acquaintance. Secretly he was glad that he was able to give back to her in this way, even though he wouldn't have wished this particular fate on anyone, least of all his best friend in the world.

She lifted the fork to her mouth and then lowered it again. "I can't. My stomach feels twisted," she finally admitted her defeat, leaning back in her chair and pushing the plate away from her. It wasn't like Sharon to act like a stubborn child. Even through the worst of her morning sickness, she had always kept up a healthy and nutritious eating regime. The mere fact that she had stopped trying was worrisome.

"Tell me about what happened at the hospital then," he said, loading a forkful of his delicious pasta and holding it out for her. "As soon as you're done with this." She looked at the offered food with nothing short of revulsion, but then leaned in and took it, chewing slowly.

"It is great! Admit it!" he said, taking a sip of his white wine. It wasn't like him to have a drink on a lunch break, but it was a quiet day at the office and seeing his friend's predicament was taking a toll on him as well, so he had decided to allow himself to indulge a little to calm his nerves.

She swallowed and scrunched-up her nose. "Tastes like cardboard to me. Everything does."

Gavin clicked his tongue. "Tasty, juicy cardboard, if you please." He pushed the bread basket towards her to remind her how fond she usually was of their favorite haunt's crispy homemade white bread. "This is a particularly nice kind of cardboard, too, so have a piece while you give me the latest scoop on your baby daddy."

He was allowed to be a little flippant with her, he knew. Humor was one of the pillars of their close relationship and it helped both of them to put things in perspective as they helped each other through the hard times in their lives. Sharon smiled and dutifully reached for a slice of bread, breaking off a small piece to put it in her mouth.

"Good girl!" Gavin cooed. "Now about The Flynn. Your texts were cryptic to say the least. Did he finally step up?"

"He was the one who got me to the hospital," she said, her face impassive and giving away nothing - which was a sure sign that a lot of emotion was connected to what she was telling him. "He came to check on me after they put me in a room and came back the next day." Gavin raised his brows. "And every day that I had to spend at the hospital," she supplied, breaking off another piece of bread and chewing it when he gave her a pointed look. "He brought me food and made sure that I ate it."

"Did he tell you why he was acting like a jerk?" he asked, barely able to hide his disdain for Lieutenant Flynn. He had once liked the guy and even hoped that he and Sharon would end up together, but now all he harbored for him was a bunch of negative emotions. Sadly, Sharon had forbidden him from shaking him up on her behalf. Gavin was not into physical violence, but his sharp tongue had earned him quite a reputation and he was sure that he could have made the guy incredibly uncomfortable at least.

"No, but he did apologize." She smirked at Gavin's doubtful look. "And I could actually believe him this time, Gavin."

Gavin made a non-committal noise. Sharon was one of the most rational persons that he knew, but her judgment tended to be a little clouded when it came to her lieutenant.

"He said that he wants to be there for me and for our daughter," she said with a cheeky smile, flinching a little when Gavin dropped his fork onto his plate, causing a loud, disruptive noise. An elderly woman near them gave him a pointed look over her shoulder that he ignored as he stared at his best friend across the table.

"How dare you casually drop this piece of information into the conversation like that!" he accused her, pointing her finger at her chest. He wasn't really angry at her, but endeared and relieved by the amusement in her eyes and the happy glow she radiated. "You're having a baby girl?"

She nodded fiercely. "I found out at the hospital."

"Oh my, carbon copy number two!" Gavin beamed. "Then there'll be three of you walking around!"

Sharon laughed, placing her hand on her stomach. "You never know, maybe she'll look nothing like me."

"You have dominant genes or whatever they call it. If it's a girl, it's a Mini Sharon. Mark my words!" he told her, glad that she was breaking out of her tense posture for a moment.

Sharon smiled at him warmly across the table in response, opening her mouth to say something when the sound of her ringing cell phone cut in. He watched her go rigid as the blood drained from her face. Sharon was not in the habit of leaving her phone on the table during their meals together, but she had today, so he caught sight of her doctor's name on the screen immediately. Her eyes were wide and terrified as she brought the phone up to her ear and Gavin reached across the table to grab her free hand and engulf it in his.

"Hello?" Sharon said softly, her voice breathless. Her hand was cold in his and trembling too much for him to hold it still in his own. Gavin watched her as she listened to her doctor's words, her face giving away absolutely nothing. He didn't know how she did it, but it did nothing to calm his own nervousness on her behalf. She had been pretty clear that she would keep the baby, that she would love it just as fiercely if it wasn't completely healthy and he believed her. Still, he dreaded what that would entail. Sharon loved her job, he knew, but he was also aware that she was eligible for her pension and that she would quit if it was necessary to care for her child. Family came first for Sharon, it always had, but it didn't seem fair to him for her own needs to take a backseat like that again. There were women on the force that were younger than her and outranked her. It was partly due to the fact that working on the force and getting promoted had been harder back when she had joined than it was now, but it was also connected to her two periods of maternity leave and the concessions she had had to make because of her status as a single parent.

"Thank you. I'll see you Monday then." Sharon's voice was still carefully modulated, her face pale but expressionless as she hung up the phone and placed it down on the table next to her plate. She wasn't looking at him, her gaze directed at her plate to gather her bearings, he knew. Gavin waited patiently for her to look up and then caught her eyes, giving her a questioning look. Sharon exhaled, her hand squeezing his back for the first time that day. Her other one came up to wipe away the tears that were brimming in her eyes. Her face hidden behind her hand, she gave something that could have been both a sob or a laugh. He still waited, yet impatiently now and when she lowered her hand, her bright smile told him everything he needed to know.

"She's fine?" he asked anyway, needing for her to say it out loud.

She nodded, her relief now palpable. "All of the tests came back negative. She is perfectly fine."

Gavin waved his hand in the air for the waiter. "This calls for celebration! Champagne!"

She giggled, trying unsuccessfully to stifle her sounds of mirth with her hand. "Gavin, I can't drink!"

He lowered his hand and pouted. "Damn it. How inconvenient."

"Inconvenient indeed," Sharon said with a grin. He hadn't seen her like that in weeks and her happiness made something come loose inside him. In hindsight, he suddenly understood why he had developed a habit of snapping at his clerks and having more than just one glass of wine a night recently. Even if he had pushed the thoughts away, he had been scared on his best friend's behalf. Seeing her like this was wonderful and he felt as if he was able to breathe freely for the first time in weeks.

"Now for names," he told her, suddenly giddy with relief and ready to be extra-silly today. "How about Penelope Ophelia Raydor?"

Sharon laughed and cocked her head in the way she always did when she paused in laughter to smile at the person opposite her.

"I would like to try and not scar her for life."

"Like you did your son Ricky?" he asked her playfully to which she reacted with abruptly raised eyebrows.

"Excuse me?"

"Ricky Raydor? Seriously? How is this any better than Rusty Raydor who refused to take your name for that precise reason?"

Sharon narrowed her eyes at Gavin. "His name is Richard William."

"Still a terrible alliteration if you ask me," Gavin giggled merrily, causing her to join in after just a moment of trying to remain stern.

"I could name her Rory or Ricarda or even Rae," she said, her voice trembling with laughter.

"Oh God!" Gavin burst out laughing. "Rae Raydor! Priceless! The other kids would beat her over the head with her backpack at school!"

Sharon snorted with laughter even though he knew she did not appreciate bullying jokes. Today, however, she was beyond taking offense in anything he said. She was just too happy to enforce her standards of propriety. He watched her place both hands on her stomach, smiling up at him.

"She's moving like crazy. I think she doesn't like what we're saying," she said, her smile lighting up her entire face.

He waved Sharon off. "Come on! All of your kids have a good sense of humor. She should be no exception."

Sharon looked at her watch and stifled another laugh with the back of her hand. "God, it's late. I need to get back to work."

When they had paid their bill, Gavin gallantly extended his hand to help her to her feet and then proceeded to pull her into a firm embrace. There was no way not to end up with one's face in her hair when holding her but he had learned to appreciate it. "I'm so happy for you, Sharon," he said sincerely. "You'll be a great mom once again."

She drew back and smiled at him then pressed a kiss to his cheek. "And you will be a wonderful godfather, honey." She gave another snort of laughter at the sight of his frightened expression.

"Really?" he asked cautiously and a bit scandalized. "Don't you want to pick someone who knows how to handle babies... or kids for that matter? I'll drop her or accidentally give her booze or something."

Sharon grinned. "Don't be silly, Gavin. You'll be great."

He pulled her into another hug. "Thank you, Sharon. I'm honored," he whispered into her hair. "Even though I am a little frightened. If she is anything like you and Emily, she'll be able to kill with a look by age three and I'll be in trouble."

He kept holding on to her as her body trembled with laughter instead of tears for once and he enjoyed his friend's happiness more than anything.

**A/N:** It's so fluffy, I might die, but it was probably well-deserved after 13 chapters of angst.


	15. Chapter 15

"What are you doing?"

Sharon turned her head at the sound of Rusty's voice and smiled, too tired and too comfortable to change her position in the chair. She was not quite on her side but not fully on her back either, leaning against the back of her deck chair, legs bent and folded to the left while she was hugging herself - or more so her belly - tightly with both arms. Rusty took in the sight of her in her leggings, large comfortable cashmere sweater and woolen socks.

"Isn't it a little cold to be outside like this?" he asked her but she just shrugged, giving him a carefree little smile. He was right, it was beginning to get slightly chilly out here on the balcony as dusk was falling around her, but she didn't care.

"I'm fine. How was your day, honey?" She knew that she sounded a little airy, but she felt so light and weightless after the day's news. The baby's movements were more pronounced now and she was almost sure that she had felt an actual kick earlier when she had sat down out here - however long ago that had been. She indulged in a content smile when she felt another little tap beneath one of her hands.

Rusty cocked his head quizzically. "Are you drunk, Sharon?"

She frowned. "Of course not, Rusty. I'm with child!"

"Oh yeah? I hadn't noticed," he joked, pulling up a plastic chair to sit next to her. "No, seriously. You look a little out of it."

She smiled again and reached out to touch his cheek affectionately. He didn't shy away but didn't lean into her touch either. "Just happy," she said, her voice light and rather high-pitched with her continuing relief. "The baby is fine. I got the call today. And she's been moving all afternoon. I think that soon you'll be able to feel it when you put your hand-"

She had said too much, she realized, because Rusty looked horrified. She didn't usually make mistakes like that as she was very cautious about what she said to him, but today her personal bliss had gotten the better of her. She sobered up and cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry, I didn't let you answer at all," she hurried to say, forcing her voice down to its usual, deeper octave. "How was your day?"

Rusty grinned shyly, ignoring the question. "I did look a little shocked there, didn't I?"

"A little," she admitted. "but it was my fault. I shouldn't have said that. I should have known it would make you uncomfortable." Sharon offered a reassuring smirk while sketching an awkward little wave at the same time. "I think I am just a little giddy today."

Rusty cautiously smiled back. "Which is totally understandable. I mean, everyone could tell how preoccupied you were these past few weeks. I am really glad the baby is okay, Sharon." He looked down at her hand on her stomach and reached out to put his own over hers for the shortest of moments before he quickly drew it back. Sharon's heart seemed to melt at the awkwardness and affection of the gesture.

"Thank you, Rusty," she said softly. "I would take you out for dinner to celebrate, but my doctor told me to take it easy... would ordering in be okay?"

"Sure," he said. "What are you in the mood for?"

Sharon grinned and leaned in conspiratorially. "How about burgers?"

"No, I meant what are _you_ in the mood for?"

She laughed. "Burgers, actually. Do they still have that avocado, bacon, chicken thing?"

"Bacon? Sharon, I am shocked," Rusty told her, only half-joking. "Is this really you?"

She chuckled and gestured towards his pocket. "Get out your phone and order with that app I can never work out how to use. I'll be right in."

Once the doors had slid shut behind Rusty, Sharon retrieved her own phone and scrolled down her contact list until she reached Andy Flynn's name. As her doctor had advised her, she had left early at work while there wasn't an urgent case, so she hadn't had a chance to speak to him to give him the good news yet. As she was about to press the call button, she suddenly began to wonder what he was doing at this precise moment. Maybe he was curled up on his couch with Caroline, maybe he was even in bed with her and her call would be less than appreciated at the present time. She bit her lip, unsure what to do at first, then chose to send him a text message instead. She leaned back in her chair and looked out at the hills that were slowly descending into darkness, small bright lights coming on everywhere around her to illuminate the night. Just for a moment she allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to be here with Andy tonight, to have him teasing her about her new eating habits, to be in his arms and have him in hers.

She tore herself away from her needy little fantasy when her phone buzzed. To her surprise, it was a text from Andy already.

_Sharon, that is wonderful. I am so glad the baby is alright. Call me if you need anything or if you just want to talk. - Andy_

She smiled and pressed her phone to her chest, then walked inside. Rusty shot her a suspicious look when she placed her phone down on the kitchen counter but let her hand linger over it for a moment. In the end she decided not to ruin the bubbly feeling inside her by continuing the conversation with Andy.

"There should be some tomatoes and lettuce in the fridge," she told Rusty. "We should make a salad to go with those burgers."

Rusty clicked his tongue impatiently. "Who needs salad, Sharon? Go big or go-"

The doorbell rang.

"-home," he finished meekly. "I ordered those burgers just a minute ago. That app is either even better than I thought or it is not the delivery guy."

"I agree with your assessment." Sharon narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I'll go." Unannounced late callers still put both of them on edge, even though the letter writer was long dead and Phillip Stroh was not in a position to harm Rusty anymore. She walked into the hallway, conscious of Rusty lingering in the doorway. He was still somewhat alienated by the idea of her having a baby and she could tell by his occasional looks that her stomach made him uncomfortable, but that didn't stop him from making sure that she was safe. He was like a less aggressive, more subtle version of her personal watchdog Julio, whom she had to keep in check nowadays as he had a tendency to get in people's faces if they eyed her for too long.

Sharon was surprised to find Nicole on her doorstep. Andy's daughter was dressed casually in jeans and a sweater, her hair in a wild ponytail and her face devoid of make-up which was a sure sign that something was off. Every single one of the several times Sharon had met her, she had looked immaculately styled and Andy had confirmed that she would not leave the house without lipstick and high heels. Today, however, she definitely had. Her dark brown eyes, so reminiscent of her father's, were troubled even though she was offering a small apologetic smile.

"Hi Sharon. I am so sorry for coming over unannoun-" The words caught in her throat and Nicole blanched when her eyes landed on Sharon's swollen stomach. For a moment, the two women just looked at each other before Rusty took pity on them.

"You can ask her, Nicole," he said with a small chuckle. "It's a kid, not a weight-gain."

It figured, Sharon thought as she saw the mixture of shock and relief on Nicole's face. At her age and stage of pregnancy, people thought twice about whether she was carrying a baby or putting on weight in inconvenient places. Rusty knew when to get himself out of a situation and a moment later, the door to his bedroom clicked shut.

"Would you like to come in?" Sharon asked Nicole, stepping aside in invitation.

"Oh, yes. Sorry." Nicole walked in but paid no attention to her surroundings on her way into the living room. She had been here before for a friendly dinner with her husband, father, Rusty and Sharon. They sat down on the couch, Nicole's eyes still glued to Sharon's middle.

"I'm sorry for coming over unannounced," she said and cradled both of her hands in her lap, not looking up. Suddenly a very vivid image of what she must have looked like as a little girl appeared in Sharon's mind. She reached out and touched Nicole's arm.

"You know you're always welcome here," she said softly. "What's wrong?"

"It's Dad," Nicole said and Sharon tensed involuntarily. Despite her troubled state, Nicole had caught up on it. "I know you guys aren't together anymore. I mean, he has Caro now and you seem to have moved on as well."

Sharon didn't know whether she was relieved or hurt that Andy hadn't told his daughter about the baby, so she settled for a small smile. It was a mistake, she understood as Nicole's eyes widened in response to it.

"Oh, Sharon. You look so sad. Don't tell me this is..." Nicole trailed off and looked down at Sharon's stomach and her hand on it, fingers tense and digging into the fabric of her sweater. "Oh God, Sharon, are you having Dad's baby?"

Sharon reminded herself to breathe regularly, to school her features and sit up straight. It would help no one if she crumbled now. That would only make a difficult situation more uncomfortable for all of them. She had hesitated for too long, she realized when Nicole rushed forward to embrace her.

"I had no idea, Sharon. I'm so sorry for putting you on the spot by just coming here and asking all those questions!"

Sharon brought her hands up to pat the young woman's shoulder reassuringly. She liked Nicole and her impulsive ways and not only because they reminded her of her father.

"It's fine. You obviously have something you need help with. Why don't you tell me all about it and we'll see whether there is something I can do."

Nicole drew back and shook her head, looking upset and troubled. "It's Dad, it's just so-" She swallowed, intent on getting her thoughts in order and giving Sharon a clear account of the situation. "So Dad showed up at our monthly dinner one day and instead of you there was Caroline. I mean, she's great, we all knew her from the hospital when she was taking care of Grandpa, but it was weird, you know? She is not that much older than me and we kind of thought he was beyond that midlife crisis thing with the younger women. I wanted to ask him about you, but I didn't want to do it in front of Caroline and he has been so distant again lately." She shook her head in disbelief, her eyes coming back to Sharon's middle. The pregnancy was something that somehow factored into her story, they both knew, but Nicole wasn't ready to address it yet and Sharon was fine with that. She wanted to know more, now that the opportunity had presented itself. She remembered her conversation with Andy in her bedroom just after the amnio when he had said something about his father dying.

"Did Dad break up with you?" Nicole asked, nervously fiddling with the hem of her sweater.

"Uhm," Sharon was flustered, trying not to let it show in her expression. "Nicole, you might have misunderstood something there. You father and I were good friends, but we were never in a relationship."

Nicole's eyes widened. "What? Oh, I just assumed... but then I guess I never asked him directly." She looked sheepish now.

Sharon smiled sadly. "It's not your fault. I suspected that he was keeping you in the dark, but I wanted to leave it to him to tell you the whole truth."

"But, Sharon..." Nicole gestured helplessly, both desperate to get information and not to hurt Sharon in the process. She appreciated that, but she also wanted to put the young woman out of her misery.

"I know, the baby..." She didn't feel comfortable, she suddenly found, talking to Andy's daughter about having sex with her father, so she tried to put it in neutral terms. "That happened only once, Nicole. It was..." She cocked her head and gave a self-conscious smile. "... an accident."

Tears were gathering in Nicole's eyes. "I just don't understand Dad anymore," she said, her voice high and trembling. "When Grandpa was at the hospital, he was great. He was there for everyone, for Grandma, for us and then at some point he just vanished. We tried to call him when we were told that Grandpa's heart was failing, but he never answered the phone. And he has been so weird ever since. I mean," she wiped a stray tear from her cheek and Sharon's heart broke for her. "He's not like he was before. He is there for every appointment with that therapist, for every dinner and every one of the boys' recitals, but only physically. Do you know what I mean?" She looked up at Sharon, devastation shining from her eyes.

Sharon nodded. She had an idea even though most of the time, Jack hadn't even been physically there.

"Caroline is so nice and sweet, but I feel like he uses her like a protective shield. Kind of like he did you, but you being there seemed to help him connect, her being there helps him hide behind her. You were more like a-"

"-buffer." Sharon nodded, taking Nicole's hand. "I am so sorry that I can't help you with this. I don't know any more than you do. Actually-" She grimaced. "I know a lot less. Most of what you just said was news to me."

Nicole rolled her eyes towards the ceiling in an exasperated expression that reminded Sharon so much of Andy that she felt choked-up for a second. Then she looked back at her, the look on her face genuine and compassionate.

"I am so sorry, Sharon. I don't know what you're going through right now, but it has to be similar if not worse." She squeezed Sharon's hand that was still holding hers, turning it into a comforting gesture of her own all of a sudden.

"I'm fine," Sharon said, cautious not to smile again as that was what had given her away earlier. Her words sounded flat and she could tell that Nicole didn't believe her.

"Why didn't he tell us about the baby?" Nicole was torn between comforting Sharon and seeking comfort from her.

"Oh, Nicole, he hasn't known for very long. Things were... tense between us and I told him only a month ago."

"A month?" Nicole's voice rose in volume, anger seeping in now. "We have therapy every other week! He should have mentioned it by now! Don't you think? A kid and at his age? That is kind of a big deal!"

Sharon shrugged, feeling put on the spot. Just like her father, Nicole regretted her outburst immediately.

"Sorry, Sharon. I didn't mean to yell at you. It's not your fault. I am an idiot. Are you okay? Is your baby okay?"

"Everything's fine," Sharon assured her. "You have nothing to apologize for. I can see how all of this is upsetting to you and I am sorry that you had to find out this way."

Nicole gave a bark of laughter and then quickly covered her mouth with her hand, looking shocked. "Sorry," she said, her voice low and controlled but still vibrating with impending giggles. "But I was the one who came by your condo to ask you what the heck is wrong with my Dad. I don't even know why I am laughing right now."

Sharon chuckled, too, reaching out for the younger woman's shoulder again. "As I said, you are always welcome here. Whatever you need. How are the boys?"

Nicole smiled. Her stepsons had taken to Sharon immediately and the other way around, too. "They're good but they miss you."

"Give them my best and tell them I miss them, too. I would love to see them again, but it's probably better if I don't show up at your house like this." She gestured towards her stomach. "It would just complicate matters."

"I guess," Nicole said, nodding thoughtfully. "I need to talk to my Dad. Without Caroline there." Sharon could tell that she was talking to herself more than she was talking to her, so she gave only a hum in reply. "I'm sorry for the ambush. I don't know... maybe you would like to go for lunch one of these days. Just the two of us?"

Nicole's smile was hopeful and Sharon found herself touched by her genuine wish to spend time with her. "I'd love to."

"We could even talk kids," Nicole said. "I am now a mom of two small children. I could totally give you advice."

A giggle escaped Sharon at the notion and her hand flew up to cover her face. "How about a lunch during which we don't talk about children at all?" she asked playfully, receiving a grin in response.

"You know what, Sharon, that would be great."

They both got to their feet and hugged, the gesture coming naturally even though they had met only a handful of times. Holding on to Andy's daughter, Sharon couldn't help but envision what could have been, yet seemed farther away than ever before.


	16. Chapter 16

Sharon stood in front of the mirror that was attached to the inside of one of the filing cabinet's doors and ran her hand down the front of her black dress. Then she turned slightly to the side, trying to figure out how to wear her jacket best in order to disguise the fact that it didn't close anymore and that it was worn to camouflage not a softening around her middle, but a hard, ever-growing baby bump. She sighed in frustration, turning to the other side and reaching for the scarf she had tossed over the back of her chair earlier, making to tie it around her neck. She smoothed out the fabric so the silk was spilling down her front, covering the very visible outline of her stomach. She inwardly cursed her decision to wear this particular dress even though she knew that black flattered her figure while most of the other colors would have put emphasis on the new curves. Maybe wearing a pants and blouse ensemble would have been more prudent, she wondered, but when she mentally went through her wide selection of work pants, she couldn't come up with a pair that she was sure to still fit comfortably. With a sigh, she turned away from the mirror. She would have to accept that his was the best she could do.

Sitting down in her chair, she began to worry about her next problem. Even if her daughter didn't spot her pregnancy from across the room, she would feel it if they hugged. And if they didn't hug, she would be alerted to the fact that something was wrong, too. Sharon leaned back and stretched out her legs, placing her hands over her belly. She wished that there would have been a way to tell Emily before it came to this. When she consulted her watch, she found that she was only two hours away from being picked-up by Rusty to meet Ricky and Emily at a nearby restaurant. How she would manage to eat anything was beyond her. Right now she felt nauseous with nervous energy.

The baby shifted under her hands and she could feel the movement with her palm as well as from the inside. Sharon looked up through the open blinds to find Andy sitting at his desk, head bent over a file. She imagined his warm hand resting heavily on her stomach and closed her eyes, allowing herself to indulge in the fantasy a moment longer. She thought back to how incredibly excited she had been during her first pregnancy with Emily, how she had called Jack from work and how they had met up for lunch that day so he could feel their daughter's movements for the first time.

A knock at the door startled her and she sat up straight, embarrassed by the fact that she had allowed herself to get carried away like this at work of all places. The door opened to reveal Andy, a concerned expression on his face.

"Can I come in?" he asked cautiously, even though he was already halfway through the door.

"Of course," she gave him a polite smile. "Did you hear back from the NYPD?"

He shook his head as he turned around to close the door behind him. "No. They're taking their time. I just wanted to check on you."

She lifted her brows, watching him approach the desk. "Check on me?"

"Yeah, you looked a little concerned there and then you sat down and cradled your stomach. I just worried that you were in pain again."

Sharon was both surprised and flattered by his concern. "Oh, no. I'm fine. So is this one. My concern is for my other daughter." She wasn't even sure why she was talking to him so openly. Maybe it was her nervousness getting the better of her.

Andy frowned. "Is Emily alright?"

"So far," Sharon said. "She is flying in from Hamburg as we speak. We're all set to go to dinner tonight which is when I will have to give her the news."

Andy's eyes widened. "You haven't told her yet?"

"She has been touring in Europe with her company for the past two months. Ballet is all about concentrating and focusing properly. That tour was very important for her career, so I didn't want to risk ruining it for her. Learning that your old mother is expecting another baby can mess with your concentration, don't you think?"

Andy nodded. "Right." He gestured towards her neck. "Is that what the scarf is about?"

Sharon smirked self-consciously. "Yes. I'd like to actually have a chance to tell her before she draws her own conclusions."

"Why don't you make sure you're already seated when you meet her at the restaurant?" Andy suggested. "It's hardly noticeable when you're sitting down like this."

"Good idea," Sharon nodded. "Thank you."

"I am the master of subterfuge," Andy joked with an awkward wave of his hand. They were both still a little uncomfortable with being alone with each other.

Sharon cocked her head. "Speaking of which. When were you going to tell _your_ daughter?"

She felt almost sorry for him as she watched the blood draining from his face. He cleared his throat before he spoke, his hand nervously fiddling with his tie. "What...?"

"She came by my condo two nights ago," Sharon told him, watching his expression falter even more.

"Did you tell her?" His voice was husky.

Sharon gave a humorless smirk. "She figured it out. It is not hard to put two and two together at this point. I just wanted to give you a heads-up."

Andy put his hands in his trouser pockets and stared at the floor between his feet, avoiding Sharon's gaze. He looked thoroughly uncomfortable and took a step away from her desk, slowly gravitating towards the door. If Sharon hadn't understood what bothered Nicole about her father's behavior, she would have now. It was a classic example of his current tendency to choose evasion over facing the facts.

"She is worried about you, Andy," Sharon said softly, hoping to get through to him this way as she had plenty of times before. "Nicole perceives you as very distant." There was still no answer, so she decided to risk a little more. "What happened the night your father died, Andy?" she asked him in a low voice.

When his head snapped back up, a world of pain was visible in his eyes, but then everybody had their coping mechanisms and Andy Flynn's was anger. As long as he was angry, he couldn't hurt and acting on his flaring temper had become his way to deal with difficult emotions a long time ago. He understood anger and it dulled the pain.

"What happened?" he echoed. "I screwed up everything that night, that's what happened! I realized that I have always been and will always be a shitty father! And the very night that it _finally_ becomes clear to me, I make _another_ child for god's sake!"

He covered his eyes with both of his hands, fighting to keep what was left of his composure after the outburst. So the night Nicole had been talking about had been the same night he had come by Sharon's condo and kissed her. Even though it hurt her to hear how much he regretted sleeping with her and how much he wished that their child had never been conceived, she felt bad for him.

"What makes you think that you are a bad father, Andy?" she asked him, her voice full of compassion. "Your relationship with your children has improved so much-" His hands slid off his face and the empty look in her eyes made her stop in her tracks. "You love your children," Sharon continued after just a second. "That's the most important thing."

"It's all so easy for you, Sharon, isn't it? You have no idea how it feels to struggle like this. Good for you!" he said bitterly. "You're always easily Mother of the Year while everything I can do is keep up an act."

Even though he was lashing out at her, his voice dripping with sarcasm, Sharon's heart broke for him and not for herself. She knew Andy Flynn and even though he was being unfair and was saying hurtful things, she hoped that he didn't mean them. Andy was not a mean person, but something had happened that night that had turned his world upside down, had made him lose all the confidence he had gained in himself and his relationship with his children. She couldn't ask him about it, though, aware that whatever was at the bottom of this was still too painful to be touched.

The baby moved again and only when she felt a tap against her hand, she realized that she was still holding on to her middle. It was too early for the baby to react to outside noises or at least she hoped so. If the first time her baby reacted to its father's voice was when he was yelling at her did not bode well for their future relationship. The thought brought a sudden, heavy sadness that made her school her features and go into Captain Raydor mode.

"Andy, you should probably go outside and take a walk to cool off, don't you think?" she said in a strictly professional tone. His shoulders slumped and the sadness was back in his eyes, his anger all but evaporated.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" he began, but she wasn't ready to hear half-hearted apologies yet again.

"It's okay, Lieutenant," she said, half-ashamed of resorting to bringing up his rank to keep him at arm's length. "We can talk about this when you have calmed down."

Andy bowed his head obediently. He knew when he had lost and turned to leave. Turning around when he had almost reached the door, he gave her an unsure look.

"Sharon, I- This is hard for me, okay? But please don't get the wrong idea. Whatever I just said, I don't wish any harm to come to our baby."

When she didn't answer, he left, head hanging and shoulders burdened with something she hadn't quite figured out yet.

Sharon took a deep breath and closed her eyes to calm down, thereby missing the simultaneous dark glares that were directed at Andy from every desk in the Murder Room as he made his way towards the elevators.

**A/N:** Short and not-so-sweet... Thank you for your support. Now how about someone breaks into the offices of the Major Crimes production company and finds me a headshot of the girl they cast to play Emily Raydor? Otherwise I will have to be flying blind in the next chapter when will we meet her. :-)


	17. Chapter 17

Sharon had chosen the restaurant for its close proximity to the office as well as its tranquil atmosphere, friendly service and tasty food. While she was still hoping for the calming influence of the latter three, the short walk up the road had not paid off since her children were already seated when she entered with Rusty. There was no hiding behind a table or getting around the hug as Emily propelled to her feet, a wide smile on her face, having caught sight of her mother. Sharon's heart jumped in her chest when her daughter enveloped her in a firm hug. She closed her eyes, hoping that the moment would last as long as possible before she had to let go and explain herself. It was so good to finally see her daughter again. Emily still used the same shampoo she had as a teenager and its scent blended nicely with her daughter's that from the day of her birth, had always reminded Sharon of honey.

"It's so good to see you, baby," Sharon murmured into her daughter's hair. Emily stepped back, her hands still on Sharon's elbows, her smile unwavering.

"I guess I could say the same." She pointedly looked down. "Nice scarf, Mom."

Sharon felt herself blush furiously as Rusty and Ricky began to chuckle, their mirth badly hidden behind their menus. Emily shot them a glare over her shoulder then gave Sharon's arm an apologetic squeeze.

"Sorry, but I just had to." Sharon shook her head in confusion, unable to come up with anything to say, so her daughter supplied the information on her own volition. "I get why you didn't want to tell me before with the tour and all. You should know, however, that Dad isn't as considerate."

Sharon felt a pang of guilt. "Your father told you?"

"Oh, yes. I think he was trying to collect some sympathy points with the whole divorce and all. He caught me right before a show, our good old dad, and the only reason I answered the phone was that it was him. He doesn't call every day, you know."

Ricky got up and wrapped his arms around his mother in greeting, too. "Don't worry, Mom. She called me and Rusty and we pieced the whole thing together."

Sharon felt both relief and a little bit of irritation. Why had she spent a sleepless night when she didn't have anything to worry about? "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Honestly, Mom? You were jittery enough about me being away in Europe for two months. I didn't want to worry you even more by making you wonder how often I would stumble on stage because of what Dad told me. I told the boys to keep it to themselves, too. So if you want to blame anyone, blame me."

Sharon tried to look offended, but she couldn't deny that Emily was perfectly right.

"Dad told me about Andy, too," Emily said softly, causing Sharon to tense. "And about their little confrontation."

"Confrontation?" Sharon asked, puzzled. "What confrontation?"

"He sounded pretty smug when he said it," Emily elaborated. "It appears that he found Andy at his apartment and gave him a lecture on what an idiot he was for leading you on and then abandoning you with the baby."

"We know," Ricky chimed in. "Coming from Dad, this is quite something."

"Apparently that's what Andy said, too," Emily said, a glimmer of something darker shining through her amusement. "So Dad punched him."

"Oh my God!" Sharon covered her mouth with her hand. She should have known that Jack's huge ego would be bruised by learning that she had been with someone else. She didn't believe for a minute that Jack had given Andy that black eye on her behalf even though he probably liked to think so himself.

"I don't approve of mindless violence, but he deserved it," Emily said with a small smile. "I used to think Andy was a great guy and I'm really sorry that you will have to do this alone again."

"This is not exactly what we envisioned for our 52 year old mother," Ricky said with a cautious smile. "But neither was Rusty and we have learned to appreciate him, too."

Sharon felt tears welling up in her eyes at her son's words. She hadn't allowed herself to even hope that something like this might be the outcome of this evening.

"I have to admit that I didn't rejoice either," Emily admitted with a little smirk. "but I guess I am happy when you're happy. And now you're crying, Momma."

Sharon wiped away the tears that had escaped and turned away to hide them, embarrassed. "Come on, I have seen you cry before, Mom. And I take it as a good sign," Emily said as she wrapped her arms around Sharon again, rubbing her back in soothing motions. "We invited Uncle Gavin and your team, too," she whispered just loud enough for Sharon to hear. "Since we were all in agreement that you would totally refuse a baby shower, we at least wanted to celebrate in some other way. Oh Lord, Ricky, give that woman a tissue, will you?"

When Sharon had herself back under control, Emily leaned in again. "And by the way, we took the liberty not to invite Andy and his saintly girlfriend. I hope that's okay."

"Oh yes," Sharon smiled through the last remaining tears that were already beginning to dry in her eyes. "That is more than okay."

She wasn't even able to be mad at Jack, who had disregarded her wishes and had once again meddled with something that was none of his business. Her relief swept through her in waves and she only slowly began to realize how lucky she was, after all. She had a healthy little girl growing inside her, her children were if not ecstatic, at least understanding and her team was there, too, now filing into the room one by one. While she didn't have Andy, she had a group of people that were looking out for her and she was grateful for them.

"Your daughter looks exactly like you, Ma'am. It is scary," Julio told her as he took his seat next to her.

"It multiplies," Provenza added dryly, sitting down on her other side. "Don't make it sound like it's a good thing!"

Ricky and Emily opposite them exchanged an amused look. They had met Provenza briefly years ago and had heard a lot about him, but had never experienced his grumpy ways first hand. Rusty didn't even look up from his menu as he was used to the old man's semi-friendly banter.

Amy hugged Sharon, then looked mortified. "Uh, um, I'm sorry. Was that inappropriate?" she asked nervously, toying with a small green gift bag. Sharon smiled, giving her arm a squeeze from across where they had sat down at the table.

"It's fine, Amy. We're not at work."

Relief lit up her detective's face and she handed her the bag. "Just a little thing for you, Captain. It's a neutral color since I didn't know whether it's a boy or girl."

Sharon smiled, a little self-conscious with all the attention on her. "Thank you, Amy. For future reference, you won't ever go wrong with pink."

"I told you she multiplies!" Provenza mouthed at Julio across Sharon's lap, making her laugh. She turned around when she felt two hands landing on her shoulders from behind and a pair of lips pressing themselves to her hairline.

"Hello, hello," Gavin said, his eyes twinkling. "Good to see you in good spirits." He sat down next to Emily and elbowed her in the side. "Hi Lil' Raydor. Met any hot guys over in Europe?"

Food was ordered all around and Sharon leaned back to watch her children interact with each other and her team. The past few weeks had been hard, but now she felt at peace in the knowledge that she had people around her to rely on.

"Excuse me, Ma'am?" She turned around in her seat and found a tall blond man she had never seen in her life standing next to their waiter who looked both nervous and apologetic, his hands clasped behind his back while he was bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Yes?" she said, feeling Julio tense next to her.

"Are you Sharon Raydor?"

"Yes," she confirmed then found herself faces with a thick, official looking manila folder. "I'm sorry to disturb your dinner, Ma'am, but you've been served." The guy touched the top of his head as if tipping an imaginary hat and walked off, leaving all of them in stunned silence. Gavin was the first one to gather his bearings, taking the folder from her.

"Do you mind?" he asked her, to which she numbly shook her head. She watched him open the envelope and slide out a stack of official-looking papers. Her heart sank when Gavin looked up at her again with a murderous look in his eyes. He looked to the side at Emily and then at Sharon again. "Do you want to know right now?"

Sharon wasn't comfortable with her whole team learning the legal news before she knew what they were, but she was too nervous to wait, so she nodded.

"A counter motion," Gavin said, his fingers digging into the papers as he held them out to her. "Jack wants half of everything you own."

Stunned silence fell over the table as Sharon's heart sank. She had been hoping that he would just sign the papers now that her attorney was on it and he could be sure that she was serious about having their marriage dissolved. In her mind, she ran through the numbers again. Half of her savings, half of her pension, half of the condo. If he wanted half of the condo's value, she would have to sell it. Suddenly she was beginning to feel light-headed.

"Son of a bitch!" Provenza muttered and Julio clenched his fists.

Sharon could tell from the look on Gavin's face that this was the worst, but not all. She held her hand out for the papers and flipped through them quickly to get the gist of the matter. And there it was. Jack had had the nerve to claim abandonment as she was expecting another man's baby.

For the first time in weeks she felt sick to her stomach, so she rose to her feet, giving the others a polite nod. Everyone looked devastated and she felt embarrassed by their well-meant sympathy.

"Please excuse me for a moment," she said, her voice firm but low. She didn't feel as if her feet were actually touching the ground as she walked towards the lady's room, watching her hurried step in the dimly lit room while she pressed one hand to her mouth and one to her stomach. Sharon made it into one of the stalls and had time to be grateful for the fact that the others were all empty, too, before she threw up the contents of her stomach.

She heard someone lock the restroom door and then a set of footsteps approached her. If she had expected anyone to follow her, it would have been Emily, but the footfall was far too heavy to be her ballerina daughter's. She took a few deep breaths before trying to get up, which was not an easy feat in her high heels.

"Wait, I'll help you." She froze at the sound of the voice and let herself be pulled to her feet, too stunned to refuse the assistance. One hand covering her mouth again, she looked up into Andy's eyes.

"You ran past me with your hand over your mouth. I thought you might want a little privacy, so I locked the door."

The bitter taste of bile still in her mouth, Sharon walked past him towards the sinks and rinsed her mouth with water. From the corner of her eye, she saw Andy placing a small box of mints next to her on the counter. Her stomach now empty, she only felt vaguely nauseous, but her head was swimming.

There was a knock on the door and someone turned the knob only to discover that it was locked.

"Mom? Are you alright?"

Emily.

Sharon continued to look up at Andy who had so suddenly appeared out of nowhere. She hadn't noticed during their earlier conversation that there was still a slight yellowish tint to the skin around one of his eyes. It was visible only in the stark lights of the bathroom and she wondered how Jack was able to reconcile his actions in his own head. Hitting the father of her baby who wasn't with her, going for her money and still feeling good about himself? She just wanted to let herself fall, to close her eyes and be unconscious in a dreamless state.

"Mom?" came Emily's voice again.

"She'll be right out!" Andy called back. "You need to sit down, Sharon. You don't look good at all."

"What are you doing here?" she asked him and even though she tried to sound stern, her voice came out high and desperate.

The thought that she might need to do more than just sit crossed her mind fleetingly.


	18. Chapter 18

Andy rolled his eyes helplessly, obviously not very happy with the question she had just asked him. Only when she fixed him with a glare, he relented.

"Your husband," he spat the word out like rotten food. "came to the office five minutes ago, thanking me for - and I quote - 'knocking up the wife', because apparently that somehow gives him a better position in the divorce trial. For some reason he wanted to be there when the papers were served to you, but Taylor's secretary had already sent the guy with the papers off to this restaurant." Andy sighed, but Sharon could spot no sign that he was upset that was the only one who hadn't been invited. "I didn't want him to sail in to interrupt your dinner and ruin your night by gloating or putting pressure on you or whatever he thinks his presence would accomplish. So I made sure he wouldn't come in here."

Sharon wasn't sure how exactly Andy had accomplished that, but she decided that she didn't really want to know. After Jack's assault on Andy, she figured, it couldn't have been pretty. She turned towards the door when Emily called for her again.

"It's alright, honey, just go back to the others and give me a moment. I'm fine, okay?"

There was a brief moment of silence before Emily spoke again. "Fine as in 'fine' or fine as in 'don't worry about me'? Is that Andy in there with you?"

"Emily, go." Sharon did her best to sound threatening and her daughter seemed to get the message, because she heard her footsteps die away in the distance. Sharon turned back towards Andy and was struck by how bemused he looked, his eyebrow drawn together in a sad frown and his hand fiddling with his tie.

"How did she take it?" he asked softly, offering Sharon a smile. She leaned back against the counter and took a deep breath to get rid of the last remnants of her nausea. Her baby came to life inside her and this time she actually found herself hoping that it could hear what was happening around her. This was the attentive, friendly Andy she knew and she felt a sting of pain at how much she had missed him.

"She already knew," Sharon said. "Jack told her."

Andy's expression changed in an instant, his features suddenly hard with anger. "He is such an asshole!" he hissed. "How can he do this to you after everything that happened? He should at least have the decency to take the divorce and be gone."

"This time it worked out in my favor," Sharon said, closing her eyes as she found herself slurring her words a little. She was tired and the dizziness wouldn't go away. "She took it well." She swayed slightly on her feet.

"Hey," Andy said and he reached for her, pulling her into his chest, his arms tight around her. It felt so good to have someone to lean into to counteract her severely impaired sense of balance that Sharon just let it happen, nestling her cheek into his shoulder. The baby kicked her, protesting the pressure that Andy's stomach exerted against hers. She felt him tense and his arms holding on a little less tightly now.

"What was that?"

She almost laughed at his puzzled tone. "That was the baby," she explained simply, not sure what kind of reaction she had to expect.

"Oh my God," Andy said, looking down at her stomach in what could have been wonder if not for his unmistakable statement earlier that he very much regretted ending up fathering this child. He gave her a warm smile that made her knees go weak and reached out to take both ends of her long scarf and put them over her left shoulder. He sought permission in her eyes before he reached out and tenderly laid his hand on her stomach. The baby, still unpredictable in its movements, chose this precise moment to move again, even more discernible this time. Looking back, Sharon thought, it had actually never before been as distinct as it was at that very moment. Andy ran his thumb over the spot and looked up at her again.

"Wow," he said. "I guess she doesn't like Jack either."

Suddenly her impending divorce battle seemed just as far away as her concerned friends and family waiting outside and Sharon laughed heartily. Andy grinned right back at the sight of her amusement, but didn't remove his hand even when the baby's movements ceased for the moment. Sharon could feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric of her dress and closed her eyes as she leaned into him. His other arm came around her again, his hand finding its way into her hair.

For a moment they stood like that, holding on to each other while he caressed her belly lightly.

"You still need to sit down. All this stress is not good for you and the baby," Andy said softly, yet didn't move from the spot.

"The kids are probably worried by now," Sharon responded, too relaxed to withdraw just yet. Andy was so warm and his body felt familiar despite the fact that they hadn't touched like this all that often in the past. Least of all she wanted him to take his hand away from where it was resting over their child. She wished that she didn't, but she loved him and if thing had been different, she would have told him right now.

Andy ran his hand over the back of her head. "Between me and Jack you are subjected to entirely too much stress. I won't apologize right now, because I sound like a broken record, but I swear I will be better from now on."

She wasn't really listening to Andy's ramblings anymore, caught up in a surprisingly comfortable mix between exhaustion and relaxation as she stood cradled against his chest and breathing his scent in and out. Andy's thumb began to move again, exerting a gentle pressure against her stomach.

"It's still very early," she murmured. "You were lucky you could feel something just now." But inside her, she felt a small flutter.

"Should I introduce myself as her idiot father?" Andy joked, another one of his coping mechanism, albeit a far more enjoyable one. Sharon looked up at him and smiled, vaguely aware that she would have stepped back and away from him a while ago if her defense mechanism weren't all but down. Her head was still swimming, but it didn't bother her anymore. She found Andy smiling back down at her, a peculiar look in his eyes as his hand came up to caress her cheek.

Their moment was interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

"Ye Gods, Flynn! Stop holding the Captain hostage in there! The food has arrived and I am not going to stand here and negotiate with you while I could be eating."

The spell was broken immediately and they came apart. Sharon suddenly felt terribly embarrassed by the fact that she had so willingly allowed him to take her in his arms and touch her. So much had happened recently that should have caused any self-respecting woman to give him the cold shoulder.

"Relax, Provenza. We'll be right out." Andy let go of her somewhat reluctantly, the look in his eyes replaced with something resembling mirth. "Want a mint?"

She took the offered mints and popped a couple of them in her mouth, then washed her hands and adjusted her hair, checking her make-up in the mirror. Where she had looked ghastly pale just a few moments ago, a faint blush had fallen over her cheeks.

"Pregnancy really becomes you," Andy told her, hands in his pockets, trying to look nonchalant with little success.

"A steak and fries!" Provenza's voice could be heard filtering through the door again. "It is not like they tasted better _cold_!"

Andy rolled his eyes and Sharon smirked, but then looked away. She was not prepared for another rollercoaster of emotions just yet.

"Would tonight be a good time to tell the team that I am the little one's father?" Andy asked. She could tell that he dreaded the moment because of all of its implications, but there was also a calm resolve and, but she wasn't sure about that, the tiniest hint of pride.

"Tonight is not a good time, no," she said firmly. "My children are there and even though they know, I don't think they are ready to have you around in any capacity just yet." Sharon already regretted her moment of weakness and the last thing she wanted was to make her children uncomfortable by asking the man who had brought her so much heartache to have dinner with them. They had suffered with her when she had allowed Jack back into her home and her life so many years ago and she wouldn't let them endure it again.

"I understand. Take care, Sharon, okay?"

"Okay," she said, about to thank him for being there when she decided that she didn't have so much to be grateful for.

"Um, one more thing..." Andy began.

"Black Angus! That steak is cooling as we speak!" Provenza sounded severely cross by now, but Andy ignored him while Sharon tensed. Maybe immunity to Provenza's moods was one of the perks of having been best friends with him for so long.

"I was just wondering..." He was looking at his shoes, studying the floor and then his hands, reminding her a lot of when he had asked her to the Nutcracker. "Would you mind if I came to your next doctor's appointment with you?"

Sharon hadn't expected that at all and it was probably showing on her face, because he raised both hands. "I mean, I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable with it, I mean-"

Sharon held up her own hand to stop him from fidgeting. "I will think about it, okay?"

Andy grinned sheepishly. "Okay. I'll see you at the office tomorrow."

"See you then."

He unlocked the door and walked past Provenza not without shooting him a dark look that almost matched his partner's. When he was gone and Provenza turned towards Sharon, his look softened for a moment.

"Are you okay, Sharon? Do you want me to call my nephew and his useless gang to beat up someone? Flynn? Your travesty of a husband?"

Sharon chuckled at his grim joke. "I will be fine, thank you, Lieutenant."

Provenza huffed, walking next to her back to their table. "Guess who's not fine?"

She looked at him quizzically, panicked for a moment that Andy had actually used his fists on Jack and had beaten him to a pulp in front of the restaurant.

"Sykes!" Provenza said, rolling his eyes. "Turns out, she _was_ born yesterday. Thinks Jack came back long enough to knock you up and then started to divorce you."

Sharon groaned. She liked Sykes, but sometimes the young woman war so far off the mark that it wasn't even funny anymore.

"I guess I will have to have _the talk_ with her," she sighed.

"If you mean the you-are-an-idiot-he-is-not-the-father-talk? Done that. Now she thinks it's Gavin."

Sharon put her hand over her eyes.

**A/N:** Yay for shameless fluff and double-chapters! :-) Thank you for your reviews. As this story is so angsty and therefore slightly out of my comfort zone, I am especially interested in what you think.


	19. Chapter 19

After dropping her children off at the airport where plenty of hugs were exchanged, Sharon hadn't had much time to revel in the prospect that she would soon see them again for Christmas in Park City as she had been almost late for a budget meeting. While skiing was out of the question for her this year, she was looking forward to relaxing and to paying regular visits to the spa near her parents' time share. Most of all, she was longing for some time with her family away from her job, from her hectic life in Los Angeles and from Andy.

She didn't usually find it hard to follow the other department head's budget presentations, but today her thoughts kept wandering off to Andy's warm embrace in the restroom six days ago. Ever since, she had been able to feel more and more of the baby's movements and quite a few little kicks against her hand. More than once she had debated calling Andy into her office to let him feel it again, but had then discarded the idea every single time. As it stood, Andy's behavior remained completely unpredictable to her and she didn't want to maneuver herself into an awkward situation. Ever pragmatic, she had resigned herself to enjoying what was offered to her without dwelling on what she didn't have or trying to get more than anyone was willing to give. Disappointment meant emotional stress, after all, and she had had quite enough of that for a while. Therefore, she had decided to go to her next doctor's appointment alone. Not so much would have changed since her last ultrasound, she had reasoned, and she could always invite Andy to accompany her to another one in the future. It wasn't like she didn't have enough of them scheduled over the next few months.

She caught Fritz Howard looking at her and quickly looked down at her notes that were leaving quite a bit to be desired today. Since he was new, he was still more of an observer during their administrative meetings and he seemed more than a little bored. It figured, she mused, since he was probably not used to this very dull aspect of the job. She however, had grown quite used to people staring at her. She was of a certain age that was not commonly associated with having babies, she was the Wicked Witch that everyone despised and she was now officially in the middle of her divorce. There had been no way to keep it quiet since it seemed that neither her husband nor Taylor's secretary were especially discrete. She was almost glad that the gossiping was going on behind her back and not in front of her, because she didn't want to know about all the speculation as to the father of her baby.

As their meeting had come to a close, Howard caught up with her in the hall and leaned into her with a conspiratorial smile.

"Were you aware that I have ditched my wife in order to engage in an illicit affair with you?"

She blinked, surprised by his bluntness. "Is that word on the street nowadays?" she asked him, both appalled at the idea and relieved that no one seemed to have figured her child's true paternity out just yet.

"A true water cooler moment." Howards smirked but then grew serious again. "How are you faring with all of this?"

She was touched by his concern. "There is no use in hoping things were different, is there? And besides, I would hate for these people to have to resort to talking about cheap reality shows by the water cooler." She smirked. "but I guess I could do a lot worse than you, to be honest."

Howard grinned. "Thank you for the compliment, Captain. I hear you might need our assistance with your new case, soon?"

She sighed, hugging her notepad to her chest as an officer hurried by and gave her middle a curious look in passing. She tried to come up with his name for a moment. Sherman, Starling? He had been on the other side of her desk in FID so often that she should have remembered. "We have a very uncooperative suspect coming in today. He is actually being brought in by Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza as we speak. I'll have a little chat with him and if he doesn't spill the beans, we will have to be somewhat creative to get our information. Which is where you would come in."

Howard grinned. "We'll stand by. Things are rather quiet at the moment and I would hate for this..." he held up his own notes. "...to dominate my week."

"We'll do our best to accommodate your needs, Assistant Chief," Sharon grinned as they separated and she entered her Murder Room. Her team's heads turned towards her, Provenza intertwining his fingers behind his head as he balanced in his chair.

"Did you have a good sleep?" he asked her sarcastically, referring to the fact that budget meetings were known to be the most boring ones of all. She gave him a lenient look and stood in front of the Murder Board, file still in hand.

"Where is our suspect? I would like to see him as soon as possible."

"Waiting in interview one, Ma'am," Sanchez said, gesturing towards it. "I must warn you, though, he was not happy with being dragged out of bed in front of his girlfriend."

"That's to put it mildly!" Andy interjected, his eyebrows drawn together in a serious frown. "Look, he is pretty agitated. Maybe Julio and I should have that talk with him instead of you."

She gave him a long look, comfortable in the knowledge that she was talking to Lieutenant Flynn and not to Andy. From when they had become friends to their sudden alienation, they had always managed to separate their work lives and their private relationships perfectly. They were still able to do so, for which she was infinitely grateful. Neither of them had mentioned their moment in the bathroom and the only thing that had changed was that he had begun to bring her tea into her office after she had arrived instead of leaving it on her desk before. He was friendly, polite and attentive, keeping his promise to make life easier for her instead of stressing her out. Beyond that, however, he was keeping his distance and so was she.

"Thank you for your concern, Lieutenant, but I am perfectly capable of handling him myself. Detective Sykes, you're with me."

She turned around without waiting for Andy's reaction. She had seen the young man before when she had still been in FID as he was a former LAPD officer who had been dismissed for improper behavior on her watch. Where he was rude and unaccommodating, he didn't strike her as violent. Also, she knew that if he tried anything, her army-trained detective wouldn't hesitate to take him out.

Her back to Provenza, she didn't see the old man's knowing look.

* * *

Everyone on the major crimes division had their own place to rest if they caught a small break during an all-nighter. Mike usually slept in his desk chair, leaning back, legs stretched out in front of him, snores escaping his open mouth. Julio always propped his arms up on his desk and buried his face in his sleeves, desk chair usually on the verge of rolling away backwards. Provenza vanished god knew where while Amy curled up on the floor where she spread out an old army parka. It was one of those nights and they were waiting for a response from the Las Vegas Police Department that would take up to two hours. It was too short a period of time to go home, but long enough to catch up on some sleep. Sharon had considered going home for good, but the investigation was high profile and she had taken a lot of liberties lately in order to be able to rest at home. So she had stayed behind with the rest of the team.

Walking down the eerily silent corridor from the restrooms with slow, somewhat agonized steps, she cursed her proclivity for high heels once again. From tomorrow on, she vowed to herself, it would be ballerinas all the way. What had been worse than the discovery that her ankles were swollen, however, was the fact that her round stomach didn't allow for her to find a comfortable position in the green chair in her office that she usually took her nightly naps in. It had always been her happy place and she felt rather disgruntled at the discovery that it was no longer an option. She was tired and her limbs felt heavy as she took careful little steps in her now uncomfortable shoes.

As she made to pass the door to Taylor's office, she stopped to consider what Provenza had told her earlier with the clear intent to have her rest up properly while there was time. There was a big, comfortable couch in that office, he had said before he had headed off without any further explanation. Just perfect for her to stretch out and get an hour of sleep... The notion of just closing her eyes and letting go for a while was so tempting that she almost sighed with longing. Taylor wasn't here, she decided, even though an annoying little voice in the back of her head reminded her that entering a superior's office without permission in his absence wasn't exactly proper professional conduct. What the hell, she decided, he would never know.

She opened the door and turned on the lights to avoid bumping into any furniture and what she saw made her do a double-take. Just like Provenza's sleeping place, Andy's had always remained a secret to her. Until now, that was. Blinking sleepily against the bright lights was Andy, sprawled out comfortably on the couch, his jacket and shoes off and haphazardly tossed aside.

"Hey Sharon," he murmured, sitting up. "Did we get our intel yet?"

Sharon was torn between disappointment and longing. If it hadn't been Andy, she might have pulled rank and claimed the couch for herself, but since it was him, she was nervous and taken aback. They hadn't been alone with each other ever since their moment in the restroom and she wasn't sure how to deal with him.

"No," she said after a pause. "We are taking turns now. Sanchez and Sykes are rounding up a few of our narcotics people who have worked with both our suspects right now. I was just looking for a place to sleep."

"Oh," Andy said, his hair sticking up on the back of his head and his cheeks slightly reddened with sleep. He rubbed his eyes and ran a hand from his forehead to the back of his neck. When he had gathered his bearings, he grinned up at her. His sleepiness was probably what caused him to slip back easily into their old rapport from before everything had gone south. "What happened to the green chair?"

She hadn't been aware that he knew where exactly her spot was.

"I can't curl up properly anymore," she said ruefully, her hand indicating her expanded middle.

"Oh, of course." Andy scooted over and gestured towards the spot beside him. Sharon easily resisted the urge to flee. Her feet hurt too much for her to consider declining the offer, so she walked over and lowered herself into the cushions, slipping her shoes off her feet with a gentle sigh. Andy looked down at where her patent leather heels had fallen and smiled.

"They don't look comfortable on the best of days," he commented as he watched her rub the sole of one foot over the swollen ankle of the other. Her skin was hot against the underside of her foot.

"No kidding," she said. "and today is one of the worst days. Or should I say nights?"

"You shouldn't be here anymore at this ungodly hour, Sharon. We can manage without you. Catch a cab home and get a few hours of sleep."

"I can't." She leaned against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. "I will take a personal day after this case is closed, but not before."

They were both silent, neither addressing the fact that their murder had turned into a kidnapping case and that the victims weren't even teenagers yet. It was important to Sharon to be overseeing the proceedings and everyone knew why: She couldn't help but imagine herself in the parents' stead, hoping and wishing for her children to be brought back safely. There was no way she would just go home and rest when after their former officer had finally caved in and told them what they needed to know, their prime suspect was now an officer of the Las Vegas Police Department who had liasoned with the LAPD's narcotics division. His colleagues in Las Vegas were tight-lipped about him and as they were closing ranks, she had to _pull_ rank and without her, they would be at a dead end when it came to that.

She only noticed that she had nodded off when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes which felt dry, the lids heavy and uncooperative.

"Hm?" she asked, sitting up straight again. Never in her life had she been as exhausted as she was lately. She could fall asleep within seconds and wouldn't even notice. How she had been able to sit through the budget meeting earlier was now beyond her.

"You'll regret it if you don't lie down properly," Andy said softly. "Sleeping like that is going to wreck havoc on your back. Nobody but Tao is able to do it this way."

"Sleeping in any position wrecks havoc on my back these days," she said, noticing too late that she sounded as if she was pouting. He was so close beside her that their shoulders almost touched and she turned her head to look at him sitting there, slightly disheveled and still blinking away sleep.

"Is this your special place to catch some sleep during nightshifts?" she asked him.

"Yeah," Andy said. "Taylor would lose it if he knew, but then he is never here this late, is he? I had to buy Provenza several beers to get him to keep quiet about it." He noticed her shivering. "Cold?"

She nodded, regretting the fact that she had left her jacket in her office and the sleeves of her dress weren't much to speak of.

"He kicks up the air-conditioning all night. I swear the man is a lizard. I never turn it down because I don't want him to get suspicious."

Sharon chuckled. "A lizard. That isn't too bad a comparison." She rubbed her arms.

"Why don't you lie down for a bit? My secret place is your secret place." He made an inviting gesture with his arm.

"You mean Taylor's secret place," she corrected him with a smile.

"The Lizard's icy castle," Andy replied and suddenly Sharon felt his arm around her. She gave in as she felt him pull her sideways and against his chest, her eyes too heavy to open. She hummed when she felt him move behind her, ready to get up to surrender the couch to her as she came to rest on her side, head buried in a cushion.

"You're warm," she murmured, half-asleep and barely aware of what she was saying. Her exhaustion took away the self-consciousness she felt around him, making room for her subconscious that made her act upon her desires. Right now she wanted nothing more than to be in his arms and be held, to be able to sleep and comfortably so. She vaguely felt him shift and then his arms came around her as he was spooning her from behind. Her last thought was one of contentment before she drifted off to sleep.

Andy closed his eyes, the scent of Sharon's hair in his nose, her back against his chest. He knew that he was crossing a line, that he shouldn't be with her like this. It was not fair to Caroline and it was not fair to Sharon herself. And yet watching her in that interview room with their suspect earlier had been excruciating. The guy had been rude, wondering aloud with whom she had slept to get this job. After a while, when she had backed him into a corner as she did so well, he had begun to lash out by making fun of her pregnancy and the fact that she was having a baby at her age. Sharon hadn't shown any emotion at all and had continued to ask her questions until he had finally given up. Even though she was firmly in control of the situation and not in any actual danger at any point of the interview, he had felt himself tense more and more until his hands were clenched around the back of the chair he was leaning over, knuckles white and strained.

It was confusing to watch Sharon like a hawk all day, to feel protective and angry on her behalf when he went home to his apartment at night where Caroline would wait, dressed in a baseball jersey and giggling her head off at his amused expression. She was like a ray of sunshine on a dark day with her smooth slim legs and a head of short but unruly naturally blonde strands. And she was kind when she told him about her patients, about their visits to their homes that were needed yet not officially part of her job description as a general practitioner in midtown Los Angeles. Yet he found himself tight-lipped nowadays when it came to his own job as it involved Sharon.

After their moment in the bathroom together back at the restaurant, he had been supposed to drive over to Caroline's apartment to have a home-cooked meal and watch a movie with her. Instead he had feigned a headache and had gone home, feeling disgusted with himself even he didn't really know why. It wasn't like he had kissed Sharon. Still, he knew that he wasn't supposed to touch another woman the way he had touched Sharon back there and was touching her right now. And yet he couldn't stop himself from placing his hand on the side of her belly to see whether their daughter was moving.

_Their daughter_, he thought, puzzled. It sounded like such an abstract concept still. Right now it was just a tiny thing growing inside Sharon each day. Where she had been so pale and sad in the beginning, she was beginning to look healthier and sometimes even happier. He liked the way she looked at him sometimes and always responded in kind, even though he knew that he should not give her any encouragement. It was cruel to give her any false hope in the middle of this mess.

Sharon's breathing was deep and regular; she was clearly asleep and so was their little girl. Andy felt a pang of disappointment just like he had every time he had seen her touch her stomach furtively over this past week. She never invited him to feel the baby again and he didn't ask. She had also not asked him to come to her doctor's appointment with her and he was disappointed even though he had not really expected her to.

Sharon shivered in her sleep and he pulled her closer even though he knew that he should have done the opposite, should have gotten up and left her by herself. And yet he couldn't bring himself to let go of her. His limbs felt heavy and his mind began to skip as he felt sleep falling over him like a heavy blanket.

He didn't hear the door or Detective Sterling from Narcotics take a sharp intake of breath at the sight in front of him. Dean Sterling, with an FID jacket almost the size of Andy's and Sharon's signature on most of the reports it contained, grinned and left quietly.

**A/N:** Long chapter to make up for the fact that it didn't have time to post one yesterday. Note that I am almost falling asleep on the keyboard after a long day at work and dinner with a friend, so please forgive typos and such. :-) This was more of a transitional chapter with lots of hints on what is to come and I hope you enjoyed it as I get to pass out asleep. :-)


	20. Chapter 20

Provenza rolled his eyes for effect even though nobody was in any condition to notice and he wasn't really annoyed by the sight. Actually, he felt duly pleased as something like this was what he had hoped to accomplish when he had directed the Captain this way. If he was honest, he had not exactly expected them to hit it off like that, but he had figured that the worst that could happen would be that Flynn would offer her the couch and get back to work. Instead the Captain was on her side, snuggled into Flynn's left arm that served as her pillow while his right arm was around her, cradling her to his chest. Provenza's eyes lingered on his partner's hand on her stomach for a moment longer until he looked away. If not for their rather tragic back story and his own perpetual grumpiness, he would have smiled at the little family in front of him.

He was worried about the Captain with all the stress she had to deal with and an all-nighter was the last thing he would have wished upon her. Unfortunately, the case demanded her presence, but that didn't keep him from stretching himself thin between trying to get her to rest and appearing unfazed by how much she worked. But then, he reasoned, someone had to take care of her if Flynn (the idiot) wouldn't step up. If he was honest with himself, however, Flynn seemed to be making a lot of progress lately. The Captain shifted while her hand found her stomach instinctively, her fingers all but brushing Flynn's. It was strange, Provenza mused, how gracefully she went about something as strenuous and messy as her situation with a high-risk pregnancy and what she never admitted but he knew to be a broken heart.

Despite the fact that he despised displays of affection or overtly cute interactions, he almost wanted to leave to allow them to wake up in each other's arms without feeling embarrassed. But then he didn't want the Captain to wake up at all for a while yet. She needed her sleep too much. Unfortunately, it wasn't his choice this time.

"Hey," he called, but received no reaction. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty and Sleeping Beast. Time to rise and shine!" he tried again.

The Captain blinked, her hand coming up to her face as she looked around in disorientation. She gave a sigh and then a hum when Flynn buried his face in her neck. When the Captain's eyes met Provenza's, he felt a little sorry for waking her because she looked mortified to be discovered like that. Flynn was coming to as well, quickly sitting up.

"What time is it?" Raydor asked, still rubbing her eyes. Her hair was flattened on one side of her head and tousled on the other, her make-up a little smudged, but her tone didn't give away how flustered he knew she was.

"Half past four. We have our info from the Las Vegas Police Department. Your little act has obviously scared them into compliance. Good work, Captain."

She nodded with a serious expression, but they both knew that she looked everything but scary right now.

"What did they have?" she asked, subtly amoothing the fabric of her dress down over her thighs.

"Our Las Vegas Narc suspect inherited a cottage about an hour from here a few years back. We are pretty sure that's where we'll find him. If you give the go ahead, Sykes and Sanchez are going to roll out and apprehend our guy."

Raydor nodded as Provenza had expected and so he neglected to tell her that he had already sent the two detectives out earlier. He watched her slip her shoes on and move away from Flynn, shyly avoiding his gaze.

"I am going to freshen up and then I will join you in the Murder Room." She hid a yawn behind her hand and began to get to her feet. Flynn was still busy trying to join them in the land of the living, so Provenza grudgingly held out a hand to help her up.

"I can still get up myself," the Captain snapped half-heartedly even though she was clearly struggling a bit.

"Suit yourself, Captain," Provenza said as he pulled her to her feet anyway. "but the little one is getting big."

She glared at him and he almost laughed. Of course Raydor would not like being made fun of because of her expanding middle. She wasn't all that big, but he liked the look on her face when he told her she was.

"Probably has a big head like its father," he added for good measure.

Now it was Flynn's turn to glare. The Captain put a hand over her belly.

"Not 'it', Lieutenant," she said in mock distress. "She."

"Oh, I am so sorry," Provenza said sarcastically, pretending to be annoyed. He was doing that a lot with her these days, ever afraid that someone would perceive him as worried for or endeared with their Captain because that really was the last thing he wanted.

She walked past him with another dark look, leaving him and Flynn on their own.

"You should stop making fun of her because of the baby," Flynn said sternly, hands buried in his trouser pockets and face in a frown.

"You should stop fooling around with Dr. Spring Chicken and get a grip," Provenza shot back.

"I'm not having that conversation with you," Flynn said and began to head for the door, but Provenza stepped in his way, fed-up with his partner's antics.

"If you're happy with the way things are, why did that just happen?" He pointed towards the couch. "All snuggled up with the Captain? Holding her with your hand on her belly? What are you trying to accomplish?"

Andy remained mute, staring at a point next to Provenza's head.

"Then I'll just assume that you're saying nothing at all because you don't have anything to say that wouldn't prove my point." Provenza stepped closer to Flynn and held up his forefinger, waving it dangerously close to his partner's eyes. "Because I don't want to see her as devastated as she was that day in my car again, Flynn, are we clear? Or in pain and bleeding because the stress got too much, for that matter. If you're incapable of not giving her mixed signals, then stay the hell away from her. She doesn't need to deal with your indecisiveness right now."

And with that he walked out, not even looking at Flynn again.

* * *

Sharon swept her hair back over her shoulder and gave herself a critical look in the mirror of the ladies' room, satisfied with her appearance. Every hair was back in place, she had touched up her make-up and put on her jacket. Sleeping had done her good and even her feet almost didn't hurt anymore. She was even reconsidering her earlier decision to stick to flats from now on. Before buttoning her jacket, she turned sideward and looked at the curve of her stomach. She knew that Provenza was just making fun of her and yet she couldn't deny that her pregnancy was very visible now. She ran her hands over the bump under her dress and caught herself smiling as she remembered Andy's hand resting over it. What a nice illusion it had been back in Taylor's office with him.

She turned around to leave, vowing not to get hung-up on Flynn again. He was alternating between being sweet and caring and confused and hurtful and she never knew what was coming next. When she stepped outside, she spotted a familiar figure leaning against the opposite wall. Suddenly she did remember his name: Detective Dean Sterling, resident troublemaker and still as vicious as ever if the sly grin he was wearing was anything to go by. He had to be among the Narcotics officers they had been rounding up earlier, she now understood.

"Well, good morning, Captain Raydor." Sterling tipped an imaginary hat. After ending up on the other side of her desk, he had always been defensive and moody. Today he seemed almost happy to see her which she instinctively knew was not a good sign.

"Good morning, Detective Sterling," she replied politely, doing her best to appear nonchalant even though every fiber of her being was on alert.

"Did you have a nice snooze?" he asked, grinning widely at the way her face fell, if only for a second until she had herself under control again.

"Oh, yes. Thank you, Detective." She gave him an icy smile, not quite registering the sound of a door opening and closing somewhere behind her.

"I just finished drafting my e-mail to your boss, Captain," Sterling said silkily as he held up his phone. "Just one little detail that I guess is relevant: Did you let Lieutenant Flynn fuck you on Taylor's couch before you fell asleep or doesn't he want to do that anymore now that you're all swollen up with his bastard child?"

For a moment, Sharon was too shocked to speak. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins and her hands began to shake. She had believed to be safe from discovery in Taylor's office, hadn't expected anyone but Provenza to wander in there in the middle of the night and yet here was Sterling, someone who despised her and was guaranteed to use his knowledge against her.

Before she could treat him to a well-phrased response, she saw movement from the corner of her eye. Before she knew it, Andy had Sterling against the wall behind him, his forearm blocking his throat. The younger man struggled, face quickly turning red with anger and lack of oxygen, legs kicking. For a moment, Sharon considered intervening, but then she didn't want to risk having the baby get hurt by a stray limb.

"Gentlemen!" she called, but found herself ignored. She hated feeling as helpless as that and she hated even more that she was actually quite satisfied with the noises of agony that came out of Sterling's mouth. He was a weasel, that one, who was disloyal to his fellow officers and always blamed his mistakes on others. He had tried to charm her in the beginning, but had quickly realized that there was no charming her, so he had settled for lying. When he had found that she was not fooled by his stories, he had begun to hate her with a vengeance. Apparently he still did.

Her stomach muscles tensed, not painfully so, but enough to let her know that she was overdoing it.

"For god's sake, stop it!" she found herself yelling, causing both men to go slack with surprise. Andy turned around, still holding Sterling against the wall. He had never really heard her raise her voice like that before and neither had Sterling. She took a step towards them, locking eyes with Andy to make sure that he wouldn't let go of Sterling just now. A look into the troubled brown depths made it very clear that he had not been about to, however. She stood next to Sterling and narrowed her eyes.

"Feel free to share you findings with Chief Taylor or Pope or whomever will listen to you, Detective Sterling," she said calmly. "As my lieutenant here has proven, it is not impossible to get promoted despite an impressive FID jacket. However," she paused for effect and took another step towards the detective for effect even though her instincts told her to stay as far away from him as possible. "However," she repeated in much the same terrifyingly tranquil tone she had used with Rusty's mother. "insulting a superior officer in the vicious and embarrassing way you did just now will not be tolerated. I will be sure to inform my friends back in FID of your behavior if I see it fit. And you should know that, as their former boss, my allegations are taken very seriously."

She raised her chin and gave the seething man an arrogant look down her nose.

"Let him go, Lieutenant Flynn," she said over her shoulder as she strutted away to close her case. "He is not worth it."

As soon as she had rounded the corner, her shoulders slumped and she let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. Andy caught up with her, looking half-guilty and half-amazed.

"That was great, Sharon," he said breathlessly, his knuckles swollen from where he had slammed his fist into the wall right next to Sterling's head.

"You shouldn't have done that," Sharon said, now a little breathless herself. Her abdominal muscles were still tense and her accelerated heartbeat would not slow down. "You... should... have..."

"Sharon? Sharon?" The sound of his voice shouting her name grew lower and lower in the distance as she was overcome by darkness.


	21. Chapter 21

At first she thought that she was witnessing a loving embrace and her heart sank, jealousy and disappointment flooding her. Andy's arms where around the woman, holding on to her tightly, her head resting against his shoulder as his fingers were tangled in the masses of wavy hair tumbling down her back. Then she recognized the limpness of her body and the shocked look on Andy's face and realized that he was trying to bear her weight and to keep her on her feet when she was as heavy and unresponsive as a giant rag doll. She dropped the tray of paper coffee cups she was carrying and sprinted towards him, her sneakers screeching on the linoleum floor as she skidded to a halt in front of him.

Andy looked up as she approached, dumbfounded by her presence.

"Caroline? What are you doing here?"

She didn't waste any time explaining how she had been called out to see Mrs. Winters, one of her elderly patients who lived close, and had decided to stop by with some coffee. She usually wouldn't have done anything like that, but she hadn't expected Sharon to be here in the middle of the night in her condition.

"What happened?" she asked instead.

"She just... she just fainted," Andy stammered, his face ashen with shock. He looked helpless with her in his arms, his hands trembling. "She was okay just a moment ago!"

"Is there anywhere we can make her comfortable and put her feet up?" Caroline asked him, her voice deliberately calm and controlled. It would not help anyone, least of all the woman she now recognized as Sharon Raydor, if he panicked.

"Our... our boss's office is just down that hall. He has a couch in there," Andy replied. With Caroline's help, he slid his arm under the hollows of Sharon's knees and lifted her up and into his arms, her head rolling against his shoulder. Caroline could tell how distraught he was and she had to admit that she was a little worried herself. Sharon was a pregnant fifty-two year old with a stressful job. Her fainting wasn't surprising in itself. However, she had been unconscious for almost a minute now and that didn't bode well. She looked at the outline of the round stomach under Sharon's dress then quickly looked away.

A moment later, Andy laid Sharon down on the couch and she gave a groan that suggested that she was coming to.

"My bag is in the trunk of my car," Caroline told Andy. "If you get it for me, it will be easier to determine what's wrong with her."

Caroline looked up at Andy from where she was already kneeling next to the woman she now thought of as her patient and found him looking nervous.

"I don't want to leave her like this, Caro," he said quietly and if she hadn't been full of adrenaline and faced with an emergency, she would have felt the sting. Instead she just turned to the unconscious woman in front of her and spoke to Andy without looking at him again.

"There isn't much you can do here, Andy. I you want to help, you need to get that bag." She heard him hurry away to be able to come back as quickly as possible then closed her fingers around Sharon's wrist and felt her pulse, relieved to find it strong and steady. Sharon's eyelids fluttered again and she made a sound that was close to a hum, her hand twitching in Caroline's. Close up like this, Caroline could see the wrinkles around her eyes that made her look closer to her actual age. From afar she had always looked much younger and much more powerful than she did right now. Caroline carefully brushed Sharon's hair away from her face to get a better look at her pale skin, waiting for her to fully come to. She caught sight of her high heels that were still on her feet and reached over to slip them off to make her more comfortable.

Sharon shivered and finally opened her eyes, blinking hazily, as if she were not quite there yet. She opened her mouth to say something but only a whisper came out. Caroline understood her anyway.

"Andy will be right back," she said soothingly, still too immersed in caring for her patient to fully grasp what it meant for this other woman to immediately ask for Andy as soon as she came out of unconsciousness. She looked around and saw an unopened bottle of water that was sitting on the desk. She unscrewed it and placed it next to the couch.

"Can you sit up for me, Sharon? You need to drink some water."

Without waiting for an answer, she slipped her arm around Sharon's back and helped her into a half-sitting position against the arm of the couch then offered her the water. Caroline could tell that it helped immediately as Sharon's eyes cleared and flickered with recognition as soon as she had taken a few sips.

"Oh my god," she said, her voice still barely above her earlier whisper, but getting there. "Did I fall?" She reached out and placed a protective hand over her stomach, her voice high with fear. "Is there a chance that my baby could be hurt?"

It was hard to reconcile that woman in front of her with the self-confident Captain that had always seemed so cool and professional. Looking back, Caroline had a pretty good idea why Andy's boss had been so distant and almost curt when they had first met, but it was still strange to see her like this. Her features were so different; the emotionless mask had vanished and there was more vulnerability than she had ever thought possible. Some days she secretly hated Sharon Raydor for having slept with her boyfriend and for carrying his baby, but she was unable to see her so scared and with so much anguish written all over her face without feeling some compassion. As hard as it was for Caroline, it couldn't be easy for Sharon either.

"No, Sharon," she said. "You didn't fall. Andy caught you and brought you here right away. Your baby should be fine."

She could see Sharon's relief in the way her body relaxed and she leaned her head back, her eyes falling closed for a moment.

"Has this happened before?" Caroline asked her to which Sharon opened her eyes again and turned her head to look at her. She looked a little apprehensive and yet grateful for the medical attention.

"No. I've been fine."

"Were you sick or dizzy leading up to the moment you fainted?" Caroline inquired further. Resigning herself to be a medical professional helped chase away the awkwardness she felt at being alone with the woman who was so visibly carrying her boyfriend's baby. It was hard to hate her like that, vulnerable and yet with an air of that strength that Caroline both envied and admired her for. If not for the particular way their lives were intertwined, she had often thought, she would have wanted to be Sharon Raydor's friend.

"I was breathless and dizzy, I think. I don't remember how it happened exactly." Sharon gave a small smirk that wasn't really a smirk at all but a grimace of sadness and unease. She was still worried, Caroline could tell.

"You were unconscious for almost two minutes. In your condition, that is something you should take as a serious warning sign," Caroline told her sternly. "Did you have any abdominal pain before you fainted?"

Sharon shifted slightly, her hand pressing down on her belly a little. She was wearing a nice dress that looked expensive in the way it flowed down her body even though it was made of a heavy, dressy fabric. As a doctor, Caroline usually wore sneakers and scrubs or jeans and hoodies, but the fact that she wasn't very fashionable herself didn't keep her from recognizing and appreciating nice clothes on others.

"I wasn't in pain, but my abdominal muscles felt tense," Sharon said. "I guess I should have gone home instead of staying for the night shift."

The door opened and Andy stormed in, quickly handing Caroline the bag before stopping to stand close to the couch but not too close, looking sheepish all of a sudden. Bent over to find her stethoscope in he depths of her bag, Caroline looked up at his awkward pose through her hair. She couldn't tell whether he was refraining from kneeling next to Sharon and tending to her - which he clearly wanted to do - for her benefit or because he was worried that Sharon wouldn't be happy with it. It was hard to tell, but he was clearly torn between the two of them at this very moment. It was strange, Caroline thought, how different she and Sharon were. Somehow, their whole situation would have been easier to understand if one had been a younger or older version of the other. Like this, however, it was indiscernible.

She got up and approached Sharon again. "I have to preface this by saying that I am not an expert. I am a general practitioner and my knowledge in this field is very limited, but from what I can tell, your baby is fine. I suggest you go home as soon as you feel up to it and stay there for a while, but you should definitely check with your OB Gyn to see whether she thinks you should see her. I'd like to check your heartbeat now."

Sharon hesitated for a moment, then nodded. She undid the two buttons at the top of her dress and followed Caroline's orders as she told her to breathe in deeply.

"Your breathing is fine and your heartbeat is normal, too. I am going to take your blood pressure, but I am pretty sure that your dizzy spell happened due to exhaustion. Can you sit up properly?"

Sharon was still trembling a little and so Andy reached out to help her. Caroline watched the way he touched her gently and comfortably, just as if he had done it more than just once during a bout of frenzied love-making. He sat down next to Sharon and offered her his side to lean into, but her eyes flitted towards Caroline before she leaned back against the back of the couch, offering her left arm to her while her right hand was now drawing small circles on her belly.

"Are you in pain?" Andy asked her softly while Caroline slipped the cuff over Sharon's upper arm.

"No," Sharon said. "the baby is kicking. I think she knows that something's wrong."

Caroline looked over at Andy furtively as she waited for the cuff to fully inflate. He didn't look at all surprised when Sharon referred to the baby as a she. He had already known, Caroline realized with a pang of disappointment, and he hadn't told her about it. It was hard sometimes to decide how much she wanted to know about the baby. On the one hand, it was a part of Andy's life and after almost four months together, she was pretty sure that she loved him. On the other hand, however, the baby was the thing that tied him to Sharon and hearing about it reminded her of that uneasy feeling she had in the pit of her stomach when she imagined the two of them together. Seeing them like this was almost painful, she realized, as her own exhaustion swept over her and made her eyes sting. Andy obviously cared for Sharon. It was not at all what he had tried to make her believe when he had first told her about the baby. This was not just a stupid fling with the boss. It was more than that and that frightened her, because she didn't know whether it was enough to threaten the relationship she had grown comfortable and happy in.

"Your blood pressure is elevated," she told Sharon, suddenly uncomfortable under that intense gaze. "You need some rest. A week at home, at least."

Sharon's eyes met hers and for a moment Caroline felt vulnerable, like an open book to the older woman. She tried to remember how she had come up with a week. Was it too long? Or too short? Did Sharon think that she wanted to keep her away from Andy for a week? Or send her back too early, so something would go wrong with the pregnancy? She tried to shake off the feeling of foreboding. She wanted none of those things. Sharon was a pregnant woman who had just fainted and was in need of medical advice. Just because she had an inquisitive stare didn't mean that Caroline was actually doing something wrong.

"I'd say a week but you should really talk to your regular doctor about this," she added inspite of herself.

"Thank you, Caroline," Sharon said, her hand brushing Caroline's arm. "I very much appreciate your help." She still looked a little rattled, her movements slow and careful and her face just as pale as it had been ten minutes ago. "Andy, would you mind calling a cab for me?"

"What? Sharon, I'll drive you home!" Andy protested, but Caroline could tell that Sharon would not be swayed. She slowly got to her feet, still looking a bit dizzy.

"A cab is fine, Andy." Her voice was firm. "There is a case to be solved."

The smile she gave Caroline was almost encouraging and she understood that her concern must have shown on her face. If she was completely honest, she wouldn't have wanted Andy to drive Sharon home, to see her to bed and to touch her in the tender way he had touched her earlier. She knew that the sentiment was selfish and she wouldn't have told Andy about it, but Sharon knew, of that she was sure. She was one of those people who could see right through your facade, maybe because her own was so perfectly impenetrable.

"Sharon, please!" Andy was beginning to look a bit aggravated. "You just fainted. You're carrying a baby. I can't just put you in a cab and get on with my day!"

Sharon turned around in the door, leaning heavily against its frame. "You won't put me in a cab, Lieutenant, I will ask Lieutenant Provenza to come downstairs with me and see me off."

And just like that, with a subtle change of her tone and the usage of his rank, she caused Andy to deflate and nod obediently.

"I'll call you," he said.

"Thank you," she replied graciously, then turned to Caroline again, her smile sincere and grateful. "And thank you again, Caroline."

And with that she left, leaving Caroline with her boyfriend.

* * *

Provenza had insisted on calling Rusty who in turn had insisted on coming over to pick Sharon up. While he was driving through the night, he kept sneaking looks at her in the passenger seat, dozing with her head resting against the window. He wasn't sure - one could never be with Sharon - but when the headlights of a passing car illuminated her face for a moment, he was almost sure he'd seen tears drying on her cheeks.

He reached over the console with his free hand to clasp his fingers around hers because for the first time since he had found the ultrasound pictures in her desk, he was completely sure of what he was going to say.

"It's all going to be okay, Sharon. I'm here for you."

And for the little girl he might some day be able to call his sister, but he couldn't say that just yet.


	22. Chapter 22

Sharon had slept until noon, taken a bath and then headed back to bed where she was to remain. Karen, her doctor, had been stern with her over the phone, telling her to take it easy for a few days and get as much rest as possible. Taylor hadn't been quite as sold on the idea of her taking ten days off in the middle of a high profile investigation, but he had granted the leave anyway, grudgingly wishing her the best for her and her baby. Sharon knew that she would have to come clean with him soon. Even though she was sure that she had threatened Sterling enough to make him reconsider informing her superiors of her indiscretions with her lieutenant, she knew that she was vulnerable now. In any case, Taylor would take it better if she was the one to tell him who the father of her baby was. And from a legal point of view, she had nothing to fear as her rulebook didn't say anything about having babies with fellow officers as long as one was not in a relationship with them. And then, if anyone tried to harm her professionally, she had a very skilled lawyer who specialized in this sort of thing in Gavin who she knew would fight tooth and nails for her.

She leaned back into her pillows, unsure whether she was supposed to be grateful for the respite or not. While she knew that she needed the rest, physically and mentally, she was worried that she wouldn't be back on her feet in time to fly to Park City for Christmas and she also hated to be confined to the sidelines in something as draining as a kidnapping case. It was raining again and, safe and warm as she was inside her bed, she quite enjoyed the sound of the raindrops hitting her balcony and the bay window next to her bed. The sounds lulled her to sleep as her tender caresses did her baby. She imagined it squirm and kick inside her and smiled even while sleep overcame her, her mind still busy wondering what it would be like to hold her little daughter for the first time.

She felt slightly disoriented when a knock on her bedroom door woke her and she blinked against the light of her bedside lamp that glowed to warmly illuminate her room in spite of the bleary day outside.

"Yes?" she called, sitting up and adjusting her covers over her belly, so Rusty wouldn't be uncomfortable.

He did look uncomfortable alright when he stuck his head through the door. "You have a visitor. I'll kick him out if you don't want to see him." The dark look on Rusty's face could only either mean Jack or Andy and she wasn't sure which one would drain her more. "It's Flynn," he said before she could ask and her heart sank a little. After the way Caroline had come to her aid, she didn't feel comfortable pining for her boyfriend. She never really had, but the feeling of guilt had become so much more pronounced now. Of course the younger woman had been wary of the way Sharon and Andy interacted and to her complete surprise, Sharon had begun to feel sympathetic for Caroline.

"It's okay, Rusty," she sighed and gave him a little smile. "I'm decent."

Rusty opened the door fully but remained in the doorway, forcing Andy to walk past him in order to enter the room. He then closed the door with a pointed look at the lieutenant who was completely oblivious to his protective stance and somewhat aggressive behavior. His eyes were on Sharon, his look troubled and worried, but he slowly relaxed when he saw her in her bed.

"Hey Sharon, how are you feeling?" he asked her, giving her one of those smiles that made her heart jump. As much as she tried to seem indifferent at the outside, she was everything but at the inside. "I'm sorry to just barge in here like this, but you weren't answering your phone and I got worried."

"Oh, it's on mute," she told him sheepishly. "I've been sleeping."

"Yeah, that's probably for the better," he said as he sat down on the bed next to her again. This time she didn't shuffle away but stayed the way she was, her thick covers like a protective layer between them. "Did you speak to your doctor?"

"Yes," she replied. "She said I should take some time off and go on bed rest for the first few days. After that I am allowed to roam the city if I stay away from the office." She smirked.

"The way you fainted was pretty scary," Andy said earnestly. "One moment you were in full Darth Raydor mode, the next you were out just like that."

"Thank you for being there and keeping me from falling." Sharon laid her hand over her stomach. "Who knows what could have happened to the baby if I had."

"Let's not think about that, I'd say," Andy shivered slightly even though her bedroom was everything but chilly. "If your phone's off, you probably didn't get Provenza's text. We found the kids and they're fine. The guy from Las Vegas had them in his cottage to take revenge on their mother who had rejected him once. Our LAPD guy was an accomplice."

Sharon shook her head in disbelief. "That's the best way to get back at a mother. Take her children away from her."

"They're fine," Andy said again and added with an understanding little smile. "And so are yours. One of them serves as your watchdog out there." He nodded towards the door with a grin.

"Oh yes," Sharon said with just a hint of the pride she was feeling. "He is very picky when it comes to visitors nowadays."

Andy chuckled. "I've noticed. Do you have anything you need or is there something I can get for you? How are you on groceries?"

"Rusty did some shopping yesterday," she said. "We're good."

Andy looked around, seeming a little surprised. "You don't have a TV set in here. How will you entertain yourself?"

Now it was her turn to chuckle. "Maybe you have heard of the ancient art of reading books. I also have my ipad, so I can try and familiarize myself with online stores for infants. Gavin keeps telling me that I should start buying things. He seems scared that I won't be prepared when she comes."

Andy grinned. "That is his problem rather than yours, I guess. You have twenty weeks to go yet."

She was surprised by the accuracy of his statement; he was actually keeping track.

"Nineteen and a half," she corrected him anyway. "Maybe I'll just google 'crib' and see what pops up."

She had expected him to laugh, but he didn't. "You want to buy a crib online? Seriously?" She gave him a quizzical look, so he elaborated. "I thought you were old like me and not like one of those younglings who fall for photoshopped pictures and glowing descriptions. That is not just a piece of furniture, it's the place where our baby is going to sleep. You can't order one online, you need to see and touch it before you buy it."

Sharon couldn't stop herself from doing the thing that her son Ricky fondly called "snort-laughing". She was much more concerned with actually getting everything together in time and figuring out where to put it all than with worrying about the specifics of each purchase. Snuggled into her bed like she was now, walking around the city and fighting with expectant couples over a particular receiving blanket didn't seem very appealing. And doing it all alone while most people around her were couples didn't sound good either. She didn't need to be reminded of her status as a single parent everywhere she went.

"You're laughing, but this is a serious matter." Andy didn't sound so serious anymore, either, as his voice carried a hint of laughter when he fondly regarded Sharon. "I am totally going to buy you a crib," he then resolved. "There is no way my daughter is going to sleep in something you ordered off of Amazon."

She clasped her hand over her mouth and laughed, but then shook her head decisively. "You own a horrible black leather couch, Andy. I do not trust your taste in furniture."

He shrugged, pretending to be hurt. "Then, by all means, come with me. We'll find something that suits your particular taste and my quality standards."

Sharon bit her lip as she remembered the morning's resolution. If she ended up going shopping with Andy, people would think they were a couple and that wouldn't be fair to Caroline. It was almost funny how she suddenly thought the same thing that Andy had said when she had first told him about the baby, the same thing that had upset her so much back then.

"I don't know," she said cautiously. "Are you sure?"

He didn't hesitate before he answered. "Yes," he said. "This is important to me." She wasn't so sure whether he was still talking about the crib, but the look in his eyes told her that he was being honest either way. He sought permission before he folded her duvet back and placed his hand over the swell of her stomach. When he caressed it with his thumb, he hit one of the buttons on her pajama top, so he looked up, slightly hesitant.

"Would it be okay if I...?" he made an awkward motion with his hand, but she knew what he meant.

"She's right here." She took his hand and pulled her top back to reveal just as much skin as was needed for his hand to rest over the spot where she had felt the last kick. His hand was warm and felt a little rough against the soft skin of her stomach. It took a while until there was more movement, but when the baby kicked, Andy grinned at Sharon, his face suddenly much closer than she recalled since, at some point, she had begun to unconsciously lean into his side.

"I think she agrees with me. She wants a proper crib," Andy said.

Sharon closed her eyes and rested her head against Andy's shoulder, still feeling a little sleepy. This was what she wanted, she thought. Him here with her, being affectionate and taking part in hers and the child's life. As bad as she felt for Caroline who didn't deserve getting caught up in all of this, she couldn't stop herself from longing for what was offered to her.

"Okay," she murmured. "Next week, when I am allowed to do more than be in bed."

She felt Andy's hand slide up to follow the baby's movements and she turned towards him slightly to give him better access. His other hand found its way into her hair and caressed the back of her head, relaxing her so much that she began to drift off to sleep again.

* * *

"Did you know that maple sirup comes as candy, too?" Gavin held up a cellophane bag of individually wrapped pieces of what looked like caramel. "They are even shaped like maple leaves! Canada is awesome."

"Thank you, Gavin!" Sharon gave him a smile and opened her arms for their customary hug. "I'm glad you're here. I am so bored."

"Of course you are, honey. When was the last time you spent three days in bed without any distractions?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

Gavin flopped himself down on the bed next to her with a lot less consideration for her private space than Andy had shown two days ago. He made himself comfortable in her pillows and wriggled his toes in his cashmere socks that were as expensive and fashionable as every other article of clothing he owned. Sharon had grown tired of her pajamas and was wearing leggings and a sweater today. While putting on make-up would have been ridiculous, she had done her hair the way she usually did it to feel a little less sloppy. Her own socks were fluffy blue ones that Emily had given her for Christmas one year and they looked tacky next to Gavin's.

"So, Mommy," Gavin turned towards her. "What have you been up to?"

She chuckled. "Not much, obviously. I read that novel you recommended."

"_Gone Girl_?" he asked, his eyes lighting up. His ability to get excited when it came to books and movies was one of the things she loved so much about her best friend. "Did you like it?"

"Oh, yes. It was very suspenseful. Perfect for boring days in bed."

"Ah, stop complaining. You're lucky. I've been running from one meeting to the next all day! And tomorrow I will be in court. Another dumb city employee who got slapped with a law suit due to entirely his own fault."

"I feel useless," Sharon complained. "The only thing I have done today is order our dinner. Sushi for you, something else for me, don't worry."

"Ah, that's useful enough for me," Gavin said brightly. "Mission accomplished, Mrs. Raydor."

There was a pause before he spoke again, looking a little apologetic now. "I talked to Nina today. She wanted to call you herself, but I told her I could give you the news." Sharon tensed when he spoke of her divorce attorney. News about Jack were the last thing she needed.

"Don't worry, it's not disastrous." Gavin offered an encouraging smile that ended up falling a little flat. "It seems that Jack realized how dumb an idea it is to represent yourself in your own divorce and so he retained Mona Wilkins. Remember her?"

Sharon nodded numbly. Wilkins was famous in L.A. for handling a few celebrity divorces and for being relentless and creative. She was not a good attorney to be up against.

"Nina is a whizz, Sharon. She is awesome. If anyone can take Wilkins, it's her."

And yet Nina was young and therefore lacked some of the experience that her opponent had amassed over the years.

"How does he afford her?" she wondered aloud, a nervous feeling beginning to settle in her stomach.

"He probably expects a big payout," Gavin said quietly. "Look, Sharon. It will be fine, okay? Don't worry. Especially about the condo."

Sharon pressed her lips together. The notion of selling her condo to be able to pay Jackson half of its value was what scared her most. It was hard to find a nice place in a good part of town in L.A. and the money she would have left, would never be enough to buy something as nice as this condo again. The process of moving out and moving into a new place with a big belly and somewhat fragile health wasn't very appealing either.

"Don't look so scared, love." Gavin grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "It won't come to that. Jack abandoned your family and never paid you a dime of child support. Any judge in their right mind will recognize that. If you countersue for outstanding child support payments, he will end up paying you even if he actually gets half of what you have."

Jack had to believe that there was something in the whole thing for him, if he had gone as far as hiring one of the most famous and expensive divorce attorneys in the city, so there was no way Sharon would not be worried.

"The firm is going pretty well, Sharon. I know you wouldn't take money from a friend, but if you find yourself in need of selling this place, sell it to me, okay? I wouldn't kick you out of here, you know that."

Although Sharon didn't like the idea of turning to him for financial help, she was grateful for the safety net he offered.

"Thank you, Gavin."

His arms around her were firm and protective.

"We'll crush him," he whispered. "You'll see."


	23. Chapter 23

Sharon had been in high spirits ever since Andy had picked her up which he was sure stemmed from the fact that she was allowed to go out again. The bed rest had done her good, however; he could tell from her rosy cheeks and bright eyes. She had been so carefully controlled, yet surrounded by an air of sadness over the past few weeks that he couldn't remember when he had last seen her giggle like this. He glanced over at her in the passenger seat before he told her what had cracked all of them at work up collectively. Pope had had another one of his dumb ideas and had sent out what he called invitations - but what were actually summons given that attendance was mandatory - to a Christmas ball to all officers above and including the rank of detective. So far, Andy had been recounting Provenza's reaction to the prospect of a ball and if that had made her laugh already, she was in for a treat.

"So Sykes looks at Provenza with that look in her eyes, you know, the one she sometimes gets when she just doesn't understand what all the fuss is about and she says..." he couldn't stop himself from chuckling at the memory. "She says," he imitated the young detective's voice, albeit badly and far too high-pitched: "_But Lieutenant, I don't know why you hate the idea so much! I love balls_!"

Sharon rolled her eyes at first but then cracked up, her hand covering her mouth as giggles escaped her mercilessly.

"So Provenza says: _I bet that makes Lieutenant Cooper really happy, Sykes, but we're talking about a formal dance right now and nobody is interested in your sex life_."

"Oho, poor Amy," Sharon managed, still choking with laughter. "How did she take it?"

"She murmured something about old men behaving like thirteen year olds and went back to work."

Satisfied with his answer as he had just assured her that Amy was fine except for a somewhat bruised ego, Sharon went back to giggling. It was nice to see her like that, even though, as was characteristic of her, she was trying to stifle the sounds and hide the sight of her laughter. She always did that and sometimes he wondered how that had come about. It was not like she had anything to hide when she giggled. It anything, it made her more beautiful. She looked very nice today, too, with her hair in luscious curls and some light make-up. She was dressed casually yet every bit as fashionably as usual in a loose white top, black pants and a light brown, long cardigan. Sharon caught him looking at her while they were waiting at a red light and smiled but turned away.

"Are you coming to the ball?" he asked in an attempt to quickly steer her thoughts into a different direction.

"If it's mandatory, I will probably have to." She grimaced.

"So you don't like balls?" he asked, grinning with no small amount of mischief.

"I like _formal dances_ as much as I like weddings," she told him earnestly. "but it will be a little hard to find a dress as well as shoes that won't kill my feet in a matter of minutes."

Andy grinned at her. "How about flats?"

Sharon looked scandalized. "Flats?" she echoed. "At a ball? I am pregnant, it's not like both of my legs were broken."

Andy shook his head in disbelief. "Women! Well, you specifically!"

Before she could answer, his GPS signaled their arrival at their destination and he pulled into one of the parking spots right in front of the building. When he turned to the side to unbuckle, he caught Sharon looking a little apprehensive.

"Are you okay?"

She looked unsure for a moment, then decided to share instead of pretending that she was fine. "It's just... I'm not sure whether I am ready to hear that I am old again. Some people seem to think that having a baby at my age is a selfish action while others make a big deal out of doing the whole thing again at my age, going on and on about how _cute_ it was for _old_ people to become parents." She grimaced. "All that talk makes me uncomfortable. I didn't choose this and I do wish things were different sometimes."

Andy was dumbfounded for a moment. He had never expected Sharon to give a damn about this aspect of her pregnancy. To him, she had always seemed to embrace the whole thing fully without thinking twice about what it implied. She loved her baby. Period.

"You wish you weren't pregnant?" he asked in surprise.

"No, not exactly. I just wished I were younger and-" She cut herself off even though he had a pretty good idea what she had been about to say. Her happy giggles were suddenly just a memory and the sad look in her eyes was back. It was the first time that he allowed himself to realize consciously what he had known all along: Sharon loved him. To her, their night together hadn't just been about giving each other release in the middle of a strenuous time. It had been, if not about love, then about something that was about to become love. She was feeling deeply for him and she had seen their kiss as the beginning of something else. He felt so guilty that the pain was almost physical. He hardly remembered consciously deciding to kiss her. His head had been spinning with the effects of vodka on a body that had not had to deal with any amount of alcohol for almost two decades and now had to ingest three shots of hard liquor on a completely empty stomach. He did remember collapsing on top of her after, feeling better for the moment in a post-coital haze, his head feeling wonderfully empty with the effects of the alcohol and his orgasm. He also remembered her hands in his hair and on his back, stroking him lovingly. For the first time during the past few months, he saw himself from the outside, saw what Provenza had been trying to make him understand for weeks now: He had been so selfish and with no regard for Sharon's feelings and here she was now, wishing that he was actually with her and not just accompanying her to go shopping for the child they would soon have between them.

His expression probably mirrored the devastation he felt inside, because she immediately withdrew herself again.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I can do it alone, Andy. I'll pick something nice and take a cab home."

Great, now she thought he didn't want to do this with her. He was an idiot and he had a hard time making up for his mistakes.

"Hey," he took her hand gently. "There is no way I'll let you go in there alone. I hear that expectant couples can be somewhat aggressive when it comes to securing stuff for their baby. I wouldn't let you go in there to fend for yourself."

She gave him a sad smile, but it was a smile at least. "And just in case you were thinking there that I was hoping things were different. Yes, I was, but not in the way you think. I was actually thinking about what an idiot I am and how much I have hurt you." He looked away for a second, aware of the fact that he was being very vague. "You don't deserve this."

"It's alright," Sharon said softly. "I guess I just misread what was going on between us back then." She sounded matter-of-fact, with no emotion discernible in her voice or facial expression. He still had no idea how she did that. "With all of our dinners, I knew we were not actually dating, but I thought there was more between us than friendship."

Andy didn't know what to say. The sharp pain in his chest didn't let him breathe, let alone stammer a few words in order to try and make it better. Her face looked frozen and her eyes were the only thing that gave away her pain. For some reason, she had decided to talk about this and even though it made him terribly uncomfortable, he was somehow glad that she finally addressed it when he would have never had the guts to do so.

"And then suddenly there was Caroline. I was just wondering..." She swallowed, forcing her hands to stop fiddling with the hem of her shirt. She looked up at him, her gaze clear and suddenly full of resolve. Whatever she was about to ask, it was something she had been thinking about for a long time. "I was just wondering where she suddenly came from. I mean, did you know her before that thing between us happened? Were you on the fence about the whole thing and then our night together made you realize that there is really nothing between you and me? Was that when you decided to give Caroline a try? Or were you even with her then? Was that why you just snuck out when I was asleep and never mentioned the whole thing again?"

There wasn't any emotion in her voice because she was trying very hard to keep it out. There was also no accusation. She was simply trying to piece together what had happened for her own peace of mind. Andy didn't want to talk about it, but then he knew that he owed her as much. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry and his heart beating a little too fast.

"The night I came by your place, my father was dying," he said. "That's why I had taken that personal day. He was in the hospital and his heart was slowly failing. I had one last talk with him and..." He was trying very hard to not let the memory overwhelm him. "He said a few things to me that he had never said before and none of them were pretty. He essentially told me how disappointed he was in me for abandoning my children and wife due to the alcohol. I just needed to get out of there and so I ended up on your doorstep." He wanted to tell her how comforting her presence had always been to him, how, with her, he felt he could make things right. "I had told my dad that I was trying to make up for all that, but he wouldn't hear it. Said it was too late. When I woke up in your bed, I saw that I had missed calls from basically every member of my family. My dad passed away while I was once again running from my problems. I went back to the hospital but everyone had gone home. That's when I met Caroline. She had been my dad's GP and she wanted to say goodbye. She took me to the morgue where he was and he looked so peaceful. Just like, you know, when I was a kid. We got along well before..." He trailed off, scared that he would cry because that would have embarrassed him more than anything. "I just felt so guilty for leaving him and my kids and my mother because by leaving, I did just what he had accused me of doing. Caroline was there and we talked about how I failed my family. And now I am failing you, Sharon. And another child."

For the first time, he looked up at her face, scared of what he would find there. The dull ache in his right arm was back from where he had banged it into a door that day, just before Caroline had found him, uncoordinated due to grief and the last remains of the alcohol in his system. He was such a failure, he thought, when he saw tears in Sharon's eyes.

"Andy," she said, reaching out for his hand and squeezing it in hers. He had expected her to tell him what an asshole he was and how he didn't deserve any comfort for what he had done. Instead she was just as understanding as she had always been. "I know it's hard because even at our ripe age it is still so important to us what our parents think, but your father was plain wrong. I saw you with Nicole many times and you did come around. It is obvious that you love her and care for her and just because it all got too much and you ran away from the hospital, you didn't fail. You're not a bad father, Andy. No one is perfect and it is okay to have setbacks, especially in an emotionally draining situation like that. Of course you should have stayed, of course you shouldn't have succumbed to your alcoholism when your children were little, but you can't change the past. You can just get up and try again."

He shook his head, moved by her words and yet unable to believe them before he had told her the whole truth.

"I went straight to the nearest bar when I left the hospital that night. When I arrived at your place, I was drunk. I'd had three shots of vodka. Vodka, because you can't really smell that stuff on someone's breath. Whiskey would have been my drink of choice, but I made a completely conscious decision to choose something that can be easily disguised. I hardly remember how we ended up in your bed, Sharon."

There was a flicker of hurt in her eyes and he remembered what she had once told him about Jack, the very thing that had caused him to go from seeing him as 'Good old Jack Raydor' to perceiving him as the asshole that he was. She had said that at some point, Jack had only seen her as the nagging wife, not his partner or even a desirable woman. He had only tried to sleep with her when he was drunk and she still felt ashamed for going along with it sometimes to make herself believe that he still wanted her. It had to seem to her, as if he had done the very same thing to her and he didn't know how to make up for it.

He looked down at Sharon's hands that were cradling her stomach lovingly but yet a little desperately, as if she was holding on to it for comfort. He saw now that coming clean about it all had not been for the better. He could see her withdraw by the second. She had her own demons and this was one of them.

"I... I think I need..." she trailed off and grabbed her handbag then opened the passenger door. Her eyes showed no emotion; she was completely closed-off now. She never finished her sentence but got out of the car and closed the door. Didn't even slam it, for Sharon Raydor never made a scene. She went quietly and the impact was even greater. He saw her take out her phone, probably to call a cab and exited the car as well. He couldn't leave her like this, thinking that she didn't mean anything to him. It wasn't true, he knew as much even though his emotions were coated in denial.

"Sharon," he said and she turned around slowly, lowering her phone. Her hand was shaking and he could tell that she was about to lose control over the emotional turmoil she was keeping so tightly contained.

"Andy, I don't-"

He couldn't say anything because that would make it worse. Andy didn't have the words or the understanding of himself to tell her what she needed to hear. Instead he reached for her and pulled her into his arms. She resisted for a moment, but then stopped, her shoulders beginning to shake.

"It was only that once," he said. "I have never fallen off the wagon again after. I might have been drunk and not in control of my actions, but I came to you in times of trouble because you make me feel like a better person, because being with you made me feel better about myself. I hurt you in the process and I shouldn't have done that, but you need to know that you were not just the next best thing, Sharon. You meant so much to me back then and you mean even more to me right now. I regret the fashion in which it happened, but I don't regret the baby."

He wasn't sure whether he was even making sense, but he felt her still in his arms, her hand stroking his back in a comforting gesture. Andy was holding on to Sharon for dear life even though the embrace had been initiated to comfort her. Now the tables had turned and it was the other way around. He couldn't change what he had done, but he could be a good father this time and be there for Sharon.

Andy kissed Sharon's head and stroked her back, feeling the hard curve of her stomach press against him as he held her close. He had no idea how long they had been standing there for when they came apart slowly. She was smiling, even if sadly so, and he reached out to wrap his fingers around hers, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear with his free hand.

"Do you still want to buy a crib?" His voice was hoarse with emotional exhaustion. He felt as one would after crying oneself out for a long time: Tired, but much better than before.

She gave a little snort of laughter that gave away how relieved she was herself.

"Our baby needs a place to sleep, doesn't she?" She was still cautious, but he could tell that it was easier for her now that she had all the facts he could give her. How things had developed after with Caroline and now with her, he could not tell her about because he didn't know. Lately he was stumbling around his own life with no sense of direction. Being here with her felt right and his heart was beating a little faster as he felt her warm hand in his and saw her tentative smile.

"She does. And after we found a nice one, I will buy you dinner. For old time's sake, so to speak."

She nodded and echoed his words. "For old time's sake."

Even though his thoughts were in disarray and his feelings were buried under a thick layer of guilt and fear, he knew that they were both denying the obvious. That none of this was happening for old time's sake, but that it was their first step into a different future. Whatever it may hold.

**A/N:** Soooo much angst, I know! But he had to come clean before their relationship can progress any further, right? And do not fear, the next chapter is going to be a total fluff fest courtesy of Fairygodmother!Gavin. :-)


	24. Chapter 24

"Gavin, I'm not feeling well," Sharon pouted, indicating her feet that were currently stuck in a hideous pair of woolen socks. Somebody had to talk to Emily to knock some sense into her regarding the Christmas gifts she bought for her mother. Sharon cradled her stomach in a very successful attempt to be cute and looked up at Gavin through her lashes. "I'm very fragile, Gavin, you can't force me to leave my home against my will."

He rolled his eyes and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms around her when she let herself fall against him. "I am not buying it, Sharon. You're just being lazy and that is inacceptable. I will not take you to that ball looking like something the cat brought in."

Sharon drew back and raised her eyebrows at him, her arms still loosely wrapped around his waist, fingers intertwined behind his back.

"Well, technically I am taking you. And when have I ever looked like something the cat brought in?" she asked him sternly.

"You never know with you women. I didn't know you when you had your other two. Who knows what your hormones will make you wear?" He waved his hand in a dramatic gesture.

"I was dressed terribly back then, but then it was the late eighties and early nineties," Sharon defended herself then sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay. Take me shopping."

Gavin clapped his hands together in glee. They both knew that he would have never been able to actually force her to go out if she didn't want to. Sharon was stubborn that way.

"We'll find you a pretty dress at the tent rental company." He couldn't contain his giggles even while he was saying it and completely lost it when Sharon put both of her hands on her hips and displayed an angry frown.

"Not funny," she growled dangerously.

"Lighten up, beautiful. Your little bump is very becoming on you," he sang. Sharon shot him another dirty look as she slipped into her UGGs, which had become her favorite footwear outside of work. Not that she was allowed anywhere near work at the moment... Gavin was glad to see her in such a good mood. After complaining about the prospect of attending the Christmas ball, he had been able to hear the relief in her voice when he had offered to accompany her. It wasn't like she could use her plus one ticket on her husband, after all.

"You didn't tell me anything about that mysterious dinner with Flynn. All that heavy stuff about the two of you talking it out in the car and you kept the fun part from me!" he accused her later in the car, navigating them through a maze of back roads.

Sharon looked at her hands in her lap, suddenly self-conscious. "It was very nice," she said in an uncharacteristically low voice.

"Nice!" he repeated. "Well, if that isn't a glowing description. Please, not so many details!" He threw his hands in the air.

"Please, keep your hands on the wheel!" Sharon said quickly, a slightly panicked look in her eyes.

"Alright, sorry. I know. Precious cargo," Gavin murmured. "No, really. What was it like? Where did you go?"

He watched her from the corner of his eye, saw the way she picked an invisible piece of lint off of her sweater and then slid both of her hands into its pockets. Sharon was very tight-lipped when it came to her encounters with Andy Flynn and Gavin knew that she was ashamed of her love for him. After everything that had happened, Gavin himself would have liked to give the man a good beating, but somehow Sharon still felt kindly towards him. He was improving, so much he had gotten out of her, but he was still stunned by the development of things. Anyone who had met Sharon knew how well she could read people, could figure out whether their intentions were good or bad in a matter of minutes. She had very good intuition when it came to human relationships, so she was either completely blinded by love or there were actually some redeeming qualities about Andy Flynn. Gavin didn't know him well enough to be able to tell, but he trusted his best friend. Should it turn out that Andy Flynn was actually as big an asshole as he appeared on first glance, Gavin could still find a way to make him pay. For now, he was curious as to things would develop. Even though the way things had been going so far didn't exactly foreshadow a happy ending, Gavin was experienced enough to know that life wasn't always straightforward. People were far too complicated to understand themselves, he reasoned. Maybe this was just a matter of time.

When he looked at Sharon again, a faint blush had crept across her cheeks. For God's sake, she had it bad.

"We went to a little Italian place by the beach. Their mushroom ravioli is to die for."

Gavin rolled his eyes again at the prospect of having to push even further to get any information that went beyond the main course. "What did you talk about?"

"Oh, all kinds of things. People at work, the things we bought for the baby, our other kids." He sensed her getting a bit short-tempered because of his prying, so he quickly steered the conversation into another direction.

"So you finally bought some things for the baby! What did you get?"

"A very nice crib, for example," Sharon said with a secretive little smile he didn't quite know how to read. "It's very pretty and also, apparently, made of good quality wood."

Gavin nodded. "Of course Flynn would know about wood. His head is made out of it, after all."

"Ha ha," Sharon commented dryly.

"What? He is an idiot, you've got to admit it! He could have a classy, beautiful and smart woman like you and he is with that twit!"

"Caroline is not a twit," Sharon said earnestly. "She is classy, beautiful and smart, too, as well as very kind and she deserves none of the abuse you're spewing her way."

"Don't make me like her!" Gavin sulked. "By the way, is he bringing her to the ball?"

"I would think so," Sharon said in a light tone that sounded decidedly forced. "Can you turn up the heating? It is so cold in here."

"Wuss," Gavin told her, but turned the heating up a notch anyway. "We're almost there. Is there any color you'd prefer for your dress?"

Sharon snorted. "Anything that's slimming."

"Vertical stripes then," Gavin said with feigned honesty. "It's going to be great."

He parked and turned the engine off then turned to see Sharon's miserable expression. He was beginning to understand why she had been so uncharacteristically hesitant to go shopping.

"Hey," he said softly. "You should flaunt that bump, not hide it all the time. You're expecting a baby. It's an occasion to celebrate."

"You think?" she said. "In front of the whole LAPD? If there is anyone who doesn't know yet - which I very much doubt - they will find out that night. I have had enough of all the stares and whispers behind my back. I don't need everyone stuck in one room, making fun of me over their pre-dinner drinks."

Sharon didn't often admit to her own weaknesses that openly and her troubled expression pulled at Gavin's heartstrings. He reached over and took her hand. "There is nothing to make fun of, Sharon. On the contrary. You're in your early fifties and still somehow able to have babies, which is quite a quality. Also, you will look stunning as usual and you will be accompanied by an extremely handsome young man."

A smile broke through Sharon's gloomy expression. "Who everyone knows is gay."

"Oh, those pesky details," Gavin said, glad that she was coming around. "Now get out of the car. We have a busy schedule, love."

She stubbornly folded her arms in front of her chest. "You have to come around and help me out of the car. My best friend tells me I am huge."

He should have known that the tent comment would come back to haunt him. "Is that what your lovely lieutenant does for you?" he asked, wriggling his eyebrows.

Sharon smiled sweetly. "In fact, he does."

Gavin rolled his eyes and exited the car. If a dumb idiot like Flynn did it, he would have to start doing it, too.

* * *

Andy was pretty sure that Pope had just taken all the money his department heads had saved him with so much effort and thrown it at a party planner. For one, the venue was a fancy hotel by the beach and not a stuffy, city-owned convention center that had seen better days. The ballroom was vast with round tables scattered along the sides of a spacious dance floor that stretched out towards a stage on which a jazz band was playing soft tunes. Elegantly-dressed waiters were floating around effortlessly, offering champagne and - thankfully - orange juice to the guests. Andy spotted Pope somewhere near the stage, toasting someone with his glass and generally enjoying the evening.

He looked at the beautiful woman by his side and smiled as she gazed back up at him fondly. A detective from Robbery Homicide passed them and nodded appreciatively, which Andy purposefully ignored while he pretended to study the rather impressive flower arrangement on one of the tables.

"What is this? A wedding? Some Hollywood affair?" he asked aloud, shaking his head in disbelief. "This must have cost a fortune."

"Oh, stop complaining. It's a beautiful event. Do you want to go and find your team?"

Andy nodded and put his hand on her bare back, leading her towards the dance floor which was full of people and still didn't feel crowded. His eyes were caught by an impressive view of the ocean through the large windows that covered most of the opposite wall, the water like lava, tinted orange in the light of the setting winter sun. The windows gave the room an airy, generous feel, as if they weren't even inside a building.

"There they are!" He tore his gaze away from the window and found his attention captivated by a different sight, though not any less beautiful: Sharon stood next to Gavin who looked dapper in a tuxedo and was chatting animatedly to Sykes on his other side. She was wearing a long dark blue chiffon gown that was cut loosely in the front to accommodate her stomach while it was very form fitting otherwise. The simple V-cut of the neckline showed off her slim shoulders and some, but not too much cleavage. Her hair lit up like fire with the sun streaming in through the windows behind her, falling over her shoulders in soft curls. She looked absolutely stunning.

"Oh, look who's there!" Provenza, who had been talking with Sharon, greeted Andy with his usual gruff demeanor. "And, as usual, in the company of a gorgeous young thing."

Sharon looked up for the first time and her eyes widened at the sight of Provenza dropping a kiss to Nicole's hand.

"I think quite a few people thought I was Dad's date. It is kind of disconcerting," Nicole grinned, her brown eyes sparkling with mirth. "Hi, Sharon."

Andy watched the two women embrace then Nicole stepped back and looked at Sharon again. "Wow, you look amazing."

Sharon smiled warmly. "And you, Nicole. I love your dress."

Nicole shook her head. "Remind me that if I ever get pregnant - and that's a big if because my two stepsons are _quite_ a handful - I have to go shopping with you."

"I will gladly lend you my personal shopper over here," Sharon nodded towards Gavin who was beaming with pride. "For all it is worth, I would have come here in a little black dress and be done with it."

"Little black dress, a total classic - as in boring!" Gavin said. "Now, I love that little strappy number!" He took Nicole's hand and made her twirl on the spot. "You are an absolute natural." And with that, he swept her away, leaving Andy with Sharon who was looking at her shoes.

"She's right, you do look amazing, Sharon," Andy said carefully. He knew how to charm a woman, but when he really meant what he said, he tended to end up being inexplicably clumsy.

"Thank you, Andy," she looked up at him and smiled. "How nice of you to bring Nicole."

"Yeah, we talked about a few things recently, you know, after you told me how she felt about me lately. I thought a fancy evening together would be really nice. How are you? We didn't see a lot of each other during the week at work, did we?"

It had been her first week back and she had mostly been in her office to deal with all the paperwork that Provenza had amassed by simply ignoring it. At the same time, he and Provenza had been out on countless errands associated with the three minor, technically cold cases they were currently working.

"No, we didn't." They were on good terms again, but their relationship at the office was strictly professional and somehow, they hadn't yet established a routine of texting or calling each other again. Sharon was still very cautious around him and he, in turn, was careful to give her all the space she needed.

"How are you feeling after your first week back?" he asked her, looking down at where her stomach was concealed by the elegant fabric of her dress.

"I'm good," she said. "The baby's been kicking up a storm this week. She barely lets me sleep." She laughed when she saw Andy's bemused expression. "It's fine, don't worry. I'm glad that she is this active. It assures me that she is okay."

He looked around them and stepped a little closer to Sharon. "Maybe we can sneak away for a moment after dinner, so I can say hello?"

Sharon chuckled. "I'm sure we can." She hesitated for a moment, then tilted her head a little, as if she was nervous. "Also, I-" She looked around and lowered her voice, leaning into him for privacy, unconsciously enabling him to smell her perfume and feel her breath on his skin. "I have an appointment with my doctor next week and I was wondering whether you would like to come."

"I'd love to," he whispered back, reveling in the intimacy they shared among hundreds of people.

They turned towards the others again but didn't step away from each other even as the waiter approached to hand them glasses of orange juice.

"Look at those two idiots," Provenza told Sanchez in a low voice. "Not that blatantly obviously!" he chastised him a moment later, pulling at the annoying thing around his neck. Why did those bow ties have to be that damn itchy?

"The Captain looks happy," Sanchez said in one of his slightly creepy bouts of sudden introspective flair. He looked genuinely sad. "She doesn't look happy that often nowadays."

Provenza signaled for the waiter. If he was to endure everyone's sappiness all night long, he would have to be slightly intoxicated. He checked out Flynn's daughter's legs, just because he could, as Flynn was quite preoccupied with the Captain. She was in the sixth month of her pregnancy now and there wasn't much time left for Flynn (the idiot) to make things right. Provenza just hoped that this was not just a lucky coincidence, but that he had brought his daughter instead of Caroline for a reason.

They all walked towards their table, Flynn's hand resting lightly on the Captain's back, guiding her to her chair without attracting unwanted attention by staying too close to her.

Her hair shone in the light of the setting sun as she walked.

Flynn was one lucky bastard, even if he hadn't quite understood that himself just yet.


	25. Chapter 25

"You alright, Sharon?" Sharon turned away from where she had been staring out of the window and into the darkness of the sky. Rusty's eyes were full of concern, his hand outstretched as if he had stopped just short of touching her to get her attention. The humming of the powerful engines had lulled her into a pensive state and only now that her attention wasn't focused inward anymore, she noticed the slight tremors that went through the airplane.

"I'm fine, honey." She smiled, pulling the blanket the stewardess had supplied her with a little more tightly around her. The pregnancy caused her to always be cold and the snow was the one thing she wasn't looking forward to in Park City. When he still didn't look convinced, she nudged his shoulder affectionately. "I told you that my doctor cleared me for the flight, Rusty. I feel chilly but otherwise great and the baby is sleeping peacefully right now."

"You had such a weird look on your face, Sharon. As if you were in pain or something," Rusty said almost apologetically. "I just wanted to make sure you were fine. And maybe because I've always wanted to dramatically yell 'Is there a doctor here?' on a plane." He gave her a lopsided grin and she shook her head in mock disbelief.

"You watch entirely too much television, young man," she told him, a little uneasy by how clearly her feelings had shown at the outside. She didn't want to worry Rusty with her personal problems. He was just beginning to come around and actually warm up to the idea of her having a baby and she didn't want to give him anything else to fret about. However, she hadn't expected Rusty to be as observant as he turned out to be just a moment later.

"It's just... I was wondering..." He cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with the topic he was about to bring up and Sharon's heart sank at the discovery. "You told me that you would ask Lieutenant Flynn to come to your doctor's appointment with you, but then you went alone, after all. Did... did something happen between the two of you at the ball?"

He was so spot on that it almost hurt. She grimaced, about to do something that she usually tried to avoid at all cost: She stalled.

"Would you mind if I answered that question another time?" she asked him softly. "I am looking forward to seeing the rest of my family and I don't feel like talking about Andy right now. It is not that I don't trust you or don't want to confide it you, it is just not the right time for me."

Rusty looked positively forlorn, but she could tell that he was sad for her and not upset because of her refusal to tell him what had happened. She watched as he reached out and brushed her hand tentatively before pulling back. His fingertips were warm and a little moist, as if he was nervous about their conversation. It broke her heart.

"Sure, Sharon. I just don't want to see you hurt."

She smiled sadly. "Don't worry, Rusty. I'm fine."

He was too smart to believe her, though.

* * *

Since their time share would have ended up somewhat crowded with Sharon, her three children, Sharon's brother, his wife and themselves, Sharon's parents had rented a rather spacious cottage this year to accommodate all of them. Rusty's eyes widened in wonder as he took in the house when Sharon pulled up in front of it in their rental car. She was mildly surprised that he was even able to look at anything else than the snow that covered the world here in Utah. Her California boy had never seen snow before, after all.

"That's it? That's amazing," Rusty said, his voice pitched slightly higher than usual.

"It does look nice," she said, succumbing to the feeling of welcome the house exuded. When she had gotten out of the car and walked around it to get to the trunk, always slowly to make sure that she would not slip and fall, Rusty had already taken her suitcase out. When she reached out to take it, however, he slapped her hand away.

"I'll get that," he told her quickly, earning a chuckle.

"Rusty, it is on wheels. I don't even have to carry it." She could tell that he wouldn't be swayed and her heart melted a little.

"It's, like, totally dark and slippery out here. You should concentrate on keeping your balance. Can't be easy with that." He motioned towards her protruding belly and she grinned, wraping both arms around it. The baby kicked twice in short succession and she felt relieved as, despite her doctor's reassurances that she would be fine, she had been a little worried that flying wouldn't be good for the little one.

The front door opened before they had a chance to knock and out spilled Ricky and Emily, hugging them in turn.

"Oh my God, Mom! We saw you only three weeks ago and now look at you!" Emily stepped back from her embrace and took in the sight of her mother. "No more scarves then." She grinned cheekily. "Grandma and Grandpa are in the kitchen. Uncle John and Maura went out to buy some wine for dinner, but they're going to be back soon."

Sharon found it hard to let go of her children, but comforted herself with the prospect of having them around her for the next week to be able keep her hands out of Ricky's hair and off Emily's back as she followed them to the spacious kitchen. Her parents were standing at the island in the middle, side by side as she always saw them in her mind's eye, chopping vegetables. Her father looked up first and smiled, setting the knife down and wiping his hands on a dish towel.

"Sharon! There you are!" He came around the island and pulled her into a firm hug then stepped back and looked at her. He reached out to gently rest his hand against the side of her stomach briefly, as if in greeting. "And grandkid number four." She smiled, happy that he had thought to include Rusty, too.

"Let me look at her, Richard!" Sharon's mother commanded, causing her husband to step aside. Dressed in an apron, cheeks flushed by the heat of the simmering pans on the stove, Sharon's mother didn't look her seventy-five years at all. She opened her arms and wrapped them around her daughter, kissing the side of her head as Sharon always did with Emily. She would have done it with Ricky, too, but even on high heels she was too short to reach that far up.

"Honey, you are too thin," her mother told her sternly, sending Emily into a fit of giggles until Ricky elbowed her in the side. Her grandmother shot her a stern look, her hand still on Sharon's back, running her fingers down her side and over her ribs. "You should have seen her when she was this far along with you, young lady. She looked a lot healthier then."

"Mom and I are making our Bolognese," Sharon's father supplied. "I hope you're aware that you will have to have at least two helpings for her to be satisfied." He grimaced. "Too bad you can't have any wine with it. John and Maura are off to get that amazing Pinot Noir."

He grinned at her from under his white eye brows and shock of white hair, hands buried in the pockets of his khakis. Sharon felt a warm feeling in the pit of her stomach as she regarded her parents, looking so healthy and happy. It almost made her laugh now how nervous she had been on the phone when she had called to tell them about her pregnancy and the divorce, but they had been surprisingly happy with both. Embracing the helping others and trusting in God aspects of Catholicism, Sharon's parents didn't care for the condescending ones. Jack had never been a favorite of theirs and they had long since stopped considering him a part of their family. Sharon's mother hugged her again, a little more tightly than usual. She knew that it was her way of showing her support in a difficult situation that she was not about to address in front of everyone. Sharon found herself imagining Andy by her side for the shortest of moments, but then forcefully shut out the image. She couldn't let herself have these thoughts after what had happened on the balcony at the Christmas ball. She had to draw a line somewhere.

"Hey there, young man!" Sharon's father approached Rusty and shook his hand. "I think you have grown an inch since I last saw you."

"Easter was a while ago," Rusty grinned, somehow completely at ease with this man. Sharon knew that her father had this effect on people when he wasn't busy cracking sarcastic jokes that many people didn't understand. Retired judge that he was, he instantly inspired confidence in most and never disappointed. Sharon's mother was a very similar character which was probably why they were still so happy after fifty-five years of marriage.

"Rusty, remind me that I have something for you," Sharon's mother said absent-mindedly, causing Sharon to hide a grin. Richard and Erica Delaney had a tendency to shower their loved ones in small but heartfelt gifts and it seemed that they had adopted Rusty right along with her.

"Can I help with dinner?" Sharon asked, but was met with a firm shake of the head.

"Honey, you flew half across the country in your condition. You need to be off your feet," her mother said, ignoring Rusty telling her that it had only been two hours. "You have your own room upstairs and there is a tub in the bathroom next door. You could take a bath and relax until dinner."

"Yes, Mom, fragile little flower. It is possible that someone has already started the bath for you..." Emily flashed her a knowing smile.

When Sharon came back downstairs, relaxed and warmed by the bubble bath she had found in the bathroom upstairs and dressed in a comfortable dress, she was greeted by her ringing phone on the table in the hallway where she had left it upon her arrival. She picked it up and looked at the screen for a lot longer than she needed to to recognize the caller as Andy. With her thumb she swiped the screen, rejecting the call. She just couldn't bring herself to talk to him when she was here with her family and nowhere to hide should the tears come. He was probably calling to apologize and she didn't want to hear it, just wanted her peace and quiet out here. Sharon muted the phone and turned the screen downward for good measure, then walked back into the kitchen that opened into a large dining and living area which took up most of the ground floor and overlooked the garden. She loved this house, she found, as it was spacious and luxurious yet comfortable, even personal despite being a vacation home where nobody lived for any prolonged period of time. The delicious smell of Bolognese wafting in the air, helped too.

"Hey, Little Sis!" Her brother toasted her with his wine glass and then got up to greet her, his gaze dropping down to her abdomen almost immediately. "Good Lord, Sharon, another one?" he joked and embraced her quickly before stepping back and letting Maura greet her.

"Hi, Sharon. I thought John was joking when he told me." Maura was a petite blonde woman with clear blue eyes and a love of twin-sets and pearls. Sharon smiled back weakly. Discussing the baby would most likely mean discussing the absence of its father as Maura wasn't as considerate when it came to that as her parents. She was not in the mood to explain to her very happily married brother and his wife how she had ended up like this and for some reason she feared that they would pity her rather than understand that she was glad that she was having the baby despite the circumstances. They didn't have children and she wasn't sure that they understood how happy she was despite how unhappy she was at the same time.

Erica had sensed her daughter's unease and came to her aid as she rose from the couch. "Everyone, continue to catch up while Sharon and I make the pasta," she said easily, taking Sharon by the arm to lead her into the kitchen. Sharon leaned against the counter with a soft sigh.

"Thank you, Mom."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Erica smiled down as she stirred the sauce and turned the heat up on the pot with water, waiting for it to boil. After a moment of silence, the conversation in the living room had gathered up speed again and if they kept their voices low, they would be able to talk without being overheard. Erica rubbed Sharon's back. "How are you, really, darling? You didn't sound so good over the phone. Is something wrong with your baby?"

Sharon shook her head. "The baby's fine, Mom. It's just-" She pressed her lips together, unable to say anything else.

"That Andy," her mother finished for her. "What did he do this time?"

She looked so worried, ready to go into combat mode should Andy have harmed Sharon. It almost made Sharon laugh, albeit without humor, because he would never hurt her physically. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to come up with the words to describe what had happened out on the balcony.

**A/N:** Uhhh, sorry to leave you hanging for now! After a long night last night and a tough day at work today, I am sooo tired and I need to be of sound mind to write the flashback that is coming. Can you guess what happened? :-)


	26. Chapter 26

"Careful." His mouth was close to her ear and she felt his breath on her neck, making the fine hairs there stand up as heat shot through her body. One arm lightly draped around her waist, he reached for one of her hands with the other hand, wrapping his fingers around hers. She giggled a little as they inched their way along the wall to get to one of the closed-off gazebos that were lining the balcony without being seen. The sky was a velvety dark blue now, the stars not yet out and their surroundings illuminated only by the small points of light that came from the strings of lights far above them.

Once inside the gazebo, they sat down on the upholstered bench, but he didn't let go of her hand even as she made to adjust her flowing dress over her knees. Only when she looked up at him, he drew his hand back, smiling sheepishly. The gazebo was illuminated by two thick candles in a glass vase and the shadows were flickering across his face, making it impossible to discern what he was thinking. The rushing of the waves was close and Sharon closed her eyes against it, imagining the steady flowing of the tides.

She shivered a little and before she could protest, he had shrugged out of his jacket and draped it around her bare shoulders. Her hand brushed his when she pulled at it a little to keep it from sliding off and she smiled up at him.

"Thank you, Andy."

It was so quiet and cold out here, completely unlike the ballroom that was beginning to heat up and was filled to the brim with music and voices. They had left behind Gavin dancing with Nicole and so they were relaxed and didn't have to worry about their companions for the moment. She found Andy watching her and turned away, slightly embarrassed. For the first time in a good while she actually felt attractive, but she was still slightly uncomfortable with the situation.

Andy's arm came back around her and she reveled in how lovely his touch felt. He never intruded upon her private space, always seemed to silently ask her permission by moving hesitantly at first and then moving surely and tenderly. She leaned a little into him and took his free hand, sliding it under his jacket where it came to rest on her stomach. This was why they were out here, after all, she told herself. She was glad that they were so sheltered out here even though the IA person inside her didn't think that the gazebos and the romantic atmosphere that they created were very appropriate for a work event.

Andy's big hand was warm and heavy and she leaned back with an almost inaudible sigh as he began to rub her stomach lightly. The baby moved and kicked inside her, Andy's eyes lighting up instantly. She kept forgetting that he had felt the baby kick only twice so far while she was used to it again by now. It was a normal occurrence for her, but it excited him still.

"Would she be able to hear me if I talked to her? I mean, would she recognize my voice at all?" he asked her.

"Maybe it is still a bit early. Babies do react to outward noises, but she has a little growing to do until then."

An amused grin spread over Andy's face. "I bet Provenza is going to be the first she will be able to recognize. He is the loudest and grumpiest, after all."

She chuckled. "I hope not."

"I'll just try to be louder," Andy mused.

"And how would that be any different from now, exactly?" Sharon laughed out loud when she saw his scandalized expression.

"That's what you perceive us as? Two crazy old roosters, trying to outdo each other in everything?"

She pressed her hand against her mouth as the laughter rocked her body, causing her daughter to kick even harder against Andy's hand. He turned his attention back to the baby, his smile visible even in the semi-darkness of their surroundings. For a moment all that could be heard was the rushing of the waves, then a jolt of laughter somewhere else on the balcony.

"You're going away for Christmas, aren't you?" he asked her suddenly. "Or you probably wouldn't have taken the whole week off."

She was surprised by the sudden change of topic, but indulged him anyway. "Yes. I am taking Rusty to Park City to spend the holidays with my parents and my children. My brother and his wife are going to be there, too."

Andy narrowed his eyes in concentration. "Your brother. John, right? You never told me much about him."

Sharon shrugged. "He is a lawyer and has been married to his wife Maura forever. High school sweethearts. They are very interested in art and theatre. We get along well, but we are not very close."

"Park City is a ski resort, right? What are you going to be doing all day?"

She closed her eyes and hummed luxuriously. "My parents rented a house this year. It has a pool and a sauna and it is just next to a small park with a pond. I'll swim and relax and go for walks and- what?" She had noticed his worried look.

"Don't go alone. What if you faint again?"

"I'll be okay," she assured him, touched by his concern. "The park is always full of people, anyway."

He seemed happy with that and continued to caress her stomach lightly and lovingly. "I'll be with Nicole and her family this year," he beamed up at her. "My son is going to come, too." There was a moment of comfortable silence before he spoke again. "Are you going to be back for New Year's?" When she nodded, he inquired further: "Do you have any plans?"

"Oh, no. I usually go with Gavin to one of his fancy parties. His friends are a lot of fun, but I don't feel like playing dress-up this year."

"You dress up very nicely." He gave her a warm smile that looked nothing like the way it did when he just turned his charms on as a means to an end.

"I don't fit into any of my little party dresses anymore," she told him. "Gavin offered to stay home with me, but he has been doing so much for me this year and I know how much he loves his parties." She shrugged. "I will just make myself comfortable on the couch, get take out dinner and watch movies. It won't be half bad."

She was about to ask him what his plans were when she felt a tightening in her stomach and her muscles became hard for a moment. Andy looked up quickly, his eyes wide. "Are you in labor, Sharon?"

It didn't last longer than a few seconds and she relaxed again, smiling at him. "No. It's just practice contractions. Completely normal and not even painful." When Andy still looked doubtful, she explained further. "Sometimes it happens when I stay in one position for a prolonged period of time. I've been sitting through all those speeches, after all."

"Tell me about it," he groaned. "So incredibly boring. You can lean into me if you like."

She doubted that it would do anything to prevent the Braxton Hicks contractions, but she did it anyway, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Are you still cold?" he wanted to know.

Sharon shook her head as she truly wasn't anymore, snuggling closely into Andy's side and with his jacket and arm around her. She felt his face turn into her as he pressed a kiss to her hairline and she closed her eyes, barely able to contain a content hum. He smelled so good and he was so warm. His hand left her stomach and she was disappointed only until she felt both of his hands on her back. He turned to face her and pulled her against him, wrapping her up in his embrace. His heartbeat was slightly accelerated, she noticed where she was gently pressed against his chest and she raised her head to look up at him. Andy had a strange look in his eyes and she was so drowsy with contentment that it took her a moment to understand what was happening. His hand came up to cup her cheek while he held her close with his other arm and, impulsively, he leaned in and sought her lips with his, the contact hesitant and light at first. Sharon's heart was beating quickly in her chest as she felt his warm wet lips on hers, the pressure increasing when he deepened the kiss. Inside her, arousal fought with apprehension and finally manifested itself in a deep, sensual hum that was muffled by his lips. His hand on her back went downward slowly, relaxing her a bit.

Oh, how she loved this man, she thought and instantly sobered up.

She drew back in the middle of the kiss, Andy's hands falling away as she sat up straight. From feeling happy and comfortable, she had gone to feeling miserable and at the verge of tears in a matter of seconds.

"This is not right," she said, her voice hollow, a first tear escaping her eye. She wiped it away with force; she didn't want to fall apart before she could get the words out. And after saying it, she needed to get back inside where everyone could see her, where he was forced to stay away from her, where she was forced to keep it together. But she couldn't stop herself as a sob was working its way up through her chest. This was not fair. He tried to say something, but she shook her head vehemently. Suddenly the gazebo around them felt claustrophobic rather than cozy. She got to her feet, shook his arms off like that. She couldn't let him do this to her.

"Sharon," he said. "Let me-"

"Andy, you are with Caroline. This is a mess as it is." She tried not to sound as if she was begging, but she didn't really succeed. "Don't make me the other woman on top of it all."

And with that she turned around to walk back inside, her nails digging into her palms as she slowed herself down in order to appear unfazed to any casual onlooker. She had to leave now, had to go home, she thought, wiping another stray tear from her cheek. She was set to leave for Utah just after her doctor's appointment on Monday and she wouldn't have to see him again until the new year. What had made her a little sad just a few minutes ago now gave her strength to carry herself gracefully until she had reached Gavin. She couldn't go on like this, couldn't allow herself to be close to Andy, to hope that he would come around someday. There was no use in it. He was with someone else and as long as he had not changed that, there would never be a future for them.

The baby kicked again and she wrapped her arm around her belly.

He was the father of her daughter. Nothing more and nothing less.

She was the other woman.

Nothing more.

**A/N:** I had to! Couldn't let you think that Andy had done something even worse, could I? Next up is the Christmas chapter. (I am writing Christmas chapters in October. I am worse than a supermarket.) Thank you for all of your support, guys. You rock! And also thank the lovely Bellusel for the quick update. She spammed me with hilarious gifs on tumblr which helped chase my exhaustion away at least long enough to write that scene! :-D


	27. Chapter 27

Erica looked pensive when Sharon had finished her quick and whispered recounting of what had happened at the ball. She didn't care for anyone to overhear; it was almost Christmas, after all, and she wanted her children to enjoy their time together without having to worry about their mother's love life. Her mother's arm came around her waist and Sharon felt herself hugged into Erica's side. Even after all those years of being a mother herself, it still was the most comforting thing she could imagine. It felt as if Erica Delaney was somehow able to make everything right in the world for Sharon. For a moment she tried to imagine Andy in a hospital room, having to listen to his father's words of disappointment when he had been trying so hard to make things right. How horrible that would have been. How tortured Andy had to be by the fact that his father had died without giving him a chance to prove him wrong.

"I think you are doing the right thing, Sharon," her mother said quietly. "It was good to pull yourself out of that situation and not answer his calls. An emotional turmoil like this one can be physically exhausting and you need to be careful." She tucked a strand of Sharon's hair behind her ear. "You look tired, Sharon, and I can tell you're not eating enough. This might look like I am being overbearing again, but I am genuinely concerned."

Sharon nodded obediently. "It's not like I don't eat and sleep, Mom. I already feel like I am doing nothing else."

Erica smiled. "Of course. That's why it is good to take some time off work and away from Mr. Flynn and relax. Really relax." She handed Sharon a bowl of spaghetti. "You're not too fragile to get this to the table, though. And call the others. We're having dinner."

Sharon smiled and accepted the heavy bowl. "Yes, Ma'am."

When they had all settled around the dinner table with their plates full, Sharon frowned at the glass of red wine in front of her. The lazy dark red liquid did look and smell very promising indeed. She took the glass and smelled it, then set it back down without drinking from it. It was a shame, really. Her parents' Bolognese was amazing without wine, but the rich taste was greatly complimented by a taste of the dry red she knew to be one of the best she had ever tasted.

"Oh, I didn't want to exclude you," John said apologetically as he was filling her other glass with water. "They say that you can have a few sips from time to time. Doesn't hurt the baby."

Sharon accepted the water and smiled. "Thank you, it's fine. I probably shouldn't take any chances, though."

Maura smiled across the table leniently. "From what I hear, you don't have to worry about anything associated with this pregnancy, Sharon," she almost sing-songed. "Getting pregnant naturally at your age is a miracle in itself and now look at you! How big were the chances that you would make it beyond the first three months?"

Rusty's fork scratched across his plate next to Sharon and she reached out to pat his knee comfortingly under the table. She wasn't sure what Maura was getting at, but she didn't want Rusty to worry about it on top of it all. One look at Emily's face told her that her daughter had caught up on the slightly artificial jolliness of her aunt's tone, too. Sharon schooled her features and concentrated on rolling her spaghetti around her fork, trying to put a stop to the conversation. Her father opened his mouth to say something about the wine, eyes fixed to the label of the bottle in his hand, but Maura spoke before he could.

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you." She smiled at Sharon who spotted a smudge of pink lipstick on one of her front teeth. It oddly fascinated her.

"It's fine. Why would you?" she said stiffly, consciously allowing a note of warning to seep into her tone of voice. She would not discuss her pregnancy with her sister in law who was nice enough but could be somewhat condescending when she disagreed with something for some reason or other. She could have asked her bluntly whether she had a problem with the whole thing, but that was not Sharon Raydor's style. Especially with her family around her and the sincere wish to keep the peace to make the vacation enjoyable for all of them.

"You know, it has not been easy... actually," Rusty said suddenly. So far, he had been careful, speaking mostly with Ricky and Emily whom he had seen a lot more often than Sharon's parents. This was the first time he came in contact with her brother and his wife and Sharon was duly surprised that he would address them on his own initiative. Rusty usually tended to stay in the background in larger groups and observe for a while before he interacted with new people. He was obviously upset on her behalf because he didn't even seem to notice that all eyes were on him now. "Sharon almost lost the baby once and then had to stay home for over a week again because she fainted at work."

Sharon's father put the bottle back on the table with a resonating thud and gave her a worried look. "You didn't tell us about that, honey."

Sharon saw Rusty flinch next to her and gave him a small smile to assure him that it wasn't his fault. She should have told her parents how difficult her pregnancy really was, or at least should have warned Rusty that they didn't know.

"I didn't want to worry you, Dad. I'm fine."

"And the baby?" Her mother asked, taking a quick sip of her wine to have something to do with her hands, which was a sure sign that she was worried. "Did you have any tests run?"

All of a sudden, Sharon began to feel really guilty. She had kept her parents out of the loop on purpose, had told them about the baby only a few weeks ago and had pretended to herself and to others that she was too busy to have a longer phone conversation with either of them. She had known then and knew now that it was not true. She had spent almost a week on bed rest, after all.

"Tests?" John asked. "As in tests that would give you the choice to abort the baby should the results not be to your liking?"

Sharon tried not to roll her eyes. Her brother and his wife did not approve of a lot of things modern medicine brought about. She felt put on the spot even though she had never even once considered abortion as an option in her case.

"I had all the tests run," she told her mother then turned to her brother. "To make sure that my child got the best medical care possible before and after its birth. Everything is normal, though. She is perfectly healthy."

"She?" her father beamed. "It's a girl?"

"Oh no, Mom," Ricky quickly interjected. "You gave yourself away!"

There was laughter around the table and Sharon relaxed immediately even though she was feeling rather sheepish. "Oh no," she said with a wry smile. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"Oh, honey, that's wonderful!" Her mother's cheeks were flushing with excitement and she clapped her hands once. "Have you thought about any names yet?"

"First names or last?" When Sharon turned towards Maura, she was already looking down at her plate again where she was busy scooping up sauce with her spoon.

"Pardon?" Sharon asked sternly, fed-up with being antagonized in such a subtle way. Dealing with open hostility was so much easier when one was as used to it as she was. Maura looked up innocently. She was either a very good actress or it had actually been an innocuous question. Sharon could never tell with her sister in law even though they had met almost thirty years ago.

"I was just wondering with the divorce and all. Is your new baby going to have Jack's last name? Or are you going to take your maiden name back? What about the father's last name? I don't even know what his name is."

Emily tried to cut in, an angry frown beginning to draw her eyebrows together. Sharon was touched by how protective her daughter was of her, but she knew that she could and had to fight this battle on her own.

"I am going to keep Jack's name," she said. "That is how I am known at work. After all those years it is my name as much as it is his. Therefore, my daughter will be a Raydor, too, deriving the name from me, not Jack."

Sharon had figured this problem out a long time ago and she was at peace with her decision. She had been Sharon Raydor for much longer than she had been Sharon Delaney and she wanted to have the same name as all of her children. Except for Rusty, of course, who wanted to avoid being confused with a cartoon character.

"Ah," Maura said, making it impossible to tell whether the sound she made was meant to convey approval or disapproval.

"As for names," Sharon's mother said with a very telling look towards her daughter in law. "Erica is very pretty. I am still bummed that you named your son after your Dad and never considered my name for Emily." She chuckled, telling Sharon that she did not mean it.

"Her father will have to have a say in that, won't he?" John asked. Sharon could tell that he was fishing rather than trying to embarrass her. As their relationship wasn't a very close one, Sharon hadn't told him anything about her relationship - or lack thereof - with Andy, so he was trying to find out about it without asking her outright. John was often a little standoffish without meaning to be. He was awkward when it came to personal conversations and therefore he was usually trying to find a way around asking personal questions directly. Sharon couldn't indulge him right now, couldn't find a way to let him know what was going on without giving him too many details, because thinking of Andy constricted her throat and made her nauseous.

"I like Gavin's favorite. Rae Raydor," Ricky said quickly, turning the conversation around by making it humorous as was his way to take the tension out of a difficult situation. Sharon smiled at him across the table to convey her gratitude.

"How about Aurora Dora Raydor? I bet nobody would be able to say that name after two glasses of wine," Sharon's father suggested, making everyone - including Sharon - burst into laughter.

* * *

Sharon felt wonderfully warm and content in her usual ensemble of leggings and a comfortable sweater with fuzzy socks and a blanket. She was curled up in a large, comfortable chair that stood in one corner of the living-room and overlooked the backyard. She had abandoned her book a while ago in favor of looking out into the garden at the twirling snowflakes that were falling. At first she had been a little worried about her children and the rest of her family being out on the slopes when the snow was beginning to fall in thick flakes. Then she had reminded herself that all of them were experienced skiers who knew when the territory was becoming too dangerous. They would probably retreat to one of the pubs by the slopes soon to warm themselves up.

She wasn't sad that she could not accompany them this year as she relished the quiet and the chance to fall asleep whenever she felt like it. Her phone was on the table next to her chair, once again turned face down. Andy had tried calling her again twice, but had left no messages. He probably knew that she would not listen to them. The house far away from L.A. - in another world it seemed with all the snow that was unthinkable in her hometown - was like a sanctuary where she could hide for a while. Being with her family was a great comfort and she was looking forward to Christmas which was only a day away now.

The doorbell rang and she imagined her children, clothes soaked and cheeks reddened with the cold, having forgotten their key, returning early to play a video game match. Rusty had been excited to go skiing for the first time and Emily had offered to teach him so he wouldn't have to attend a course all by himself while everyone was somewhere else. She was a good skier, but she usually kept to the easier slopes to avoid being injured as she was not technically allowed to go skiing at all because of her job with her ballet company. Skiing was pretty exhausting when you were first starting up and Sharon had been expecting the two of them to be home early, anyway. With a little sigh, she put the blanket aside and got to her feet, baby protesting the sudden movement with a kick. Her parents were right, she would have to think about names soon, it randomly occurred to her.

She opened the front door, a sarcastic comment about forgetting one's key dying on her lips when she laid eyes on her visitor. Out there stood Andy in jeans and a leather jacket that was clearly no match for the weather, his hair mussed and wet, his cheeks flushed with the cold. Snowflakes were beginning to melt on the light cotton scarf he was wearing over a plain white shirt, soaking it through. There was a simple overnightbag slung over his shoulder, but he didn't have any other luggage.

"Hey, Sharon," he said when she remained silent, too shocked to react to his unexpected visit. She felt shaky, her heart thundering in her chest as she was trying to decide whether she felt cornered in her newfound sanctuary or oddly excited by the notion that he had booked a ticket and flown all the way from here from Los Angeles just to see her.

"Andy... what... what are you doing here?" she asked him, still holding the door as if she was about to slam it into his face, which she wasn't sure she even wanted to do. Banning any thoughts of a certain person from your mind had the definite disadvantage of not having an opinion on how to deal with them, she found. But then she hadn't expected him to show up in the first place.

"You are not answering your phone," he said and she couldn't help but find the comment rather amusing. As if it was natural to board a plane to get where the other person was instead of trying to leave a message or text or even e-mail first.

"I didn't want to be disturbed," she said carefully, still weighing her options.

"I guess it's too late for that then," he replied with a hint of his usual cocky attitude. "Could I come in for a moment, anyway? It is rather cold here compared to where I came from and I am soaked."

He was right, she couldn't leave him out here in the snow where dusk was slowly falling along with even more snow and a cold wind was beginning to blow. It did help her decision to step aside and let him in that she was beginning to shiver with the cold draft herself. When she turned back towards him from where she had closed the door, he was wearing a peculiar expression. She took a step back to avoid smelling his scent or getting touched. She didn't want to fall prey to her own attraction to him again, didn't want to have to feel guilty again for getting too close to someone who was in a relationship with someone else.

"I'm sorry for coming here unannounced," he said and she was grateful that he cut right to the chase without exchanging awkward pleasantries or worse, trying to make small talk first. "but I couldn't leave things like this. I couldn't let you believe that I-" He stopped in his tracks suddenly, all his bravado leaving him at once, visible in how his shoulders sank. "Sharon," he said in a low, sad voice. "I am really sorry for kissing you at the ball."

His words hurt more than she could have fathomed in advance. Even though she had been disappointed and angry by his choice to kiss her despite the fact that he was with someone else, at least she had been left with a little hope because he had wanted to kiss her in the first place. Now he regretted it and he was probably about to tell her that he wanted to be friends with her, that he regretted giving her the wrong impression and jeopardizing that friendship in the process. She wished he hadn't come to Utah to tell her that. She would have much preferred to stay in her little illusion for a while longer, because as much pain as that brought, the truth brought more.

"Maybe you should leave," she said tonelessly. "I don't understand why you would come here to tell me this."

She only noticed his own devastation when he spoke, because her gaze was firmly fixed on her hands that were clasped together in front of her. "I am sorry because I didn't want to give you the impression that I had just broken up with Caroline to jump right into another relationship with you. I wanted to wait so you could trust me again."

She raised her head at once, completely surprised with the turn of events. Had he just said something about breaking up with Caroline? She didn't trust her voice, so she just didn't say anything.

"But then I felt so drawn to you, Sharon, as I always do, and I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry. I should have at least let you know beforehand that I am not in a relationship anymore. I just didn't want you to think that I expected anything from you now that I broke things off with someone else because I have feelings for you."

Now it was his turn to avoid her eyes by looking at his shoes instead. She knew that Andy had a hard time putting his feelings into words and this statement had been very frank and very open. Despite the relief she felt, Sharon didn't know what to say. A part of her wanted her to throw herself into his arms and assure him that she had feelings for him, too, another one screamed for her to be careful. So much had happened between them and so many things had gone wrong. She found that she didn't have it in her to forget about all of it just like that.

"When did you break up with her?" she asked quietly. She needed all the facts before she could try and make a decision.

"The morning after our dinner," he said.

The morning after their talk in the car, she thought.

She opened her mouth to say something else when she was interrupted by the sound of a key in the lock. The door opened and in filed her whole family, all covered in snow.

"This is shaping up to be a snow storm," her father was saying. "We should probably stock up on groceries; they just closed the airport. We heard it on the radio on our way over here."

Sharon felt herself go rigid with shock. Park City was famously cramped over the holidays and there was no way Andy would find a hotel room, not even a crappy one, on such short notice. The hall was big but it seemed impossibly cramped with all the people in it and the sound of the door closing almost made Sharon feel claustrophobic.

"Who is that?" Her father asked, shaking his head quizzically. "Is there anything we can help you with, Sir?"

Andy looked to Sharon for help. She was uncomfortable being caught in such a situation, so utterly unsure of how she felt about him being there and unhappy with having an audience.

"This is Andy Flynn," she said. "The father of my baby."


	28. Chapter 28

Whatever difficulty he had understanding and expressing his own emotions properly, Andy was always quick to pick up on other people's feelings, but even if the opposite had been true, he wouldn't have missed the hostility around him. Sharon's father, a tall, impressive man with completely white hair and intelligent blue eyes, regarded him with a frown. The three children had all adopted the same stance that was very reminiscent of Sharon with folded arms and raised chins. Sharon's mother spoke first. Her eyes looked just like Sharon's with the same kind, knowing look that he had seen in her daughter's a thousand times.

"How about we all get out of our wet clothes and give Sharon a chance to speak to Mr. Flynn alone," she said, her hand on her husband's arm, presumably to remind him that his little girl was an adult and could take care of herself. Sharon's brother did the same with his wife who looked interested rather than angry.

"Call us if you need anything," Ricky said, fixing Andy with a glare as he followed his grandmother's orders and shuffled up the stairs along with Rusty, who threw no less than three watchful glances over his shoulder until he had arrived upstairs. Andy looked back at Sharon and gave her a tentative smile.

"Looks like I am less than welcome here," he said, trying to turn awkwardness into humor. Sharon smiled back briefly, still looking stunned and uncharacteristically helpless. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to come, after all, but he had been unable to sleep for the past few nights and he had needed to tell her the truth about the kiss before he went insane.

"That's too bad because you won't be able to leave," she said dryly, the faraway look in her eyes fading to be replaced with something that suggested a more practical approach to the problem. This was the Sharon Raydor he knew and he was relieved to see her emerge. "The airport is closed and you won't find a hotel room around here this time of the year."

"I can always try," he offered, causing her to nod slowly.

"You should do that." She looked down her front. "Now that everyone is back I should probably find something else to wear. Um, you can wait in the living-room while I change." He watched her retreat, sure that her attire was not what made her go upstairs. She needed a break to gather her thoughts and he understood, so he wandered into the kitchen and looked out at what was definitely building up to be a massive snowstorm. He hadn't factored the possibility into his plans, he had to admit, and he felt foolish as he remembered that Salt Lake City Airport had been closed due to snow before when Sharon had been forced to spend Christmas with the Major Crimes division years ago. He turned around when someone cleared their throat behind him.

It was Sharon's father who had changed into slacks and a black cashmere sweater. "Mr. Flynn," he said, his blue eyes piercing. "We haven't been properly introduced. My name is Richard Delaney. I am Sharon's father." He had a firm, sure handshake and Andy could very well picture him as the judge he just remembered that he was.

"Andrew Flynn. I am sorry to disturb your vacation, Sir."

It was strange to be eyed by a concerned father like this. Somehow the situation made him feel as if he was a teenager picking his girlfriend up for a date. He half-expected to receive a good verbal beating, but instead he got a taste of where Sharon's easy diplomacy came from.

"You're my little granddaughter's father," Mr. Delaney said slowly. "And therefore I will not send you out into the snow on an unlikely quest to find a hotel room if Sharon won't. I am afraid all beds in this house are taken, but you are welcome to stay down here on the couch."

Andy bowed his head. "Thank you, Sir. I am very grateful."

"I do not want to intrude upon my daughter's privacy by asking you about your intentions or your reasons for being here and I won't threaten you with things I could do should you hurt her again. She is her own woman and she can make her own decisions. I'll just ask you to be honest and truthful to her, because after Jack she deserves someone who isn't a goddamn coward." A small smile began to play at his lips then vanished before Andy could make up his mind on whether he had imagined it or not. The old man walked over to the counter and pulled a knife out of a knife block then turned towards Andy again. "I guess you being here is a good sign, however. You can help with me dinner." With that, he handed him the knife and pointed towards a bunch of onions which Andy was pretty sure was his form of punishment.

He had just started chopping under the watchful eyes of Sharon's father when Sharon came in, now wearing a dress and cardigan. If she was surprised by how peacefully they were standing together and preparing dinner, she didn't show it.

"I offered Mr. Flynn the couch, honey," Mr. Delaney said. "Provided that you agree, of course."

Andy continued cutting, his eyes stinging with tears, but didn't look up when he felt her gaze on him. "I do agree," Sharon said softly, her smile audible in her voice. "What is for dinner, Dad?"

"I am making two whole chickens in the oven along with onions, carrots and potatoes," he said. "Still your favorite, I hope. I recall your taste buds going a little crazy last time you were pregnant."

Sharon chuckled. "They still do that sometimes, but your chicken will never not be my favorite. Is there any way I can help?"

"You can tell Mr. Flynn over there that he is not the pregnant one, so he is not allowed to start bawling out of nowhere."

Sharon looked over at Andy and chuckled when she saw the tears streaming down his face. Having discarded his leather jacket but still wearing his crisp white shirt, Andy didn't want to wipe his face with his sleeve but couldn't use his hands either, as they were full of onion juice. Sharon took pity on him and came around the counter with a wet tissue. She pulled him down by his shirt front to be able to reach his face and gently wiped the tears away.

"That's better." Her smile was slightly amused and she didn't seem as bothered by his presence as she had been before. With renewed enthusiasm, Andy cut the rest of the onions and then went for the carrots for which Sharon joined him. Their shoulders almost touched when they quietly chopped the vegetables, hands brushing from time to time as they dropped handfuls of pieces into a bowl.

Suddenly Sharon put down her knife and hummed, laying her hands over her belly. Ever since he had seen her stand in the Murder Room pale and scared, telling him that she was bleeding, Andy had begun to tense every time she did something unexpected. He dropped his own knife onto the chopping board and reached out for Sharon. "Are you okay?" He tried not to sound so panicked, but he couldn't stop thinking about how upset she had been at the ball and how upset she had been to see him not too long ago. What if something was wrong because of that?

"Yes, I'm fine." Sharon gave him a smile. "It's just hiccups."

"Hiccups?" Sharon's father echoed. "Do you want me to tell you something that shocks you, so it goes away? _They put a ban on maple sirup. You can get it only on the black market now and that would be against the rules!_"

"Not me," Sharon told him, chuckling. "The baby. I forgot how funny it feels. This is the first time she is doing it."

Andy looked down at where she was holding her stomach and imagined their little girl inside her. Sharon turned slightly towards him and took his hand, placing it over her belly. They were quiet for a while, just smiling at each other and when Andy looked up again, he saw a pensive expression on Mr. Delaney's face.

* * *

Sleep and warmth were the two things Sharon always seemed to get too little off nowadays and once again she tossed and turned in her bed, unable to find a way to shut her mind off or find a comfortable position with her relentlessly kicking baby. With a sigh, she sat up and switched the bedside lamp on, shuddering against what she knew wasn't actually cold air. Hot milk with honey always helped, she thought ruefully, but to get that, she would have to go downstairs and into the kitchen close to where Andy was sleeping on the sofa.

Their dinner hadn't been as awkward as she had feared with her three vigilant kids, but they had been quiet and watchful rather than inquisitive towards Andy. Her father had seemed to take to Andy for some reason and had engaged him in a longish talk about baseball while everyone else had been looking on with interest. However, even despite the rather relaxed atmosphere, they had forgone their routine of sitting in the living-room together after dinner and had all retired to their respective rooms early instead.

Feeling her baby give another kick, she decided that she needed the milk as much as the walk downstairs because walking slowly usually calmed her daughter down. It was late and Andy must have had a long day, so he probably wouldn't wake up when she turned the light on in the kitchen to heat up the milk. She could also use the stove to avoid the sound of the microwave. Sharon grabbed a cardigan and shrugged into it, then put her slippers on.

The door to the kitchen opened without making a sound and she turned on a small light, squinting into the darkness to make out Andy's form on the couch. He was with his back to her, a woolen blanket drawn up over his shoulders that were rising and falling rhythmically. She took in the sight of him a moment longer and remembered the way he had touched her in the kitchen and had forbidden her from doing anything when her father had sent them off to set the table. They hadn't talked again after their first conversation in the hallway and she wasn't sure what she would have said had he insisted on it. She wanted him, but at the same time she was scared of committing to him after everything that had happened. Had she not been five and a half months pregnant with his baby, she would have wanted to go out on dates with him to try out how it would feel. But like this, that would have seemed strange and forced. She had liked having him beside her at dinner and his stolen looks at her throughout their meal had made her fingertips tingle with excitement.

Sharon took the milk out of the fridge and then went to find a pot. She filled a mug with milk to measure the amount she needed and then poured it in. When she had sat the cup down on the counter beside her and reached out to turn on the stove, a low voice spoke next to her.

"Would you mind making one for me, too? I can't seem to fall asleep." She winced, startled, when she recognized Andy's voice.

"Oh my God," she breathed, her hand pressed against her chest. "You walk as quietly as a cat!"

"I have many talents." Andy chuckled, placing his hands on both of her shoulders from behind to calm her. The gesture came naturally and only when he let go of her quickly, they both remembered to be a little awkward about it. Sharon poured a second mug of milk into the pot and stepped back to wait for it to boil. She shivered even in her cardigan as the cold of the marble tiles penetrated her slippers. Andy shook his head.

"How can someone be bundled up like this and still be cold? It's ridiculous." With that, he walked into the living-room and grabbed his blanket to put it around her shoulders. It was a soft but light blanket and one look towards the couch confirmed that it was the only one he had.

"How can you not be cold if you sleep under this in just your boxers and a t-shirt in the middle of a snow storm?" she shot back. "_That_ is unnatural."

"I never said I wasn't cold," he said, reaching past her to pull the pot off the stove just in time to keep it from overflowing. Holding on to the blanket around her shoulders, she watched him add honey to both mugs, pour the milk in and stir. His hair was sticking up in the back of his head and she smiled, reminded of their embrace on the couch in Taylor's office. Her back and legs had ached a lot worse then than they did now and she had still slept very comfortably that night...

He turned around and handed her one of the mugs, chuckling at the sight of her.

"What?" she asked, handing him the blanket before she accepted her drink.

"You looked very cute with that blanket around your shoulders." A flutter went through her stomach and it had nothing to do with her pregnancy. They were standing close together and he was radiating body heat even though he had to be cold due to his sleeping arrangements. She was pretty sure that she had seen more blankets in the linen closet in her parents' room, but maybe this was another one of her father's little ways at getting back at Flynn for leaving her hanging. The onions and the ensuing ridicule had certainly been the first. She glanced over at the couch and then back up at Andy.

"This can't be comfortable. You should come upstairs with me. I have a king-sized bed and decent covers." She wasn't sure where those words had come from, but she found that she liked the prospect of having him in her bed.

Andy's grin widened. "If you don't mind?"

"I don't mind," she said softly. "Come on, before I freeze solid."

They made it upstairs without spilling anything and put their drinks on the nightstands on each side of her bed then climbed under the covers. It struck her that they had never spent a whole night in the same bed before. Sharon settled back into her pillows and drew her duvet around herself to get warm and comfortable then began to sip her milk. Looking over at Andy, she found that he was doing the same. It was so strange to be in bed together like this, like an old, married couple. She didn't feel ready to talk about what should become of the two of them just yet and she didn't feel as if she would be for a while, but it felt good to have him and her whole family in this safe house when the snow storm was still raging outside. She could hear it howling against the side wall of the house and the snowflakes she could see twirling in the light of the streetlamp in front of her window were thick and dense.

They finished their drinks in silence and, as usual, the sweetness and warmth of the milk relaxed her, making her drowsy with tiredness. She closed her eyes, promising herself to switch the light off in a minute, after resting for just a moment. She hummed in weak protest when she felt the mattress shift but then sighed gratefully when Andy reached over her and darkness fell over the room. She rolled onto her side to face him but didn't open her eyes again as her lids felt too heavy.

"Goodnight," she heard Andy whisper and felt his hand stroke her forehead lightly. "Thank you for not kicking me out of the house."

"My father was the one who offered you a place to stay," she murmured, her words blurring into each other.

"He left the decision to you," Andy said. "Don't pretend that you're not every bit in charge here as you are everywhere else."

She laughed lazily, her thoughts beginning to drift away as she was falling asleep with his scent in her nose and his body facing hers.

Whatever obstacles there were, she could get used to this.

**A/N:** After proof-reading this, I just realized that Sharon's dad is basically my dad. :-D


	29. Chapter 29

Emily Raydor had a habit of waking up early even when she was on vacation as her job demanded early mornings and early nights, so she was the first one up on Christmas Eve while the house was still filled with silence. Since her mother was an early riser by nature as well, it was usually their private little time that they both enjoyed together, drinking coffee and catching up on what they had missed in each other's lives while they had been apart. Today, however, she was nowhere to be seen and her bedroom door was still closed.

Hoping that Andy Flynn was either up already or deep enough a sleeper not to be disturbed by her making herself a cup of coffee, Emily had ventured into the kitchen where she stopped short, dread filling her almost instantly. The flimsy blanket her grandfather had given their guest lay over the arm of the couch while neither he or his overnight bag were anywhere to be seen. Emily's heart sank. Despite her initial mistrust of the man, she had begun to hope that he and her mother would find a way back together. It had not only been the way he had looked at her during dinner that had spoken for itself but also that he had made the trip to Utah to see her in the first place. She wasn't sure what had happened between them, but they had seemed at ease with each other the previous night. There had to be redeeming qualities to him because she could tell that her mother was in love with him.

But now he was gone.

Emily was reminded of those many mornings that she had woken up early to go and see her father on the couch in their living room where he slept when he paid them one of his rare visits only to find that he was not there anymore. Her heart had ached for her mother then and it ached for her now. With a sigh, Emily abandoned her plans to make coffee and went back upstairs. Whereas as a child, she had gone back to bed and stayed there in order to avoid having to see the pain in her mother's eyes when she discovered that Jack had left once again, she wanted to be the one to gently coax her into it this time.

She didn't knock in case her mother was still asleep and peeked into the bedroom. What she saw took the weight off her shoulders and caused her to break into a wide, goofy smile.

Her mother was on her side, facing to the left, pulled flush against Andy Flynn's chest. His arm was wrapped around her, his hand on her belly, covered by her own. Both were fast asleep, Andy's face buried in her mother's hair where he was spooning her from behind. Emily wondered vaguely whether she should have been embarrassed by the display, but she found that she wasn't at all. The way they were in each other's arms looked intimate, but not in a way that a daughter would find awkward when her mother was involved. Instead it looked tender, sweet and innocent as - fortunately - they were both fully dressed. Emily was happy with this turn of events, she discovered, even if Ricky and Rusty were both still weary of the man. She almost wished they could have seen them now, for in sleep there was no lying or pretending. When Flynn shifted and tightened his hold on Sharon a little, Emily quickly stepped back and closed the door, a satisfied smile gracing her lips.

She would see that they wouldn't be disturbed.

* * *

Sharon vaguely remembered being half-awoken by a series of kicks and shifting in bed to get the baby to calm down unsuccessfully. Then there had been Andy, inching closer to her and covering her stomach with his hand, drawing gentle circles that put both her and the baby to sleep rather momentarily. Now that she was awake, she found herself enveloped in his arms, her hand holding his in the place he had put it hours ago despite the fact that she didn't remember ever deciding to do so. Andy was still fast asleep; she could feel his deep, regular breathing on the side of her neck where his cheek was resting against her. Sharon smiled to herself. It was nice to wake up in his arms, to feel so safe and cared for.

Having spent months swamped with pregnancy hormones and having fought hard to be able to keep a straight face throughout everything that had happened, she allowed herself a few silent tears. Waking up in Andy's arms on Christmas morning was the last thing she had expected to happen and it felt so good to finally let go a little.

"Hey," he whispered, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear so he could see her face. "Is something wrong?"

Sharon turned around and looked at him in his sleepy state, hair standing up, cheeks a little flushed and blinking against the sunlight that was streaming in through the window.

"I'm fine," she said, smiling through her tears and running her hand down his chest tenderly, just to feel his body under her fingertips. Andy caught her hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently. For a moment they just looked at each other then she settled back into her pillow and closed her eyes while he tenderly stroked up and down her side. She hummed with pleasure at the gentle touch.

"I'm so glad I decided to come," he said quietly, even a little pensively. "I didn't know whether you would even hear me out and here we are."

"It's just because of the terrible sleeping arrangements downstairs," Sharon replied softly, a warm smile playing at her lips. There was a short moment of silence before she spoke again, cautiously. "It has stopped snowing. The airport is probably going to be open soon." Andy smiled sadly, his hand never stopping its soothing motions.

"Nicole and the kids are expecting me tonight," he said with audible regret. "Please don't think that I-"

"Hey," she interrupted him. "Don't feel guilty for not staying with me. I am glad you're connecting with your children and your grandchildren."

"Step-grandchildren," Andy grimaced. "I am not ready to be an actual grandfather yet. Not with another baby on the way."

Sharon chuckled and touched his cheek affectionately. She wasn't ready to kiss him again just yet, but she loved being in his arms - however she had ended up there. Even though she would have liked to have him beside her during their Christmas dinner, she was glad that he was standing by his promise to spend Christmas with his children. It was so important for them to see that their father was there when he said he would be. It made her think of all the Christmas mornings spent without Jack, the children's joy dampened by his continued absence despite his assurances that he would be there. Andy's resolve to be with his children was admirable, especially since she could see the longing in his eyes. He wanted to be with her and that was enough for her if her rivals for his time were the members of his family.

"My son is going to be there, too," Andy said, still trying to explain himself even though it was completely unnecessary. She had already accepted and understood why he would leave. "It is going to be a bit tough, but I really want to show them that I am not the person my Dad made me out to be." The sadness in his eyes as he said it broke her heart and she took his hand, squeezing it in hers.

"That is the most important thing right now, Andy."

He smiled and his eyes flitted to her lips for a moment, but he didn't lean in to kiss her. She was grateful that he accepted her need for space and was ready to be taking things slow. At least she thought he was since they still hadn't talked again. Then, however, it seemed that they didn't necessarily need words to communicate in their current situation. For now she was perfectly content with him being there for her and her baby, with him holding her and with him not harboring so many secrets anymore. For a moment she thought of Caroline, even considered asking him what her exact reaction had been to the break-up, whether she was okay, but then she decided that it was none of her business.

They stayed like that for a while longer, facing each other in the bed, their hands together between them until it was time for Andy to go. She sat up in bed and watched him get dressed and shrug into his leather jacket. He picked up his unzipped overnight bag and placed it down on the bed then reached inside and took out two small wrapped parcels that he handed to her.

"For me?" she asked him, touched by the gesture. She hadn't expected him to bring her a Christmas gift. As she turned it over, she smiled. He had obviously tried to wrap them nicely, but had not completely succeeded. She vaguely remembered his attempts to wrap Christmas gifts in the LAPD's charity for the homeless the previous year and sending Provenza into a fit of rage because of his incompetence.

"Yeah, you know my wrapping skills." He cringed a little, obviously nervous. "The big one is for the baby, the smaller one is for you."

"Thank you," she said, unable to contain her joy at the gesture as a big smile made its way across her face.

He sat down on the side of the bed next to where she was still snuggled under the covers for warmth and scratched the back of his neck before he noticed his own evasive gesture and lowered his hand with a self-conscious smirk.

"I just want you to know-" He was looking at his hands now and his leather jacket creaked as he shifted uneasily. He forced himself to raise his eyes to hers and she could see all of his insecurities reflected in the dark pools. "I've done a lot of thinking lately and I am seeing a therapist." He raised his hands and smiled. "Don't worry. _Not_ in a dating way." His need to clarify amused her even though the reminder of other women should have stung. She was beginning to trust him again, she noticed with surprise. "Well, I am seeing this therapist and there are a lot of things that are becoming clear to me, so- I am really sorry for putting you through all this pain and I am aware that we can't just jump into something. It's just that I think I need to say it. Please don't take it the wrong way, don't feel pressured, um..." He was rambling and she found it a little cute even though it was ominous and she was a little wary of what was to follow. "I spoke to my therapist about what we talked about in the car and I finally realized that I was running away. Before I knew about the baby and after and, Sharon..." He looked up at her with pain in his eyes. "I love you."

Sharon gasped, completely taken by surprise. She had not expected him to say anything like it, to be so frank with her and so aware of himself.

"Andy..." She said, touched and panicked at the same time. She could not possibly say the words, she found, despite the fact that she deeply felt them. It was too soon for her to put herself out there again because admitting to her feelings meant giving Andy even more opportunity to hurt her, even though she was sure he didn't mean to.

"It's okay," he smiled genuinely. "You don't need to say anything."

He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead then drew back and got to his feet, her hand still in his. "Merry Christmas, Sharon."

"Merry Christmas, Andy," she said, finding herself slightly choked.

"Can I call you when you're back?" he asked her.

"Of course." She smiled and watched him as he threw one tender look over his shoulder before he walked out and closed the door behind him.

* * *

That evening Sharon sat on her bed, wearing the dress she had picked out for the occasion, her hair done and her make-up ready. According to her mother's schedule, she had ten minutes yet until she was expected downstairs for dinner and she didn't want to open her present in front of the others. Whatever it was, she didn't care for questions or - in her sister in law's case - sensationalism. She reached for the bigger package first, carefully unwrapping it and smiling at the fact that Andy had used too much cellophane tape to hold it together. When she had finally gotten all the wrapping paper off, she found a small box holding a tiny pair of shoes. Even after having raised two children and being godmother to two more, Sharon was still amazed by how small they were. It seemed almost impossible that there would be feet small enough to wear them. But then the baby would outgrow them so quickly...

She caressed her belly and smiled down. "Daddy got you your first shoes, Sweetheart," she said, consciously choosing a term of endearment that she had learned to associate with Andy. She liked to think that he would call their daughter that.

Unwrapping the smaller present proved even harder and Sharon found herself giggling as she ended up pulling it apart with some force. Finally, she got to tear into the paper and pulled it off with one swift motion to find a slim, rectangular box. She opened it carefully and took out a beautiful, elegant watch that she could tell had been expensive with its slim silver wristband and the round silver face. For a moment she admired its simplicity and beauty. She owned a watch, of course, but it was practical rather than pretty and if she had been looking for a new one, she would have picked one like this one for sure. Sharon was amazed by how well he knew her taste. She made to fasten the watch around her wrist when she spotted a small folded note in the box right where the watch had been.

A smile tugged at her lips when she read what he had written.

_Sharon, I hope I have had the guts by now to tell you how sorry I am and how I feel about you. I know that you need time, so this is to remind you that you have as much as you may need.  
_

**A/N:** Good God, I don't know why, but I had a hard time writing this chapter. Thank you for all your support and reviews. Things are looking up, but it's not over yet! (Cue ominous music playing in the background, cough.)


	30. Chapter 30

Sharon's sudden and unexpected craving for vanilla ice-cream and strawberries coincided with the team being tasked with an equally unexpected, yet dreaded murder investigation just before New Year's Eve. Despite her rediscovered love of maple sirup, Sharon didn't have many cravings, but when she did, she had a hard time concentrating on anything else until they were satisfied. Consequently, upon their return from the crime scene, the team found her in the Murder Room, cradling a bowl of ice-cream, thoughtfully devouring a spoonful while looking at the pictures Provenza had e-mailed her earlier. As usual, Sharon didn't visit crime scenes if she didn't absolutely need to and Provenza's list of incidents that required their Captain's presence had gotten suspiciously short ever since she was showing.

It was Andy's first time to see her again after Park City and he marveled at how beautiful and rested she looked. Apparently family time and her parents' cooking had done her good, because her skin seemed to glow and her mood was good despite the interruption of her vacation days. She turned around when they entered, somewhat sheepishly lowering her spoon into the almost empty bowl she was holding.

"I didn't expect you back quite so soon," she said while a faint blush began to make her cheeks look rosy. Provenza murmured something grumpy and herded the others off towards the Murder Board while Sharon went to return her bowl and spoon to the break room. Andy hesitated for a moment, but then jumped at the chance to be alone with her and followed her. When he entered the room, she turned around where she was rinsing the bowl and smiled, the watch he had bought her gleaming on her wrist.

"Hi Andy," she said with a warm smile.

"It's good to see you," he said gruffly, his heart beating in his throat. He had been looking forward to seeing her again ever since the very moment he had left her bedroom in Park City, but he hadn't called her just yet to avoid putting pressure on her. As unwelcome as the case was in itself, he was grateful for the opportunity to see her again much sooner than he had dared to hope. She set her spoon down in the bowl and turned around fully, a beautiful smile lighting up her eyes.

"It's good to see you, too," she said, her hands finding their way into the pockets of her blazer that she wore unbuttoned, revealing a black wraparound dress he hadn't seen before. She looked remarkably well put-together considering the short notice, even wearing high heels and earrings. There was a smudge of vanilla ice cream just above her upper lip and he longed to lean in and kiss it away. Instead he reached out and brushed it away with his thumb, his insides tingling with the feeling of her soft skin under his fingertips despite the modesty of the gesture.

"How was Christmas with your kids?" Sharon asked. "Did everything go well?"

"Oh, yes. It was a wonderful couple of days," he said sincerely, glad that he had gone after almost turning right around at the airport to go back to Sharon.

"I loved your gifts," she said, holding up her hand to show him that she was wearing the watch. "It is a beautiful watch and the shoes..." Her smile widened. "They are unbelievable cute." She laughed at herself, obviously a little embarrassed by her display. At the same time, Andy was truly struggling to remember how he could have ever put his fears and insecurities above his feelings for this woman. Once he had finally been able to move past his inner turmoil and to admit that he had been running away from the fact that he loved her and was very serious about his intentions, he was completely swept away by the strength of his feelings and therefore unable to understand how he could have ever kept them under lock and key.

"How is our little one?" he asked, looking down at the prominent curve of her stomach that was well-accentuated by the dress. Sharon cradled it with both of her hands and smiled up at him.

"Very well, I think. She has been kicking me ever since you came in just now."

"Maybe she does recognize my voice."

It was neither the place nor the time to ask her to be allowed to feel the baby move and to talk to it, but that didn't keep Andy from longing to do so. Sharon seemed to be able to tell what he was thinking because she lifted one corner of her mouth, waiting for him to make a move.

"Maybe you would like... I mean, would you like to go out for dinner later? To... talk some more?"

Sharon gave him a long look. "Surely that will depend on when exactly your boss is going to let you out of here tonight," she said with a small grin.

"I hear she is very strict," he replied, making her chuckle in response. "We do have an idea as to a suspect, though. A Mr. Bates who is coming in later with his attorney."

She raised both of her brows, now all business again. "He has already lawyered up? What did you do to him?"

"Let's say Provenza and I were acting like our usual charming selves." Sharon rolled her eyes then snorted and folded her arms in front of her chest.

"We used to call you double trouble back in FID, you know?" She gave him a flirty look and sashayed past him with an elegant swaying of the hips that he hadn't believed her capable of at her stage of pregnancy. For a moment he stood, battling the urge to go after her, wrap his arms around her from behind and bury his nose in her hair. Instead he settled for flirting back, something he was quite good at, or so he thought.

"Is that right?" he asked her, not missing a beat as he fell into step beside her, marveling at her little smile of amusement. "Maybe it is just me, but I was under the impression that a certain head of FID was the one making all the trouble."

She smirked up at him victoriously. "Trouble? My file consists of a series of recommendations and mandatory reports whereas the disciplinary section is notably empty. I suppose that settles it."

Andy rolled his eyes playfully. "Hear hear, Goodie Two Shoes."

"Hello, Sharon!" A familiar voice behind them called and Sharon stopped short in her tracks, her whole body going rigid at once. Andy could literally see her features turn to stone as she turned around very slowly to face her husband in the menacing way that she sometimes had about her.

There he was, Jack Raydor, wearing a dark-blue suit and a lopsided smile. His gaze wandered from Sharon's face to her middle where it rested for a moment. Andy couldn't tell whether he was staring to provoke some sort of reaction or whether he actually couldn't look away.

"Jack." Sharon said sharply. "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah." Andy couldn't stop himself. He knew he should have offered to leave or should have at least stayed in the background. Sharon knew best how to handle her husband and a fistfight between Andy and Jack was neither what his FID jacket needed nor was it especially safe to go at it around a pregnant woman who might end up as collateral damage. He knew that Sharon was perfectly capable of dealing with the situation and yet his protective instincts and his inability to stop himself from doing stupid things got the best of him. "What _are_ you doing here?" he growled.

Sharon gave Andy a look of warning, then looked back at Jack who shrugged and gave her a smile that almost looked charming. "I am here to do my job, Sharon," he said lightly. "Jonathan Bates, ring a bell? He is my client and I am here to make sure that no civil rights are being violated."

Sharon narrowed her eyes at him, struggling to keep her professional facade up, but eventually gestured towards the interview room. Andy knew better than to interfere, hoping that Provenza would be the one to try and confine Sharon to the media room. Jack Raydor was no stranger to abusing their personal relationship in a professional context and Andy knew how much Sharon hated that.

"By the way, did you get my papers?" Jack asked conversationally.

"I sure did," Sharon replied through clenched teeth. Her flirty, happy demeanor had given way to squared shoulders and dark looks.

"Well, then I wonder why your attorney is so unwilling to cooperate. You were the one who filed, Sharon, and now it seems that you're stalling."

Sharon stopped and looked up at Jack, her fury barely contained. "I am not stalling, Jack."

He shrugged again in a way that was beginning to tempt Andy to have a swing at him. "And why would you since I would think you would like to end this marriage before you give birth to his child." He pointed at Andy whom he had been ignoring ever since his entrance.

"Jack, this is not the place," Sharon said sternly. "My attorney has been trying to set up a meeting with yours, but she seems a little busy lately."

"Maybe it would be quicker if we agreed on a no fault divorce. And cheaper, I might add."

Sharon shook her head. "For you, maybe. I have told you before and I am telling you again, Jack. I am not going to give you a dime of my hard-earned money." She lowered her voice, looking around for any possible eavesdroppers. "You never paid me any child support, you abandoned our family decades ago! You wouldn't stand a chance in court!"

"Don't be so sure, Sharon. After all, you are a police captain and not a lawyer, aren't you?" Even Andy understood that his comment was a low blow considering that Sharon had buried her dreams of becoming a lawyer in order to be able to raise Jack's children and pay his way through law school. He looked at her clenched fists and the expression of helpless fury on her face.

"Why did you claim abandonment, Jack?" she asked him, her voice shaking with anger while any thoughts of propriety were forgotten. "As a lawyer, you should know that it will not do a thing other than prove what we both already know: That there are irreconcilable differences and that our marriage has to be dissolved."

Jack raised his hands in a gesture that Andy guessed was supposed to look helpless, as if he had no other choice than to drag his pregnant wife into a nasty divorce battle.

"See, Sharon, I will have to be compensated for staying married to you for all these years so you could pursue your career at the LAPD. Having a ring on your finger helped you for a very long time - you said so yourself, didn't you? I checked property values in your area. Your condo is worth a nice chunk of money, so maybe you would consider just signing it over to me. I would be willing to leave your whole pension and all of your savings alone in that case."

Sharon shook her head, the disappointment in her eyes momentarily chased away by a flash of panic that didn't translate into her voice. "That is not going to happen, Jack, and you know it." Andy remembered a conversation that had taken place about a year ago when they had talked about the cost of college fees. She had told him that most of her savings had been used up to pay for her children's education and then Rusty's schooling. It struck him that she didn't have a nursery in her condo as it was and how frightening the prospect of having to sell it - or worse, having to give it to Jack - had to be to her.

"Think about it, Sharon." Jack shrugged. "It would be a fair agreement that would save both of us a lot of time and trouble. Not to mention legal fees. Speaking of which, shall we go and find out that my client is innocent? Also, I am considering filing a law suit against this one here, who seems to have shaken Mr. Bates up nicely at the scene."

"I'm sure you would like to speak to your client before we get started," Sharon said in a professional tone that sounded decidedly forced. "You know the way."

She stood in the hallway, her body trembling slightly as she watched her husband walk away. Andy wasn't sure how she would react to being touched at that very moment, so he left his hand hovering over her lower back.

"He is a nasty piece of work," he said softly. "He abandoned you and the kids and left you to foot the bill. Any judge will recognize that."

She looked up at him and shook her head. "I know Jack. He has something up his sleeve or he wouldn't have hired the attorney he has." She hid her hands in her pockets, but he had already noticed that they were trembling. What if it came to the worst case? What if she had to move out of the condo? Andy still lived in the bungalow he had bought with the money his grandmother had left him after his own divorce. It was in a safe part of town, not posh but nice, with no garden to speak of but a small stretch of lawn with scattered flower pots. But it did have a lot of natural light and three bedrooms, two of which he used for storage. For a moment he considered offering her to move in with him, but then he thought better of it, not wanting to feed her fears that her worries considering whatever Jack was planning were justified.

"Oh." Sharon placed one hand on her belly and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment while Andy instinctively reached out to rub her lower back where he felt tense muscles.

"Another practice contraction?" he asked and she just nodded. Even though her eyes were still closed, she was beginning to relax again.

"That was a strong one," he said. "I can go in and interview the suspect so you can get some rest and have some water."

Sharon opened her eyes and gave him a smile that carried the ghost of their earlier flirtatious antics. "Send you in there with a suspect you hassled and my husband whom you clearly debate punching in the face? I don't think so. Tell Sanchez and Sykes to do it. I'll be right with you."

"Oh no," he said decisively. "I won't leave you all alone in a corridor when you're having contractions."

"Andy, I told you it is just-" she began, then looked surprised when he held up a hand to silence her.

"As fifty percent of the resident double trouble, I am not shying away from a little insubordination to reach my goal. You will come with me to the media room where I will throw Provenza out of the most comfortable chair and will then proceed to ignore Buzz's ridiculous 'No Beverages' sign and get you a bottle of water."

Sharon shook her head with a soft smile on her face then stepped towards him and allowed him to lead her towards the media room with his hand on her back. Just before they entered he felt her hand brush his side for the shortest of moments, conveying her gratitude.

**A/N:** And there I find myself reading up on divorce law in the lovely State of California... The things I do for this story! :-)


	31. Chapter 31

While Provenza was not very happy about being forced to stand because Andy had chivalrously offered his chair to the Captain, he couldn't help but feel satisfied with the way his friend had looked at their boss when he had pulled the chair out for her. Flynn was back to his adoring puppy looks that Provenza had once detested but now welcomed like an old friend. They hadn't talked much lately since they hadn't been on very good terms due to Flynn's treatment of the Captain and Provenza's nagging him about it, so he wasn't sure what had happened to Caroline, but it seemed that Flynn was at least making an effort now. The Captain smiled up at him when he handed her a bottle of water and patted Buzz's arm apologetically. The tech didn't seem to mind, though. They were all ready to cut their boss some slack if she needed them to. Raydor was trying to do everything the way she had before, but at the beginning of her seventh month of pregnancy, that was a very difficult standard to uphold.

And now they all had the misfortune of having to watch Jack Raydor trying to throw them off their suspect who had been acting as suspicious as they came at the crime scene, continuously contradicting himself and asking strange questions. The Captain was still in the process of divorcing the prick, but even though she had filed before she had gotten pregnant, they were still married. One evening he had come around her condo to drop off a file she had forgotten and had found her pouring over bank statements. Knowing the likes of Jack Raydor well, he was pretty sure that he was trying to extract money from her, thus stalling the dissolution of their marriage. It was a horrible thing to do after what their marriage had been like and it was even more terrible to do it when she didn't need all that stress in her current condition.

She had six weeks left until she would start her maternity leave, but if her doctor ordered otherwise, she would have to leave sooner. Provenza was all for it. Not because he was going to have an actual office for the first time in his life, but because he could see how tiring it was for her to stay late and do all the paperwork. He wished she would push some on that on Flynn. He was the one responsible for her fatigue, after all.

While everyone else watched the interview on the screen, Provenza watched the Captain. She wasn't happy with her husband's presence, which was of little surprise to him, but there was something else, something different entirely. It was the relaxed posture she had assumed in Flynn's presence that intrigued Provenza. He was standing behind her chair, his hands on its backrest, watching what was happening intently and yet the position suggested a closeness between the two that hadn't been there before. While her eyes were narrowed, the rest of her body was relaxed with Flynn behind her, her hands resting comfortably on her belly. Provenza did hope that his partner had seen the light and ditched the doctor. He did feel sorry for Caroline in that case, but his loyalties lay with the Captain.

She did have a penchant for idiots, however, he couldn't help but notice. First Jack who was currently busy treating Sykes and Sanchez to a string of legal gibberish on the screen, then Andy who got her pregnant and then spent six months being a complete jerk. She was either very unlucky or she had extremely bad taste in men.

Later, when they had got their confession out of Mr. Bates despite Jack Raydor's attempts to throw them off, he watched Flynn clear away the evidence and wipe the Murder Board. Careful not to be overheard, he walked over and stood next to him, his arms folded in front of his chest. Flynn gave him a sideward glance, then concentrated on his task again.

"Hey Flynn," Provenza said. "How's the girlfriend?"

He wasn't one to ease his friends into a difficult topic if he didn't think they deserved it. Flynn's shoulders sank and he gave an exasperated eye-roll.

"She's been better," he said, still looking ahead and arranging the magnets in groups of four. Provenza leaned into his line of vision.

"Has she? What did you do to her?" He caught sight of the Captain in her office, shrugging into her coat and gathering her purse. She was taking the paperwork home with her today. Good for her.

"I broke up with her," Andy said solemnly. "A few weeks ago, actually."

Provenza was so surprised that both of his eyebrows shot up and he lost the comfortable posture he had assumed.

"Are you serious?" His gaze flitted towards their Captain. "So you're with her now?"

Flynn finally abandoned his useless arranging of things on the board and gave Provenza his full attention. "What? No!" he said. "Do you honestly think she would just jump at the chance of being with me after everything I put her through?"

Provenza had certainly not expected that much self-awareness and he had to admit that he was mildly shocked by it. "So you're courting her now?"

Andy snorted. "Courting! I am trying to repair some of the damage I've done and I hope that she will give me another chance."

Provenza could tell that Flynn was about to say more, but he really didn't care for hearing him profess his love for their Captain, so he waved him off quickly.

"You better be good to her, Flynn," he growled, feeling oddly deprived even though he had been trying to make Flynn see the light for months now. "She doesn't need any more drama."

"Lieutenants?" They both turned to see Sharon standing next to them, smiling. "I am off for today. Thank you for your good work. I hope we won't get to see each other here until the new year." She was making one of her speeches that she gave everyone in the course of being a good and attentive boss, Provenza knew. "Do you have any plans for New Year's Eve?"

"Looks like Chief Johnson is throwing a party," Provenza said. "I'm not sure I'll be going, though."

Of course he would go since he didn't have anything else to do and he hadn't seen his former boss in a while. The never-ending Merlot supply their house offered was also a plus. He didn't want the Captain to feel excluded, though, since he was pretty sure that she was not on Brenda Leigh Johnson's guest list.

"Yes, I know. Assistant Chief Howard invited me," she said to Provenza's great surprise.

"Are you coming?" Flynn's hasty question made both the Captain and Provenza look at him at once. Hands in his pockets, he couldn't hide his eagerness.

"I don't know," she said. "As I understand it, the whole team is invited and I am not sure how they would like having their boss there."

"Come on, Captain. You're not FID anymore!" Provenza groaned. And with a wicked sideward glance at Andy he added: "How about I pick you up at eight tomorrow and I'll make sure that no one feels observed by the boss at the party?"

He smiled widely, mostly to conceal his grin of triumph as well as his amusement at the way Flynn's face fell. He had snagged his date right from under his nose and the notion gave him a lot of pleasure. The Captain actually blushed.

"That would be very nice, Lieutenant. Thank you." She turned to Andy somewhat apologetically. "It has been a long day. I should head home and get off my feet." She grimaced as she looked down at her high-heeled pumps but didn't elaborate. _Women_, Provenza thought. Her feet must hurt like hell.

"Goodnight." Flynn looked like even more of a puppy left in the rain when she walked off and he elbowed him in the side.

"Did you hope she would invite you over?"

"I asked her for dinner earlier, but I guess it's a little late for her now." Andy shrugged. "I'll head home as well."

"Why don't we go and have a drink. Cranberry juice and all?" Provenza suggested for the first time in months. Flynn looked a little surprised at the offer and then shrugged, his face relaxing slightly.

"Yeah, why not?"

Provenza grabbed his jacket and followed him out, light-hearted with the notion that he could finally stop antagonizing his best friend. Provided that Flynn would stop doing stupid things, of course. He knew that this theory would be tested when they walked into O'Malley's across the street and found a familiar blonde sitting at the bar.

"Hi Caroline," he said, unable to keep the sarcastic tone out of his voice.

* * *

Sharon looked up from where she had been proof-reading a report and smiled at Rusty as he walked in. Her desk was littered with forms, the screen of her laptop casting a bluish light over them.

"You're still working?" Rusty asked, sitting down on the couch across from her desk. She put her pencil down and smiled tiredly.

"It took us a while to close to the case thanks to Jack who was the killer's attorney. I wanted to finish the paper work, so I won't have to drag it with me into the new year." She yawned. "I just need to file this report and then I'm done for today. How are you?"

"I'm good. Thanks. Work was okay." Rusty was currently working at a local library. The job was rather boring but he liked the old building the library was located in and actually quite enjoyed reading. "So Jack came to your work... was it awkward?"

She grimaced. "You could say that."

He watched her silently add the report and forms to the file and slide the folder into the top desk drawer before she got up and came around the desk to sit next to him on the couch. She didn't want to talk about Jack, he could tell, but he had a few questions that had been weighing on his mind for a while.

"About the divorce..." he began, testing the waters. Sharon looked tired but not annoyed and she was not sporting that closed-off expression she had when she felt that he was invading her privacy. "If Jack wants half of your money, will you have enough left?"

She shook her head and reached out to place her hand on Rusty's arm. "Don't worry about that honey," she said soothingly, but didn't elaborate which was a definite sign that further information would not serve to calm his fears. Rusty swallowed uneasily.

"I was just wondering. I've been reading up on colleges in the area and UCLA seems pretty good, but..." He looked down at his hands, suddenly really nervous. He didn't want to ask anything of Sharon, but she had always told him not to worry about the costs of going to college. He had never really thought about how much money she would have to pay in order for him to attend until now. "I was just wondering whether you would like for me to find something different. Maybe instead of starting next fall, I could work for another year and pay for my own tuition."

Sharon's gaze softened and she looked almost sad now. "Rusty, you have already graduated high school a bit later than the average student does and you decided to take this year off to work. I don't want you to wait any longer just because you think that I can't afford sending you to college. I said that I would pay for it and I am still happy to do so."

It was good to hear the words, but Rusty still wasn't convinced. "But you're going to need to buy so much stuff for the baby and you won't get paid as much as you usually do while you're on maternity leave, right? And the divorce... Sharon, I just don't want you to feel obligated to pay for school when you don't have the money."

He felt guilty when he saw the pain in Sharon's eyes. "I have a great divorce attorney, Rusty. And I have good standing considering what Jack's and my marriage was like. There is a good chance that he will get nothing in the end. He is currently trying to wear me down and put pressure on me, so I will settle. It is a good strategy, but I can assure you I won't cop to his attempts."

"Okay," he said slowly, yet not completely convinced. "I just don't want you to be under any more stress because of me, Sharon. You have a lot on your plate as it is and I don't want all that to hurt you or the baby."

Sharon's smile was a little watery now. "It's fine, Rusty. It really is."

He looked down at her swollen belly not with repulsion, as he used to, but with curiosity. "Does it hurt when she kicks you?"

Sharon looked genuinely surprised at the inquiry. He had avoided asking specific questions like this before because it was easier not to know any details. Now he suddenly cared even though he didn't know what had brought about that change. "Not really." Rusty hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to go about things. She was legally his mother now and he had no problem hugging her occasionally or having her touch him in that way that mothers like her did, but this was a whole new step and it frightened him on some level. Still, he was curious and he somehow felt like it was something he needed to do.

"Can I... is she kicking right now?"

Sharon's eyes widened in surprise when she understood the implications of what he was saying. She offered her hand then took his when he gave it to her and placed it on her stomach. At first he was surprised at how hard and taut it felt, then he could feel a little foot against his hand from the inside. It was a strange sensation, unlike anything else he had ever felt.

"Oh my God," he said. "This is like _Alien_ or something."

For a moment he was worried that she would take his comment the wrong way. After all, people said that pregnant women weren't very happy with jokes like that, but Sharon actually laughed.

"It is a little strange when you think about it," she chuckled, letting go of his hand to give him the chance to withdraw it. He did, but only after another thirty seconds or so.

He did have another question he had been anxious to have answered for days: "Lieutenant Flynn was gone when I woke up at the cottage... I was just wondering whether he left on good terms or did you kick him out? Or did he just leave and never say goodbye?"

"We're good, Rusty. He had to go home to spend Christmas with his own kids, that's all."

"So are you two, like, getting along better now?" Rusty asked carefully. Sharon didn't like to talk about her love life, especially with the whole situation with Flynn being what it was. To his surprise, she smiled softly.

"Yes. He was actually meaning to take me out to dinner tonight."

"Why didn't you go?"

"That paperwork and my feet. They're killing me." She grimaced and flexed her bare toes.

"Wear more sensible shoes then," Rusty suggested with an eyeroll.

"I don't like sensible shoes," Sharon pouted, making him smile.

"You haven't eaten yet, have you? Why don't you call Flynn and tell him to bring something over?"

Sharon looked down at her hands in her lap. "I don't know."

Rusty snatched her phone from where it was sitting on the coffee table and held it up. "You call him or I will."

She reached up quickly and pressed the phone to her chest to protect it from him. "A few weeks ago you almost refused to let Andy in here. How come you have changed your mind?"

Rusty grinned, remembering what Emily had told him back at the cottage about finding Sharon and Flynn in bed together. He was still pretty glad that he hadn't been the one to walk in on them, but he knew that Flynn had somehow come around.

"Let's just say I have a feeling that he won't be with Caroline when you call him."

Sharon smiled and lowered her phone, then unlocked the screen.

"If you say so..."


	32. Chapter 32

"Didn't you get my message?"

Sharon Raydor was shoeless and not wearing her glasses, dressed in yoga pants and a very large t-shirt that looked vaguely familiar. Noticing the way he was eyeing her, she blushed and grabbed a beige cardigan from the nearby coat rack to hurriedly wrap it around her upper body.

"Of course I got your message, but I didn't like the idea, so I came to pick you up anyway," Provenza told her sternly, looking around the apartment. "Where is the kid?"

"He's reconciled with Chris and they're spending New Year's Eve together. Something was said about pizza and movies," she said lightly and she was so good at feigning being untroubled by things that he wasn't even sure whether she really wasn't bothered at all.

"And you're planning on spending New Year's Eve all by your lonesome, foregoing a night of fun and company," he said without even trying to keep the accusatory tone out of his voice.

"I don't think Chief Johnson will be particularly heartbroken by my absence." At least her sarcasm was still intact. Provenza looked down at her feet and caught her rubbing one foot over the other for warmth. Rolling his eyes, he decided not to wait for the invitation he knew she was very reluctant to extend and just walked into the condo, closing the front door behind him with finality. She looked a bit mutinous but was apparently too polite to throw him out on his ass again. Provenza walked into the living-room and sat down in one of the chairs. The Captain narrowed her eyes and lowered herself onto the couch.

"I don't think she will be, no," he replied. "but Flynn, the little crushing school girl, was so looking forward to spending tonight with you."

He could almost see her close herself off, her spine going rigid and her head turning slightly away from him to disguise her emotions. She looked right past him without turning her head and he had learned to read her well enough to know that she was trying to keep her feelings from showing in her eyes. As impassive as she could make her face look, her eyes always gave her away. It was sad to think that it was a trait she had acquired in FID, but after initially loosening up a little, she was now back to her old habit courtesy of his idiot partner.

"I am not going to discuss this matter with you," she said, her voice lacking any kind of emotion. She didn't even sound sad, just neutral.

"I don't need you to discuss anything with me, Sharon." She actually flinched at the usage of her first name and he understood why as he used it only when things were getting very personal or he was trying to comfort her. This was going to be both and he could tell from the way she crossed her arms that she knew and didn't appreciate it. "I think we can all agree that Flynn is an idiot, but this time he was not at fault."

Her upper lip twitched slightly, signaling that her patience was wearing thin - or maybe it was just general disapproval.

"Last night when you called, he _was_ in the car with Caroline, there is no denying that, but he was not going home with her. He was taking her home because she was already drunk when we walked into the bar. He felt responsible for her predicament and offered to take her home. That's all there was to it."

Her expression softened and she looked to the side again, fiddling with the hem of her cardigan without even noticing it.

"He was just trying to do the right thing, Sharon," Provenza said, forcing the annoyed tone out of his voice. He was angry with Flynn for driving Caroline home in the first place and for then being stupid enough to answer the phone in her presence. Caroline, more than just a little tipsy, hadn't even noticed that Andy was on the phone and had said something inconsequential loudly enough for the Captain to hear and correctly identify her voice. Provenza, not able to drive himself and confined to the backseat, had slapped his face with his palm back then, instantly realizing that the situation was beyond salvation already. "The girl was out of her mind and he just wanted her to get home safely." Of course, he could have also put her in a cab, but then Flynn always made the wrong call.

"I know," the Captain said, finally looking up at him. She briefly drew her bottom lip between her teeth before she spoke again. "I believed Andy when he told me in the first place."

Provenza frowned, then raised his hands in an exasperated gesture. "They why make such a big deal out of it in? Put a dress on and come to the party with me."

She gave him a little smile which he took for a good sign, but then she shook her head. "Lieutenant, I very much appreciate your persistence, but I am not going to come with you. The whole thing last night just made me realize that..." She swallowed. "That with the divorce and with the whole thing with Caroline, I am just not ready."

Provenza sighed inwardly. What she meant but was not saying was that she had a hard time trusting Flynn again and that the previous night's events had driven it home. She did love him, he could tell, but she wasn't ready to commit just yet, to put her feelings on the line again. It figured, he thought, with what her love life had been like before Flynn, she had no reason to be especially trusting when it came to men in general. He understood that she just wanted her peace and quiet right now when stress wasn't good for the child she was carrying or for her, for that matter. She was probably at the end of her patience and hearing Caroline in the background while on the phone with Flynn had just been the last straw. Still, he was afraid that staying apart would just serve to alienate them again. In her current situation with Jack, she needed someone by her side. And Flynn, recovering alcoholic that he was, needed her just as much.

"So you're going to spend New Year's Eve all by yourself?" He glowered at her.

"It's not a big deal. I am going to watch an old movie and then go to bed early." She shrugged. "I probably wouldn't have been great company at the party anyway."

"Let me take stock: Doesn't drink, giant belly. Sounds oddly like Flynn to me."

"Lieutenant, I do not approve of your making fun of my size all the time," the Captain told him sternly. "Making someone feel bad about their looks is not a very nice thing to do."

Provenza was surprised to see her actually upset about it when he had been sure that she knew that him teasing her was a dead giveaway that he really liked her. Hell, Flynn was his best friend in the world and he made more fun of him than of anyone else. He mentally corrected his earlier assessment. It wasn't just her patience wearing thin; she was at the end of shit she could tolerate altogether. It just strenghtened his resolve to get her and Flynn to be there for each other.

"I'm sorry," he said, leaning forward to briefly touch her knee, but only because it was the only part of her he could reach with his old joints creaking. He would have been a lot more comfortable with an elbow, to be honest. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I was just trying to lighten the mood, you know."

She smiled, obviously uncomfortable with having revealed how bothered she was by his jokes. There was a moment of uneasy silence, then Provenza made a decision.

"I am not going to attend that party without a date," he finally said, almost amused by the way her eyebrows shot up at the word. "Even if my pregnant boss was the only date I could get in the first place, it is just embarrassing to show up all by myself."

He was relieved to see her lighten up at that, hiding her smile behind her hand. "And what are you going to do instead, Lieutenant?" she asked him, her voice soft and slightly teasing. It were those moments when Provenza could almost understand why Flynn had fallen for her.

"I am going to eat your food, drink whatever you have and watch that movie with you."

"I don't have much food to speak of and I will probably fall asleep well before midnight," she said somewhat defensively.

"Then try not to drool all over me. How are you on drinks?"

He was well-aware that she would not hesitate to show him to the door if she actually preferred being alone, but he had a feeling that she didn't. His suspicion was confirmed when she bowed her head and smiled. "I have a bottle of wine left in the fridge from back when I was still allowed to drink. You can have that."

Provenza nodded his appreciation and walked into the kitchen before she could even consider struggling to her feet in order to get the wine for him. If anyone had told him three years ago that he would end up spending New Year's Eve drinking Captain Raydor's excellent Chardonnay on her couch trying not to give her relationship advice, he would have had them committed. Now he found himself doing just that.

"Flynn's a good guy deep down, you know," he said, pretending not to notice the way she tensed at his words. "He's been in love with you way before the whole catastrophe with Doctor Spring Chicken happened."

He was a little scandalized when his little speech was met with a snort that turned out to be the beginning of a giggling fit.

"God, woman." He took a gulp of his wine in order to hide his own grin. "Giggling like a school girl!"

"Doctor Spring Chicken?" The Captain gasped. "Oh my God."

"More like Doctor Tipsy Feet ever since last night," Provenza supplied.

"Do you make up nicknames like that for everyone?"

"Yes, Nurse Ratchet, as a matter of fact I do. And don't even bother to pretend that you don't. Flynn told me about Double Trouble!"

She shook her head. "He can't keep anything to himself, can he? Tell him that we got tired of that after a while and moved on to Timor and Terror."

"Charming!" Provenza commented grimly even though he had to admit that he was surprised. He hadn't pegged all those ambitious FID sergeants for the funny type. He stared into his wine glass for a moment, pretending to be pensive.

"What's wrong?" The Captain's voice was soft now.

"Ah, just thinking about Flynn," he said. "All alone at that party where everyone is quite probably getting drunk... Imagine his sad puppy eyes."

She chuckled. "What are you trying to accomplish here, Lieutenant?"

He leaned forward, rolling his eyes at the little yelp she gave when he spilled a few drops of white wine on her couch and grabbed her phone from the coffee table. She looked skeptical as he held it out to her.

"Tell him to come over. He could bring pizza."

"We could always _order_ pizza," she argued. "And I have already eaten."

Provenza shot her a dark look.

An hour later, Flynn was standing in the doorway, holding two boxes of pizza. Provenza snatched them away from him and took them to the kitchen, leaving him and Raydor in the living-room. He could almost hear Flynn's feet shuffling nervously.

"Thank you for asking me over," he said almost shyly. "I'm really sorry about yesterday."

"There is no need to be." The Captain's voice was a little higher than usual and Provenza smirked to himself, pretending not to hear them. "I'm glad you're here," she continued. "Your eavesdropping partner has been driving me up the wall."

As Provenza turned around to glare at her, he was met with chuckles from both of the idiots. Why on earth was he spending his valuable time trying to get them to work things out if this was his reward? He took one of the boxes and carried it over to the chair in the corner, purposefully leaving the other behind in the kitchen. Flynn rolled his eyes at him and went to grab it then sat down next to the Captain on the couch. She looked so much happier than she had when Provenza had arrived and despite everything, he felt a feeling of accomplishment. He watched them share the pizza between them as he munched through his own and washed it down with white wine. They both looked away quickly whenever their hands touched by accident and once she even blushed.

It was truly ridiculous.

All of a sudden, Andy frowned as he seemed to notice what she was wearing for the very first time.

"Wait... is that my t-shirt?"

The Captain blushed crimson and dropped the slice of pizza she had been about to take a bite out of. Looking at her hands, she nodded almost imperceptibly. "You left it at the cottage."

"It's a good color on you," Flynn said softly, carefully placing his hand on her joined ones. She looked up at him and smiled.

Provenza groaned loudly, but they ignored him.

_The things I do for this job_.

**A/N:** We needed some more fluff, didn't we. In the next chapter, divorce proceedings will commence and I will make up some provisions on divorce law that probably aren't there. As I have ranted about on tumblr, the things that were said on the show so far don't make a lot of sense to me in light of California divorce law, so I just decided to throw reality overboard and make sh** up. :-) If you are a divorce lawyer from California, send me a message! :-D


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N:** Special thanks to Renee86 and ProfTweety who helped me with the legal issues. I decided to stick to canon and actual California divorce law as closely as possible while taking a few small liberties where needed to further the plot. :-)

A chilly, yet clear day was just dawning outside the 25th floor conference room, the sun reflecting off of the mirrored glass windows of the neighboring buildings. Sitting in her comfortable chair with nothing but a glass of water on the table in front of her, Sharon tried to think of happy things. The warm sunlight on her face, the fact that both she and her child were in perfect health, the way Andy's lips had felt against hers when he had kissed her to celebrate the new year. She did remember the butterflies in her stomach and the dizziness that had come with the rush of adrenaline, but now it felt as if it had happened to another person. Even though it had been a very chaste kiss, followed by another two to her forehead and the top of her head, it had been a promise both from her and from Andy. He had gone home after, having had to drive Provenza home, but he had returned the next day to go for a walk with her. Their meetings outside of work were still brief to accommodate her need for distance, but she could feel that need growing smaller and smaller as it was replaced with longing for him.

Andy had offered to accompany her to her appointment, but she had declined. This was something she had to do on her own. And, she reminded herself at the sound of heels behind her, she wasn't all alone after all. On the table beside her lay files that contained detailed financial statements, outlining the state of her assets. They were perfectly in order, the most important pages marked with post-its. Her lawyer was not only fearless and bold, she was also perfectly organized and always on top of things. Sharon smiled as Nina sat down next to her, her kind hazel eyes looking alert and kind. She was only in her thirties and looked young for her age, but she had instantly inspired trust in Sharon.

"My assistant just buzzed them in. They should be here in a minute," Nina said, her hand resting on Sharon's arm for the shortest of moments as they both sat, looking out at the brilliant blue sky. "Are you okay?"

Sharon wasn't used to being asked whether she was okay that often. She was usually perceived as invincible and sometimes even cold, but ever since she was so visibly pregnant, she got that question a lot. Where it was beginning to annoy her with others, she was fine with Nina asking it. She seemed genuinely concerned about all of her clients as she understood the emotional strain a divorce could put on a wife or husband.

"I'm fine," she said, even though she did feel everything but. Her stomach was twisted in knots at the prospect of having to face Jack and his attorney. Whatever he had up his sleeve would threaten her financial stability and therefore her ability to care for her children. While she had assured Rusty that paying for college would not be an issue, in truth, it could really become one. And soon there would be another child to feed and clothe and keep in good health while she would have to stop working for a while. Where Andy was supportive in any way already, they were still far from moving in together or sharing day to day expenses.

They both rose when Jack walked in, accompanied by a woman who was about his age with graying hair that was pulled back in an impressive bun. She was wearing rectangular glasses that put emphasis on her eyes that would have been intimidating enough on their own. There was a sharpness to this woman's every movement and look that made Sharon's heart sink.

"Nina," she said, shaking her attorney's hand. They looked so different opposite each other with Nina in high heels, her long brown hair falling over her shoulders and the other woman in a tight-fitting jacket and skirt that hugged her skinny figure. "And Mrs. Raydor." Her hand was cold as Sharon shook it, but her grip was firm, eyes appraising.

"Hello, Sharon." Jack looked elegant in dark-gray suit and a blue tie. Both looked expensive which made her irrationally angry at the thought of having to pay this man any money.

"Hello, Jack." She returned to her chair and sat down again, declining the coffee Nina's assistant offered everyone in favor of sticking to her water instead.

"Let us cut right to the chase here." Mona Wilkins opened up the rather slim file she had brought with her. "Since no prenuptial agreement is in place, the court will order the equal division of community property with no regard to who is at fault for the irreconcilable differences."

Nina was now wearing a sardonic smile. "Thank you so much for this little lecture of matrimonial property law, Mona. However, you will understand that my client will claim special circumstances. After your client abandoned her with two small children at the ages of two and five, she paid for everything from their daily needs to college. It would be unfair for her to have to give half of her hard-earned money to your client."

"Child support was never ordered by the court," Mona replied sharply. It was a little like watching a tennis match, Sharon thought wryly. They were both on top of their game and the sparring off was probably just a way to make each other realize that. "Despite that, my client tried to return many times, so there was no abandonment. It seems rather that your client turned him away when he tried to exert his parental responsibility for their children."

"You client has had a well-known addiction problem, Mona. We are talking alcoholism and gambling here. If my client turned yours away when he tried to come home, she had a very valid reason to do so. The gambling problem also kept Mr. Raydor from providing for his family financially, so even if he had returned, he wouldn't have been able to sustain his children."

Mona smiled, revealing a line of perfectly white teeth. "My client came back only last year to reconcile with his wife. She refused, at first, to even let him stay at the matrimonial home."

Calling her condo their matrimonial home was beyond ridiculous since they had never actually lived there together, but Sharon was too smart to chime in. She knew that she would have to leave the conversation to the professionals even though some of the allegations thrown around would be hurtful and untrue.

"Also, Mrs. Raydor seems to have moved on a while ago." Following the words of his attorney, Jack pointedly looked at Sharon's stomach and she gritted her teeth, wanting to draw her weapon and shoot him right on the spot.

"Which brings us to your claim that Mrs. Raydor abandoned your client which is not only untrue, but also doesn't have any merit in the case at hand, or so I learned from the overview over the basic principles of Californian divorce law that you so kindly gave me earlier," Nina said, a grim smile playing at her lips.

"Well, it would certainly not help your client's claim that Mr. Raydor abandoned the family if she was the one who got pregnant while still married to him while he was hoping for reconciliation. My client is even still wearing his wedding ring. He has always been willing to reconcile and he is shocked by the recent developments. Besides that, your client should have claimed that outstanding child support when her children were still living at home. According to my client, the son Richard is now 25 years old, the daughter Emily is 27-"

Sharon couldn't stop herself this time. "Twenty-eight, actually. Her birthday was last month." For a second she could see a flash of embarrassment in Jack's face, then he schooled his features. Of course he had forgotten her birthday again. If anything, the discovery that her client would not look like the caring, turned-away father that he pretended to be in court, seemed to make Mona Wilkins more determined.

"What I am saying here, Nina, is that your client may try to build a case and get the court to consider an unequal division of the assets, but these things are very hard to prove so many years later. Especially if the filing for divorce conveniently coincides with a pregnancy. Our settlement offer is more than fair." She turned to Sharon now. "You would be a lot better off if you just agreed to compensating your husband by giving him the condo, Sharon. Otherwise you would be facing an equal divide of everything you have, including your pension, not to mention that you would have to foot more legal fees." She gave Sharon a smile that would have seemed convincing if it hadn't made her look slightly reminiscent of a shark. "As I understand it, in your condition you would probably like to avoid a drawn-out case in court. These things can be very strenuous."

Sharon realized that her homicidal thoughts were now beginning to extended to her husband's attorney as well. She dug her fingernails into her palms and forced herself to adopt a neutral expression. However, she was pretty sure that her eyes were shooting daggers.

"That is out of the question. My client is six and a half months pregnant. Due to her special circumstances-" _Read: Advanced age_, Sharon thought. "it is very likely that she will give birth before term. Her soon to be adopted son is also currently living with her. This is not a time for her to find a new place and move house."

"Maybe her new beau could help," Jack interjected to which Mona shot him a dark look that shut him up immediately.

"My client, however, agrees that long court proceedings should be avoided. She offers your client a settlement of ten thousand dollars."

Jack snorted and Mona shook her head slowly. "Ten thousand dollars!" she said. "Surely you must know that this is ridiculous compared to the value of your client's condo."

"We won't sign over the condo, Mona," Nina said, a hard look in her usually warm eyes. "That would be more even than what your client would ever get should all assets be divided, even if my client's pension was taken into account."

"Your client also earns more money than Mr. Raydor," Mona added. "We are considering a motion for spousal support."

Nina had been thorough in explaining to Sharon what might be thrown at her, so she had been prepared for this, but she still felt anger rising inside her like bile. It took her all her self-restraint not to start yelling. She was so used to commanding a room and being in power that being helpless and somewhat confined to the sidelines in something that concerned her life felt absolutely terrifying.

"Then you're leaving me no other choice than to ask the court to set a date," Nina said. "You should consider our offer."

Sharon leaned back in her chair, ignoring Jack's words of farewell as the other two got up and left. Only when the door had closed behind them, she released a deep breath. Nina came over and perched on the edge of the conference table just next to Sharon. Her perfume was subtle but somewhat comforting with its clean scent.

"Sharon," she said soothingly. "Nothing has changed. Mona is a hardass. I didn't expect her to budge."

Sharon looked up at her. "I wish I'd had an attorney like you or her when I filed for legal separation." Truth was, back then she had filed on her own without an attorney to advise her because she hadn't had the means to afford one. Now, twenty years later, she knew why Jack had ended up agreeing to it in the end. While she had reached her goal to protect her finances from him for the moment, he had always known that he would get something in a divorce while - until then - he would be entitle to participate in her health care benefits. She was beginning to feel sick.

"Sharon, it is going to be a hard trial with all the allegations thrown around. We will have to prove that Jack abandoned you, we will have to hear witnesses on his addictions and we might have to call in your children to testify as well."

Sharon's head shot up. "No."

Nina's shoulders sank. "I know you hate the thought, but unless we can prove to the court that things were the way they were, they will go for an equal division. If your children tell the court about the lack of financial support they got from their father and his lack of interest in them, we might be able to claim special circumstances. If we can't do that, you will have to sell the condo and share your pension."

Sharon was grateful that Nina didn't sugarcoat the truth. She trusted her, but she also knew that she could not change the law.

"Thank you, Nina," she said. "But please let me think about it and talk to them first."

There was a knock on the door and Nina smiled softly. "That's probably Gavin. He's been lurking in the corridor ever since Jack and Mona arrived." She called for him to enter and gathered her papers, conscious of her client's need for comfort and privacy.

"Take care, Sharon."

Alone with Gavin, Sharon rose from her chair and stepped into his waiting arms. Resting her head against his chest, she took deep breaths.

"You'll be fine, honey," he said. "You'll be fine."

* * *

Rusty watched Sharon and Flynn from where he stood by the coffee machine. They were sitting on the couch together, his arm around her, talking so quietly that he couldn't make out what they were saying. Sharon was obviously very keen on keeping whatever had transpired at the meeting with Jack and their attorneys from him and that scared him. The only aspect that was of any consolation to him was Flynn's presence and the way they were with each other. Sharon's reaction after hearing Caroline's voice in the background when she had called Flynn a week ago had been almost scary. She had looked so lost at first and then had adopted an expression so neutral that it had sent chills down his spine.

Now she looked content, her body relaxed in Flynn's arms. They had probably completely forgotten that he was even there because Flynn reached out to cup her cheek and caressed it with his thumb. It was Sharon who leaned in a little closer, looking up at him with a soft look in her eyes. Rusty wasn't even sure that he wanted to see what was happening, but then he wanted her to be happy and happy she did look. Flynn leaned in as well, gently pressing his lips to hers. It wasn't one of those wet kisses that Rusty would have found nausea-inducing, but an innocent, yet lingering caress of his lips on hers. Sharon made a little sound of contentment and pleasure, so Rusty quickly turned away to give them privacy.

When he came back to the living-room a few minutes later with coffees for him and Flynn and a cup of tea for Sharon, her cheeks were pink and Flynn was wearing a grin that could only be characterized as stupid. They were actually holding hands between them on the couch which Rusty found both adorable and a little too much. Sensing that they probably wanted to be alone and unwilling to see more of their hand-holding, he made his excuses and went into the hallway where he stopped and listened.

"I hope we didn't scare him away," Flynn was saying. "I don't want him to think that he is not welcome when I am here."

Rusty shrugged. _Nicely done, Flynn._

"I will talk to him later," Sharon answered softly. "I'm glad you're here, Andy. It's good to be able to talk about this whole divorce thing. I am afraid it is worse than I allowed myself to expect. Jack doesn't have anything, so my assets make up the community property that will be divided."

"I know I can't help you because I don't really have any money, but everything I can do, I will do, okay?"

Rusty heard Sharon shift on the couch. Her voice sounded lower and more intimate when she spoke again. He also thought that he was detecting a bit of uncertainty there. "Would you like to stay here tonight, Andy?"

Flynn didn't hesitate. "I'd love to if you're ready."

"I think I am."

Rusty really didn't want to think about what she was ready for in particular, so he returned to his room where he found his phone vibrating on his desk.

"Hey Emily, what's up?" he asked with no small amount of surprise. It had to be really late in New York by now and she usually went to bed early.

"Hi Rusty," her voice sounded tense and a little like her mother's. "You won't believe it but Dad sent me a belated birthday present."

Rusty's eyebrows shot up. It was common knowledge in the family that Jack Raydor never sent any presents.

"Oh yeah?" he asked. "What is it? A singing card? Or something totally inappropriate?"

Emily snorted, her anger tangible even over the phone. "It's a bribe, Rusty. _And_ totally inappropriate. I mean, I live in New York City. What would I need a car for?"

"A _car_?" Rusty's mouth was hanging open. "He gave you a car? What kind of car?"

"Oh, a nice little sports car," Emily said sarcastically. "I have no idea how he could even afford it. After all, he keeps going on about how he is not made of money."

Suddenly something clicked in Rusty's head. Hadn't Sharon said that Jack didn't have anything at all? If that was the case, there was no way that he could have just bought his daughter a car.

"You know what, Emily, I'll have to call you back." With that he hung up and scrolled through his contacts until he had reached Gavin Baker's name.

"Gavin, hey," he said as soon as the older man answered the phone. "Look, I think I just stumbled upon something that might help Sharon with her divorce."


	34. Chapter 34

Sharon was exhausted after the day she had had and so they turned in early. Andy watched as she pulled the bedspread back off then took it from her and folded it. He was unaware of the little smile she allowed herself at the gesture. She didn't dare call it easy domesticity, but she couldn't come up with a more appropriate term to describe it either. Her pajamas in her arms, she turned towards the bathroom door to go and change when she found him looking a little lost, his eyes finally meeting hers.

"Do you have a spare toothbrush?" He scratched the back of his head and made her smile in the process.

"I do," she said softly. "I'll lay it out for you."

In the bathroom she turned and looked at herself critically. Her face looked a little bit fuller in a flattering way that softened the wrinkles around her eyes and her hair was even thicker and more glossy than usual. However, it felt strange to have such a round stomach when she was in the very early stages of her relationship with Andy, at a point really, where one would not usually give any thoughts to having children together. She would have liked to sleep with him, but the way she looked and felt made her hesitate to initiate anything. She knew that he would leave the decision to her, but at the same time she worried that he didn't actually find her attractive anymore. She wasn't only a lot older than Caroline, but also rather heavy with child. She tensed when there was a knock on the door leading to her bedroom.

Frowning, she quickly pulled the shirt over her head and turned back in surprise, her hair slightly mussed by the action. There was Andy, in his t-shirt and boxers, grinning self-consciously.

"Sorry. You were in here for such a long time and I was wondering whether everything's okay."

She smiled a little as ever since her fainting at work, he seemed worried that she would just keel over and end up unconscious whenever he wasn't looking. His concern was quite adorable really, even if it was unwarranted. Despite the usual discomfort, she actually felt quite good. But then she had never minded being pregnant even in the later months.

"Everything's just fine." She picked up her brush and ran it through her hair as she gestured towards the toothbrush on the counter with her free hand. Andy picked it up and began to brush his teeth, making her wonder when she had last stood next to a man in a bathroom like this. After Jack, there hadn't been many men in her life and the few who had been had never made it into her home. She had always been careful to keep her family and her romantic endeavors separate. Ten years ago she and Jack had last tried living together, but it had lasted only for a month until he was off again, leaving her minus the money on their joint account for day to day expenses and with the steadfast resolve to never let him back into her life again.

She set the brush down and began to apply moisturizer to her face when she noticed Andy's intrigued expression as he watched her daily routine.

"I don't think I've ever seen you without make-up," he mused.

"You have," she was quick to supply, somewhat uneasy under so much scrutiny. She couldn't help but compare herself to young Caroline and it infuriated her as she was not usually prone to bouts of self-consciousness. Sharon had always been happy with her looks and she still was, but the current situation made it hard for her to remember that. "At the cottage."

"Yeah, but only ever in the half-darkness," he said, still looking intently at her face.

"Andy..." She turned to the side and busied herself with arranging their toothbrushes in their holders to hide her nervousness then turned back around, startled, when she felt his fingers gently close around her arm.

"You look different," he said. "But just as beautiful. I didn't realize your skin was that fair."

"Irish heritage," she murmured but closed her eyes and turned her face into his palm when he cupped her cheek with it.

"And without your heels, you fit just under my chin," he said with amusement, pulling her against him. "Pretty perfect, I would say."

Sharon snuggled into his chest and inhaled his scent that was comforting, but also stirred up arousal inside her. Without thinking twice, she drew back a little and raised her chin to initiate a kiss. While just as tender, it was very different from the way he had kissed her in the living-room and she almost whimpered when he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. One of his hands remained between her shoulder blades while the other travelled down slowly to come to rest on the small of her back before it wandered slightly lower. Sharon herself was holding on to the back of his shirt, enjoying the warmth that was filling her from head to toe. They came apart and smiled at each other in slight embarrassment.

"If Rusty catches us making out in the bathroom, he will throw a fit," Andy chuckled. "Let's take this to the bedroom." She was endeared by his little smile as he took her hand and led her to her bed, pulling the covers back for her and waiting until she comfortable before he climbed in as well. What she had expected to be at least a little awkward was surprisingly easy. One moment they were in bed facing each other, the next she had pulled him in for another deep kiss and his hand ended up on one of her breasts, eliciting a hum of pleasure from her. She turned onto her back and reached up to caress his face where he followed her to bend over her. She could feel his stubble under her palm and smiled as he turned his head to kiss it.

Andy ran his hand down her side slowly and deliberately, making her gasp a little. This was so different from the heated way they had done this before. He was gentle and attentive, bending down to kiss her again as his hand rested against her hip. When they came apart again, his eyes had darkened with desire.

"Can we be-" she began, but he smiled and interrupted her gently.

"Careful? Of course." He traced the outline of her stomach with two of his fingers.

She chuckled and stroked his cheek again. "I was going to say slow. I'm not fragile, you know."

"Of course, you're not," he grinned. "When I said careful, I meant we should try not to get you pregnant." Sharon gave a snort of laughter that he stifled with another kiss, his hand now under her shirt.

Later she was wearing his t-shirt that she had stolen from where she had thrown it earlier before he could reach for it, her head resting on his bare chest as his fingers were buried in her hair, massaging her scalp at the back of her head. Satisfied and happy, she found herself ready to purr like a cat. What she had dreaded as possibly awkward had not been awkward at all. To her surprise, they had instinctively moved in ways that hadn't put her belly in the way either. Thinking back to Jack's general disinterest in her during her pregnancies, she almost sighed. This was so much nicer. The baby kicked her and she reached down to rub her belly soothingly.

"I hope she didn't hear you panting my name," Andy said cheekily.

"We should probably be more worried about Rusty in that regard," she replied dryly, amused by the way the color drained from Andy's face.

"Oh God, do you think-?" he began, but she stopped him with a kiss.

"It will be fine. He was on the phone all evening. He probably didn't hear a thing."

Andy settled back into the pillows and pulled her with him, sliding his hand onto her stomach again and closing his eyes. She watched him for a moment, her cheek still resting against his chest. When she had last felt this relaxed, she had no idea. It was as if her terrible divorce and the prospect of losing her condo were far away where they couldn't touch her.

"I was wondering," she heard Andy say, his eyes still closed. "Whether you would consider moving in with me if you needed a place to stay. I have enough room and a little garden that's safe for toddlers."

"Safe? Only if you get rid of the pond," Sharon corrected him, dread and happiness battling for control inside her. She didn't want to leave the condo at all, wanted to keep her baby in her bedroom until Rusty was ready to move out and she could set up a nursery. Losing the condo to Jack of all people or having to sell it was a terrible thought. At the same time, she pictured a life with Andy in his house that - despite a black leather couch whose origins she could not fathom - was rather beautiful and inviting.

"God, that stupid pond. My sister talked me into it. She loves ponds. There used to be fish in there, but they're dead now."

"If you can't even keep fish alive, how are you going to take care of a baby?" she asked him, already unable to hold back her giggles.

"Ha." Andy gave her a mock glare. "Fish don't cry, do they? And we have you. Baby and I will be fine... would be," he quickly corrected himself.

She ran her hand down his chest to his stomach where she let it rest. "Give me some time to think about it, okay? There are a few things I need to sort out before I can move on."

His hand was back in her hair and she sighed happily.

"Take all the time you need."

For the first time in a very long time, she drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

"Why do you want to intern with me and not with your father?" Jack Raydor asked, shaking his head in disbelief. "His firm is so much bigger and I bet his cases are more interesting as well."

Chris smiled, her ankles crossed prettily under her chair. "I don't want to work for my father, Mr. Raydor. And besides, I am more interested in domestic criminal law than in his big international cases." She rolled her eyes to convey how little she cared about all that. Jack leaned back in his chair, apparently happy with her answer.

"So how did you find out about the opening? Did Rusty tell you about it?" Jack narrowed his eyes somewhat suspiciously but Chris pretended not to notice, her smile bright and unwavering for the moment.

"Oh, no. Rusty and I... we don't see much of each other anymore, ever since I told DDA Rios about the letters." She looked at her hands in her lap with a sad expression. "I mean, I thought I was doing the right thing to protect him, but he got really mad at me and-" She trailed off.

"Hey, you did the right thing!" Jack raised both of his hands in a grand gesture. "If I had only known, I would have done the exact same thing."

Chris sincerely doubted that after Rusty had confessed to following Jack's less than useful dating advice to get rid of her, but she adopted a grateful expression. "Thank you, Mr. Raydor. That really means a lot."

He sat up a little straighter and gave her a jovial smile, winking at her in an avuncular manner. "So you saw the ad in the paper?"

"Yeah," she said, smiling brightly again. "UCLA Law Magazine. I've been reading that to get a head start on all the studying to pass the admittance tests." She rolled her eyes with feigned self-consciousness. "Even though I do have three years of college ahead of me..."

"It's good to start early." Jack nodded. "Yeah, and it's great to get some work experience before entering law school. Kind of hard to work _and_ study, right? But then I am sure your father will pay your way through when the time comes?"

She nodded. "I guess."

"Well, you're very fortunate." Jack shuffled through some papers on his desk, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Not all of us are that lucky."

Chris was glad that he was not currently looking at her as it took her a moment to relax her face again after it had hardened with disgust for the man. If she hadn't known beforehand why she had agreed to be Rusty's and Gavin's mole, she would have now. There was Jack Raydor, pretending to have had a hard life juggling a job and law school when they both knew that his wife had given up her own dreams of law school to pay his way through. She liked and admired Sharon and she would take great pleasure in aiding in Jack Raydor's downfall. Too bad that she was sworn to secrecy not only, but especially towards Sharon.

"Well, my secretary is on maternity leave." He leaned over the desk, shaking his head comically. "Everyone seems to be pregnant nowadays." He gave a bark of laughter and, true to her story of not being in contact with Rusty anymore, she gave him a quizzical look even though she knew exactly whom he was referring to.

"Yeah, so your work will involve a lot of her duties, like taking care of my expense accounts, getting the dry-cleaning, stuff like that. Would that be okay for you?"

"Oh, definitely, Mr. Raydor. I think that's a good way to learn everything about the legal profession."

Jack nodded appreciatively. "You'll make it far, young lady, I can tell," he said. "And you can call me Jack."

She smiled up at him as she was shaking his outstretched hand.

"Can you start Monday?"

"I can. Thank you... Jack."


	35. Chapter 35

Provenza watched Chief Taylor walk towards the Captain's office, where he snapped the blinds closed with a resonating thud just before he closed the door firmly. What was wrong with the man, he wondered. Major Crimes was running smoothly and their latest case had been solved in record time. He was probably pissed off because he had to bring Raydor more praise from Pope, he thought, allowing himself a wicked grin. Provenza winced, startled, as an arm reached over his shoulder without warning and placed something on his desk in front of him. He didn't need to look more closely at the suit or the little ring on the person's pinky finger to understand who it was or to decide that it pissed him off.

"Ye Gods, Flynn! Stop sneaking up on me, will you?" He looked back at his partner with narrowed eyes, but he didn't look particularly impressed. Instead of returning the favor and saying something grumpy as well, he was all but bouncing on the balls of his feet, a huge grin plastered across his face.

"Look at it!" He gestured towards the object on Provenza's desk that he hadn't paid any attention to so far. Even though he was well-aware of what he was looking at, he huffed, mainly for show, feigning ignorance.

"What the hell is that supposed to be?" Flynn had walked around the desk and was now standing opposite Provenza, beaming with pride.

"That's my baby!" he said, completely ignoring the dark cloud above his partner's head. His obliviousness could probably be appointed to his blissful state - or so Provenza hoped - because he actually leaned forward to explain to him, the guy with three kids and seven grandkids, what he was looking at.

"This is the head and there goes the spine, oh, and those are her legs," he was saying despite the fact that Provenza was making a show of how bored he was. "She is a little on the small side, but she is fine," Flynn went on, causing Provenza to roll his eyes dramatically.

"Big head, like yours," he finally groused which - to his great surprise - caused Flynn to grin even wider, apparently missing out on the insult altogether.

"You think? I was kind of hoping that she'd be another mini-Sharon. Wouldn't that be something?"

"What are you? An old woman?" Provenza asked him roughly even though, at the inside, he was quite pleased with his partner's reaction, annoying as it was. The Captain deserved an enthusiastic father for her baby this time around and Flynn was nothing if not ecstatic. "How's the Captain doing?"

Flynn shrugged, his grin finally fading. "All that stress she's under is finally taking its toll. She was going to continue working for another month, but her doctor wants her off in two weeks."

Provenza nodded grimly, neither surprised nor unhappy. Raydor was beginning to show signs of exhaustion and that meant that she had been exhausted for a while as it usually took some time for her burdens to show at the outside.

"She needs a break," he agreed. "So why are you out here when Taylor is in there with the Captain? Don't you think you should come clean?"

"She wants to do it alone. She still hasn't gotten around to letting Taylor know about my, um, involvement in the whole thing."

"And here you are, waving the baby's ultrasound images around. Way to hide a secret." Flynn rolled his eyes at the comment but took out his wallet and placed the image inside carefully after giving it another long look. He was smitten and Provenza shook his head in annoyance.

"But she is okay working here for another two weeks? She was dizzy yesterday. Don't tell me you didn't notice!" Provenza felt a little embarrassed when he saw his partner's raised eyebrow at his obvious concern for the Captain whom he still pretended to not like all that much.

"Oh, I did," Flynn said dryly. "but then Tao was in the middle of explaining a complicated technological problem. I was feeling a little faint myself." Provenza huffed at the apparent lack of concern which sobered Flynn up right away. "She is fine," he said softly, his voice lowered. "She's been tired, but all things considered, she is holding up pretty well."

Provenza pretended to study his pen while turning it in his hands as he tried to make his voice sound casual. "So you're together now?"

Flynn's eyes darted around nervously, but there was no one to overhear them. "We haven't really talked about that, but I'm spending most nights at her place now, so I guess, yeah. You could say that."

"You'd better be good to her, Flynn!"

A guilty look crossed Flynn's face as he shook his head. "You don't have to tell me that, Louie. I have seen the error of my ways a while ago. And what I feel for her is so-"

Provenza decided to cut him off to avoid death by hyperglycaemia. "Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry I said it! I know you're head over heels. No need to spell it out for me."

They both winced when the door to Raydor's office was jerked open and Taylor walked out, shooting them a nasty look before he stalked off. Flynn rose from where he had been sitting on Provenza's desk and he decided to let it slide for once. Something was definitely off.

"What are you waiting for?" he admonished his friend. "Get in there!"

Of course, there was no need to tell Flynn to rush to his Captain's aid and his hand was on the door handle before Provenza could come up with anything else.

Sharon was behind her desk when Andy entered, too soon after knocking to give her time to answer or school her features. She looked terrified, her eyes wide and moist, one hand around the edge of her desk, the other over her belly. She looked relieved to see him and, grateful for the closed blinds, he rushed over and stood in front of her, gently prying her fingers away from the desk.

"What happened?" he asked, squeezing her cold hand in his and rubbing her knuckles soothingly.

Sharon took a deep breath as his gentle caresses helped to calm her down. She shook her head, not meeting his eyes just yet. "It was my fault," she said, her voice shaking and a little breathless. "I should have told him that you're the baby's father when Sterling threatened to expose us."

Andy's heart sank when it slowly began to dawn on him. "So he did rat us out? Is that why Taylor looked as if he was thinking about killing me?"

She nodded slowly, showing no signs of amusement at the joke. She was truly rattled and his heart broke for her. With a sign, he kneeled down in front of her chair and pressed a kiss to her hand that was still cradled in his. Andy knew that she would tell him the story in her own time and he was prepared to give her a moment to gather herself instead of pestering her with questions.

"He said that he and Pope were very disappointed in me. For not reporting an intimate relationship with a subordinate and for failing to tell them that that subordinate is my child's father. He said that my position as the head of the most prestigious unit in the LAPD required trustworthiness and a great deal of professionalism. They wanted full disclosure on how I am running this team and they didn't feel that they got that."

Andy closed his eyes briefly. "But the team is run well. Anyone can see that! It is none of their business whom you're having a baby with if the work gets done."

Sharon rubbed her belly and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. A small gasp escaped her and his heart sank even more. He reached out and placed his hand against the side of her round belly just in time to feel the contraction ebbing away.

"Sweetheart, you need to lie down. You know what the doctor said. If the Braxton Hicks contractions get stronger, you need to be off your feet as soon as you can." She gave him a tiny smile due to the term of endearment he didn't use all that often with the slow pace their relationship was going at. She had accidentally called him "honey" a few times, but he had always pretended not to notice as she blushed furiously every time to then hide her hands in her pockets.

"I can't, Andy. He wasn't very sympathetic to my asking to be able to take my maternity leave even earlier than planned in the light of what he just learned. Of course, since it has medical reasons, he can't just say no, but if I leave around noon after coming in late due to a doctor's appointment..." She trailed off and shook her head, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. "I am not sure what he is going to do about this, but I think it is within the realm of possibility for me to..." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, determined to stay strong. "...to lose my position." He knew that there was nothing he could say to make it better, so he chose to listen and to continue holding her hand instead.

"I knew that this would impact my career negatively, but I didn't expect it to backfire this badly," she sadly. "I didn't work so hard for all those years to lose it all now. If it comes to the worst, they'll offer me early retirement or chain me to a desk in administration to write rulebooks until I die of boredom."

"Maybe it won't come to the worst, Sharon. You know how Taylor is. He might cool off and reconsider. You're great at what you do and maybe if he learns the details of what happened, if he finds out what an idiot I have been-"

"Andy, you don't have to put your own career on the line for mine," she said firmly. "It doesn't matter what happened. There is no way to deny that I haven't informed my superiors of the circumstances that have led to my pregnancy. I do hope that there is no impact on the team, but if there is, it is my fault."

She shifted in her chair and moaned as another contraction came. Her doctor had assured them that Braxton Hicks contraction could become painful as the pregnancy progressed and that Sharon was not in premature labor as long as they were irregular, but he couldn't stop thinking about how tiny their daughter still was. Sharon kept complaining that she was huge, but in actuality, she was far from it. The baby would need a while to grow before it could come into the world safely and the idea that Sharon could end up giving birth this early terrified him. She had fought so hard for the little one to make it this far, was ready to give up so many things in order to make it work and all for possibly losing her?

"Sharon, we'll cover for you. He'll never know you're gone, okay?" He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "There is a lot going on for you right now and I don't want for you or for the baby to get hurt in the process."

She looked up at him as he rose from his position on the floor and gave him a small, sad smile. He helped her to her feet and pulled her into him, their arms coming around each other. He watched the strands of her long hair slide through his fingers easily as he caressed her back. Sharon rested her cheek against his chest and held on to his waist, taking deep breaths.

"I'll take you home. Provenza will tell everyone who wants to know that we're chasing down that cold case clue. When I've gotten you settled in our bed, I'll interview the witness and nobody will ever be any the wiser, okay?"

She chuckled, the sweet sound calming him down and his shoulders sank down from where he hadn't previously realized he'd drawn them up. Taking a step back, yet still holding on to him, Sharon smiled up at Andy.

"You said our bed."

"Oh," he said, having been unaware of his choice of words. He was getting uncomfortable under her scrutinizing gaze, unable to discern its meaning. "I mean your bed, of course."

Sharon looked down thoughtfully. "I like that you're in it so frequently now," she spoke quietly. Then she looked up to meet his eyes, wearing a shy smile. "Because I love you, Andy."

Sharon was not someone who would say those words lightly and neither was he. It had taken her weeks to say them after he had back in Utah and the joy swept over him like a wave. He was probably grinning stupidly, because she smiled and reached up, cupping his cheek and running her thumb over his lips before she pecked them gently with hers. He knew better than to deepen the kiss here in her office and just grinned back at her, hoping to convey through the look in his eyes that he loved her still. And so much.

"Let's get you to bed," he said. "My girls need their rest."

"Yes, they do. Thank you, Andy." She ran her hand down his arm before she let go.

He reached past her to open the door for her, then paused in his movement. "I also suggest that you call your friends down in FID while we're on our way. Sterling needs to get what's coming to him."

Sharon looked doubtful whether she should make good on her threat, but then nodded slowly. "Maybe you're right."

So he walked her to the elevators, elated by what she had said to him and yet weighed down by the gloomy prospects for her career that he was ashamed to have failed to consider so far. Sharon was sacrificing a lot for her child and, ultimately, for him, too. Andy could see in her eyes how much that pained her and he wished that he hadn't let her stop him back when he had been about to punch Sterling in the face.

**A/N:** You didn't think it would stay all fluffy, now did you? Where is the fun in that? He he he. I hope you still enjoy! :-)


	36. Chapter 36

Sharon fumbled with her car keys as she walked across the parking area. It had been strange to walk into FID's offices again and it felt even stranger to realize that this was the first time she had done it in a very long time. Back in her early days of helming Major Crimes, she had sometimes snuck downstairs to have lunch with someone who actually liked her. Then her team had begun to accept her and the new had become the familiar while the old had become the past. Her old team had been there, all of her sergeants still present and joined by someone new, a young blonde who blushed when he saw her. She hoped that it was due to her reputation and not to her pregnant belly. Even though many of her old team members had e-mailed to congratulate her, she felt self-conscious under all those scrutinizing gazes she was subjected to these days.

Too tired to deal with the trunk, she threw the files she was carrying onto the passenger seat, leaning against the door in the process. It had been a long day. Feeling better after having left early the previous day, she had been quite energetic all day which had led to her decision to not call Sergeant Elliott, as Andy had suggested, but to pay him a visit in person instead. She hadn't seen him in far too long and had found it best to discuss something as delicate as the Sterling matter face to face. But then he hadn't been surprised at all. It seemed that Sterling had managed to develop a drug problem after she had joined Major Crimes. FID was having a hard time pinning anything on him, but they thought it was speed. If ever, his new habit had made him even more bad-tempered than before and he had been on the verge of getting fired anyway. Her complaint was only the last straw that they needed to build their case against him.

Sharon closed the car door before moving back to the driver's side, a heartfelt sigh leaving her lips. Contrary to what people liked to believe, she did not enjoy ratting people out. A part of her even felt guilty for running back to her old pals after what had happened. After all, Andy hadn't been acting like the fine officer that he was, either, that night. If she was honest, what she had done had happened out of a thirst for vengeance and that was exactly what she had gotten. They had called Sterling in right away after she had left, relieved to have a reason to take him off duty to prevent him from doing any more damage.

What she needed was a warm bath and another early night, she decided. Nina had called earlier to tell her that a court date had been set for her divorce and dread threatened to overwhelm her whenever she thought about facing Jack in court. Curiously, after everything, it were the good memories that ended up plaguing her. She had spent so many years hoping that their family would one day be reunited, that their relationships could be fixed, that she hadn't even noticed how hope had begun to fade so gradually. Now that it was almost over, she found herself thinking back to Jack's and her first date, their picnics in the park and all the loving attention he had given her in the beginning. She didn't wish for it back, but she regretted deeply how things had come to be.

And now there was Andy. The new relationship confused her as much as it elated her. After the rocky past few months, she had to get used to the thought of sharing her life and her child. Not that she didn't want to, but she still had a hard time lowering her guard sometimes. In any case, Andy was patient. She smiled to herself as she thought back to him sitting on the floor in her bedroom, putting the crib together the previous night, wearing jeans and a t-shirt and cursing his way through the instruction manual. He had forbidden her from going anywhere near physical labor and so she had been sitting on the bed, trying not to "snort-laugh" at the ordeal. She did suspect that Andy had been intentionally clumsy to make her laugh after the day she'd had. The memory of Taylor's little speech made her tense even now, the worst thing being that he was right. She hadn't followed procedure, had ignored the regulations in place and had made a terrible mistake that could have been avoided by something as simple as adherence to the rules. How many members of the LAPD had she lectured on how some steps that had to be taken were much more important than they seemed? On how vital it was to pay attention to the details in order to stay out of trouble and do one's job well? She had never seemed to understand how somebody could make such an oversight and yet here she was, having done exactly that. Her head had been in the clouds, filled with thoughts of her blossoming relationship, her baby and her divorce. She felt so indescribably guilty. Stupid, even.

"If that isn't the pristine Captain Raydor!"

Sharon tensed, suddenly acutely aware of the flickering neon tube above her and the fact that it was only late afternoon and the underground parking lot was deserted. She turned around slowly, her shoulders hunched at the familiar voice. Having confirmed that it was indeed Sterling who was coming towards her, she stepped back towards her car, willing her posture to look more relaxed. If she had learned one thing in her dealings with him, it was that this man was much like an animal. If he sensed fear, he would strike. Her fingers clenched around the chain of keys in her hand, she faced him, chin slightly raised.

"Detective Sterling," she said. "What can I do for you?"

He looked tired with unhealthy dark circles under his glittering eyes, yet almost a little too alert. His hair was mussed as if he had been running his hand through it multiple times, his tie hung askew and he was swaying slightly on his feet. Now that she knew of his drug abuse, she could see it in the pallor of his skin and the swollen redness of his eyes. For a split second, she felt almost bad for the man.

"What can you do for me? Are you kidding me?" he barked at her, the nonchalance he had displayed weeks ago gone and replaced with a tremor in his voice to that didn't bode well. "Whatever rule-monger bitch you might be, I'd always taken you for the honest type. You know, no lying and such? And all those deals you like to make." He was talking very quickly now, his words coming out like gun fire and she would have stepped back to escape the little drops of spit that came flying at her, hadn't she already had her back to the car. She felt the outline of the door digging into her flesh and couldn't decide whether she should follow her urge to protect her bump with her hands or whether that would just draw his attention to it.

"We had a deal!" he yelled, making her wince at the volume. He came even closer and placed one hand against the car door in a gruesome imitation of a flirty maneuver. It took her a moment to understand what he meant.

"We did not have a deal. And even if he had, you told my superiors what you saw and-"

"I didn't!" he yelled at her, making her jump. "I didn't do shit, you stupid bitch!"

Her heart sank. What if it was true? But then, she reminded herself, this man was a disgrace to the LAPD and put both his colleagues and everyone else in danger by abusing drugs and being violent. He deserved everything he got. She was too smart to tell him that, however.

"I suggest you step back," she said much more calmly than she felt. She didn't have her gun, she realized. The clip was uncomfortable with her swollen stomach and she was basically on desk duty anyway these days, so she usually kept it in her office. Sterling was towering over her, physically fit with well-defined muscles under his shirt. She wouldn't stand a chance.

"Step back?" he mocked her. "Or what?"

His hand landed on her hip, his fingers moist and uncomfortably warm through the fabric of her blouse.

"Just as I thought. No gun. Well, what a shame. So you're planning on tackling me? Or are you hiding your boyfriend somewhere?"

Sharon's heart was thundering in her chest, all of her senses magnified. She could smell stale sweat on Sterling, could hear the faint buzzing of the lights above her, could see the way his hands trembled as he raised them.

"You screwed up my life! They suspended me and they'll likely fire me on top of it! I have a goddamn kid I have to pay child support for. What did you think you were doing getting back at me like that? Do you think you're the queen of everything? That you can just meddle in people's lives like that?"

He grabbed her shoulder and she tried to duck away to the side, but he kept her firmly in place, his fingers digging painfully into her upper arm.

"Let me go!" she demanded, her voice shaking. "You're only going to make this worse for yourself."

"How much worse can it get, you think?" He gave her a terrible grin. "God, look at you. I used to think you were somewhat hot and now?"

"Detective, you're overstepping a line here. I am asking you to step back for the last time." For a second she believed that her harshest tone had worked and she felt weakened by the effort to produce it. But then he smiled and her body went rigid again, adrenaline pulsing through her veins.

"Or what?" he said again. "I've been waiting to do this for a very long time!"

"I'm leaving now," she said slowly, trying to deescalate even though she feared that it was too late for that. The man was either drug-fueled or going through withdrawal, but he was angry and she could sense that he wasn't far from resorting to actual violence. She took a step to the side and he let her only to grab the back of her blazer and pull her back a moment later. Sharon lost her balance and fell against the side of the car, bumping her hip into it. She felt her baby move and was very suddenly and very unexpectedly overcome with panic. She was struggling her way through a high-risk pregnancy as it was and if this man was hell-bent on hurting her, he would hurt her baby along with her.

Another image entered her mind, conjured by adrenaline, but unbidden at this moment where she needed clarity rather than nostalgia. Andy, next to her in bed, caressing her side and placing his large, warm palm over the swell of her abdomen, considering what she had just suggested.

_Leah_, he had said. _That's pretty. I like Leah for a girl._

"You're gonna get what's coming to you!" Sterling shouted just before his fist collided with her temple and she saw stars. He landed one again from close proximity and she felt blood trickle down her cheek. Weirdly, she didn't feel any pain, just a terrible numbness, while the ringing in her ears drowned out his words of rage. She finally wrapped both arms around her belly tightly, absurdly relived that he didn't seem to be focusing on her middle - or at least not yet. She had time to feel his rough hands around her neck, beginning to squeeze the air out of her lungs before she was overcome by darkness.

* * *

The neon tube above his head was flickering violently, dipping the room in darkness and bright light in quick succession. The first thing Russell Taylor saw was a long, smooth leg, foot bare with the shoe missing. He hurried up, hurried around the car and stopped in his tracks. What were probably just seconds seemed like minutes in his mind as he couldn't move and stared at Sharon Raydor on the ground. The side of her face that he could see was covered in blood and there were dark marks on her throat. Even in her unconscious state, her arms were still wrapped tightly around her stomach.

"Oh God," he murmured, kneeling down next to her as he pulled out his phone to call an ambulance. The skirt of her violet dress was dry and not covered in blood, he noticed, so there was hope for the baby if only the Captain was alive. He dropped his phone after hurriedly giving his location and reached out to feel her pulse. It took him a moment to find it faint but steady.

"Sharon? Sharon, can you hear me?"

But she didn't respond, just remained perfectly still.

**A/N:** Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This was painful to write, I am just hurting myself. (End of rant.)


	37. Chapter 37

_Boys don't cry_ was what his father had always told him and, once again, Andy would prove a terrible disappointment to his old man. If he was watching from somewhere above, he was certainly not happy with him now, because Andy didn't even have it in him to be ashamed of his tears. There he was, in another hospital room, in another uncomfortable plastic hair, listening to the strained breathing of another loved one. Sharon was breathing through a tube because her throat was still swollen from where she had been choked by someone with big, strong hands. It was visible in the bruises up her neck that were slowly beginning to turn a deep, frightening purple. There was more bruising on her temple, just above where her cheek was swollen, but it was covered by the large bandage that the laceration on this side of her face was dressed in.

She wasn't conscious. Hadn't been a single time since Taylor had found her next to her car in the underground parking lot. A part of Andy didn't want her to wake up too soon, so she didn't have to enter the world of pain that consciousness would bring. She had a bad concussion, caused by blunt trauma to the head, the same that had caused the open wound. Andy had had to flash his badge in order for them to let him see her and he didn't care whether it was against regulations to use it for a personal matter. He couldn't leave her like this, couldn't have her wake up in a lonely hospital room all by herself, with no one to tell her what had happened. Her face looked so vulnerable that he didn't even dare touch her. Instead he was holding on to her limp hand for dear life.

He jumped when there was a flutter of movement under his other hand and then smiled, wiping away a new onslaught of tears. He was embarrassed by them even though his mother, representing the Italian side of the family, had always told him that it was alright to cry, healing even. He felt so powerless as it was and the idea of someone catching him sobbing all over his girlfriend's lifeless body sobered him up a little.

_Leah_, he thought. He couldn't decide whether it had been some sort of higher power or a plain old miracle, but the baby had escaped unscathed. She had been quiet so far, probably affected by the medication Sharon had been given to ensure that she rested. They were monitoring her carefully, still worried that all the mental and physical stress would lead to premature labor. So far, there was no sign of it and if there was something Andy was grateful for, it was this.

And yet he felt so guilty. The security footage Buzz had pulled hurriedly had shown Detective Sterling assaulting Sharon or so Provenza had told Andy over the phone. He didn't and would never want to see those images, he had vowed, because he knew that he would lose it should he actually see what he was constantly seeing in his mind already. Sterling, fired because of what Sharon had told her old colleagues in FID. Angry and drug-fueled and aggressive, assaulting a heavily pregnant woman who had no way to defend herself. He was glad that both of his hands were currently occupied or he would have clenched them into fists again, digging his nails into his palms as he had before. The angry marks were still there to prove how he was itching to hit this awful person until he wouldn't move anymore.

And it was he who had convinced her to give the information to FID. He should have known that Sterling would come after her, shouldn't have let her go down there alone, should have been there to protect her from him. But he hadn't been there, had jumped at the chance to stay a little longer for paperwork and then go have a drink with Provenza. It had been in their favorite bar that Taylor's call had reached him and he had spilled his cranberry and soda all over their table when he'd heard. Provenza hadn't even complained about the sticky liquid soaking his clothes and just offered to accompany him.

Andy couldn't shake off the thought that all of this was his fault, that he had failed her again and after having caused her so much heartache over the previous few months already. They would know more as soon as she woke up, the doctors had told him sourly, after their insistence on only family being allowed in her room had been broken his angrily flashing his badge and threatening them with legal action. But she likely wouldn't wake up for a while, heavily subdued as she was. He moved his hand on Sharon's stomach and felt a little kick and then another.

"Hang in there, Leah," he whispered, barely loud enough for himself to hear. There was a knock at the door and Taylor came in, looking solemn. Andy tensed. He and Taylor had never been on the best of terms, making him one of the last persons he wanted to see near Sharon's hospital bed.

"Andy," Taylor said, making him wonder whether he had ever used his given name before. "You need a break. You've been sitting here for hours." He opened his mouth to protest, but Taylor wouldn't hear it. "You're not helping Sharon if you collapse. Go get something to eat and a cup of coffee at least. There's a deli across the street that has decent food."

He hadn't expected him to stick around or even to come back and the idea struck him as absurd. He had just threatened to fire Sharon from her position in Major Crimes and now he was ready to watch over her?

"I won't leave her," he said from between gritted teeth.

"She won't wake up for a while, Andy," Taylor argued, continuing his strange usage of Andy's first name. "Just go get some fresh air. I promise I'll call you straight away if anything changes."

Andy was so devastated that he sought refuge in an emotion that was easier to endure. In fact, he welcomed his overwhelming anger like an old friend.

"How could you threaten to take her job away from her?" he accused Taylor while a small part of his brain was aware that he was being stupid to talk to his boss in this way while his other boss was incapacitated and unable to protect him as she usually did when he stepped out of line. It would, he figured, be best if he didn't give Taylor room to say anything at all. "She didn't tell you in the beginning because we weren't in a relationship then. I was being an idiot, I was prepared to let her raise that kid alone. She didn't want to add to her own pain by telling you all about it when it would have made no difference at all. And we have been together for only a few weeks now! So much is happening and you let-"

"Stop," Taylor said firmly, shutting Andy up immediately. He hadn't previously realized how tired he was. "This is not the place to discuss this. The Cap- Sharon needs to get well before we put anymore thought into it, okay? And now you need to go and cool off."

Andy got up, placing Sharon's hand that he had been holding in the same spot his had been on her belly before.

"Call me if anything changes. Understood?" he growled at Taylor.

"I said that I would and I will," Taylor replied solemnly, then sat down in the chair Andy had just vacated.

He stumbled across the street, hardly aware of his surroundings. His throat was dry. Maybe a drink of water would help. Maybe he should also really eat and have a cup of coffee. He was shaking and he needed nutrition to keep his energy up. Taylor was right. If he wanted to be there for Sharon, he needed to be in decent shape or he would be of no use to her at all. He placed his order, pointing at some sandwich randomly and sat down at a small table to wait for it to be heated.

And then he saw it.

The place was licensed.

Behind the counter there was a makeshift bar, full of everything anyone could wish for. They had vodka, a nice brand even, and bourbon, his former drink of choice. Just one little sip to calm his nerves, he thought, as his addiction reared its ugly head. It was as if two different voices were talking inside his head. One wanted nothing more than to stay sober and away from drink, the other craved it more than anything else in the world. It had become harder not to give in again after he had done so once. Alcohol would dull the pain he felt, would wash away the guilt if only for a while. And he had stopped drinking again before. One drink wouldn't hurt. And if he was having one, he could have two, also, because who was counting if it was only this once? The spiral was starting inside his head and he couldn't stop it.

The waitress set his sandwich down in front of him and he opened his mouth to order a shot - just one for now - to put the terrible images out of his mind. Before he could say anything, though, he was interrupted.

"Andy?"

He whirled around and there she was. Caroline, in jeans and a t-shirt, her short hair in the attempt of a ponytail that was falling apart already, blonde strands framing her face. She wasn't wearing make-up which showed off the freckles that dotted her nose.

"Oh my God, what happened? You look awful!" She was carrying a wrapped sandwich, too, grease oozing through the paper. He had always loved how she didn't care much about calories. Her natural scent was slightly overlaid by the hospital smell and he understood that she, like him, was on a break from something sad or terrible that was happening across the street. She sat down opposite him without being invited and looked at him, her bright blue eyes searching his for clues.

He remembered how clouded those eyes had looked when she had been drunk in his car. How sad she had been, how disappointed in him. Maybe she had been at O'Malley's to run into him in the first place, but she had ended up texting him the next morning to apologize for her behavior. What behavior, he still wondered, she had been drunk and flirty and sweet but had never really done anything wrong. He was the asshole in all this, hurting two women at the same time.

"It's Sharon," he finally managed. "She's been assaulted and it's my fault."

"Did you assault her?" Caroline asked sternly to which he reacted with an almost outraged "no!". "Then it is not your fault, Andy." She reached over the table and placed her hand over his, not in the romantic way she had done so often, but in a pragmatic, reassuring manner as he imagined she would with one of her patients. "I am so sorry. That is horrible! How is she doing? How is your baby?"

Andy shook his head. "She has trouble breathing and she suffered a concussion which is rather serious. Her doctor says that we'll have to wait for her to wake up. The baby..." He managed a small, sad smile. "The baby is fine. She didn't lose her, but they're checking for symptoms of early labor." He noticed that his eyes were wet again and wiped them on his sleeve. He was only in his shirt, his jacket long discarded in a place he didn't even recall. "I haven't even called her kids about it, yet. I've told Gavin, he's breaking the news to Rusty, I-" He buried his face in his hand. "It's my fault, Caroline. I've failed her and I've failed you and-"

A gentle hand pried his away from his eyes. "You're feeling mighty important, aren't you, Lieutenant Flynn?" She smiled a little. "You didn't fail anyone. We can take care of ourselves, you know. The only way you'll fail her is if you start drinking again."

He stared at her. Could she read him that well?

"You've been staring at the liquor bottles behind the counter," she explained. "I spotted you a while before you spotted me. I know it's hard, but you're stronger than that, Andy."

"You're right. I was an idiot to even consider it." Strangely, he meant exactly what he said. The idea of ordering alcohol seemed absurd all of a sudden. This wasn't him anymore, this wasn't his life anymore. He might be a failure, but not in this particular regard. Caroline slid his sandwich towards him. "Eat something. You look like a zombie."

She would know, he thought. She loved zombie movies after all. How could he have ever thought that he could keep up with her? She was so much younger, so different from him, had made him feel so young and careless. And yet she had been nothing more than an escape from his life and from the momentum of the feelings he had for Sharon. He still wasn't sure why he had felt such a mighty need to run from them, but maybe it had been exactly what had transpired today. He had been too afraid to let her down and once again destroy something precious. Instead he had let Caroline down.

"I'm so sorry for being such an ass. You deserve so much better than me," he said at the risk of sounding corny. It was exactly what he felt, though.

She seemed to understand because she smiled softly yet sadly, oddly reminding him of Sharon. Maybe he had chosen Caroline as his escape because under all the short blonde hair and youthful looks, she was a wise woman like Sharon. She was tough and smart and loving. Only she was not Sharon which had been both the beginning and the end of their relationship.

"It's okay. I get it. You're too old anyway." She gave him one of her mischievous smiles. "Now eat your sandwich. You need to stay strong for your family."

_Sweet Caroline_ indeed.

* * *

Despite the unfeasible amount of espresso he had consumed earlier, Andy had fallen asleep in the plastic chair next to Sharon's bed. At first he thought that the searing pain in his back had woken him, but then he noticed that Sharon's breathing had changed. He was awake with a start, ready to call the nurse if something was wrong. She coughed, still weak but reaching for her nasal cannula.

"Hey, hey," he said softly, stroking her arm to get her attention. She was starting to panic so he helped her remove it and placed it next to her on the bed. Sharon took a couple of breaths that sounded more like gasps and for a moment he was terrified that he had made the wrong decision in helping her remove the breathing aid, but then she took a deep, clean breath. She was still pale and too weak to sit up, her face bruised and her eyes half-closed, but he could see the fear grow in them.

"Andy," she weakly squeezed his hand back. "What about Leah?"

His heart both ached and jumped at the question. She was so worried about the baby and he wanted to put her mind at ease and at the same time he was so happy that she had accepted the name along with him. Their last night in her bed seemed to have taken place years ago and she had fallen asleep right after suggesting the name, but apparently, they hadn't needed words to come to an understanding.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against her forehead very carefully. "Sweetheart, Leah is fine. She wasn't hurt." Tears stained Sharon's cheeks and he was too scared of hurting her to wipe them away.

"I was so scared that he would hurt her," she whispered.

"She's fine," he repeated. "You'll be fine, too, Sharon," he said. "We'll all be fine."

One day, maybe, he would be ready to admit to her that a run in with his ex-girlfriend had led him to this realization.

"It wasn't Sterling," she whispered bringing both relief and dread. She was coherent and her speech wasn't slurred, so her head injuries weren't as severe as they could have been. At the same time, what she said made no sense to him.

"What do you mean?" he asked her, frowning.

"He wasn't the one who told Taylor about us," she whispered, her voice shaking. "Andy, if it wasn't him... who was it?"

* * *

"That is not where you'll find the Clarkson file, young lady!" Jack's voice sounded from the doorway, jolly enough.

"It is not?" Chris turned around and straightened up, hiding the folder behind her back by pretending to assume the position out of shame. "I'm sorry, I can't seem to remember."

"No problem," Jack said boastfully. "It's in the cabinet next to the door. Bring it into the conference room with some coffee, will you?"

"Yes, thank you!" she called after his retreating back then looked down at the folder she had just retrieved from where she had seen him put it a few days prior. She smiled darkly. Who said that you couldn't learn about divorce law if you interned for a lawyer specializing in criminal law?


	38. Chapter 38

Upon his knock, Captain Raydor looked up from the book she had been reading. Her eyes widened a little when she saw him and she closed the book without marking the page. It seemed uncharacteristic to do so for someone as meticulous as Sharon Raydor and for a moment he considered pointing it out. She was nervous, he could tell from the way she tried to sit up a little straighter, which was not an easy feat considering the swell of her belly and the way the adjustable head section of her hospital bed was angled. She looked much better than two days ago, but still pale and he could tell from the way she held her head that she was still in pain.

"Chief Taylor," she said cautiously. "How nice of you to come by."

"I thought you could use some company," he replied, placing his gift - a container of grapes - on her bedside table. He had considered buying flowers for her, but it had seemed inappropriate given their professional relationship. "How are you feeling?"

She grimaced a little and he wasn't sure whether it had been meant as a smile. "My whole body is aching. I have bruises all over from when I fell." It wasn't like her to be so open about her physical discomfort and he wasn't sure how to deal with that. He looked at both of her hands that were resting on her stomach whose outline was very visible under the covers and the blanket she was wrapped in. Maybe all the personal items surrounding her were what made her seem so much better than when he had been sitting with her on that fateful first day when she'd been dressed in a hospital gown and had looked so lost in the cold, impersonal room. Now she was wearing pajamas and there were flowers everywhere.

"I hope your baby is doing fine?" he inquired carefully, concerned but also mindful not to sound as if he was prying. It was strange that he somehow felt responsible for her after having been the one to find her in the underground garage. How painful those minutes had been when he'd checked her pulse regularly while he had been waiting for the ambulance. From the looks of her, she might as well have been dead and he had found himself thinking about how terrible that would have been.

"She is fine, thank you, Sir." Raydor smiled faintly. He knew that she didn't really like him and often disagreed with his choices, so he understood why she was being so reserved. And then lately their relationship had been nothing if not strained, he had to admit.

"A girl then," he said. "You and Lieutenant Flynn must be very happy."

She flinched a little when he mentioned him and he couldn't help picturing the ever sarcastic lieutenant waiting by her bedside, eyes red-rimmed and his posture defeated.

"I am sure there is a reason for your visit," Raydor pointed out in those soft tones of her that perfectly glossed over the fact that she was being very blunt. Besides that, she spoke more slowly than usual, as if talking in itself exhausted her.

"Yes, there is," he said, amused for some reason. "Lieutenant Flynn and the rest of the team seem very protective of you. Especially Lieutenant Provenza seems worried that any news from work might negatively impact your recovery."

She smiled a little more brightly and winced, her hand coming up and stopping just short of the stitches on the left side of her face. They were close to her hairline, he observed, so she would be able to hide a possible scar under her hair. Somehow he was sure that this was something that would be important to her.

"But I know that you don't appreciate being coddled, so I thought I'd bring you up to speed on what is being done about Detective Sterling." She tensed when he mentioned his name and he felt a little guilty. Just because she was not as badly harmed as it had looked at first, she wasn't any less traumatized by what had happened. He watched her draw her hands closer together as if shielding her belly unconsciously. The child she was carrying meant a lot of inconveniences for the department and it couldn't be easy for the Captain herself, but he was incredibly relieved that the detective's vicious attack hadn't harmed it. Taylor had a soft spot for children himself and the Captain's was no different.

"Lieutenant Provenza and DDA Hobbs wanted to spare you a trial, so they offered him a deal."

"A deal? Lieutenant Provenza?" She smiled carefully. "That sounds interesting."

"Doesn't it," he grinned at her, relieved that she had recovered so quickly. "He is going away for violent assault. Ten years."

She nodded slowly, letting the news sink in. "Thank you, Sir. I appreciate the information," she finally said. "You are right. I have been kept out of the loop and I was beginning to wonder."

"I'm glad I could help. I have also spoken to Chief Pope about your status."

Now she tensed even more. Taylor knew how important her job and position were to her. She hadn't chosen the rocky path of Internal Affairs out of the goodness of her heart, but to be able to make a career for herself even though she was raising two children on her own. Giving up what she had achieved was not what she'd ever had in mind, he was sure.

"About that," she said. "I have spoken to my friend Gavin Baker who specializes in this sort of thing and he-"

He raised a hand to stop her. "Before you say anything else, Captain, hear me out." She pressed her lips together, the look in her eyes vigilant. She was injured and traumatized, but that didn't mean that she wasn't determined not to let him walk all over her.

"Lieutenant Flynn filled me in on the specifics of your relationship." He could tell that his way of phrasing it was upsetting to her and it amused him a little. If he had to backtrack from his earlier statement, he might as well have a little fun with it. "He told me how it went about and I understand that you haven't been together for a very long time. This puts your failure to report it in a different light, of course. Chief Pope agrees with me that we can let it slide this once. You have always been an exemplary officer and we find that this is an exceptional situation that is unlikely to occur again." She opened her mouth to say something, but he wasn't ready: "However, we will have to reconsider if we detect any sign of favoritism in your division."

He didn't really think that they would and she knew that as well, he was sure.

"Just so you know, Sir, I won't be able to return to work until after the baby is born. After what happened-" - her voice sounded a little thin when she mentioned it -"My doctors found it best to put me on bed rest until I give birth."

"I guess it doesn't really make a difference now. You'd been planning on taking your leave soon, anyway," he said.

"Thank you, Sir." She gave him another one of those clipped smiles and he was beginning to suspect that it was all she could manage without being in pain from the bruises on her face and neck. They were already beginning to fade, but it would take a while until they would be gone completely. He understood how Captain Raydor could be upsetting to people, especially if she bore down on them with her rulebook, but it was beyond him how anyone could assault a pregnant woman like that. He was beginning to think that Detective Sterling had gotten away easy with only ten years.

"Can I ask you something, Chief?" He nodded his agreement. "How did you find out about Lieutenant Flynn and me?"

There was something indiscernible in the depth of her deep green eyes and he didn't like what it suggested. However, he disliked the answer he would have to give her even more.

"Your husband, Captain. We both know that he is not a terrific human being, but you understand that I couldn't ignore it once I found out about it."

"Of course," she said. "I understand."

He knew that she really didn't appreciate private question of this nature, but he couldn't resists: "Are you any closer to being divorced?" He gestured towards her middle. "I mean, I guess you would like rid of him before this little one arrives."

She smirked and it looked genuine. "You have no idea. We couldn't find an amicable solution, so we are due in court next week. I am not sure whether I'll be able to make the court date myself, but my lawyer will be there, surely."

She leaned back into her pillows and closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. He could tell that she was tired and it figured; her concussion was serious and she was recovering only slowly.

"I'll leave you to it then, Captain," he said almost gently. "Get well soon."

"Thank you, Chief. For taking the time," she replied with a genuine smile. "I appreciate your lenience on my part."

He grinned. "Just you keep your lieutenant in check. I got quite an earful from him."

She grimaced. "Oh, I know how he can be."

"I'm sure you do, Captain."

* * *

Waking up, if only from a small nap, was still a feat for Sharon. Maybe she owed it to her concussion, but she was always slightly confused when she opened her eyes and it took her a while to make sense of her surroundings. She would usually be woken by a nurse, a friendly visitor or her daughter's happy kicks, so her haze had never been a problem so far. This time, however, it was an angry pounding on the door that startled her and she jumped, her eyes flying open. For a terrible moment she was scared that she was back in the underground parking lot and her arms came around her belly to protect her daughter. Then she saw the natural light coming in through the window and the flowers that took up every available space. She found her favorite blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her baby stretching lazily inside her.

"So now you're playing dirty, too? Aren't you, Sharon?"

She blinked against the familiar voice, still drowsy, and reached for her glasses. Only when she had put them on, Jack's face came into focus where he was standing at the end of her bed, his face red and his eyebrows drawn together in anger. His hands were clasped around the edge of the bed and for a moment she was sure that he would shake it to make her uncomfortable.

"What?" she murmured and her voice didn't seem to obey her. "What are you talking about?" The headache that had been plaguing her for days was back and she felt as if she was going to be sick with the sudden onslaught of pain.

"How sneaky of you to plant poor little Chris as your mole!" he shouted, his rage almost tangible. However bad their marriage had been, he had never even once raised a hand against her and she wouldn't have been afraid if she hadn't just been assaulted. She still didn't sleep well and had to bite back tears of panic whenever she woke up in the dark.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" She was slurring a little with the headache that was just as bad as one of her more terrible migraines. All she wanted to do was sleep, not listen to his tirades whose meaning she could not fathom.

"Of course, you're not!" he said sarcastically. "Look, Sharon. It might look better for you at the moment, but I am going to find a way to take away everything you have, do you hear me? I didn't want to make a war out of this, but you have gone too far now. You and your Gavin! You two were always against me!"

Sharon could feel the now familiar sense of panic rise inside her. She wasn't afraid of Jack as such, but the uncertainty bothered her and, most of all, she felt vulnerable and helpless with her aching body, pregnant belly and terrible headache.

"Jack..." she murmured, bringing one hand up to her forehead. She was dizzy. He was still at the foot of the bed and yet he felt too close for comfort.

"For God's sake, have you no shame?" She recognized Gavin's voice instantly and a wave of relief swept over her. "Get out of here or I'll call security." Her face buried in her hands, she only heard shuffling, which could mean either that Gavin was manhandling Jack or the other way around, but she couldn't bring herself to care. The door closed and she jumped violently when she felt a hand on her shoulder and another one prying her hand away from her eyes.

"Hey, hey," Gavin cooed. "It's just me."

He wrapped both of her hands up in one of his and sat on the side of the bed to gently smooth away strands of her hair from her cheeks that were wet with tears she didn't remember crying. She took deep breaths, already somewhat ashamed of her behavior. What was happening to her? She was usually so calm and collected. Why did she succumb to panic attacks like that all of a sudden?

Gavin gently placed his hand on her belly. "There. Leah's upset, too. Hey, you must know that Leah goes a lot better with Flynn than with Raydor, right?"

Sharon looked down thoughtfully at where he was caressing her belly tenderly, but she just couldn't relax.

"Gavin." He withdrew his hand and looked at her immediately when she addressed him in that stern tone of hers. "What did Jack mean? What did you do?"

**A/N:** Uh, not so many chapters left. I am already sad! Thank you so much for your comments and support. They mean a lot and make me very happy! :-)


	39. Chapter 39

Gavin, blessed with a formidable sense of occasion, would have loved to throw a lavish party to celebrate his best friend's victory over her husband in a fierce divorce battle that had ended rather abruptly. He would have gladly invested in cupcakes with "Hit the Road, Jack" written on them in sweetest icing. He would have even dug out some non-alcoholic champagne to toast the occasion. Unfortunately, the new divorcee had other ideas. First of all, she disapproved of the fact that the information that had led to her victory had been obtained, if not illegally, then at least by means of somewhat shady methods and with the involvement of a boy she considered her child and his teenaged friend. It had turned out, as Chris had dutifully researched, that Jack Raydor had won a nice chunk of money in a poker tournament. This surprised Gavin in two ways: Firstly, Jack was a notoriously lousy poker player. And secondly: He usually didn't know when to stop. That huge chunk of money had been conveniently left out of Jack's financial statements. However, those hidden assets included, the division of their joined assets tipped in Sharon's favor, allowing her to pay him 2.000 dollars and be done with it. And those 2.000 dollars, Nina had smartly negotiated away by off-handedly mentioning that hiding assets from the IRS was also a criminal offense. So Jack had signed the papers, his attorney - also unaware of the gambling money - fuming.

Sharon was now officially divorced and out of the hospital, keeping to the terms of her bed rest to the letter, which was entirely unsurprising if one knew her. However, something was off; Gavin had been able to tell from the way her texts were worded even though she never mentioned any problems. If he hadn't, though, Andy Flynn's distraught phone call would have told him everything he needed to know. They all understood how Sharon was somewhat withdrawn and careful after what she had been through with Sterling's assault. However, for a week now, she had been distant with Andy who had stopped spending his nights at her place to give her some space. While Rusty dutifully kept him informed concerning her well-being, his concern for her drove him up the walls and had eventually led to his asking Gavin for help.

And here he was, sitting on the side of her bed, looking into muddy green eyes. Something was wrong with her. Definitely wrong. There was a certain sadness paired with a glimmer of fear and a fierce determination not to break down. He had seen it in her lots of times and the answer to his question was usually Jack.

"Hey," she said, sitting up slowly. Four weeks away from her due date, her belly was very swollen, but it didn't warrant the heaviness that seemed to be resting upon her shoulders. Something was burdening her and it was his mission to find out what it was.

"How are you feeling, my darling?" Gavin started carefully, not at all expecting to receive a straightforward answer. At least not yet.

"Tired," she said. "And extremely useless." Even the wry smile was a relief given her current mood.

"You're not useless," Gavin corrected her. "You're growing a little human. That's not useless at all."

Sharon didn't even bother to smile, just looked down at the swell of her belly and caressed it with her palm. The injury on her face had faded into a thin scar that was still an angry red at this stage, but her bruises were gone, which was a relief. She would not give him anything to work with, he realized, so he decided to dive right in. Sometimes it was better to catch her unaware instead of stealthily closing in on her.

"I spoke to your Andy yesterday." Her gaze lifted to his in alarm. "He is quite worried. Says he isn't sure what went wrong but he doesn't think you want to be with him anymore. Now he doesn't know whether to leave you alone for good or whether to fight for you."

Her eyes filled with tears and she pressed her lips together then looked back up at him, still silent.

"Honey," Gavin said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it tightly. "Just tell me what's wrong."

"It's not him," Sharon said. "It's me."

"You don't have to let _me_ down easy, Sharon," Gavin gently reminded her. "You can speak your mind with me and you know it." He decided to go out on a limb, much like he would in the court room. A good bluff never hurt even if it technically backfired. "It's about Jack, isn't it?"

She paled a little and the way she was looking at everything but him told him everything he needed to know. "What did he do this time, Sharon?"

Sharon never openly cried. She sometimes allowed some tears to well up in her eyes, but she never let them flow in anyone else's presence unless something absolutely terrible had happened. Maybe it was hormones or maybe it was Jack's unparalleled cruelty, but she couldn't contain a little sob. Once it was out, the tears followed. Gavin leaned in and pulled her into his arms, gently guiding her head to his shoulders. Her whole body was shaking as she cried, her arms clawing into the back of his shirt. He held her, running his hand up and down her back soothingly, letting her cry herself out while he was fantasizing about ways to kill Jack Raydor. When she stilled in his arms, he drew out his handkerchief, a cotton thing the color of lavender with his initials embroidered in the lower left corner and gently wiped the tears away.

"Tell me everything," he said. For a moment it looked as if she would start crying again, then she shook her head in disbelief, maybe at her own outburst, maybe at Jack.

"He called me the day after our attorneys finalized everything," she said shakily. "At first he seemed almost friendly, but then he told me that I should probably not get married again because it wouldn't be long until Andy found out how old and unaccommodating I am at the core." She took a deep breath, still sad rather than angry. "He said all a character like mine could ever produce would be an unhappy husband and a number of sad children."

Gavin couldn't believe either the cruelty of Jack Raydor or the fact that his ex-wife actually believed him.

"Even when we were at our worst, when we were fighting over everything, he never spelled it out for me like that and it hit me, I... I was wondering..." She shook her head. "I didn't use to be like this, Gavin, but I spent so much time basically functioning in I.A. with the kids that I... I think he might be right. I don't think I'm even able to feel anymore."

"Sharon..."

"Andy is a good guy, Gavin. I don't want him to regret choosing me over Caroline. He can be there for the baby. I will never exclude-"

"Stop it right now," Gavin said and she winced at the harshness of his tone. "I get where you're coming from. You're still reeling from a traumatic experience and you're exhausted and confined to your bedroom, so you actually believe what he said. It is probably because you would never say such a thing to anyone. Probably not even if it was completely true, but let me assure you, Sharon, as your best friend." He cupped her face, still warm and wet with tears. "What he said is bullshit and anyone with eyes can see that Andy loves you and that you love him."

She looked at him doubtfully. "Gavin, I haven't been in a relationship in twenty years. I don't think I can do it anymore."

"There is nothing to _do_. Just live and love, Sharon." He smiled. "I do understand why you're feeling this way, but it is completely unnecessary. Jack is angry that he didn't get anything in the divorce and he is jealous that you have found someone who loves you the way he never could. He would be triumphant if he knew that he actually managed to plant those doubts in your head."

Sharon wiped her eyes with Gavin's handkerchief. "What if it's true?"

Gavin snorted. "Well, it is definitely not, but even if it was, you'd never know if you didn't try."

She looked at him for a moment then grimaced. "I am feeling very stupid right now."

"You should." He grinned, terribly relieved that she was coming around. "Jack is a bastard, but he can be extremely convincing. That is the only way he wins cases nowadays with his legal skills being as sloppy and rusty as they are."

"I can't believe he got me again," Sharon said, looking down at her hands. "I'm just scared that this thing with Andy won't work out, that I'll find myself alone with another child to raise again. Maybe it was my fault last time and it will be my fault this time."

"Andy is not Jack and you'll never be alone. Leah is always going to have me. Just like you." He smiled widely at her, glad to receive a tentative smile in return. She reached out and touched his cheek.

"You're the best friend one could ever imagine," she said quietly. Her gaze cleared a little and a glint of mischief appeared in her eyes. "Well, whenever you're not busy going behind my back and doing things I could never approve of."

"Things that got you out of trouble and saved you this beautiful condo," Gavin reminded her gently.

"I could forgive you if you hadn't involved Rusty and Chris," she said sharply.

"Well, technically, Rusty involved me," Gavin pointed out. "But before we lose ourselves in useless discussions, how about you call your Andy and ask him to come over for the party."

Her brows shot up. "Party?"

"You, honey, are officially a single woman again," Gavin said. "And you are also the person always complaining about the lack of a sense of occasion that everyone in your life seems to be afflicted by. Except me, that is."

"What does that mean?" Sharon asked him suspiciously.

"That means that I have taken the liberty to invite a few people. If you were in the habit of touring your condo nowadays, you would have seen Rusty busy in the kitchen with the food I've ordered."

"You didn't!" For a moment, Sharon looked genuinely pissed-off.

"You have two hours to get ready." Gavin consulted his watch pointedly. "Do your hair, put some make-up on, wear something nice."

"I'm not supposed to be on my feet for that long," she said softly. "And also, I think I'm-"

"Well, you'll be fine. Or so says your doctor," he cut her off swiftly.

"You called her." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Gavin, I feel like a child."

"You most certainly are not," Gavin said. "Now make that call. I can't take the mental image of Flynn's sad, sad puppy look. He loves you, Sharon, and while he deserved being hung out to dry for a while since he did the same to you, I think we'll have to worry about his heart. In the literal sense."

Her eyes widened. "What? Is he-?"

"Yes, yes, he's fine." Gavin waved her off. "Now make that call. I'll be in your living-room."

Full of energy, he jumped off the bed and headed for the door, stopping in his tracks as he heard Sharon clear her throat behind him. "Gavin," she called out more softly than before.

He turned around, grinning brightly. "No need to thank me, honey."

"No, that's not it." He tensed at the alarm in her voice and the way her eyes widened as she sat on the side of the bed. She placed one hand on her belly. "My water just broke."

**A/N:** Sorry for the cliffhanger and any mistakes. I proof-read this rather hurriedly as I have a party to get to- Real-life-ing it while I furtively check my phone for reviews every ten minutes, y'all. Cough. :-D


	40. Chapter 40

Gavin stared at the vast dark spot that was rapidly spreading over Sharon's expensive, light-brown linen sheets. This was not happening. Not today. Not when the child's father was god-knows-where. Sharon leaned forward and groaned, a sound that didn't sound very encouraging to her best friend's ears. She straightened up slowly after, still panting a little. Her lips settled into a lenient smile when she became aware of what had to be an expression of utter horror.

"It's okay, Gavin. Leah is early, but that's not unusual given my age and medical history."

"You're in labor," he said tonelessly, feeling a little irate, as if she had done it on purpose. He didn't know a thing about babies, but even he could tell from the strength of the pain she'd just endured that it was not exactly early days. "How long have you been in labor for?" he demanded, feeling rather scandalized by her failure to mention it to him during their earlier conversation.

"A while." Sharon slowly got to her feet and looked down herself in dismay. Only she had the nerve to mourn the loss of a simple pair of yoga pants at a moment like this. Her eyes returned to him and he could see barely suppressed amusement sparkling in them. "I've been having contractions for a few hours, but I didn't think I was this far. With all the pain in my back still from..." The mirth in her eyes died and she swallowed, straightening her shoulders. "...with all the pain from the fall, I couldn't be sure whether it was labor when it started this morning."

Gavin was not overly interested in the specifics as his mind was still spinning. "So... what are we going to do?"

"I'm going to change, obviously," Sharon said softly. "Would you be so kind and put my sheets in the washing machine? They might not be beyond salvation. I'll pack my bag and I'll meet you by the front door in a few minutes."

"Front door," Gavin gasped, his voice barely above a whisper. "So I am going to take you to the hospital...?" He wasn't opposed to the notion, even if he was pretty damn scared of what would happen once they would arrive at the hospital, but he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it yet. Sharon, who he now recognized had taken charge and gone into business mode without thinking twice about it, stepped towards him and put her hand on his arm. In his mind's eye, he had imagined calming her down in this event and certainly not the other way around.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything before. I was just so... so overwhelmed by it all." Gavin looked down at her swollen belly that she was gently rubbing with her free hand.

"So we're about to meet little Leah, aren't we?" he asked, feeling feeble.

"We are," Sharon smiled. "Are you okay with driving me over? I'll call my doctor and Andy on the way."

He nodded, still feeling numb. "Yes." He took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose to gain focus. "I'll take care of this mess and talk to Rusty."

Ten minutes later, Sharon emerged from her bedroom in a dress and coat, carrying a small overnight bag. She smirked when she found Gavin in the kitchen, sipping a tiny glass of the Sherry from the bottle she had been gifted with by her aunt Violet, yet had never opened. She had been planning on using it in some baking product or another, but had never gotten round to it. The bottle looked pretty dusty, which was only one of many factors that made the scene in front of her look rather amusing.

"That's not your usual poison," she remarked, smiling at Rusty who took the bag from her immediately.

"It's the only alcoholic beverage I could find," Gavin replied, setting the glass down with a certain finalty. "Are you ready?"

Sharon held on to the back of the bar stool she was standing next to as another contraction was beginning to build. She knew that they would gain strength soon and this one was far from how bad it would get eventually, but it took her by surprise and made her cry out in the process.

"Oh God, Sharon!" Rusty rushed to her side and touched her shoulder as she squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the pain to abate. When she opened her eyes again, Rusty was frantic and Gavin had poured himself another glass of sherry.

"Easy on the drink, you'll have to drive, Gavin," she admonished him gently. "Rusty, I'll be okay. This is normal."

"Normal!" Rusty gasped. "Thank God, I am a man."

Sharon rolled her eyes as she straightened up. Once one's water had broken, there was a risk of infection and she didn't need that on top of everything else. She was technically too old not to opt for a C-section, but for some reason she had shied away from it. Now she wasn't so sure whether that had been the best course of action. After weeks of bed rest, she was everything but fit and therefore already exhausted. Truthfully, she wasn't quite sure how she was supposed to hold up.

"Do you want me to come with you, Sharon?" She was touched by Rusty's obvious concern, but shook her head gently.

"This will take a while, Rusty. These things don't go as quickly as they do in the movies. I'll have Gavin call you when the baby's there, okay?"

He nodded slowly. "Okay, but please let me know if you change your mind. I mean... I really, really don't want to be in the delivery room with you when it happens, but if you want me there to... to..." He shrugged. "I don't know. Hold her when she's there, I'd be happy to."

Sharon smiled and pulled him in for a quick hug. "Thank you, honey. I'll call you if anything is up."

She was still in the middle of giving Rusty instructions on what needed to be done when the doorbell rang. On her way into the hallway, she gestured for Gavin to follow and found Dr. Morales in the doorway, holding a gift wrapped in pink paper and wearing a winning smile.

"Hi there, Captain! Thanks for the invitation,," he beamed, then noticed the tension in the room. "What... oh my, it was eight and not six, right?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"We're always happy to see you," Gavin purred and suddenly Sharon had a very clear idea why the medical examiner had been invited in the first place.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Morales, we will have to postpone the party," she said with an apologetic smile, aiming for a dignified approach even though she could feel another contraction building. They were already closer together than the last ones had been and she was beginning to be worried that she wouldn't make it to the hospital in time for her epidural. Grabbing the door frame for support, she tried to give the doctor a smile but failed miserably as the pain froze her face.

"Oh my!" Morales set the present aside and gently took hold of her arm. "Do you have a bag packed? I'll drive you if you want."

"Wouldn't that be something?" Gavin beamed, grabbing Sharon's bag from where it sat next to the kitchen counter. He gently took her arm, assuring her without words that she was still the most important person of this moment despite his romantic pursuits.

"I have to call Andy," Sharon whispered, grabbing her phone from the table in the hall. "He'll want to be there."

* * *

Sharon was curled up on her side, legs drawn up as far as still possible, and Gavin felt absolutely helpless in the face of her pain. Like everything else, she took it in stride and, he had to remind himself, it was not the first time she was giving birth. However, he could see the doubt in her eyes as he sat her phone down on the table next to her hospital bed once again.

"Voicemail again?" she asked softly, her voice low and laden with sadness, her arm tightening around her belly. Gavin nodded, reaching out to touch her arm.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure there is something important." And maybe there was, he thought. But then again, maybe there wasn't. Maybe Andy Flynn had decided that he had had enough of her strange behavior. He remembered the other man's dark expression when he had told him about Sharon's withdrawing from him, the way she didn't let him touch her anymore and her whispered request to leave her alone for a few nights. He knew now that she had been under the impression of Jack's terrible comment as well as still shaken from Sterling's attack, but Andy didn't know what he knew.

"You don't have to stay if it feels awkward to you," Sharon offered softly. "I know this is not a very good place to be right now." She tried a small smile. "Especially if you could be down in the cafeteria with Dr. Morales."

Gavin rolled his eyes, a little embarrassed by having been found out like this. "I just heard that he's single again through the grapevine and you have to admit that he is very handsome." He took her hand and squeezed it between his. "But even your hot doctor cannot tear me away from your side, Sharon. I am sure it will be awkward at some point, but I don't care. I want to be here for you, to help you through this."

"I forgot how much it hurts," Sharon said, gritting her teeth as another contraction began. "The only thing that helps is thinking about how I'll finally be able to hold her in my arms."

There were tears in her eyes and Gavin knew instinctively that they weren't due to the pain but that she was worrying about Andy's whereabouts, that she wanted him by her side to hold the baby once it was there, so they could meet each other. He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, then caressed her forehead gently.

"He will come, Sharon," he assured her. "Andy won't let you down just because you've shunned him for a week."

"You don't think I have driven him away by being so... cold?" she asked in an uncharacteristically small voice, her hand wrapped around his, her muscles flexing with the nervousness she was feeling.

"That sounds like something Jack would make you say. And after everything that has happened, if Andy actually feels that way, he is not the guy I thought he was and he doesn't deserve you."

"Are you sure?" She reached up to wipe a tear away from her face.

"I am sure." Gavin took her phone from the bedside table and handed it to her. "Why don't you leave him a message this time?"

He knew why she was hesitating and it only caused his need to hurt Jack Raydor to grow. There had been so many instances in the past when she had tried to reach her husband, but he hadn't picked up. She had been so bitter when she had told Gavin about the many times she had been feeling like a weepy, dependant little girl when she'd left messages on his answering machine for him, just short of begging him to call her back. She had probably sounded mature and put-together as always to anyone to herself, but the experience had left her scarred enough not to be willing to repeat it with anyone.

She closed her fingers around the phone and looked to the side, away from him. "I don't know..."

"Sharon, soon we won't have the time to try calling him every half hour. You need to concentrate on this, okay? You need your strength to deal with labor and to bring this baby into the world."

"I'm dialing," she said with just a hint of her usual fervor. He watched first anticipation and then disappointment ripple across her face when she was directed to voicemail once again. "Hi Andy," she said softly. "This is Sharon. I am at Cedar's and the baby is coming. I don't think it will be very long now." She cleared her throat, maybe to hide the sound of impending tears. "I'd very much like for you to be here. Goodbye." She hung up and handed the phone back, avoiding Gavin's eyes.

"Hey," he said. "At least he knows where to go now." He took her hand as he watched her face change from quiet sadness to pain again and she began to breathe heavily, now actually whimpering for the first time.

"There you go," he said when she settled down a little, desperate not to let his own turmoil show at the outside. He needed to be there for Sharon, not let his own panic overtake him. When she stilled, he smiled at her. "That was a strong one."

"It was." Sharon nodded, then slowly turned onto her back, changing positions once again. She struggled to sit up a little and gratefully took the glass of water he was offering her. He was getting quite good at reading her in this particular situation, to anticipate what she would need, he found. Even after everything that had happened over those past few months, it was strange to see his put-together, independent friend like this. She still had all of those qualities, but he had seen sides of her that he hadn't previously glimpsed. Also, he had certainly not expected to ever find himself in a hospital room with her, holding her hand while she went through labor. Gavin had never expected to experience this particular situation at all and even though it was strange, he felt a certain calm settle over him as he thought of the outcome. In a few hours, Sharon would finally hold her baby daughter in her arms and all the pain would be forgotten. He just hoped that Andy Flynn would make it in time to enjoy the moment with her.


	41. Chapter 41

The epidural helped with the pain, but did nothing to combat the exhaustion Sharon felt just from trying to breathe through the contractions. And at a point, that was, when she hadn't even started pushing yet. She was close, her doctor had assured her, but Sharon hadn't missed the glimmer of worry in the other woman's eyes. Even her ever optimistic doctor was doubting her ability to pull through this. And she was probably right. Sharon felt her age today, every single one of her fifty-two years weighing heavily upon her. Tiredness was falling over her like a heavy blanket, threatening to suffocate her. Gavin gently wiped the sweat off of her brow with a wet cloth and smiled at her.

"You heard what she said. It's going to be over soon," he said in that low, calming voice he had adopted a few hours ago. She knew that he meant well, but somehow it only served to remind her of how desolate her situation was. She had every intention of giving her best and being awake and ready to hold her daughter once she was born, but she was beginning to be scared, to worry that the little girl would be welcomed by neither of its parents.

"Gavin, if Andy won't come and something happens... will you take care of my Leah?" She didn't have the strength to fight her tears. "She knows your voice. I don't want her to be alone if I can't be with her." She touched her belly as it had been her way of connecting with her daughter ever since she had learned of the pregnancy. She wished for nothing more than to have her in her arms, but at the same time she was beginning to feel dizzy and all she wanted to do was sleep.

"Don't talk like that!" Gavin admonished her, wiping her brow again. Sharon closed her eyes at the comfort the cold cloth brought. "You'll be perfectly capable of welcoming her yourself." Even Gavin had given up assuring her that Andy would show up. It had been hours since she had left the message and there was still no sign of him, not even a call or a text informing her that he wouldn't be able to make it. She was disappointed and yet the situation felt strangely familiar. She had gone through it with Jack a million times and Ricky had been born in the absence of his father, too. However, she hadn't expected Andy to blatantly ignore her and the rejection didn't hurt as much as her anger at herself for failing to protect herself and her child from disappointment once again.

"Just... promise me." She wasn't ashamed to beg, just wanted to know that he would be there for her baby if she couldn't be.

Gavin squeezed her hand that he had been holding tightly in his own for the past hour. "I promise, Sharon. I'm her godfather. I'll always be there for her."

Before she could say anything else, the next contraction came, forcing her to focus inward for a while. The epidural worked well, blocking almost all of the pain, but she was still exhausted partly by the contractions previous to the administration of the pain-relief and partly, she believed, due to emotional stress. She would have to start pushing soon, she knew, and she found that she dreaded it.

"Hey, remember when you told me about her?" She turned her head and gave Gavin a tired smile. It was too late to sleep now, but she did manage to relax a little.

"You thought I was pulling your leg," she replied huskily. "Took me showing you the prenatal vitamins I had been given."

"Even then I wasn't quite convinced." Gavin smirked. "It was that unique expression on your face that finally made me realize that you weren't joking."

"Unique expression?" She was a little puzzled.

"Yes, you seemed both shocked and a little bit excited."

"Excited? I don't think so. I think it was one hundred person shock," Sharon said with conviction as she remembered that terrible day when she had finally given up pretending that it was normal to be sick for half an hour every morning and too tired to get out of bed at all in the weekends. Her doctor's diagnosis hadn't exactly been a surprise with the telltale symptoms she'd experienced twice before, but that hadn't made it any less shocking.

"Really? You were touching your stomach all the time. Just brushing it, really, but there was something decidedly smitten about you."

She turned her head in disbelief. "Are you serious, Gavin? Did I actually do that? That first day when I came to your office?"

He nodded with a victorious smile. "Oh yes. Honestly, with anyone else in your situation I would have carefully brought up the subject of abortion, just to have considered all of the options." He shook his head slowly. "Not you, though. You were too far gone that first day already."

Sharon smiled. "It never occurred to me," she said softly. "Even though I totally respect-"

"Yeah, yeah," Gavin stopped her. "Pro-choice, equal opportunities, breaking the glass-ceiling. Have I covered all of your political views?"

She snorted and then laughed. "Stricter laws when it comes to guns. I bet we wouldn't be called out as much in the middle of the night if it wasn't for them."

Gavin weighed his head. "There's always kitchen knives."

Even in the middle of labor and aching for yet another man who had let her down, Gavin managed to make her laugh. "You're the best friend I've ever had," she told him honestly.

"Somebody has to be the decent man in your life," he pointed out, then grimaced when he saw her devastated expression. "I'm sorry. Too soon."

She nodded. "Too soon indeed. You know, Andy... he was great when I was hospitalized after what Sterling did." Her eyes were shining with tears. "And after when I was allowed to go home before the whole thing with Jack happened. I really though he loved our daughter and me, that he wanted to be there for us. I am so stupid."

She was almost glad that they were interrupted before Gavin could be honest and tell her that she was just that. Stupid, naive, repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Her doctor came to check on her progress, giving her a reassuring smile.

"How are you feeling, Sharon?"

_Weak_, she thought. _Exhausted._

"Pain-free," she said with a little smile. "I wish I'd had an epidural the first two times around."

Sharon shrunk back a little at the sight of her doctor's furrowed brows then winced as the other woman reached out and pressed the back of her hand against her forehead.

"I knew something was wrong," she said and Sharon gasped, that being the last thing one wanted to hear in this situation. Now aware of her patient's panicked expression, she gave a reassuring smile. "You're running a fever. It is not unusual with epidurals and since you've never had one before, we couldn't know it advance. This is probably why you're feeling as exhausted as you are."

Sharon was both relieved that it was just a fever and slightly worried that her exhaustion was that visible. She hardly felt the pain, but did experience the contractions and the one that came next clearly signaled that she would have to start pushing very soon, maybe even in the next few minutes. Having checked on her progress, her doctor confirmed her suspicions.

"It won't be long now," she said. "Are you ready?"

Sharon nodded even though she wasn't. Andy had told her more than once that he wanted to be there to welcome their baby. How had all that changed so thoroughly? The past week was a little bit of a blur to her, if she was honest. Jack's comment had only added to the anxiety that was already there. She didn't sleep well, plagued by dreams of either Sterling hurting her or Andy telling her that he couldn't bear being with her anymore. She had become so suspicious of all of his actions, had tried to reject him before he had a chance to reject her. Had she pushed him to the edge? Had she forced his hand, caused him to leave her? Was she maybe just as bad as Jack had said?

"Sharon!"

Her heart jumped when she recognized the voice before the face came into view and at the same time she was filled with dread and shame. There was Andy, wearing a grey two piece suit, his tie loosened and his shirt crumpled, his eyes red-rimmed with fatigue. Before she knew what was happening, he had bent over her, taking her in his arms to pull her against his chest. He smelled of coffee and his after shave, the scent so familiar and comforting that it made her want to cry. She stiffened with the next contraction and he drew back immediately, looking shocked.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay," she soothed him. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just that I think I have to push."

"Oh my God." Gavin's voice sounded from the other side of the bed. "Where have you been?" he addressed the new arrival, maybe to distract himself from what was happening.

Andy rolled his eyes in that helplessly aggravated way of his, but she could tell that his anger wasn't directed at either of them. "We went through an interview marathon with an idiot-suspect who refused to give up his victim's location. Dirt bag got angry and smashed my phone. Took us hours to get that information out of him." He shook his head apologetically. "I got a new phone as soon as I could, then received your message only fifteen minutes ago. Provenza had to drive me over because I was freaking out."

Even though another strong contraction was building, Sharon felt as light as a feather for a moment. It hadn't been a matter of not wanting to come at all. The moment he'd learned, he had had his partner drive him, probably breaking every traffic law there was. If anything, she hadn't driven him away. She looked at him when he picked up her hand and cradled it between his.

"I am so sorry, Sharon. I swear I would have been here much earlier if I had only known-"

"It's fine," she said softly. "You're here now." She found that she needed to apologize as well, to get it out as quickly as possible to be rid of the guilt she was feeling for pushing him away so mercilessly. "I'm sorry for being so distant lately. It was just that Jack-" She was interrupted by another contraction. They were coming right on top of each other now.

"Okay, you two, time to break it up," Sharon's doctor grinned at them from the foot of the bed. "Baby is coming."

Struggling for breath, Sharon turned her head towards Andy as the nurse helped her get into position. "I love you, honey. I didn't mean to drive you away. I am sorry."

Andy pressed his lips to her hand then looked up at her earnestly. "Don't be. I am just glad you haven't given up on me. I love you too, Sharon."

It seemed as if a knot had dissolved in Sharon's chest when she heard his words. She was just a short time away from holding her baby, she reminded herself, and Andy was here with her, not scared away by her recent behavior. On her other side of her was her best friend in the world who was very busy staring at the floor between his feet to avoid witnessing what was going on.

"Gavin, it's okay. You can leave if you want to," she gasped between two contractions.

"No way," he said, his blue eyes meeting hers. "Flynn the idiot is going to drop her on his head." He sounded almost like Provenza there.

Her snort of laughter was drowned out by her doctor's voice telling her that she was nearly there.

Twenty minutes later, she was leaning back in bed, utterly exhausted but happily listening to the scandalized mewls of one very unhappy baby. She opened her eyes when the nurse placed the little bundle in her arms, swaddled in a blanket, pink-faced and crying, yet surely the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"Hi Leah," she whispered. "You have no idea how much I love you."

She didn't mind the tears that were gathering in the corners of her eyes, but her little sob turned into a chuckle when Gavin slid her glasses on her nose. "Here, my little bat," he said softly. "You should have the chance to see her properly."

Andy wasn't quite so eloquent, leaning over the bed to get a good look at his daughter, cupping her little head in his big hand. Sharon looked up at him and smiled out of both happiness and amusement at his completely smitten expression.

"She's beautiful," he whispered, his face soft, the usually almost continuous scowl completely dissolved. "She looks just like you, Sharon."

"She needs a bath, though," Gavin quipped, squeezing Sharon's shoulder. "Congratulations, you two."

"Thank you," Sharon whispered without taking her eyes off of her child. The little girl had stilled at the sound of the familiar voices, her tiny hand now wrapped around Andy's pinky finger as he gently soothed her to sleep by caressing her forehead. Sharon ran her forefinger down the baby's nose, making her coo at the gentle touch.

"I almost missed this..." Andy murmured. "Oh my God, I almost missed this."

Sharon was almost sure that he was not just talking about his broken phone, but about his initial reluctance to be a father to her baby, too. She didn't want him to blame himself. Not now that he had come around and there was no point in fostering past regrets.

"You didn't, though," she said, smiling as he lifted his gaze up to hers. "You're here with us and that's all that matters." Andy smiled right back at her and used his free hand to caress her cheek before he leaned in to press a chaste but lingering kiss to her lips.

Much later, when Sharon and the baby were clean and both declared healthy, Andy was perched on the side of her hospital bed, Sharon snuggled into his side, half-asleep, but still holding the baby. He had discovered in the first hour of their daughter's life, that Sharon had a very possessive streak when it came to the baby. She could be persuaded to let go of her for a few minutes at a time so she could be bathed and examined, and so he had a chance to hold her, but beyond that, she didn't leave her out of her sight. He wondered whether she had been like that with her other two or whether her protectiveness was due to the risky nature of the pregnancy and the events of the past few weeks. But then he had no way of knowing. The only person who would know for sure, he thought, would be Jack Raydor and if he had to talk to him, he would probably end up starting a fight. Not that his aching bones made him feel much like one... The thought of Sharon's idiotic ex-husband reminded him of something.

"Hey," he said, only sure that Sharon was still awake when she opened her eyes, her lids heavy but the green vivid and sparkling with happiness. The baby was securely resting in her arms between them, steadied by one of his. "What were you going to say about Jack earlier?"

A shadow crossed her face, but he was happy to find that it was not dark enough to chase away the bliss she was radiating.

"He told me that you would end up leaving me as well and for good reason because I was so... cold. That I couldn't make anyone happy. Neither you nor my children."

Despite the dimmed lights and peaceful atmosphere in the room, his woman and child safely cradled in his arms, Andy felt an almost overwhelming sense of anger. How could he?

"Cold is not a word I would use to describe you," he said softly.

"You have done so quite a few times back when I was still in FID." She wasn't meeting his eyes, absent-mindedly adjusting the little white hat Leah was wearing.

"I didn't know you then," he said. "But I know you now. I think I understand why you withdrew from me. Jack has a way of pushing your buttons, but I can assure you that your children are very happy to have you as a mother, not to mention lucky. And when it comes to me, you have been nothing but warm and gentle with me even back when we were still just friends. Even when I was busy treating you like garbage, to be honest."

"That's the last time he got me," Sharon promised, her smile watery. "I would like to start fresh with you. Forget about that other relationship."

He turned his head and kissed her forehead. "It's hard to step away from the past, but you can always try. I'll have to warn you, though. I am also one big idiot. The difference is that I love you very much."

He watched a smile play on her lips even though she was unable to keep her eyes open, her body relaxing against his. He adjusted Leah in her arms so she was safely cradled against Sharon's chest, already fast asleep. His free hand playing with Sharon's hair, he thoughtfully regarded her sleeping form then leaned down.

"I've been thinking about names, Sharon." She hummed in acknowledgement, too tired to form words but not asleep yet. He took it as encouragement to go on. "I do think Leah goes well with Marie as a middle name, doesn't it?"

He grinned when she murmured something barely intelligible that sounded a lot like "beautiful".

Andy rested his cheek on the top of her head and tightened his hold on the baby a little, always making sure that she was secure, but also trying to gather the courage to go on.

"I was also wondering about last names... whether you'd agree to go with Flynn. For all three of us, I mean." He cleared his throat, worried that she was too exhausted to catch the meaning of his words if he didn't elaborate. "I guess... I was wondering, um, whether you might consider marrying me?"

There was only silence greeting him.

He looked down at her and had to stifle a small chuckle of both amusement of relief when he found her perfectly relaxed and heavy against him, her mouth slightly open and her eyes firmly closed.

Sharon Raydor, always in control and always up to the challenge, had slept through a marriage proposal.

Too deeply asleep, she didn't protest when he lifted the baby into his own arms, settling her into the crook of his arm and adjusting the blanket around her to keep her warm. Leah gave something that sounded like a sigh but didn't wake up. Upon closer inspection, his earlier impression was confirmed. There was something about her brow and, already, about her mouth that reminded him of Sharon. The baby smacked her lips in sleep.

"Oh yeah, Sweetheart," he said quietly not to wake Sharon. "We'll make you a little Flynn. I promise."

**A/N:** Don't worry, folks. It's not over yet! Are you dizzy from all the fluff yet?


	42. Chapter 42

Provenza spilled the murky-looking coffee he had been sipping from a paper cup when Flynn walked into the cafeteria, looking more than just a little disheveled. Ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of the lukewarm beverage seeping through the fabric of his trousers, he took a step towards his friend, the balloon he had bought earlier bobbing against his head. Flynn smirked when he saw the yellow monstrosity with the words "Get well soon" emblazoned on it.

"It's a girl, you know," he said, a wide grin spreading across his face. So he had not forgotten either.

"To hell with those hospital shops! You get stabbed, I find only a balloon congratulating the birth of a baby girl and then, against all odds, you become a father again and all they have is this!" Provenza groused.

"It's the thought that counts," Andy said, then rolled his eyes at his partner's expectant look. "Everything went well. Sharon and the baby are both asleep right now, but they're fine. Leah is a little smaller than she would have been at full term, but she is healthy and there are no concerns."

Only when he found himself exhaling in relief, Provenza noticed how tense he had been. After everything that had happened, all kinds of things could have gone wrong.

"Well then, congratulations, Dad!" He awkwardly patted Flynn's shoulder, then pulled him into a brief but heartfelt hug.

Flynn sat down across from him, still looking ecstatic as well as completely exhausted. Provenza knew that he would have to drive him home soon or he would fall asleep on the spot. He considered offering Flynn coffee, but then he was probably beyond any of the help that caffeine could offer. His partner propped his elbows up on the table and ran his hands through his hair.

"She is such a miracle," he murmured, causing Provenza to roll his eyes. He wasn't going to ruin his best friend's moment, but he wouldn't allow that level of sappiness either.

"That's what all young parents say. And by young, I mean parents to newborns regardless of their own ages." He cocked his eyebrow pointedly. Flynn lifted his head, his eyes red with exhaustion.

"No, I don't mean in the conventional way. I mean after everything that Sharon went through. Remember that day she almost suffered a miscarriage because of all the stress she was under? And then Sterling attacked her. She had bruises everywhere, you know, but the baby was still fine. And now this. A month early after all of that and she is in perfect health."

Provenza had to admit that his partner did have a point. As tired and overwhelmed as he was, he seemed to have waited until the Captain was asleep to come undone. He would just let him talk, he decided, as that usually helped in itself. Provenza was a good listener, even if he tried to hide that quality and preferred to be able to have a beer while doing his friendly duties.

"I know it sounds stupid, but I really don't feel like I deserve this, Louie." Provenza cringed at the sound of his given name. This was getting very serious. "I've treated Sharon so badly for such a long time and in the beginning I even tried to talk her out of having the baby. I was such a jerk..." He looked up at Provenza, the look in his eyes troubled. "I asked her to marry me."

Provenza let out a puff of air. "Blimey, this excalated quickly. Sounds like you're serious."

"Can it get any more serious than this? She just had my baby." As desperate as he sounded, Provenza didn't miss the hint of pride in his friend's voice. It vanished when he focused again on what was clearly troubling him. "She didn't hear me because she was already asleep, but now I wonder-" He swallowed, looking - god forbid - close to tears. Provenza considered getting up and walking away for a moment because he would surely not hold his weeping partner in a public spot. "I wonder whether I should even ask her again. Jackson told her I'd leave her anyway and that she'd make everyone unhappy, can you imagine?"

Provenza wasn't sure where this was going, but he made a mental note to find a way to hit Raydor's ex-husband where it hurt.

"I just don't want her to get hurt again and sometimes I am such an idiot. I really had myself convinced that I loved Caroline and that I wanted nothing to do with Sharon or the baby. I was so stupid! What if I do something like it again? What if I fall off the wagon?"

"Listen, Flynn." His friend's gaze lifted to his. "You're tired and cranky and you're making no sense. You didn't have yourself convinced all that thorougly, because you fell for her all the same. Couldn't stay away, obviously, or you wouldn't be here now. I nudged you, fair enough, but making things right was all your doing in the end. She loves you and she accepts you the way you are. Heck, she even tolerated you when you were still being an ass about Nicole's wedding. She knows who you are and she is not some damsel in distress you need to protect from herself. She is a grown woman and you might mess it up, but you will _definitely_ mess it up, if you run away again now."

Flynn lifted one corner of his mouth. "That was quite a speech."

"Yes, you idiot. Because you needed it. You know I'm right. You're just out of your mind! I will drive you home so you can get some sleep. But before that happens, I want to see the little Flynn."

Flynn's eyes lit up but he gestured awkwardly. "The Flynn part is not quite settled yet," he warned.

"Whatever," Provenza said. "Show me the kid."

He grumbled for effect when Flynn had him wait in the corridor in front of the Captain's hospital room. He didn't like hospitals in the first place, but the cheerful yellow walls and pictures of babies here in the maternity ward were definitely beginning to do his head in. On the other hand, he didn't have that kind of relationship with the Captain in which it was okay to see each other drooling over the pillows in sleep. His thoughts were interrupted when his friend came out again, carefully balancing a small bundle in his arms as he closed the door behind him.

"Here she is." His face was flushed with happiness, his smile goofy. It was weird to see him like this, a tired new father. A few months ago, Provenza would have laughed at the mere idea. Yet here he was, holding his tiny daughter gently. And tiny she was. Even smaller than newborns were anyway. All the same, she was making low little noises of contempt.

"Sounds like her mother to me," he joked in order to hide how endeared he was by the little person. Flynn rocked her slightly and she settled down, resting her head against his chest. If he was not a natural, at least he hadn't forgotten anything in the many years since he'd held his other two.

"Wanna hold her?" he asked and Provenza was about to protest when he found the baby in his arms already, hurrying to support the head. Not quite able to let go just yet, Flynn adjusted her little hat and offered her his pinky finger to hold.

"People will think we're a gay couple," Provenza joked awkwardly, but Flynn just snorted.

"Don't flatter yourself, Provenza. You're not my type."

Provenza rolled his eyes, then looked back down at the little girl in his arms. There was the little thing that had complicated the Captain's life, maybe ruined all of her chances at ever making Commander. Now that he had met her, he didn't think he minded so much anymore. He could see both her mother and Flynn in her face.

"Leah," Provenza said. "How very fitting."

Flynn furrowed his brow. "What?"

"You don't know your Star Wars, my friend. Darth Vader's daughter's name is Leia. So it is very fitting for Darth Raydor's daughter to be called Leah, isn't it?"

"Oh." For a moment, Flynn just looked surprised. Then he chuckled. "Her full name is Leah Marie," he said for no apparent reason other than wanting to disclose the information. "Or so I hope. I suggested it when Sharon was already half-asleep."

Provenza didn't take his eyes off the baby, strangely smitten with the little thing. "While we're on the subject of proposing important things in inappropriate moments: You'd better think about the sort of ring you want to buy her, because I am not letting you back in there without one."

* * *

Leah had just finished her breakfast when there was a knock on the door. Having redone the buttons on her top, Sharon called her visitor in. She felt a little more presentable after a shower and a half-decent blow dry this morning as well as having gotten rid of her hospital gown in favor of a pair of her own pajamas. Giving birth wasn't fun even with an epidural and her whole body was aching this morning, reminding her that she was considerably older than she had been the last time she had done this. However, the pain was momentarily forgotten when Rusty walked in, ushered ahead by Andy who was rolling his eyes at the teenager who was covering his eyes with one hand.

"Don't worry, Rusty. She's decent. No breastfeeding going on whatsoever." Sharon chuckled, aware of Rusty's irrational fear of seeing any part of her that was usually covered by fabric. Her foster son gave her a shy smile and her heart melted at the sight of the fluffy white toy bunny he was holding. He came towards the bed slowly, his eyes scrutinizing, as if he couldn't quite believe that she was alive and well. Seeing her in labor had really freaked him out, she could tell, and he didn't look as if he had actually expected her to be okay. Finally convinced that she wasn't on the verge of death, his gaze dropped to the baby in her arms. Eager to hide her amused smile, Sharon pulled him in with one arm and gave him a light hug. They weren't usually in the habit of doing that, but she felt that he needed some encouragement or at least reassurance that she wasn't fragile.

Rusty sat down on the bed where she indicated as Flynn joined them on her other side, placing a small bunch of pink roses on her bedside table.

"Are they supposed to be that small?" Rusty asked critically, his hand hovering over but not quite touching the baby's delicate skin.

"She's perfectly fine if that's what you're asking." Sharon loosened Leah's blanket a little so he could see more of her.

"She's so quiet. I though baby's were crying all the time." He smiled a little, probably to let her know that he was speaking out of genuine interest and not out of teenage sullenness.

"I have a feeling that she is one of the ones who only cry when something's up," Sharon assured him. "We're lucky."

He seemed to like the way she included him and grinned first up at her, then at the baby. "I'm sorry to say it, but she looks like Provenza."

"Oh hush," Sharon said, uncomfortable not with jokes about Leah's paternity but spooked by the notion of getting it on with Provenza. Flynn grunted next to her, so Rusty hurried to change the subject.

"I bought this for her a while ago. Now that I see her, it seems a little big." He sat the toy bunny down on the mattress.

"Thank you, Rusty," Sharon said. "It's cute and you'll be surprised by how quickly she is going to grow. Would you like to hold her?"

Rusty looked up at Sharon with huge, terrified eyes. "Oh God, no. I'd drop her or squeeze her too hard or do something else that's terrible and possibly lethal to such a little person."

Sharon chuckled. "Honey, don't be frightened. You won't drop her."

"Can I... I don't know, like, try another time?" He was too shy to meet her eyes and, like she did often, she longed to reach out and ruffle his hair affectionately.

"Of course. Whenever you're ready. You'll have to hold her at some point, though. You're her big brother, after all," she said gently, just to remind him that he was part of her family now and that that wouldn't change with the new arrival. She had been wondering for weeks whether he would feel threatened by the baby and she was determined to include him as much as she could. Rusty smiled, his eyes lighting up a little even though he was obviously trying to play it cool.

"I'm glad you're both okay, Sharon," he said. "I was worried about you."

This time she did reach out, gently patting his arm. "I'm sorry if it was terrifying, but it's all good now. Oh, and there is something else the two of you must know." She looked around, first at Andy and then at Rusty, and found their expectant faces looking back at her.

"I am planning on having another child soon."

They stared at her in mute disbelief and Sharon snorted with laughter, waking the baby who began to fuss. Rocking her gently, Sharon still chuckled quietly.

"Don't worry. I didn't mean like this." She looked up at Rusty. "Now that my divorce is final, I am finally able to adopt you. If you still want me to, that is. Gavin just called this morning. The judge could see us in two weeks."

"Oh, thank God," Rusty said. "And yes. Yes, I would still love to legally become your son."

"I'm sorry for not bringing it up earlier. I was a little... beside myself lately," she said softly, not willing to dwell too much on the previous few weeks.

Rusty nodded slowly. "I noticed. But you're okay now. I mean... the two of you? Together?"

Sharon looked up at Andy and smiled, reached for his hand with her free one. "We are."

He did look a little nervous, she found, and wondered why that was.


	43. Chapter 43

"Oh, look!" Tao jumped out of his desk chair, making Provenza grunt with surprise. Wearing a wide smile and holding his ipad, he hurried over to where Sykes and Sanchez were standing by the Murder Board, their necks craned to see what had him in all kinds of excitement all of a sudden. Somewhat eager to find out what the commotion was about himself, Provenza sauntered over to where Buzz was joining the chattering group, hands buried in his pockets. "The Captain had her baby last night," Tao informed his colleagues, his tone ecstatic. "Little Leah Marie is early, but she is fine, apparently."

"Are there any pictures?" Sykes asked with a beaming smile of her own, just short of flailing her hands in anticipation until she added an afterthought: "Is the Captain okay?"

Tao nodded. "Rusty writes that she's tired and sore but fine." He turned the ipad around for everyone to see and earned a chorus of sounds of awe when a picture of a sleeping baby filled the screen. The newborn was swaddled in a light-pink blanket with a matching little hat, a tiny fist curled next to her head, oblivious to Rusty's presence or the fact that he was taking a picture.

"Fashionista like her mother," Buzz concluded dryly while Sanchez' had a very rare, very soft look on his face.

"Look at how small she is. So precious!" Sykes enthused. "Are they any more pictures? Oh, she looks just like the Captain."

"Ye Gods, woman, get a grip," Provenza groused to keep up appearances. He found the little girl quite adorable himself, but he was determined not to let anyone find out about it.

Tao turned the ipad around and swiped the screen with his hand. "This one." They all looked at another picture of Captain Raydor in her hospital bed, wearing no make-up but looking beautiful anyway with a happy glow on her face. She was wearing a white silk pajama top and a cotton shawl around her shoulders, holding the baby in her arms. She was obviously not aware of the fact that a picture was being taken as she was looking up at Andy Flynn who was perching next to her on the bed, carefully stroking the baby's cheek with his forefinger. She was smiling, the look in her eyes soft and affectionate while Flynn was looking down at the baby who had wrapped its little hand around his offered finger.

"Aw," Sanchez said. "Look at them."

Provenza's eyes flitted towards Sykes whose drawn-together eyebrows confirmed what he had been suspecting. She looked confused, pensive even.

"Why is Lieutenant Flynn there?" she finally asked, earning a chorus of groans after just a beat of stunned silence.

"Really, Sykes?" Provenza asked.

"Really?" Sanchez echoed.

She looked from her colleagues to the picture and back. "You're not saying that Lieutenant Flynn is the father of the Captain's baby, are you?" she asked feebly.

"That's exactly what we're saying," Buzz supplied helpfully.

"But... but he had a girlfriend when she got pregnant!" Sykes said, horrified, and looking around for help or - possibly - confirmation that they were just pulling her leg. When she receiver neither, her shoulders sank as the wheels were turning in her mind. "Is that why the Captain was so sad when she told us about the baby and when Lieutenant Flynn walked out on us that day? Oh my God, if only I had-"

"If only you had what?" Provenza said sharply. "God Lord, woman. It was there right in front of you all along!"

"I should probably quit my job. I am not cut out to be a Detective after all," Sykes whispered, mortified. Provenza could still see her adding up the facts in her mind.

"Come on, kiddo." Sanchez patted her back affectionately. "I bet the Captain is happy that it wasn't obvious to_ everyone_."

"You all knew?" Sykes looked up, a little hopeful that someone would step forward to tell her that it hadn't been that obvious after all.

"We all knew," Tao said. "Seriously."

* * *

Sharon held Leah while Andy was putting a pair of tiny little socks on her feet that he had bought on the way to the hospital that morning. It wasn't as easy a task as he had hoped since the newborn was prone to kicking her feet a lot. Sharon, who had been her punching bag for the past few months, smirked at the thought that it was now Andy who was getting the short end of the stick. She still felt tired and achy, but the happiness she felt at being here with her healthy daughter and Andy made all of that bareable. She had a nice, comfortable room where she could relax and gain some strength so she could go home in a few days. Her doctor wanted both her and Leah to stay for observation a little longer than usual, but it looked as if they would be released by the end of the week.

"That took a while," Andy said with the besotted smile that always lit up his face when he looked at the baby. Leah made a gurgling noise and moved her arms merrily. "Would it be okay if I held her for a moment?" Sharon felt a little apprehensive at first and then scolded herself silently. Andy was Leah's father and she knew that she could trust him with her, but somehow she was still irrationally territorial when it came to the child. Before she could change her mind, she handed her off to Andy, feeling empty and somewhat nervous right away. Sharon wasn't trying to fool herself. She knew damn well that she was experiencing symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder from Sterling's attack and that she would have to start talking to a therapist soon. Her irrational fears for her baby where just the tip of the iceberg. She scooted closer to Andy both to be near Leah and to feel his warmth. Even though she wasn't pregnant anymore, the chills that had come along with it were still present. Andy smiled and inched closer to her as well, not taking his eyes off Leah who was fussing slightly, rubbing her feet together and dangerously close to losing her socks again.

Sharon watched Andy's sure hold on her and the tender way he had placed her in the crook of his arm so his other hand was free to caress Leah's cheek.

"You know what? When I first saw her, I thought she was all you, but now she reminds me of Nicole a bit when she was a baby. Guess that would be me."

He looked up at her proudly and Sharon couldn't stop herself from leaning in and kissing the corner of his mouth. He had quite a few faults, but he was simply adorable with the baby. Andy turned his head and captured her lips with his own for their first deep kiss in weeks and she enjoyed the way he kissed her both passionately and tenderly. Sharon felt so secure and happy snuggled up to him that she almost forgot to miss the weight of the baby in her arms. As if on cue, Andy made to place Leah back in her arms. A little confused by his sudden activity, Sharon took her and nestled her against her chest. Andy grabbed his leather jacket from the back of the visitor chair and placed it on her bed.

"Look, there is something I've been meaning to ask you." He looked nervous and a little apprehensive which caused her defenses to come up again at once.

"Okay?" she asked cautiously, cradling the baby a little closer.

"I was wondering..." He didn't meet her eyes. "I've been thinking... damn." He forced himself to look at her and gave her a lost little smile. "Sharon, would you marry me?" Before she had a chance to say anything, he reached into the jacket and brought out a small box that he opened and placed in her view. Sharon stared at the beautiful silver ring with the small diamond for a moment. It was elegant but understated and therefore exactly as she liked her jewelry.

Only when Andy began to fidget, she realized that she was taking too long to answer.

"I'm sorry..." he said. "If it's too soon, I-"

"Andy, it's-"

The rest of her sentence was drowned in noise as the team was beginning to file in, barely giving them any time to comprehend what was happening before they had gathered around Sharon's bed. Andy watched her adopt a friendly, open expression within seconds, always the gracious host even if they were in a hospital room. The disappointment was weighing heavily on his heart, but the little ray of hope that she was just being overwhelmed was still shining, making him antsy with anticipation. He tried to hide his nervousness by grinning brightly at the new arrivals even though the last thing he wanted was company.

Leah was quite obviously startled by the all the sounds and whatever sights she was already able to make out as she was beginning to fuss, waving her arms and scrunching up her face. Sharon cupped her head with her hand and turned her a little in her arm so she was facing her chest, whispering words of comfort to the infant.

"How nice of you to come by," Sharon said brightly. "What a surprise."

Despite the poor timing of the visit, Andy could tell how touched Sharon was by the fact that everyone was there. It seemed so long ago to all of them that they had hated her and the fact that she was their new leader, but it was still ingrained in Sharon's memory in a way that allowed her to appreciate the vastly positive changes in their behavior.

"She is so small," Sanchez said and then began to look uncomfortable immediately as everyone was looking at him. His voice sounded gruff with something that Andy would have thought was endearment if it hadn't been the distanced Detective of all people. The look in his eyes spoke volumes, too, as he reached out to very lightly touch the fuzz of dark hair on the baby's head then pulled back quickly.

"Of course she would be," Tao explained in what Andy secretly called his "lecture voice". He would have made a good teacher, he reckoned, as he always sounded enthusiastic when given the chance to explain something scientific. "She is a month early and underweight babies are a very common occurrence in older women's pregnancies."

There was a beat of silence during which Tao's eyes widened in horror when he realized his mistake. "Well, um, Captain, not to say that you're-"

It was Buzz who saved him from digging himself in even deeper. "She looks a lot like you, Captain," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Old," Sharon said with a cheeky smile towards Tao. "I won't bother you with the details but giving birth is not fun exactly. I am fine, though." She looked down at the baby in her arms that had calmed down and was looking up at her now, listening to her voice. "Very happy, too." Her eyes met Andy's for a moment and his throat went dry.

"I think she looks a bit like Lieutenant Flynn, too," Sykes said, tone stubborn and eyes narrowed a little. Now the penny had finally dropped with the Detective and Andy was able to see the humor in that, even in his current state of mind. The others grinned, exchanging dirty looks.

The next half hour went by in a blur for Andy. He watched everyone looking at the baby and trying to interact with her. He thanked them for the pretty baby blanket and collection of clothes they had bought for her. He marveled at the happy expression on Sharon's face. The scar from the assault had faded to a thin red line that was mostly covered by her hair and the bruises were gone, but she still carried herself differently, jumped at the slightest noises and didn't offer the baby to anyone. Nobody asked to hold Leah and Andy was grateful for that even though he was worried about Sharon. They finally left when Leah began to fuss again, obviously in search of food. Wanting to give Sharon some time to gather her bearings, Andy saw the others out and thanked them again. When he returned, Sharon was nursing, smiling down at Leah while she did so. She was such a natural at all of this, Andy thought. So different from him.

Sharon looked up at the sound of the door closing and gave him a tiny smile. He walked over and sat down in his chair again, feeling tired and strangely vulnerable.

"That is a beautiful ring," she said quietly. "Thank you, Andy."

He took in the sight of her, so happy and content with her new baby. Had she finally come to her senses? Had she realized that he was not the right guy for her after everything he had put her through? He couldn't blame her, he found.

"I would love to marry you," she said, but his initial relief didn't last long. She sounded too sad, too careful as she was saying it. He remained in stunned silence. The air seemed heavy all of a sudden, pressing down on him from all directions, it seemed. "Actually," she admitted softly. "I heard you the first time. When you promised Leah that she would be a Flynn."

She was smiling, but Andy still felt his cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. How conceited it sounded when someone else said it. How could he have ever said such a thing when an independent and self-sufficient woman like Sharon was involved?

"Look, I'm-" he began, scrambling for an explanation.

"Hey," she said softly. "There is no need to be embarrassed. I have been thinking about that, too. When it was just me, it seemed okay for her to be a Raydor-"

He couldn't help himself and the sharp intake of breath was even louder than he had expected it to be. For a moment there, Sharon did look amused. His baby having that bastard's last name, he thought, would have been the biggest insult he could have imagined.

"Now that it's the two of us, Flynn seems like the right choice," she went on slowly. "I haven't used my maiden names in decades and my children don't all have the same last name as it is. I would love for her to be Leah Flynn."

Andy was more relieved than he dared to let on.

"And I would love to be your wife someday," she added, leaning into him as she needed both hands to hold the baby now. He was surprised when she brushed her lips with his. It seemed so intimate and so loving when she was in the process of refusing his marriage proposal - at least for now. "Right now we have just been together for a few weeks. I have only just been divorced. I feel... I need some time to adjust before I can get married again. Even to you."

Now it was her who was nervous as she looked up at him. "I am not saying no, Andy, don't get me wrong. We were such good friends before anything else ever happened. I am sure that I want to spend my life with you. I am just not ready to marry you yet."

She was right and he should have considered that. Instead of providing relief, the realization felt like a punch to the stomach. He felt clumsy and inconsiderate all of a sudden. To him, it had seemed like a given that they should get married as soon as possible when Sharon was simply not ready. How could he not have seen that? How could he be so self-absorbed that he had once again skipped over her needs to fulfill his own?

"I understand," he said in a hollow voice. "You're right."

He could tell from the anguish in her eyes that she felt guilty even though she had no need to.

"Please don't take this the wrong way," Sharon pleaded. "I love you very much and I want to be with you, just-"

"I get it." He was trying to sound reasonable, comforting and understanding even, but his voice disobeyed him. "Look, you must be hungry and we both know the food is dreadful here. I'm gonna go and find something nice for us. Just, give me... Yeah, like half an hour, an hour tops." As he was saying it, he was already making his way towards the door, his voice gaining strength. The shakiness had been replaced by a fake happiness. "I'll see you."

Out in the hallway, he leaned back against the wall, taking a deep breath.

He was such an idiot.

**A/N:** I am so happy that the show portrays Andy as so clumsy in his personal relationships and generally doing the wrong things for all the right reasons. Many have stated that they didn't think it was in character for him to act as he did in 3x13, but I liked it as it was just like I had been writing him in this story. He is just so terribly flawed and self-conscious and yet such a good guy when it comes down to it. Just two or three chapters to go in this story. Thank you so much for your patience! I've had a crazy month with a lot of changes in my life and I didn't have the time or muse to write. I missed your comments like crazy, though, so please let me know what you think! :)


	44. Chapter 44

Night had fallen outside her window, but Sharon couldn't see the stars. The many lights of the city were too bright for anyone to be able to make out anything in the velvet sky. The lights in her hospital room, she had discovered, were a little more kind than they had been in the one she'd had to stay in following Sterling's assault. So she rested, leaning back against the slightly elevated headboard, watching Leah sleep in the clear bassinet next to her bed. The baby was on her back, both of her arms raised, so her small fists were resting on both sides of her head. Being awake even for small amounts of time was exhausting to newborns and she had been out for an hour and would be until it was time to nurse again. Sharon smiled, even though her mood was gloomy. Andy had been gone for almost three hours now and, at this point, she did not actually expect him to come back before the next day. Her refusal had shaken him, she could tell.

There was a knock on the door and she jumped a little, still bad with sudden noises. A part of her wanted to act purely on instinct and jump out of bed to stand in front of her daughter while the rational her knew that there was no imminent danger.

"Yes?" she called, hoping to see a friendly face at least. Nicole had called earlier, promising to visit soon. The door opened a fraction, but instead of a whole body, an arm came through, holding a paper bag with the logo of her favorite Italian restaurant on it.

"I come bearing gifts," Andy's voice said. "Can I come in?"

The humorous approach as well as his presence in itself instantly put a smile on Sharon's face.

"Yes, please," she answered, unable to contain a small chuckle. He came in, a soft smile in place, still holding up the bag.

"That lasagna you like," he announced in a low voice then bent over Leah and kissed her forehead gently. When he stirred but didn't wake up, he gave Sharon a victorious grin. He came to sit on the side of her bed and leaned in to kiss her as well, his lips soft and eager against hers. Sharon leaned into the kiss and felt his hand on her waist, thumb moving to caress her through the fabric of her pajama top. When they came apart, they were both smiling.

"I am sorry for being so late. I had to cool off a little," he admitted as he began to take the food containers out of the bag.

"So you were angry," Sharon stated, moving her hand over his to stop him from fussing about the food. When he looked up at her, his gaze was so genuine that he looked almost vulnerable.

"I was. It's my thing. But I was not angry with you, Sharon, I was angry with myself."

She tilted her head and cupped his cheek. "You shouldn't have been, Andy. You didn't do anything wrong."

"See, that's where we differ," he said and she could tell that whatever he had been doing had cleared his mind. He seemed both determined and a little amused at himself at the same time. "I shouldn't have proposed to you this early. I should have known that you wouldn't be ready."

"Andy, you can't read my mind," Sharon reminded him gently, causing him to snort a little.

"It doesn't take a mind reader, Sharon. It was just me being impulsive. You see, sometimes I come to the conclusion that something is the right thing to do and I just do it. I don't often stop to weigh the pros and cons of my actions or to consider the consequences. Especially when it's a personal thing."

Sharon just smiled at the way he was aware of himself. He was right, she knew, and she had no intention to correct him just to make him feel better about himself. If there was one thing that could make a relationship last, she had learned from its absence in her marriage with Jack, it was honesty.

"You know, I should have taken into account what you're feeling, Sharon. I should have tried to put myself in your shoes. I did that this afternoon. And while I was at it, some other things became clear to me, too."

"They did?" she asked, squeezing his hand affectionately. She had no idea what he was getting at, but she could tell from the resolve in his eyes that he had actually thought this one through.

"Yes. And I have reached the conclusion that I should make a different proposal."

"I hope you're not retracting your marriage proposal, because I really want to keep that beautiful ring," she joked a bit nervously.

"See, that is part one of my proposal. You keep the ring and put it on your finger whenever you feel ready, okay?"

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Sharon nodded.

"There is something else, though. I don't want to make this a big speech, but I'll have to say a few things just so you'll let me do what I need to do." Sharon raised both brows at the ominous statement, but kept silent, sensing his need to get the words out.

"I was thinking about Jack and about what your marriage was like and what you managed to do with your life despite it." He shook his head. "We both love Leah, but we also both know what this could do to your career." At this point, Sharon was keeping her silence because she was stunned and because she had absolutely no idea why he was telling her that. Of course she was aware, had been aware from the first moment on, that her career would not go anywhere beyond where it was right now. She didn't want for Leah to have two parents who both worked long hours and could be called out to a murder in the middle of the night. If she could, she wanted to keep her job in Major Crimes, but she would have to make further concessions that wouldn't put her on the track to promotion any time soon. For the most part, she was fine with it, even though a small voice inside her was still lamenting her loss. She knew that a woman in a high position could do a lot of good for the department and for a long time, she had really wanted to become that woman someday.

"I am eligible for my pension-" She opened her mouth to interrupt him, but he didn't let her. "I am eligible for my pension and I intent to take it."

"Andy, I don't want you to-"

He held up a hand to silence her.

"I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't sure. I've been toying with the idea for a while now and for several reasons. At first it were the new grandkids and the idea was rather vague, but now I have a very good reason." He glanced over at Leah who was still sleeping soundly. "I got an offer months ago. Remember Provenza's nephew and his so-called "gang"? Well, turns out they are not a gang at all, but a team of sharp minds who have opened a security company. They've just landed deals with several big clients in the area and they need a consultant. I could do most of the work from home and whenever I'd actually have to be anywhere, it would be okay to show up with a kid. They pay good money, too."

"Andy, that's-" But he wasn't ready to let her say anything at all just yet.

"Let's be honest, I would be stuck at the rank of Lieutenant forever, Sharon. With my FID jacket and Provenza's and my regular screw-ups, no superior in their right mind would ever make me Captain and, god forbid, give me a leadership position." He laughed as if he had just made a joke. "I'm not cut out for it, but you are, Sharon." His voice had softened and the skin around his eyes crinkled. "You could make it all the way up to Chief of Police, if you ask me. The rule-loving must be good for something and you're better than Pope and Taylor combined. I guess what I'm saying is that I want you to have the chance to do this. If you find out that you don't want to or that you'd rather be with Leah more, you can still change things, but I want you to have the option this time."

Sharon hadn't noticed that her eyes were brimming with tears until the first one was running down her cheek. It was hard to put into words what she was feeling right now. Andy was actually giving her the option to have both instead of giving one up for the other.

"I know how much you love being a Mom, Sharon," Andy said, wiping a tear away from her cheek with his thumb. "but if I don't have anywhere to be, which is going to be most of the time, I will have time to stop by at the office, hang with the guys and bring Leah so you can see her during the day or early in the evening if you have to stay longer."

She shook her head in disbelief. This was the last thing she had expected to ever happen. "Are you sure, Andy?" she asked him quietly. "I don't want you to give up everything for me."

"As I said, I had been toying with the idea before. And also..." He grinned at her brightly. "Aren't you the one who likes to point out that many women give up so much to raise children while their husbands don't?"

Sharon couldn't help it. She was caught and she found the humor in it, so she burst out laughing. "Okay, you're right, but you're not my husband."

"By no fault of my own," Andy told her, capturing her lips with his once before he drew back again. "That's settled then." He looked pretty damn pleased with himself.

"I didn't say yes," she reminded him, but he shrugged.

"As if you could stop me."

She laughed when he gently shoved her aside and climbed into bed with her, pulling her against his chest, but then settled against him with a sigh. Her body was still sore, but she felt lighter than she had in a while. Sharon tried to imagine working without having to plan every second of her day to suit her family's needs. She tried to imagine how it felt not to feel guilty all the time, to be able to see her daughter during the day without having to leave work to do so. Raising Ricky and Emily had been hard, even if she had been rewarded for it every day by the love she had for her children. She had known what she was giving up the day she had found out that she would have Leah and Andy had just given her a choice. If she would come to realize that moving on up wasn't what she wanted, if she found that she'd rather retire herself and find a less demanding job, she could still do that, he had said and she found that he was right.

He was giving her an option because he believed in her abilities and that was a beautiful thing. Jack had never once offered to put her through law school first. It had always been a given that he would be the one, no questions asked.

"Thank you, Andy," she murmured, tilting her head up to look at him. "Thank you so much."

"Okay, are you going to marry me now?"

She burst out laughing again at his tone and grin, kissing him again. "I'm hungry," she said with a smile. "And do I smell that ginger lemon tea I like?"

Andy ran his hands through her hair and nodded. "Yes, you do. I stopped by Starbucks to get it for you."

"You started leaving cups of it on my desk even back when we weren't on speaking terms," she said softly, realizing it only now. The knowledge had always been there, somewhere in her peripheral vision, but she hadn't given it any thought until now. "How did you know I liked it? I hardly ever really had it before I got pregnant."

Andy intertwined his fingers with hers. "That's what you ordered when we were at Starbucks. When you told me about Leah. You didn't touch it, though, and it was still there when you left." He shrugged. "I sat there watching it grow cold and staring at the label. It felt like that damn thing was mocking me."

Sharon looked at their joined hands. "That is a little sad."

"I totally deserved it."

Suddenly something occurred to her. "Are you retiring to make something up to me, Andy?" she asked him, eyes narrowed. "If you are just doing it because you think you have to pay a debt with me for how you acted in the beginning of my pregnancy, I don't want you to do it."

He shook his head slowly. "No, Sharon. Even I wouldn't be that stupid."

She was satisfied with the honesty of his tone and the open look in his eyes. Before she could say anything else, Leah began to make the unhappy little sounds she knew would turn into piercing cries if not attended to soon.

"That was probably the longest conversation we will have for a long time," Andy said dryly, getting off the bed to pick Leah up. "Are you hungry, Sweetheart?" He rocked her a little as he was turning around to sit back down on Sharon's bed. Leah's cries turned into nasal little sounds and she clumsily reached for her father with one of her hands.

A moment later, when they were all snuggled up in bed together, Andy holding Sharon as she was holding Leah, something occurred to her.

"Oh God, Andy," she said. "Provenza is going to kill you."


	45. Chapter 45

Having been drifting in and out of sleep, Sharon fully woke when the mattress shifted with Andy's weight as he climbed back into bed. Even with her eyes closed, she could tell from his slow and careful movements that he had taken Leah out of her crib. She smiled when it was confirmed by Andy's quiet whisper to the baby as he placed her between them to be able to lie back down. Sharon opened her eyes and regarded the newborn, barely two weeks old but already so wide-eyed and curious. She scooted closer and kissed her little girl's forehead before she leaned into Andy for her own good morning kiss.

"Was she crying? I didn't hear a thing," she murmured sleepily, then bit back a chuckle at Andy's sheepish expression.

"Nah, she was still asleep, but I wanted her in bed with us." Andy busied himself with looking at Leah and catching one of her little hands that seemed to be ever in motion nowadays. He caressed her little fingers with his fingertip one by one, making her coo. Sharon was endeared by how very involved he was. Jack had never really gotten the hang of handling babies. Before the drinking had become too much, he had been good with their toddlers, but babies had always eluded him. Andy was different in that regard; he had become very attached to Leah very quickly and Sharon relished seeing their tender interactions.

"Don't be embarrassed, honey," she said with a small smile. "I'm the same with her."

Andy looked up and grinned at her. "Quite a development, right? First I seem intent on becoming a dead beat dad again and then I am so smitten that I can't even lie in bed a few feet away from her without wanting to cuddle her."

Sharon sighed. "Andy, why can't you give it a rest? You have come around and that's what counts. If I can forgive you, why can't you forgive yourself?"

His eyes darkened a little and he looked down at Leah, avoiding Sharon's gaze. "I'm just worried," he finally confessed. "I'm worried that I will mess things up with Leah, too. It took me so long to fix things with Nicole and my son is still wary of me. I don't want to disappoint another child."

Sharon's heart broke at the sight of his devastation. "Hey," she said gently, nudging him so he would look at her again. "We have each other this time. Whatever happens, we'll be in this together. I know it's frightening. Especially with our ages being what they are and with all that emotional baggage we carry around from our past, but Andy, we can do this."

He smiled, a little more hopefully now. "You think?"

"Oh yeah," she replied, feeling the familiar butterflies come to life in her stomach. "We'll make a ton of mistakes, Andy, that's normal. But we'll be okay."

Andy gave a chuckle. "Please don't tell Provenza, but I am kind of looking forward to basically being a stay-at-home dad."

Sharon smiled and ran her hand along his jaw. "Have you told him yet?"

"Oh no, I am putting that off for as long as I can, which will be the entirety of your maternity leave, hopefully. I'll have to sell it to him somehow, I just don't know how to do that yet."

"You know what, I think I'll make sure not to be in the room when that happens." Andy shot her a dirty look that made her feel a little lighter - if he was able to be annoyed, even if it was only slightly, at least he was out of his haze.

"Are you ready for today?" he asked her, grinning when she turned her cheek into the pillow. They both knew that she was not in any shape to think about getting out of bed this early in the morning. Andy reached out and slid his hands into her hair, massaging her neck slightly. She looked up at him through the curtain of hair that had fallen over her face.

"I _am_ looking forward to it, but right now I would prefer to stay in bed all day with you and Leah."

As if on cue, Leah began to fuss, smacking her lips and scrunching up her face.

"Someone's hungry," Andy said and Sharon reached out to cradle the child against her chest, opening her pajama top to allow her access. As always, she was relieved when the little girl latched on immediately, suckling greedily. Ricky had been a problematic baby when it came to that, yet he had been so much bigger and stronger than Leah. Despite her worries, her daughter seemed intent on catching up with other children her age in terms of size and weight. They were very careful with her, always washing their hands and keeping her home to keep her away from germs, but even her immune system was beginning to catch up. Soon, her doctor had promised, they wouldn't have to worry so much anymore.

Much later, she was sitting on her couch, smiling briefly at Rusty - now legally her son - sitting across from her as she was flanked by Nicole's stepsons who were inspecting the little person in her arms. Leah was looking at them in wide-eyed wonder, suckling on the knuckle of Sharon's forefinger. She would be hungry again soon, but for now she seemed okay with being the center of her nephews' - Sharon cringed at the thought - attention.

Gavin sauntered over, glass of champagne in hand. "She does look adorable in this outfit. She shouldn't ever be wearing anything else."

"She is going to grow out of it before you know it," Sharon gently reminded him. "I told you not to spend so much money on her clothes."

Gavin clicked his tongue. "None of your business, Mommy. This is between me and my goddaughter." And with that, he walked off towards the kitchen where Andy and Nicole were deeply immersed in a conversation. It was good to see them so at ease with each other and Sharon was almost sure that most of the damage that had been done between them recently was now repaired. Andy called his step-grandsons over, offering more cake, and Sharon ushered them away, smiling at their enthusiasm. She was sad that Ricky and Emily couldn't be there to meet their new sister and brother, but they had promised to visit as soon as they could and she was happy for that at least. With Nicole and her husband along with the children, Gavin and the complete Major Crimes squad, her home was crowded enough as it was and she still felt tender and tired easily. Rusty seemed to have caught on and came over to sit down next to her on the couch. She smiled at him and leaned slightly into him, patting his arm with her free hand.

"Are you enjoying your party?" she asked him affectionately.

"You mean our party," Rusty said. "You have two more kids, I have a new family. I guess that warrants a party, even if Gavin has gone completely overboard." He gestured at the tons of food and champagne on her dining table.

She leaned in and lowered her voice. "Incurable sense of occasion," she told her former foster, now adoptive son. "He tried to hide it but he was so disappointed when I ruined the last party he set up by going into labor."

Rusty cringed. "Don't remind me. Promise me that I'll never see you in so much pain again." Even though he was joking, there was an earnest note to his voice when he said it.

Before she could tell them that this was a promise she wasn't sure she would be able to keep, Leah began to fuss, unhappy with the lack of attention. Rusty looked down at her in her soft little dress and tights, swaddled in a blanket and resting in Sharon's arm.

"It looks so easy when you do it."

"Do what?" she asked, a little confused.

"Hold her." Rusty fidgeted for a moment, obviously trying to make a decision. Then he finally asked: "Can I try?" Sharon's heart jumped and she nodded, lifting the baby to put her in the crook of Rusty's arm.

"Careful, you need to support her head. Yes, just like that." Leah looked up at Rusty with a frown and for a moment she looked as if she was beginning to cry, but then she stilled and kicked her feet a little.

"She's heavier than she looks," Rusty said, not taking his eyes off of her. "Don't go away, Sharon, okay?"

She chuckled at the alarmed note in his voice. "You're doing just fine, Rusty."

"I'd never expected to have a sister one day," he said quietly, looking up at Sharon as she slid her arm around his shoulders.

"Believe me, I didn't expect to have you _or _her."

"It's all very unexpected," he agreed with an amused grin. "I'm very glad you found me, though. And that you had her. I'm... I'm really sorry for being so mean to you when I first found out. That was not okay. You were hurting enough as it was."

"It's all water under the bridge now," Sharon said, leaning into her son and watching her daughter at the same time. "I'm glad you're happy now."

"Okay." They both snapped out of their reverie when Gavin appeared in front of them, holding two flutes of champagne. He handed one to Sharon and ignored her protest. "I know you're not supposed to. Just one sip, Sharon! One sip to the fact that you have doubled your number of kids in such a short amount of time."

Sharon snorted but took a tiny sip, feeling as bubbly as the liquid in the glass as she watched Rusty making faces for Leah's benefit. She finally tore her eyes away from them and smiled at Gavin, placing her hand on his arm.

"Thank you for being by my side all through giving birth."

"I could have totally passed on that experience," he joked, but the warm look in his eyes gave away his affection. "I'll always be there for you, honey."

Sharon looked over his shoulder at Andy and Nicole who were engaged in a brief but heartfelt hug. Hers and Andy's eyes met over his daughter's shoulder and he winked at her.

Life was good.

Finally.

**A/N**: ONE MORE!


	46. Chapter 46

**Careful! Double chapters posted in one go. Make sure you've read the previous one before you read this one. :-)**

Upon unlocking the front door, Sharon was greeted with darkness. With a heartfelt sigh, she stepped out of her high heels and left them by the door to go in search of her family. Leah's room stood quietly, only illuminated by the night light glowing in the far corner. Sharon stepped in, the plush carpet soothing her aching feet as she walked towards the bed. The covers were in disarray, her daughter's favorite stuffy missing, but Sharon wasn't worried. Leaving the room as it was, she walked out into the hallway and crossed over to what had formerly been her bedroom and was now hers and Andy's. The bedside lamp was on and dipped the room into a comfortable, warm light. A smile lit up her face at the sight that greeted her: Andy was on his back, one hand resting on a stack of documents next to him on the comforter; the pen had fallen from his grasp a long time ago, it seemed. He was still wearing the cashmere pullover he had put on that morning against which Leah's cheek was resting. Just like her father, the baby was fast asleep, mouth slightly open. Where Andy's arm was wrapped around the child on his chest, Leah was curled around her toy bunny that she loved more than any other toy she possessed.

Sharon carefully lowered herself to the side of the bed and watched them sleep so peacefully. Andy was a practical person, so it had taken him a while to get used to his work being this theoretical. In the beginning he had endlessly complained about all the security concepts he had to compose and analyze, but at some point, she knew, he had actually started to enjoy putting his mind to work like this. The human tragedy involved with investigating murders had always been hard on Andy and the chance to actually prevent terrible things from happening was something he had found he quite enjoyed.

Sharon reached out and stroked her daughter's hair. She had missed her today. As he had promised her in the hospital, Andy came by the office almost every day, happily enduring the guys' jokes about his being a house husband when he delivered lunch. Provenza was still not over Andy's quitting his job, but he was beginning to make his peace with it. At almost a year old, Leah was beginning to take her first steps and babble endlessly. Her arrival at the office was usually heralded by her happy squeals at the sight of her mother. More often than she could count, Sharon had found herself biting back laughter as FBI-agents, officers from other departments or even suspects had watched with undisguised shock as the little girl had peppered the allegedly ice-cold captain's face with kisses. She reminded them after that she was in charge and that her having a small child would not get anyone off the hook, but she did secretly enjoy seeing their faces fall. They often had lunch with the team, Leah sitting in Sharon's lap and watching what was going on around her while everyone ate. It was a luxury to be able to see her child this often during the day and some days, like today, she simply didn't have the time to accommodate a visit. Busy with a new project, Andy had been happy to stay home and work, but even though she had been involved in a high profile murder investigation, Sharon had been missing her baby all day. However, she had realized early on, the feeling was centered around her own need to be with her child. It was not, as it had always been with Ricky and Emily, guilt. She knew that Leah was fine with Andy, that she would see her before she went to bed. Sometimes she envied Andy who got to see all the little things, some of which she witnessed, others she didn't, but most of the time she was content.

Sharon shrugged out of her jacket and remained in her silk blouse and skirt as she kneeled on the bed and gently lifted the sleeping child off of Andy's chest. Leah stirred and woke, but fell back asleep immediately as she recognized her mother's scent. She turned her head into Sharon's shoulder and gave a tiny snore that reminded Sharon of Andy, her fist grabbing a handful of silk. They were so alike, those two, Sharon thought. She just hoped that her daughter wouldn't have the same penchant for trouble that had once been so characteristic of her father. Sharon glanced at Andy but he seemed out cold. Small wonder it was, she thought. Leah could be quite a handful when she wanted to be. Cradling her daughter to her chest, she leaned back against the headboard for a moment, enjoying the feeling of the baby's warm body against her own. She would have to wake Andy soon, she thought. There was news to be shared. But for now she was content with the way she was, holding Leah and listening to Andy's deep and regular breathing. The case had been hard, a local politician's small daughter had been kidnapped, but they had found and rescued her in time. Maybe the sight of the three year old's picture on their Murder Board was what had made Sharon long to hold her baby so desperately. Encountering children in her professional life had always been hard, but it had gotten worse now that she had another small one at home herself. She smiled as she thought of her grown-ups. Ricky had started another business that had a lot of promise. Rusty's studies were going well and he was happy in his dorm room on campus. A possible love interest, or so she had deducted from his stories, was also on the horizon. Emily, who had spent her last season as a soloist, was now the star of a new show that was set to premier next week, just after Leah's first birthday. Sharon and Andy were booked into a nice hotel near the venue in New York City. Having decided to not expose Leah's ears to the discomfort of flying at such an early age, it would the first time they'd leave her with someone else.

When she had made Gavin Leah's godfather, she wouldn't have expected him to get so involved. What she kept forgetting with all of his theatrics, was what a hands-on person he actually was. With a mind like a sponge, Gavin had read a book on childcare and had turned out to be an absolute natural. Even though he stood by his decision not to want children for himself, he was great with Leah. Sharon had no qualms about leaving the baby with him for 36 hours, even though she hated the idea of not seeing her for so long. The overprotectiveness she had displayed in the beginning was now a thing of the past. Dr. Joe had recommended a very good female therapist who had helped Sharon work through her PSD and she had soon begun to feel better. Sharon gently rose and walked into her daughter's room, careful not to wake the baby in her arms. She put Leah into her bed and tucked her in, regarding her for another moment before she tiptoed out of the room and joined Andy in their bedroom.

Having removed the papers and pen, she lay down next to Andy and ran her hand up and down his chest, pressing her lips to his cheek. He grumbled in his sleep, but didn't open his eyes. Wide-awake despite the late hour, the remains of the day's adrenaline still keeping her alert, Sharon rubbed her leg over his and pressed her body into his side. Andy finally opened his eyes and grinned.

"Hello, Captain." He smiled at her, his eyelids still heavy with sleep. "Did you find the little girl?"

She nodded. "We did. She was a little shaken, but she is fine."

"Thank God," Andy said. "Leah's asleep?"

"Yes. I put her in her bed, so we can have a conversation."

"Uh-oh," Andy said. "Did I do anything wrong?"

Sharon gave a secretive smile and leaned in to kiss him to which he responded more passionately than she would have expected him to be capable of, having just woken up. His hand found its way into her hair and he pulled her in, his free hand running along the edge of her bra. Swiftly, Sharon straddled him and leaned down to kiss him, his hands now on her hips. When she sat up straight again to give him a mischievous smile, he shook his head in mock annoyance.

"You've been out all day and now that you're back you just want to climb on top of me and have sex."

Sharon laughed. "Do you want me to stop?"

His grip around her hips tightened as he effectively stopped her attempt to get away. "I never said that. I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," she told him.

Later she was snuggled into his side, her chin resting on his bare chest as he was about to fall asleep.

"There is something I need to tell you," she said softly. She brought her hand up to his face and cupped his cheek. Andy had tensed at her words and winced when he felt the cold metal against his cheek. Catching her hand in his, he held it away from his face and ran his thumb over the ring she had finally put on her finger. She watched his face light up with hopeful joy.

"You're wearing it on your hand now," he said. "Does that mean...?"

"I'm ready," Sharon said. "I was ready last week, but then that case descended upon us and I didn't want to tell you in a hurry."

Andy smiled at her as he kissed her hand. There was no need to ask what had prompted her to make this decision. It hadn't been any special event, just a slow, organic process. She had found herself toying with the chain around her neck one day at work, then had looked at the ring and decided that it was time.

"I didn't think there'd ever be a Captain Flynn in the department," he mused, grinning. "Hell of a thing."

Sharon felt almost giddy inside. She wasn't finished announcing things to him. Her mind went back to her last big announcement and how things had gone so horribly awry. This time they were not in a Starbucks, however, but in their own bed, warm and comfortable.

"There won't be, Andy," she said, almost bursting out giggling when he looked absolutely dumbfounded and a little afraid.

"Honey," she said to put him out of his misery. "It's going to be Commander Flynn."

"Really?" His eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically.

"The promotion freeze was lifted. For me, that is. Pope just told me. I am pretty sure it was mostly to do with that case and all the media attention, but I don't care either way."

"That's great! Congratulations, Sharon. God knows you deserve it!" Andy wrapped his arms around her as tightly as their position allowed and she gave a comfortable sigh.

"It's time you put a ring on my finger with all the housework that I do while you're out making a career for yourself," Andy pointed out, making her laugh again. The fact that he was working from home was an ongoing joke between them even though most of the housework was done by her cleaning lady, as it always had. She found it amazing how Andy Flynn, who had been quite a macho back in the day, didn't mind their arrangement at all. She had her work, he had his and he enjoyed the bond with his daughter. In many ways, he was catching up on all the little things he had missed the first time around and no amount of teasing from Provenza could overshadow that experience.

They were happy, Sharon thought as she felt herself beginning to drift off to sleep. Who would have figured with the rocky start they'd had? She turned onto her side and Andy followed, spooning her from behind. His warm breath caressed her neck as his thumb stroked her ribcage.

"Guess whom I saw today," he murmured, his voice dragging a little as he was just as close to falling asleep as she was. He didn't wait for an answer before he went on. "Caroline."

"Yeah?" Sharon murmured back. They hadn't heard from Caroline in a year and she found herself relaxed at the sound of her name; the jolt of pain that used to accompany hearing it had vanished.

"Yeah. She has a girlfriend now."

"A _girlfriend_?" Sharon wondered aloud. "That's a surprise."

"Not really," Andy yawned. "She's had girlfriends and boyfriends before me."

"Really," Sharon asked, stroking his arm affectionately. "You never told me."

"Must have slipped my mind," he said. "Anyway. Her girlfriend was with her."

"What's she like?" Sharon asked, seriously intrigued. "Look anything like you?"

"Ha ha," Andy said dryly. "In fact, she says hi. They're coming to dinner next week if you're okay with that."

Sharon turned her head to look at him in the semi-darkness of their bedroom. "Are you sure it won't be awkward? Does her girlfriend know? Will we like her?"

Andy's eyes sparkled with mischief. "She does know and you'll love her. Hold on to your head, Sharon, turns out it's DDA Hobbs."

"What the...?" Sharon tried to sit up, but then hopelessly giggled when Andy wrapped her up in his embrace and cradled her to his chest again to stop her from moving.

"Be quiet, woman," he told her. "I need my beauty sleep if I want to put up with all of you women." He nuzzled her neck and kissed it, already drifting off to sleep again. Sharon remained awake for another moment, looking into the darkness. She was glad that Caroline was happy and she was glad that they were, too. Her mind wandered back to that day when she had told Andy about the baby. The heavy scent of coffee, the whirring of the bean grinding machines, the stuffy air closing in on her. She had been feeling so nauseous with nerves and morning sickness, her hands trembling as she had set the paper cup of tea down on the small table. She had been feeling clumsy and scared and the veil in Andy's eyes just hadn't lifted. She remembered the look of utter horror when she had told him that she was pregnant and the stabbing pain in her chest as the last bit of hope she had been clinging to was shattered. She had been sure that day that there was nothing she could do, that she had lost him forever. She had listened to his tirade on how she could even think of raising another baby at her age and when she had finally gotten away, having called Gavin to ask him whether she could come by, she had leaned against the wall in a public bathroom stall close to the office, crying her heart out, her arms wrapped around her softly swollen stomach that should have held promise, yet produced so much dread and pain.

Back then she would have never expected things to change, would have never expected to be promoted to Commander, engaged to Andy Flynn and mother of another happy and healthy child. She had never set foot in that Starbucks again since that day, the memory of the pain deeply engrained in her heart. She had expected the smell of coffee to make her sick, the place to feel claustrophobic, but now that feeling had lifted. Snuggling back into Andy's embrace, her hand resting on top of his, she decided that she would suggest a cup of coffee for him and a cup of tea for herself there the next time Andy and Leah would come to the office to visit. It was time to bury the last bit of the past and look into the future.

Sharon fell asleep with a smile on her face as she imagined Gavin's reaction to her announcement that she would need a wedding dress.

He'd squeal.

She was sure of it.

_Fin_

**A/N**: Thank you so much for sticking with me and this story! I had such fun writing it all - the angst, the fluff, the drama and the happy ending. I can't express how much joy all of your reviews have given me. Thank you thank you thank you!


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